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laclarita

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About laclarita

  • Birthday 08/31/1979

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  1. he called wanting me to call him back so instead i sent him an email saying i didn't understand why he wanted me to call him when he made it very clear that he didn't. he wrote me some kind of explanatory email not explaining very much really other than saying i've hurt him because i've gone back and forth in my decision about being friends or not, and that i say i love him at times and other times i'm saying i'm angry with him. so i wrote him explaining that someone can love someone and be angry and that no one is really "bad" or "good" but that two people can be bad for each other. he called again last night but i didn't pick up and he said something about calling me again or sending me an email. i don't understand him at all; i feel like he is so cold and insensitive as compared to before and he always is angry with me. i don't know... i will see what he says (in email form) but i don't think i'll ever be friends with him unless he decides to be completely emotionally honest instead of covering up all his feelings with anger. it's so frustrating.
  2. yeah... I know you're right, but it's so hard for me for some reason to come to terms to totally pushing him out of my life, perhaps mostly because i've just been so lonely. I wish I'd stopped contacting him a long time ago. I really do feel like maybe I idealized things in hopes it would get better....
  3. another thing he said was that he wanted me to come over there and just kill him if that's what i wanted to do. i've never been that bad to him. he is resentful because i told my friends some of the mean things he did to me that were messed up; he has admitted they were messed up. i know he is embarrassed and everything, but i needed someone to talk to... that's really the only thing i did that really angers him, but there is nothing i can do to take it back, plus he doesn't even know my friends. but i'm ***really*** worried about him. i want to know that he is o.k., but he won't pick up the phone anymore.... is there anything i can do???
  4. we were going to have dinner tonight but then i got lice at the clinic i work at and was itching. i asked him if he could help me, i'd already killed the mites, but needed help combing out the eggs but he got upset about me asking him to help because his hair is so thick and all and said i should ask someone else and got mad at me, he said he'd initially called to cancel tonight because he was in a bad mood (didn't want to discuss what it was). starting talking about how selfish i am and how i call him when i only need help (not true). i said we should talk later and hung up. he called me back, left a message saying he hopes i get someone else to help me. then i called him and said i was sorry for having called him and maybe we can't be friends after all. and he started going off on how much i "hurt him" and i asked him how did i hurt him? and then he said i wanted to know so that i could feel good about having hurt him and i said that wasn't the case and he said how about we not talk anymore. i feel horrible. why is it that people can't just forgive? he's done all sorts of horrible things to me but i love him anyways and just want to be friends. he made some statement about how he didn't care about the details of what i was talking about (in reference to having other friends help me) because he didn't even care if he was shot in the head. i don't know what to do. he was so happy about having dinner the other night and so persistent and tonight he was all angry and i feel so sad we couldn't manage the torment of emotions and work through it somehow...
  5. The main problem here seems to be that you two have to find some kind of compromise. You refuse and he insists and likely there are some pretty deep issues here the two of you have to confront, possibly extending into other aspects of your communication and conflict. Have you thought about seeing a marriage counselor at all? It seems like it would be worth it. I think that your concerns are totally valid and it seems that you feel disrespected by him now. So you two have to talk about this in some other kind of way than you have been.
  6. i know all about being lonely. i live pretty much alone too in an apartment, no real friends to call up whenever i want to do something random, i know people but no real friends. some people use the internet to meet people, in my town there is craigslist, but i kind of get scared of meeting people cause what if i don't like them in person or something??? but yeah, i'm sympathetic about the lonely thing, just keep trying to ask whatever friends or acquaintances you have to go do stuff, you'll meet more people that way, maybe find someone to date, maybe...
  7. ah yes, in the same boat. i broke up with my boyfriend and he sent me sweet emails saying he wanted us to live our lives together, but, no, it hasn't worked out that way. now the tables have turned and i want him back while he is totally over it. he isn't dating anyone, still tells me he loves me but that we don't work. sigh. i just *wish* i could make it work because i do think about him every day. he calls me pretty frequently and all, i know it was hard for him to let me go, but mentally for him it seems easier to move on and say, that's just life, we don't work. sigh. i love him though and he might leave town and move away... i know that NC is the best way to move on and really the space is necessary if someone is ever going to chose to incoporate someone back into their life, but it's hard when you are so lonely and miss them...
