Mattie

Well, here I am at university. I'm getting on and meeting loads of new people. But, what's eating away at me is how my girlfriend really doesn't seem the same. She'll only reply to my messages and even then she seems really distant. But at the same time, she was crying on Sunday morning before I went to uni. I'm really confused, at the moment, I just don't feel wanted. Am I making sense? If it was the other way round, I'd be missing her and contacting her all the time. I certainly wouldn't be aloof and withdrawn.

I know the feeling all too well. There's nothing worse than a paranoid trip because somebody left a comment saying: "Hey babe. How are you? xxx". I know it's nothing, but it really upsets me sometimes. But, I've realised that it's down to me and how I feel about myself. That said, what you could try and do is imagine things being the other way around. By that I mean, if you got a comment from somebody that was flirty you would still talk to that person right? My girlfriend is hot and gets a lot of attention on MySpace, but at the end of the day, she's with me and that's all there is to it. Believe it or not, MySpace isn't the world. Although, Rupert Murdoch is working on that.

We went out for dinner last night and we then came back to mine. I bought her a present yesterday and made her do a treasure hunt to find it. She said it was the most original thing anybody has ever done for her. Anyway, the other night, she was next to me on the sofa and she was getting texts from a guy that I don't know. I didn't see a great deal, but one text said: "You looked amazing last night" and something said "You never told me you had a boyfriend..."... it's probably nothing, but it's freaked me out a bit. I don't get why I'm feeling like this, my girlfriend tells me she loves me and she's always talking about the future and the things we're going to do. She's told me that her new job hours are really suited to seeing me and stuff. But, deep down, what scares the sh** out of me more than anything is that she's going to get distracted by all the attention she gets and forget about me when I move away. I know it's crazy to think that, but I was in the same situation a few years ago, only it was the other way around. My then girlfriend was going to uni and I became casual about the whole thing and started meeting up with other people when she went. But, that was me and I know it's unfair to assume things are going to happen. I have no reason to feel the way I do, but it's just eating away at me. That said, I remember reading somewhere that physical attraction is going to happen no matter how happy you are in a relationship. But, when you've got somebody's heart, you'll never stray. That makes sense I guess. I really don't want to be this controlling and paranoid boyfriend. It's not that I don't trust her. The guys chasing her are all 18 and I know what I was like when I was 18. Sorry, I'm ranting. When I'm with my girlfriend, everything is great. There's no reason for me to fear. I just get these fears. I know it's come from past experiences. I know that the past has nothing to do with the girl I am with now, but you ALL know how easy it is to let previous experiences haunt you. But, tell me this, you don't talk about the future and tell each other you're so happy if you don't feel that way right?

Basically, I'm in an amazing relationship where we tell each other we love each other everyday and we're always talking about the future and how happy we are to be together. So, what's the problem? Sometimes, I get scared that my girlfriend will get a better offer and leave me. It's crazy I know! She's not doing anything to make me feel like this, but I can't help but get scared. I'm going to university next week (45 miles away) and really don't want to go away not feeling 100% confident in our relationship. The more it goes on, the more she will get annoyed. How can I boost my own self confidence so that I'm not pushing her away? Any advice would be great! Thank you!

I posted a thread a few months ago, but I'd just like to add more if I may. In two weeks, I am moving to London (45 miles away) to study at university. It's an exciting time for me, but I can't help but get scared that things between myself and my girlfriend are going to go sour. There's no real reason why this is happening other than fear. Myself and my girlfriend tell each other we love each other several times a day and we're really happy with each other's company. We've been together since February and we've already hypothetically spoken about marriage "one day". We've both said that we will make it work when I go to uni. She's said the same. I'll still see her at weekends and odd times during the week. So what's the problem?! I just don't know. I'm guessing I don't have a lot of confidence in myself and I'm worried that once I'm away, it won't work. I know it's crazy, because of the conversations we've had, but I sometimes feel like maybe she's saying things so she doesn't upset me. That said, I wish I wasn't suspicious. It's not fair on her for me to be like this, hence why I'm posting this. Please help me guys, because as we all know, paranoia, insecurity and possessiveness are what drive people away. I really hate getting down when she's around because of things I believe are "going to happen". I love her more than anything and I know she feels the same, so why the hell can't I control these fears?!!!

Thank you so much guys. Your advice is really helpful. I went to see my girlfriend tonight to help her revise for an exam she has tomorrow. I really love being with her. We're just so happy together. As I said before, there's really nothing that she's doing to make me feel the way I do, it's all "self inflicted". But with the advice I've received already, I will hopefully be able to deal with it. I certainly don't want to get so paranoid that I ruin things.

