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Jadtt

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About Jadtt

  • Birthday 09/08/1977

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  1. I do not feel uncomfortable in any way, shape or form with the question. It doesn't bother me, he's 42 I'm 28, no big deal. We've only been dating 6 months....I've seen stranger. In any case, I told him I don't want to move into his space, if I'm going to move in with anyone again, then we are going to move into a shared space. He agreed with that, and actually said that's how he would RATHER do it, but didn't quite know how to say it. 6 months....I totally feel comfortable with him, but I also know I want to get to know him longer as well. No plans to move in yet, just talking about hypotheticals in the future. I think this guy, at some point before the end of the year, is going to ask me to marry him. I would say yes to that. I know, in my heart, he is the one I want to be with. The problem is this, I was in an LTR that I was so unhappy in for so long. I was engaged to that guy, even thou it wasn't right. Now, I come out of that, have a couple boyfriends, go on a few dates, and meet this guy...who is awesome in so many ways. Has anyone SEEN that happen before? I don't know, I can just hear my friends talking right now....telling me I didn't get enough time on my own, I'm engaged again, blah blah blah. When I broke off the engagement before, everyone started running their mouths, it was so annoying. So~tell me, have you ever seen someone come out of an LTR where they were engaged (or perhaps married) and found "the one" shortly thereafter?
  2. It's called~deductive logic: My parents a/k/a my Dad and my step-mom (whom I've known since I was eight) have been married for 18 years.
  3. Believe me, I know what all of this is about. My last LTR, we dated for 7 years before we were engaged and I broke it off after 2 years of an engagement (no I'm not a commitment phobic-it was a fairly complicated situation involving children). In any case, I will never even cohabitate with a man until well over a year of a relationship. I've made that mistake before where we just rushed into living with each other too quickly (and that was after 11 months). My parents dated for 7 months before they were engaged, were engaged for another 7 and have been married for 18 years. I think it probably just depends on the couple. Some people just "know" when they've met the right one. Some don't.
  4. Oh, no way...he hasn't asked me. That's a little too quick for me. Marriage can come in all shapes and sizes, I've known people who knew each other for two weeks that got married and have been happily married for years. On the contrary, I've known people who dated for 10 years, were engaged for 2 and were divorced after just under 2 years of marriage. It all depends on the couple. I'm just amazed......because, I have told him hey-don't say those things until you are REALLY REALLY REALLY sure you mean them.
  5. I agree, I've also been in relationships with men who say things too quickly....and get caught up in the perfect aspect of the relationship. I can honestly say, I don't think that this particular guy is this way, at all. It's just a feeling I have. I can say this....he certainly knows the "real" me right now LOL! he's dating me at one of the busiest times of year for my career when I'm working 80 hours a week and going crazy from sleep deprivation. I will go with the flow. It just often makes me wonder...not about what he feels, but how many DIFFERENT behaviors I can date in one lifetime.
  6. First, the guy says "I'm the one"....which is fine. So, then we say the "I love you's"....we're both crazy about each other. But, now...he's taking it a little further and has said "I am so in love with you, I have told a couple people already that you are the girl I want to marry". What gives? First I'm engaged and in a relationship for 9.5 years with the worst man in the world. Then, my first relationship after that is a torturous nightmare. A bunch of dating in between and I meet this guy who is, basically everything I've been looking for.....and after only almost 5 months he's to the point where he really knows that he wants to marry me? I feel like I have dated every possible combination of guy out there right now.
  7. Thank you for putting a smile on my face and calming my nerves.
  8. I've noticed that I've generally been laid back and positive in this relationship. Then, all of a sudden he tells me what he tells me and I'm insecure, worried, and everything. I don't know WHY this has changed. Why I'm all of a sudden worried if I talk to him, worried if he calls me, worried everything will fall apart. I've never had these worries until he told me his feelings for me and I need some advice.
  9. I think every relationship has a natural progression of people who pull away just a little bit. Sometimes it is done consciously, and sometimes it is dones subconsciously. In any case, a little pulling back is good, because you can guage the level of committment of the other person. At the same time, you must also be cautious with how you pull away. You never want to find yourself in a situation where someone is pushing and someone is pulling, there should always be a healthy balance. The healthy balance is learning to recognize that, although you feel like you want to test her in some way, that isn't always the right thing to do. For instance, I am currently with this man who I know is in love with me. Now, every now and then I do stupid things just to test him to see where he stands. It's silly! I just frustrates him, I can tell in his eyes, and it frustrates me as well. But, for some silly reason, my subconscious mind takes control. Be confident in yourself and recognize that letting things happen, in whatever way that may be, is sometimes the best way to go. If things don't work out, it might make you a little sad...but there's always somebody else down the road. If it does work out, well...then you're really happy! Good Luck!
  10. Now.... The real question of the day is how do I not F this up with this guy? I have a tendency to do that sometimes, and it scares me just a little bit.
