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studygirl

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  • Birthday 09/30/1978

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  1. I am wondering if anyone on this forum has experienced a "dating cycle", where you tend to date different people that exhibit the same negative characteristics over and over again. Here's my situation - I fell hard for a guy a few years ago who was a professional athlete. Initially everything was amazing, then he completely tore my heart out and stomped all over it. Basically, I was ready for our relationship to move forward and he wasn't. It took me a full year before I was ready to date again, and this time I got into a relationship with a guy who was the complete opposite, extremely nice, caring - he would do anything for me. The major downfall was that he was ridiculously irresponsible with his finances, and no matter how much I tried to help him, he would not stop making horrible decisions with his money as well as mine (i.e., if he received a bill and didn't have the money to pay it, he would throw it away, not tell me about it and see nothing wrong with that). He was also dishonest about his finances (I think because he was embarrassed) but that was a huge red flag for me when he couldn't explain where money was going. I could not see myself being with someone for a long time who could not handle his own finances and who could potentially ruin my credit that I worked very hard at building and maintaining. There were other issues that ended that relationship, but I came out of that one wondering what I was really looking for in someone. The next relationship I had was once again with a professional athlete, who was, in essense, again the exact opposite of my previous boyfriend. He was the second guy who truly broke my heart. Now, I have met someone that I have amazing chemistry with, he is a great communicator, I have so much fun with, but he is AGAIN the opposite of my previous boyfriend! The weird part is I have a feeling that he is financially irresponsible. When he gets paid, he throws his money around like nobody's business, and a week later he can't pay his cell phone bill. I just don't want to get involved in another situation like I had with my ex-ex where we got pretty serious and it ended up causing lots of problems. I'm not a gold digger, I have a great career, pay all my own bills, and I'm definitely not high maintenance, but I am very wary about ending up babysitting someone who cannot take care of himself. We have only been dating for a month, but I am 27 - not looking to get married, but I don't want to waste my time with someone who will end up giving me grief in the end. Can anyone give me some advice? Why do I keep dating the same people over and over again, just alternating back and forth between jerk-athletes and nice guys who are financially irresponsible? Is this relationship worth pursuing or should I end it before I get too deep into it? I really have fun with this guy and we have so much in common it's kind of crazy. I don't know. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
  2. OH, your story sounds exactly like mine...I went out with this guy on Sunday afternoon and he was totally trying to put the moves on me, and I couldn't stop thinking about the 2nd date that I was going to have later that evening with another guy! The first guy ended up texting me "I like you and I really hope we can get to know each other better" and I felt bad but I had to tell him that I don't really like him like that. I didn't say anything about the other guy (p.s., nothing physical had occurred with either guy at that point, it was purely going out on a casual date) but I just told him that I wasn't feeling it. I feel like it is better to get it out as soon as you know rather than constantly avoiding them when they try to hold your hand/put thier arm around you/kiss you, whatever. I was actually getting annoyed with the first guy because he was trying SO HARD to initiate some kind of physical contact and I kept moving away. I felt really pressured by him too, he was constantly texting me things like "Good morning beautiful" and "I'm thinking about you". Which I know is sweet if it is someone you like, but when I have only gone out with him once and he is doing that it's a little much. It just makes it obvious that he wants more. I think you should let this guy know that you aren't interested in him like that. After I let this guy know I wasn't interested like that, he is still trying to hang out with me but honestly, I am uncomfortable with that because I know he wants more than just a friendship and I don't like putting myself in a situation like that.
  3. Good advice. I definitely don't feel the need to be with "just anyone", I actually went out on a couple of dates this past month where I felt absolutely nothing at all and did not pursue anything. The first 3 months after my breakup I had no desire to date or be with anyone at all. This is the first time I have felt like this since my last boyfriend, so it is definitely something about him that I am so attracted to, not just the need to be with someone. Thanks for the insight...
  4. Hi, it has been a while since I have posted. I went through a very difficult breakup about 4 1/2 months ago, and had no interest in pursuing any other relationships after that breakup. I have been doing really great (complete NC, getting involved in fun activities, focusing on myself) and feel like I am in a really good place in my life right now. About a week ago, I ran into a friend that I haven't seen in YEARS. It is actually a guy that I had a crush on in grade school! Something about him made me want to go out with him, and I have seen him every day this past week! I have been having so much fun with him, but I am worried that it is a rebound because he is not the typical kind of guy I am attracted to. I think that I am starting to really like him (I'm confused though), and I know that he wants to pursue a relationship with me. He has already asked me to be his date for a Christmas event over a month away. At this moment, we are just doing the "casually dating" thing, but I think I could really like him, but then again, I don't know. He knows that I just got out of this painful relationship not that long ago and he is not pressuring me in any way, but I don't know if what I am feeling is real or if he is my rebound to get over the last guy? He is too sweet to be someone that I would ever want to hurt, and I have so much fun when I am with him. Has anyone else been in this situation, and if so, what do you think? Any advice is greatly appreciated.
