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Satin

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  1. Hi SuperDave. Great subject. Sundays are really hard for me...for whatever reason. Unless I am working of course....then they aren't so hard. Today is a rough day for me. Just thinking about him a lot. I am trying to do NC, as you said....but it isn't always easy. I just keep thinking that it will not be to my benefit if I do....that keeps me from doing it. I don't think he is with someone else...yet, and honestly I don't want to think about that. I think that would be the dagger in my heart...because at least right NOW I feel like if I can manage to give him space and time..that I at LEAST still have a chance. When you add another person in the equasion, there are just SO many more variables...and it gets messy. I just hope that he doesn't meet someone ELSE in the meantime, during this NC stage. Yeah ..by then I will be stronger, but I know it will STILL hurt! Any tips on how to sustain NC without going nuts?lol
  2. Hi ..... I read a post where someone used an analogy about contacting an ex..as you would if you were an alcoholic. The first drink always leads to the second...and so forth. The best way to avoid the pain...or a hangover..is abstinence. You know what the potential outcome is if you contact an ex...much as an alcoholic knows that although he may feel good..or "high" initially...that he will no doubt regret it the next day...due to his actions during his "drunk". The same with an ex....what good can come from it? Pain, regret..acting in ways you would not if you were in a "sober" state of mind. Simply put....it's best to avoid the bar...club...or anywhere an ex/alcohol might be because it's best for YOUR well being. Whoever used that analogy..it truly is right on the money with regard to NC.
  3. Ron....I wish I could give you the answer you're seeking...as to why she won;t give you a clean break up. I am dealing with this from someone as well. I blatantly asked him to tell me to go away...or leave him alone...or just basically that it is over for good. He just says it's "bad timing". So really all you can do is accept things for what they are. She is making it clear that she has no intentions of moving forward with you right now...so maybe by not contacting her....it would be best. For now. She can't have it both ways. You on a string...AND having her single party life. I have started slowly fading from his life....even though it's hard for me. I send him an email about once a week....as a reminder that I am still around...but also not so much that he gets sick of me. Maybe that's the best approach. I agree doing NC IF you are hurting...but if you can still live your life fully and completely while maintaining some contact with her ..then by all means do it. Don't sit around pining or waiting for her. Also....one other thing I have been doing .....that works for ME, and keeps me sane is that when I DO contact him, usually by email...I never expect a reply or response. I just say hello...or send him something that make him laugh. This is so he does not feel pressured to give back right now..but at the same time, he still feels my presense. I DO think this is a strong tactic, in the long run..because when you DO go full NC..then they will miss your presense even more. Just MY opinion.
  4. I think you are misunderstanding me.... The "facility" in which I am talking about WOULD be a "treatment" type of facility in which one would voluntarily check into...for however long they felt they needed it. I am not in a violent situation I awas merely using that as an example ...to explain. I also understand that you dont get the concept about someone needing to be in an isolated environment in order to gain control of themselves...but if you read these forums, you WILL in fact see proof of many many people who have HARD time with staying away from, going back to, chasing, harassing, and basically ruining their lives because they are in turmoil over a relationship. Bad relationships CAN and DO in fact make you physically ill. They cause ulcers, imsomnia, stress, and the list goes on.That does not even include the OTHER costs...including money, and possessions. Many people do NOT know how to break the cycle of these types of relationships. Educating themselves, and bettering themselves makes them more aware of what they need and want...BUT they cannot SEE that if they are ALWAYS in the WRONG relationship.
  5. Well I posed this question because think about it.....how many poeple REALLY know what it takes to make a relationship WORK? Just look at the divorce rate! I know there is marriage counseling, and other types of counseling...but I am talking about a place for say...people who have such a hard time staying away, or getting over someone they have a restraining order put on them? Yes, jail will keep them away..but it will NOT teach them about what they are doing wrong and helping them work on THEMSELVES. NO...usually it ends up in violence and even death. Domestic violence is a serious serious issue...but it a whole other issue in itself. A place like the one I mentioned, in my mind would BE like a hospital of sorts....but a warmer, friendlier one. There would be a wing for men, and a wing for women....and counselors , psychologists, on staff for whatever the need was. There would also be educators and mandatory classes, that all would need to attend in order to be "released". I know what I am describing sounds very anal..and mean, but when you think of the destruction people do to themselves in an effort to salvage their sanity....the endless phone calls, the craziness. What's better or worse? Having someone tell you...."Get over it" Or, you can do SO much better than him, or her." Blah blah blah...let's face it...THAT is NOT helpful for someone who feels like they just had their guts ripped out. Some peole don't eat for days...some poeple don;t get out of bed..and some people kill themselves...when in fact IF they had a place to go in these crisis...many people could be helped and healed in amuch more meaningful way. Not only that...but it is a way many people can SURVIVE. [
  6. I was thinking today about how "addicts"..of say drugs or alcohol can go into these treatment facilities for however long it takes to get these substances out of their body, or at least get them well enough to be released with new hope of recovery. I was wondering why there isn't something similar to people with love "addictions". We suffer....we go through withdrawals that truthfully hurt so bad I WISH I were on drugs. Alcoholics go to AA....they follow the 12 steps, that HOPEFULLY lead them to recovery. One thing that alcoholics do is a 90 in 90. That means they attend 90 meetings in 90 days...faithfully. That is to insure that they will, most likely continue making recovery their #1 priority. Most peope know if you can stick to ANYTHING for 90 days, that you are doing pretty damn good. I am convinced that a "retreat" of some sort like this WOULD in fact be helpful to some people...especially people with VERY low self esteem..or will power. A place that would give educational courses on relationships, counseling....and of course..have NO access to phones or computers during this time. In short ...almost like a relationship "rehab" of sorts. I KNOW if this sort of place existed, it would most likely do well....and I would probably go myself!!!. Thoughts?