  11. You asked some really good questions! What is it about him that makes me feel those butterflies? I'm not quite sure, probably because since the first time I met him, he was different, I really liked him and now I think I just might be in love with him. The butterflies come when I feel that I am very lucky to have met him. I think what makes that feeling continue is that, when you're in any relationship that is healthy and fantastic, each person has to continuously remind themselves of how lucky they are to be with the other person. It is a conscious recognition of the fact that, out of all the wonderful people in the world, the two of you were brought together. What are the odds? When you start to take each other for granted, then you can feel like there is stagnation in the relationship, and that doesn't create a good feeling at all! I would say the best way to not F up a situation is to do what you want to do when it feels right and comfortable. Believe it or not, you know what this woman may or may not be ready to hear, so you know in your heart when something is right. If you want to be exclusive, and you feel comfortable discussing it, then do so. However, I have often found that good relationships progress to exclusivity without conversations about it.
  12. First of all, I was not married, that is correct, but I was in a relationship with this man for 9 years. No, I didn't have children with him, however, I was a MOTHER to his child from the age of 4 until the age of 13. So, although his child wasn't the fruit of my womb, I was responsible for him. I would have to then say, that I think we are similar in that point. I am sorry, but I was a parent for much longer. And, you might disagree and say that it is different because he wasn't MY child, but I was the person he considered was his mother. This happened to me at 27, yes that is younger...but not by much. And we can walk around in circles and say age matters, but I would have to say that I am currently the oldest 28 year-old I've met in terms of maturity. Do you stay in your marriage? I think you already know the answer to that question and none of us on this forum will be able to answer it for you. The question is, are you going to consciously recognize the answer to that question and start to pursue the life you want, whether that life is to work things out with your wife, or leave her. Yes, you have two children. Would you rather raise your children in an environment that is unhealthy because you thought it was more important to keep something together specifically for them? Do you think that when your children get older they will thank you for raising them in that environment? Do you think that it would have any long-term psychological impact on your children? These are all questions that you must ask yourself, because, believe it or not, the type of relationship you have with your wife will have a SIGNIFICANT impact on your children. They are more perceptive than most people give them credit for, and as much as you try and hide your unhappiness, they will see it. I am sorry, but I do not believe that anyone should ever try and stay in a marriage specifically for the child. As previously stated, my parents did that with me for quite a long time and it was the most unhealthy situation, and their depression and unhappiness contributed to my depression and unhappiness. If you really love your wife, if you really feel that she is the right person then you should try everything in your power to save your marriage. However, if you honestly KNOW in your HEART that this is not going to work out, remember that you must first make yourself happy in order to be a good person and be a good father. It might sound selfish, but it isn't. As for the other woman, I'm sure that your level of attraction for her is genuine. However, be cautious when you say you have "feelings" for her. Your mind might be playing tricks on you in the sense that your current unhappiness and depression is making you actually believe that this women would take that away and she is everything that you have always hoped for. I'm sure that the "feelings" you speak of are you just wanting something more in your life.
  13. Thank you and, no I am not mad by your post at all. I respect all people's opinions, the good and the bad ones. One of things I will say, however, is that in relationships, age and experience can have a significant impact. If I was in this situation and I was younger (in my early twenties) with a man who was also younger and less experienced in the relationship world, I would be very leary of him telling me that I am the one. However, I am currently with someone who I genuinely believe is looking to settle down, he wants to get married, he wants to have children. He is, more specifically, looking for that woman he wants to spend his life with. I, in turn, am also looking for the same thing. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I will interpret what people say they feel through their actions, their body language and how they treat me. Believe me, I know what it's like to actually think that you want to be with someone (I was previously engaged, and broke it off). I take more stock in the actions people have that back up the words that they say to me, because....words are just words....and that's all they are. A person can tell me that they love me, but they also have to show me. That beings said, in any relationship I really think we do know, deep inside if it is working out or not. I am not saying I'll be married ot this man by any means. But, I do know there is something inside me that tells me we will be together for a long long time. And, if there's one thing I know, my inner voice is usually correct. And, the only times I've made serious mistakes in my life is when I didn't listen to that voice.
  14. Upon further review, I would have to say that I think you hit the nail on the head. Yes, I do love this man, very much so. In fact, I cannot see myself with anyone else right now. And, I honestly have to say that this is...by far...the healthiest relationship I think I have ever been in, in terms of my feelings, our communication, how we work together, etc. I guess I've just never had this type of situation happen to me before, I've never had a man sit down and say "I'm the one". Sure, my ex proposed to me...but he never really said those words to me. I am fighting my own feelings for sure, because, even though I'm strong and positive, a part of my mind is still a little scared of being hurt. And, that seems to be getting in the way of me totally feeling everything. I guess, through writing this right now, I understand that I love him more than I have been willing to admit.
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