  5. Hey girl, I feel for you! I know where you are, I was in the same place not that long ago. While it hurts like hell, it is only helping us see what is truly right for us in our lives. Amidst all the good that was in my last relationship was a sea of bad and by no means do I feel that I need to settle for that. Good luck to you!!
  6. Hi, just wondering if anyone else shares my feeling on this. I do not enjoy oral sex AT ALL. Guys say all the time, "oh, you just haven't had it done right" but that is not it. I think it is gross, it doesn't feel good and it does NOTHING for me. For starters, there is SO MUCH bacteria in the mouth, and I swear that everytime I have received it I have had a urinary tract/bladder infection. So that kills it for me. Then, I don't feel like it even feels that good, and it is boring. I told my last boyfriend that and he was fine with it since he doesn't like to give it anyways. Am I alone in this or are there other people who also do not enjoy it??
  7. Yay, thanx!! I have been on a poetry kick lately and I feel like Dr. Seuss or something! LOL
  8. Sometimes I'm still mad, sometimes I still cry I never know how I'll feel, each day that goes by Some days I feel great, I don't want you in my life Some days I'm devastated that I won't ever be your wife I'll wake up one morning, just feeling fine Then in the evening I'll sip a glass of wine I'll think of the good times, I'll think of the fun I oftentimes wish that we were not done. Just like that I'll wake up, feeling oh so sad No one else in my life could make me feel so bad I remember the hardships, arguments and the fights The crying, the heartache, the many sleepless nights I think it's all normal, that's what my friends say To have my feelings fluctuate from day to day And time will eventually heal my heart I just can't wait for that time to start. Why is it that breakups must happen to me? I'm not a bad person, I just cannot see... Sometimes I feel like I should give up on love I'm hoping for a plan from the one up above Sometimes I know that there is someone for me, Who always be there – a great man he will be. But I thought so many times that I'd found "Mr. Right" It all was so good, finally seeing that light It would never last, things would always go wrong I would try so hard to make us get along I don't want to dwell on these feelings anymore I'm ready to see what the rest of my life has in store. [/b]
  9. I think it sounds pretty good - poetry is a very personal thing, I don't know if there is a "right" way to write it. As far as sounding better, maybe just make sure each of the lines have a similar rhythm. I like it!
  10. OK, I am on a bit of a poetry kick right now...this one's funny, enjoy! Feel free to respond "MR. RIGHT" Two vying for my affections – how lucky am I? Choosing which one's for me is what I must try... Let's weigh out the goods and the bads that I see And hope I can pick out the right one for me. Number 1 is real tall and he dresses real fly, Talks smooth, looks hot, got moves that are right He knows what to say to make all the girls melt, Butterflies in my stomach, that's what I felt. Number 2 is much shorter and a bit more hairy Not so into clothes, but that's all right with me! He always wants to be right by my side, He never makes fun of my jacked up ride. 1 loves to go out and party with friends, 2 would rather stay in, doesn't care about new trends. Sometimes 1 will take me to wine and to dine But I must always question if I'm on his mind With 2 I always stay home when I eat But somehow it still feels like such a treat! Both get real jealous of men talking to me But 2's more protective – it's obvious as can be. 1 plays it cool, if he cares, I can't tell... Sometimes his actions make me mad as hell! 2's always wearing his heart on his sleeve, I can tell how he loves me, each time I leave. When 1 gets mad at me, he'll yell and he'll scream I don't ever know if we're really a team It's very unusual for 2 to get upset, When it occurs, the silent treatment I get But all he needs is to go walk around It takes very little to calm him down. Sometimes when I'm home and 1 has gone out I wonder all night what he's all about He can be so sweet, but could it be fake? He lied to me once, how much more should I take? 2 loves long walks with me on the beach or the park, In the summer or winter, at noon or at dark He's been there for me, he won't ever stray He makes me feel better when I've had a bad day. I talk to him about everything, he won't ever judge Doesn't stay mad for long, can't hold a grudge. Loves to cuddle on the couch and is there when I cry Through good times and bad, I know his love just won't die. I know my decision, can you see it too? Hopefully you will also find one so devoted to you. 1 causes me grief, makes me melancholy – So I'm trading him in for 2 – my sweet, loving PUPPY!!
  11. Definitely talk - just from my personal experience and preference, make sure that yuo ask her a lot of questions about her to show that you are interested in her as a person. My biggest pet peeve is when guys come up to talk to me and all they can say is stuff about how I look or whatever. I mean, it is nice to give her a compliment about how she looks but maybe ask her more stuff about what she wants to do after high school, what her hobbies are, etc.