Hey all. I've found this site to be really useful in the past and for anybody that knows me, hello! It's not a big deal, but I want to get things off my chest and this is the best place to do it right? Anyway, since February, I have been with an amazing girl. We became official in April and I couldn't be happier. I love her and really enjoy being with her. She's said she loves me too. So, what's the problem? I hear you ask... well, the thing is, there isn't a problem at all. My trouble is that given all that's happened to me in the past, I tend to worry too much that it's going to happen again. So much so, that I worry to the point where I start to believe my fears WILL come true, if they haven't already. For example, I've been dumped for other people before and I'm just expecting it to happen again. So, if I'm at home and my girlfriend doesn't text or call me, I worry. Which leads me into creating this whole scenario in my head. I KNOW it's stupid and all down to paranoia but I can't help but feel insecure and scared that the girl I would do anything for is going to hurt me. Does that make any sense? It's hard to explain. Any advice/slaps in the face would be welcomed! Peace and love. Mattie x

Hello all. Just to let you all now that it's been over a week without seeing her and I am far happier. Seeing her just makes me unhappy and I've told her that I'm not subjecting myself to that anymore. Thanks for all the advice you've all given me.

And it goes on... She's posted a photo of me and her together on her MySpace page.

Hello everyone. Me again. Five weeks or so ago, I cut all contact with a girl that was messing me about. Intentional or otherwise, she'd be all over me one minute and then back away the next. She blamed her sexuality. I cared about her, but I'd had enough. So, I walked away and took time to myself. In that time, I realised that I was better off without the head games. I missed her sure, but I didn't miss the situation I constantly found myself in. So, after about three weeks, we spoke and cleared the air. Eventually we started talking on MSN and MySpace. The last time I saw her was on Jan 27th. It's quite a long time given that we'd seen each other every weekend for the previous three months. So anyway, on Monday night, I came home from work and went on MSN. She was online. We spoke for a bit and then she invited me out that night. I was reluctant but she kept on and on. She was BEGGING me to go out. She offered to pay for me. She said she misses me, etc, etc. I didn't see the harm in going out so I agreed. We met up and had a long hug. It wasn't awkward or anything, it was the same as ever. When we're together like that it's cool and I tend to forget all the hassle that she brings to my world. We went to this club. I met her and some of her friends. Over the course of the night, we eventually started holding hands (yet again) and getting really close. I went off on my own for a bit and later kissed another girl. No harm in it, I'm single and the "lesbian" has made it clear that she doesn't want me. What really annoyed me was that at the end of the night, she was holding hands, kissing and hugging a GUY. I ended up escorting her home. I didn't want to stay with her, but I did. Nothing happened obviously, but I really wanted to know what the hell she was playing at. Is she just using the lesbian thing as an excuse when it suits her? Why on earth does she keep coming back to me again and again when she doesn't have/want to? I've been enjoying being single and have been out with a few girls in the past month or so, but in all honesty, the connection isn't there. You know what one of the last things the "lesbian" said to me before I left? She sighed and said: "I wish you had a vagina..." Hmmm. Maybe that new guy has one...

Well, it seems clear to me that she does care about you because if she didn't, she'd have not been so honest with you. That's a very good thing. She could've lied and not told you anything and that would've been worse. They were together for a long period of time and maybe it's too soon for her to get involved with you. I think the best thing you can do for now is leave her to sort it all out. She's told you she cares about you so you needn't worry. Surely it's better to give her space now and let her clear her head rather than getting involved when she's not 100% and end up getting hurt a lot more later on? I wouldn't say you should walk away, but I would definitely suggest giving her time and space and be patient. If she meant what she said about how she feels about you then she will be back.

Trust me, I know it's not easy. I've been there. People on here were telling me for weeks on end to walk away and I refused. I couldn't let go and I didn't want to. I'm only saying all this now because I have moved on from it. It's always easier looking back on things. I know it's very difficult at the time. I suppose what I'm trying to say is, the way you may feel now won't last forever. Again, it's easier said than done. I'm just trying to show people that it does get easier.

Ask her where the condom aisle is. Have her show you and when you get there say: "What are you doing tonight?" Haha. I'm kidding obviously.

I love apple pie. Mmmm.

I've been here a lot in the past and I wanted to come back just to give everyone some general advice that I've learnt from the previous situation that I was in. Basically, no matter how hard it seems and no matter how much you may not want to do it, the time comes when you realise that YOU don't deserve to be treated the way you are being treated. Somebody out there will want you for you. They won't play games. They won't keep you awake at night. They won't make you question their actions, words and emotions. You will be content. I walked away from somebody I really wanted to be with. It wasn't easy, but in the time apart, I realised that it's MY life and nobody is more important. Girls will come and go but I've got to live with myself forever. So, I guess what I'm saying is, focus on yourself. If something's not working out and causing you pain, walk away and find inner happiness. The right guy/gal is out there for everyone. The trick is to let them fall at your feet and not try and make somebody yours. In my experience, that never works. You can't make somebody love you and you can't force yourself to love someone else. Just be patient and it'll all work out in the long run.