  8. instead of threatening a break up i'd recommend just bringing up how you feel first in a nonconfrontational and nonthreatening way.
  9. I saw my ex last night. I felt o.k. We went for dinner. And basically we ended up talking about the relationship all over again and there was more drama between us. It's been really hard because he's wanted to be friends and I've resisted. It seems easier for him to let go of the relationship while I'm still very much in love with him. Sigh. It's easy to feel o.k. not around him, but around him I long him again. He wanted me to confess I was still in love with him, I didn't want to, he wanted to connect, I wanted to push him away, he wanted to talk, I didn't want to, I don't want to face the fact that it seems so much easier for him to let the idea of "us" go... It was a hard relationship, but I love him deeply. He left me a message saying he was calling because he'd said he would, it felt kind of like he didn't really want to talk or was making it seem like he didn't, I don't know. I called him back and he answered saying he was brushing his teeth (why answer the phone? kind of weird) and that he'd call me back. I have sneaking suspicions he may be dating someone though he said he wasn't, I dunno, maybe that's why it is easier for him. But whatever. I don't know.
  10. don't you think manipulate someone is a strong choice of words? i don't feel it is manipulative, just honest.
  11. My b/f and I had a bad break up, he was controlling, etc, and has sent me a couple of emails one of them with point by point analysis of what he's done wrong. It was nice to get this from him. He also sent me an email saying I'm a special person and am beautiful inside and out and he hopes I will find love and he feels sorry that he was with me without any particular destination in mind. It was so sweet that I swooned and sent him a one-line email saying that his sweet message made me want to be with him again even though I knew in my brain it isn't right for us. What would you think if you got an email like this from your ex? I guess ever since I got that message from him I started hoping again and thinking about him. But I know that he has so many problems maybe it isn't such a good thing. I fear that he wants to be friends and not have a relationship, but if I do that I feel that I will desiring more. Should I tell him that I can't just be friends or should I just not contact him anymore unless he specifically says he is interested in more?
  12. I think it's normal after a break up to be looking around for dating, but this is what they call "rebound". Take some time for yourself, do things you like to do alone and with friends...
  13. I think that you probably should back off from the friendship a bit. I think that it might be causing you more pain than good. Like take a week or two off from seeing her. I think that she also might see how much she misses you and have a chance to reevaluate her feelings. Right now it's pretty easy for her to take you for granted... Also, I really avoid hanging out as friends with someone I want to be with, it really does hurt, I know, and I think space REALLY helps.
  14. My b/f and I broke up, had NC for about two weeks or a little more. It was helpful because things were getting really, really bad at the end, he was yelling and I was crying. He was always very unaccepting of little things I was doing and he was sort of a drama queen and kind of controlling. O.k., well, really controlling. After we broke up, he sent me an email saying that for the record he knows he was controlling, etc, etc, and hopes I heal my spirit and find someone new. Well, he owed me some money, paid me back and I wrote him an ecard thanking him, saying I missed him and that I hope he was spending quality time with friends. He replied saying he'd been thinking about me when he was away for the weekend and that he really did love me and he wanted to see me. So, we've settled for meeting at my place tonight and walking over to the park to have dinner. The thing is, I'm kind of anxious about it, and ever since we started discussing hanging out I've been playing stories in my head about how it is going to go and how he is going to criticize this or that about my room or something. I'm worried he is going to criticize me and I'm going to snap back at him because no longer am I willing to tolerate that kind of dynamic that we had during our relationship. Part of me wants to email him before we meet to express my concerns, but I don't know if that would be very helpful or not. What do you think I should do?
  15. have you ever seen that one comic where the guy thinks the girl is checking him out but she's actually thinking something negative about him? uh, I think it's hard to tell. When I'm checking a guy out, I try to get it so that at least our eyes meet, but maybe I'm too forward.
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