  12. Today I ran into an old friend who I haven't seen in about 5 years and now I can't get him off my mind...here's the scoop. About 5 years ago when I was a senior in college I had a class with this guy (we'll call him J)and my future ex boyfriend (we'll call him M). I met both guys in the same class, we were all friends and it was all good. Well, a couple of years ago (well after we had all graduated) I started dating M. A little over 2 months ago everything fell apart (read past posts if interested) with M and it was a big mess (found out he cheated, but I live in a condo he owns, etc etc). I haven't dated since then and it has been a pretty rough time. Well, today I ran into J and he looked better than ever and was incredibly sweet. We exchanged phone numbers and he texted me a while ago saying that it was good to see me and I looked sexy. I really want to go out with him (doesn't have to be serious, just fun) but I don't know if he would based on the fact that he is friends with my ex. It's not like they are best friends or anything, but they do get together every now and then and have kept in touch after college. Like, he knew that M and I were no longer together even though I have had no contact with him. So now I don't know what to do. I would love to hang out but is he going to feel like he is disrespecting my ex? The whole situation bugs me because my ex dumped ME (after cheating on me) so I feel like I should be able to date whomever I want but now I may not be able to. I mean, I understand how guys don't want to do that to their friends but it feels unfair to me, you know? I mean, he made his decision to no longer be with me so he shouldn't have any "claim" on me. So, what do I do from here?
  13. OK, yesterday I posted a poem that I found amongst a bunch of old stuff from high school (almost 10 years ago) and I found another one that I have held off on posting because I don't want to offend men! So before reading it, here is my VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED: I wrote this when I was 16 - I am not a man-hater/basher, nor do I believe this, but I thought it was funny that I wrote it so I wanted to share it for you to have a good laugh!! I don't even know how I came up with this because guys never asked me out in high school, nor did any of this really happen to me like that so it was probably my overactive dramatic imagination...so please don't get offended!!! The Essense of Men (from a female (16 year old) perspective) Men are all scum, they treat us like meat, But threaten to leave - suddenly they're so sweet. When we see a guy we say, "Oh what a cutie!" When they see a girl they say, "Check out that booty!" He'll tell you one thing; his best friend another - And when he comes over he's sweet to your mother. After that first date, you'll just want to sing... But if you sit by the phone, don't expect it to ring. He'll see you one night, he'll see her the next, He'll leave you depressed, confused, and perplexed. When you're alone, he's the world's greated lover, But if his friends are around, he acts like your brother. When guys get together, I swear they're insane! They think it's a blast to call you mean names! You may say "hi", but he won't say "hello" Expect something more like, "Hey there's my ho!" At school they don't know you - they won't wave in the halls Guys have no brains, they think with their balls. Why is it all right for a guy to "get around"? If a girl does the same, her reputation goes down. And why do we fall for it each and every time They come up with some crude, new pick up line? It's not like grade school when playing Red Rover - Now it's, "No one's home, so hey, come on over!" Guys can't be nice, it's un-macho they say We could beg for romance and they might say, "OK" But forget the flowers and the moonlight dance - Watching TV's their idea of romance. Guys jerk us around, they throw us a line, They bring up our hopes, and crash them each time. Men are all evil, they're jerks, and they're slime! But hey, you gotta admit that they're REALLY FINE!!!
  14. Thanks for your replies! I agree (Iloverain...) about most guys, you can never group all guys into one group. It is so funny because being in high school I was so dramatic. Also, I find it funny that I wrote it like that because I never even lost my virginity until my sophomore year in college, I guess in my poem (for me at least) I meant "score" as in "making out" or something. I have another poem that I am contemplating posting (another one I wrote about 10 years ago) but it is kind of a male bashing poem, and I am definitely not a male basher, again, I think it was my overly dramatic 16 year old hormones!!! It is really funny though, for entertainment purposes at least, but I don't want to offend any guys on the forum. Anyways, reminiscing on those times definitely makes me see how far I have come...
  15. HI BEN!!! OK. Here is my take on the whole "what a girl wants from a guy" thing. No one really knows until they are in the situation! I was in a relationship that should have worked out in theory - he had all the qualities I was looking for and vice versa (if life was all about checking things off on a list) but it didn't work! It definitely made me re-evaluate my whole "qualities I want in a mate" thing and realize that getting into a relationship is not like going grocery shopping!!! While there are certain characteristics that I would like my next boyfriend to have (good manners, caring, bla bla bla) I am keeping it very basic and general. Someone can have all the qualities but it doesn't guarantee compatibility. I agree with Tigris, you are such an amazing guy!! Too bad I am in the US and you are in England, I have also loved all of our convos on MSN and via e-mail and I MISS THEM!!! Write me sometime!!!
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