  7. First Angelus..I LOVE that song Second.....we need more info on the breakup.....what happened?
  8. Byates.... Hi, I think you made the first right step coming to this forum. My advice would be basically the same as the last poster....write her a sincere letter...stating what you want. It does NOT have to be sappy...but it DOES need to be sincere. Mail it...THEN do strict NC. If yu wish to reply if she contacts you, that is something you will need to decide. I would say that you may have scared her off with your emotional displays before....considering your past. She may think you're not even sincere, after all the times you broke it off with her, etc..and may think you only wanted your way because you couldn;t have her anymore. Remember...YOU dumped her many times....that tends to numb peoples emotions and feelings. Go back to being who you were when she fell in love with you. Were you a weepy crying mess??? Of course not! She loved you because you were strong ...and maybe even a little indifferent. Doing No Contact will help bring you back to your center...which is what you need in order to gain your confidence back. Keep us posted!
  9. God..I know how it feels...the email thing..wishing he'd mail me...but on the OTHER hand, I know he expects something from ME..and the fact I am not giving in IS a small victory for me. Every day that goes by I know....even if it's not now, he WILL wonder about me..even if he doesn't contact me, I know he will think of me. I mean, how could he NOT?? I AM a pretty incredible person and hard to forget!! Hang in there...PM me if you need to ..I would love to help.
  10. Thank you Breeze...I appreciate the thoughts. I feel better this morning. I got a good nights sleep....and doing much better. As I said, some days are harder than others. The workweek is easy for me, as I have SO many things going on...it's the "in between" stage for me. I do think of him a LOT ..but at least I am not acting on it...which I have in the past. I am not sure if this NC will bring him closer...or make him forget me...but either way, I am not making a fool out of myself, or compromising my integrity anymore. I am sure he notices he has not heard from me....and in fact I am sure he expects to...but believe me , he won't...and especially if this site exists. It has been VERY VERY helpful. I am not expecting him to come back..in fact I am not expecting anything at all. I am just biding my time....and in the process I am moving forward. I am freeing myself emotionally from the "WHAT IF'S". Those are only going to hold me back, and keep me stuck. The best advice I can to ANYONE going through this right now..is to live in the moment...NOT in the past.. (what has already happened)...and NOT in the future ..What may or may NOT happen. Live for now...it is cliche', but so true. Make today count, because you will never get it back. Be happy NOW.
  11. I wanted to post even though I'm not a guy...because these are good questions. I am curious to see their replies . Thanks Toonsy
  12. Hi FC.... I can relate to your pain. I am too having a rough time with NC. When I see "him" online , I either sign off....or walk out of the room as a way to NOT tempt myself.It is SOOOOOOO hard to not give in, but I know it is SO important. Don;t think you are alone...you aren't. Many of us are dealing with the SAME temptations, and feelings . Just think of tomorrow...and how good you will feel , knowing you didn;t give in. Best of luck
  13. Hi all. Been trying to maintain NC, and have done good for week and a half..but Sundays are the worst for me. I don;t know why. I seem to feel the my lonliest, the the strongest urges for contact on Sundays and at night. During the day, I keep myself SUPER busy, trying to stay out of the house and working..but then it hits me. I keep wanting to call or email him, but I KNOW I shouldn't. I am just so upset because all I want is for him to reach out and say he misses me..or ANYTHING. That's all I want. I hate feeling like this but I need to vent. Any support or advice is welcome right now. Thanks.
  14. Hi Danimal... I will give you a female perspective on this. Women like a guy who can make them laugh, make them feel beautiful, desirable..etc etc etc. BUT we want that from a guy who we don't think is out giving those compliments freely to OTHER women too. We like a guy who we feel safe with...who we know would protect us and who has our best interest at heart...but who is not doing all this with some sort of expectations or who will not blow up if they don't get what they "expected". To me it sounds like when you do a certain thing and she does not react accordingly, you throw a tantrum...or blow a gasket...sort of like a child does when he doesn;t get his way. THIS is not attractive, and it is very very manipulative. I am sure she senses this in you which is WHY she is backing off. Confidence does not mean you have to strut around , or constantly DO things to prove your worth. In fact a little humility can go a long way. Women like men who are stronger than they are...but who is confident enough in her to allow her the room to do her own thing, and admire her for it. Not tear her down. You mentioned she didn;t want to kiss you. Do you know how intimate kissing really is?? I did not kiss one guy for the first month we went out because kissing to ME is an extremely intimate thing that I reserve for those I allow to get close enough to me. You should respect her wishes in that....because when she IS ready....you will then have earned some trust in her.
  15. Hi Scorchio. I hate to say it but you sound ANYTHING but healed from this. In fact if you contact her and she DOESN'T answer, it might set you back 3 1/2 months. All of your post (that I have read) have implied how weak you are and how bad you feel and how much you miss them. After 3 1/2 months, you should be at least halfway through these emotions. Something tells me...and I could be wrong...that you are simply waiting for the right time to "strike" and stir something inside her, when you should not be thinking that at all. Your thoughts should be on yourself . Not her. I hope your day gets better.
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