busterkeaton

Actually Raykay, you are probably totally skewing the demographic of Esquire - you being younger, female, and, I would like to add, rather insightful (I always read your advice with interest)

I doubt this survey is really very accurate. I don't think that people put that much thought into the questions being asked of them. I have participated in dozens of these kinds of things towards the end I can get pretty lacsidasical (sp). Also it is true what you say about the demographic of the esquire reader - a certain kind of man read that magazine. Perhaps there should be some kind of averaging out between readers of "maxim, penthouse, reader's digest, time and the christian scientist monitor" It is a good "jumping off point" for discussion though.

Guys hate girls who play games like that. The bad karma issues could be overwhealming!

I think it would really depend on what she says in her email and how far you want to take NC.

Sorry, but this smacks of her low self-esteem. She's playing games alright. She is probably looking to get a response from you (which you don't seem to be giving), I'm guessing jealousy or attention. I had a g/f who once did this kind of thing and I hated it and it messed up our relationship. But I was younger then, now I would just laugh it off and walk away from her. Confidence and higher self-esteem are the sexiests attributes a woman could ever have. Bragging about how many other men have flirted or hit on her is just plain needy, manipulative and kind of immature. Someone should tell her ....

Two words: DO IT. Face the fear and go for it. I've done it and my life is waaaay better for it. No more glasses, contacts etc. Your whole life changes basically. I agree with some other posters - pay the bigger money and go somewhere respected - not mess around with saving a few bucks here. Just add up how much you will save in not having to buy new glasses every couple of years and compare. The fear: yeah it actually took me three tries (and three cancelled appointments) to get the courage to do this. In the end they mildly sedated me. However now that I have summonded the guts to lie there while they shoot laser beams into my eyes then I feel like I can do anything! Do it while you are younger - then you get to enjoy it longer! Drawbacks: some minor nightvision and bright light sensitivity. Advice: take a few days off work and follow the instructions that they tell you EXACTLY!!! I've heard some horror stories.

Wow, enotalone blocks the word that starts with Q and rhymes with ear - why is that? - it's not insulting is it? if so then I apologize. Advice anyone?

In a nutshell and very generally speaking if a guy "claps you on the back" or punches you (gently) on the arm it is because he has temporary forgotten you are a woman. Or he doesn't know what he's doing. However, if he does something like pick some lint off your shirt or moves an errant hair from your forhead then he likes you and is flirting. He is flirting and testing you for flinching or your reaction. If you like then react with a thank you and a winning smile. The average guy who isn't interested doesn't even notice things like lint or hair out of place. Unless he is gay and in the vein of those " * * * * * eye for the straight guy"" fellows who probably would notice lint and would do something about it. These are massive generalizations but in my experience they are true 97% of the time. Your percentages my vary.

I respectfully disagree with renansaincewoman. Why should it be the man's responsiblity to make contact? I got the impression that the breakup was more or less mutal. Perhaps not totally but still, life is too damn short to sit there and wait for someone else to contact you. What if he is doing the same thing? It might be a good idea or it might be a bad one. The thing is that you don't know. There is even the very real possiblity that it will be totally "blah" and you will get closure and realize that maybe it wasn't meant to be afterall, and you will realize that you are actually completely over him afterall and the past is the past. For me it is more difficult to live knowing that I didn't try to see what is going on. The haunting feelings you talk about - the dreams etc. It all depends on if you are a spiritual person - do you believe in fate, angels, "messages from beyond" or are you a totally straight laced conservative "scientific" evidence-based kind of person. I'm not explaining this very well but i think you understand. Personally I have started to learn that there is more out there than meets the eye. It just depends - do you believe or don't you? OK back to planet earth here, a wise man once said "It is better to regret what you did do than what you didn't do". I say do it and put this to bed - one way or another, for good or for bad - closure is everything. Just know that it might not be what you expect or hope for - so go into it with no hopes or expectations. As far as _how_ to do it - I have no new ideas.

Ah yes, those agonizing decisions, what to do, what to do... He may have found out (by chance or rumour or whatever) that you are with someone else and assumes you are happy and out of pride or respect he doesn't want to contact you. Or else he is happy with someone etc. There are 100s of possibilities really and there is only one way to find out. Contacting him right out of the blue would be really strange at this point. Besides, email or telephone won't really give you enough information - you need to observe the body language. I would say your only hope would be to "accidently" run into him sometime. I know it sounds cheesy and kind of "stalkerish" but it could be the only way. Better make it look casual and genuine though. It's either that or wonder for the rest of your life what would have happened if you had. Just brace yourself for the fact that it might not be what you expect. Good luck

Actually I would be grateful if someone in the know could write up paragraph on the significance of rings on fingers in general. I'm a little confused. I know someone (female) who wears a ring on her left hand "ring" finger - the one used for a wedding ring, but swears she isn't married. I pointed that out and she said it isn't a diamond so it can't be a wedding or engagement ring. I'm confused.

Perhaps you work too much. You have a job where you can't take 2 weeks off? That's horrible! Your partner wants to go on vacation with you, you should gp, enjoy your life! Nobody on their deathbed ever wishes they spent more time at work ....

I don't think you are an alcoholic either. That all sounds fairly normal to me. However, it might be something you should sort of keep an eye on. These things can sneak up on you. The night where you pointedly did NOT drink is a good idea. Keep that kind of thing up. Perhaps find some activities where drinking isn't on of the byproducts. Like, I don't know, jogging or something. You know what I mean. A sure sign would be the regular falling down drunk kind of drinking night - that and drinking to wear off a hangover. Those are sure danger signs. Drinking alone could be another. But as some other poster said, there is such a thing as a functioning alcoholic. Just be aware thats all.

Go to where the girls are. Take some nightschool classes that are more likely to have women in them - art classes, art appreciation, pottery, tai chi or some of these things. It's a great place to meet them as you have something to talk about right away (the class) Talk to everybody, be very friendly, even be friendly to women you are not attracted to or are not a possibility - maybe they have a sister or a friend. Be sincere though. Chat up store clerks or the girl at starbucks. Don't hit on them (you probably won't be able to pick them up on the job anyways) but be friendly. Maybe you will run into them somewhere else and they will remember you and you can take it from there. Go out alot. And I mean alot. You won't meet anyone hanging around your house. Go to the park, free events, museums, art galleries, poetry readings, anywhere and everywhere. Keep an open mind! Oh right, and when you do go out - look good, carry a book and a smile. When you do get a date (and you will) just act normal, practice dating, don't think of it as this big huge deal and the rest of your life depends on it. Just enjoy the moment. If she's into then she'll let you know - watch for the signs. Have faith - she's out there, you just have to find her!! Good luck ps forget single bars or on-line dating. Thats for those with no imagination, crazies or totally desperate people. Watch me get flamed for this sentence but I know - I've tried it.

I haven't read the other post (as another poster suggested) so I can give you a straight answer to the immediate question. My advice: Dont tell him. You screwed up, it could have been worse but wasn't. Demon alcohol. It happens and know you know. If you tell him then he may leave you and hate you. Do you want that? If you are truly remorseful then that's enough. Forgive yourself and move on. It sounds like you've beat yourself up enough about it, ruining your relationship over this may be more punishment than you deserve. Besides, for sure it will hurt him. Dont tell, and promise yourself to watch it in the future. LIfe is for learning from mistakes right?