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novaseeker

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novaseeker last won the day on June 8 2008

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About novaseeker

  • Birthday 12/10/1967

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  1. I agree -- there's a difference between people with narcissistic traits and a true NPD or HPD person. If you've ever come accross a clinically diagnosed NPD/HPD person, you'd probably know it after a while -- they're quite the extreme case indeed. I was involved with someone once who had been clinically diagnosed HPD (I didn't know what it was before meeting this person) and it's whole new world if the person has one of these personality disorders in a clinical sense.
  2. Not all people like all sex acts. I think his line about you having had a lot of partners is probably a screen for a lack of interest in going down on you generally. If it's important to you, then I guess I would either try to convince him to expand his sexual repertoire or find someone else. There are many men who enjoy this, and there are some who do not. You should find one who does.
  3. With respect, this strikes me as a "thanks for feminism, mom, for getting me x/y/z rights, but I'll go for traditionalism when I want to." Feminism was about equality between men and women. It is regressive to speak of "gender roles" and the "natural order" of things. People use those arguments to force women into submissive roles (also the "natural order" based on brute strength), to stay home and raise families and to do all sorts of other things that are in the "natural order".
  4. Apparently it is fairly common for Asians to have more notably adverse reactions to alcohol due to a difference in enzyme composition: link removed. I'm not sure if this applies to you, but it's something to keep in mind.
  5. Be careful with this logic. Generally what's best for children is stability and a sane environment. If you are in a relationship that is not making you happy, and this is having an impact on how you relate to your kids, the solution to that is to break off the unhappy relationship ... not necessarily start a new one. It's always a bad idea to be choosing between two relationships, because the one that you're not currently in generally wins these comparisons, for many reasons that are not necesarily indicative of whether the relationship would work out. And in terms of your kids, leaving one relationship, starting another immediately is pretty unstable and jarring for them. It would be made even worse if for some reason the other relationship didn't work out (as often happens). So my recommendation, if you are interested in the impact on the kids, would be to evaluate your current relationship, and if you are not happy with it, then choose to leave it on its own merits, but not because the other relationship is available to you ... and also take it easy in terms of easing yourself into the other relationship, if you end up going that way, because anything like a sudden transition will not be good for the kids.
  6. Isn't this more or less in the same category as whether men should be the ones doing the asking out/pursuing?
  7. Take a break from men for a while ... it may do you some good and help your perspective a bit.
  8. It also depends on how often it comes up. If it's a twice a year thing, having a cheeseburger and a beer on the 4th of July isn't going to really harm you in any significant way, but at the same time if you simply do not want to eat those foods, there's no reason to feel pressured to do so. I think the option of bringing along an alternative that you are willing to eat is a good option, provided that all the parties get along. Certainly if your family has a history of heart disease, it makes sense to be very sensible about what you eat, and noone should look askance at you for that. People get very emotional about food choice, however. It seems odd, but it's just the case. I remember my ex-sister-in-law, who was vegetarian at the time, and how when we would have Thanksgiving dinner with her and her husband, she would insist that the Turkey be cooked off-site (at our house), and that everyone who was eating Turkey (which was basically everyone other than herself and her kids) would use plates and silverware from our house as well, so as not to contaminate her kitchen with the traces of animal killing. We all complied with her requests, although I have to admit there was a good deal of eye-rolling in private about some of them. She's no longer vegetarian (with three kids, she finally gave up and said it was just too much work to cook good, nutritious and tasty veggie fare for that size of consumption whilst also doing everything else in her life), so we kind of look back on it now and chuckle a bit, but at the time it was very emotional and straining.
  9. This is wrong. There are a LOT of people who are confused about their sexuality well into their 20s and 30s. it's not always clear at age 13. Often people for whom it was clear think this way, but I can tell you it isn't always clear for everyone. A common misperception.
  10. Seriously, he may have to crash before he improves, but that is not your problem. It's gone on long enough. It's draining you, and to be honest it isn't helping him at all because in order for him to get his life together he needs to get the heck out of his closet. That will cause a lot of problems for him, but that's life ... and you can't really do anything about that. The lies have gone on long enough and they are really wreaking havoc on your life. You have to focus on you, not on him, not worry about his life, worry about your own life. I know it's hard and painful, but it's very much what needs to happen for you (and for him as well).
  11. If you are attracted to your girlfriend sexually and enjoy the sex, you're likely not gay. If, in addition to being attracted to your GF and liking the sex with her, you are attracted to men, you may be bisexual ... only way to know that for sure would be to see how you feel in a relationship with another man, but since you are in a good relationship now, I wouldn't get all wound up about it. Yes, society views it as one or the other, but it isn't. Bisexuality is a reality for many people, even though it's not widely accepted.
  12. Indeed, and this is the elephant on the table when it comes to the gay marriage discussion to begin with, namely: why is the religious definition of marriage at all relevant to the civil marriage statutes? That's a question noone really seems to want to address in the anti-gay-marriage camp.
  13. I agree with RayKay on this one. I don't think it would be fruitful to pursue harassment based on an "abuse of power" theory ... the relationship was consensual, and unless it was implied it was a quid pro quo for advancement or other work perquisites, it isn't really an abuse of power. Now, of course, if he keeps hassling her with phone calls and the like, then THAT could be harassment, but honestly the best way to proceed relating to that would be to seek a restraining order of some sort. In terms of telling the wife, that strikes me as mostly revenge-motivated. She may have a right to know, but to be honest someone who gets involved with someone whom they know is married really has no business interjecting themselves into the marital relationship like that ... it's an issue between the H and W and it isn't something that the cheatee should inject into the marital relationship.
  14. Indeed. I see this as being the biggest non-religious obstacle: the notion that people do not want gay people to be allowed to be married because that implies that gay relationships are NORMAL AND OKAY ... and they don't want that, because they do not believe it themselves. There's a lot of work to be done ... a lot of work.
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