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WildChild

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WildChild last won the day on June 9 2011

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About WildChild

  • Birthday 07/05/1971

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  1. Orlander, you've had a lot of changes in the last 2 years, and you have survived it all through perserverance and your own strength. As painful as it is right now, I know you will make it through this. Keep believing in yourself, have faith in yourself and be proud of yourself and your accomplishments.
  2. Oh Orlander I am so sorry I am just floored! I know that's not what you need to hear right now, but I just feel so bad that after all that has happened and been said between you two, that this is what it's all about? I know this seems obvious, but if she has been lying to you for this long or about what her feelings were, you need to concentrate on working through this and move on and let the past go. You didn't deserve this, at the very least to be lied to in such a manner. Take care of yourself please.
  3. I think given the fact too that I have found this out from a mutual friend of me and her (the ex) makes it even more bothersome. It certainly wasn't anything he told me about, I didn't even know they were chatting. I guess my thought is this: if ya run into one another, fine: chit chat and catch up. But to go out of your way to email, call, lunch or anything else and especially given I can't stand her? Why? I'm trying to not make this into anything in the sense of they would have cheated but it's hard to not look at the whole pic when he never told me they were chatting, never told me about this pot lunch, and seemed totally surprised that I disliked her so much when I told him: he's totally aware that I think she is a disgrace.
  4. I'm glad to hear that you two were able to discuss this more. I'm sure it has to be a good sense of relief for you both that you are able to open up to one another and know that the other person is really listening; moreover, having someone you each can count on.
  5. Well, the topic has yet to be brought up. I've been cool and semi-distant with him during the time we have spent together. I guess at sometime I will have to mention something, because to be honest I almost feel like it's a sense of betrayal.
  6. My thought is this: what's the hurry? I understand that this relationship has been on and off for you two, however, given that you have finally opened up to her this truly could be like a fresh start. I would give it some time, and letting her know fully that there is no guarantee, but that you are enjoying her and the relationship right now. If she truly meant that she would give you time, and truly loves you, then I have to believe that she will understand and accept this. This will allow you time to really determine if your new found feelings for her are genuine, or if they are just part of the healing process of your last 8 years.
  7. Thanks Suzy, I appreciate it. I was beginning to think I was losing my mind to think I was wrong to be upset. I'm glad to hear that I'm not wrong. At this point, I would almost feel stupid if I did say it was o.k. and forgive him...as we have had some rocky points with me wondering if he really can be trusted. I guess unless and until he admits how stupid he was, maybe then I would consider it, but at some point I have to put my foot down, and kick him to the curb for good if this crap doesn't stop. Maybe this is the time. I dunno.
  8. His way of understanding was to hang up. We have yet to talk since last night, and at this point he can go fly a kite. I am not a very judging person, but this girl is unflipping believable. She had called me in the past when they were dating (unbeknownst to me) and blocked her number, lied about her name, told me they were living together (lie) and engaged to get married (lie) and wanted to know why I was calling their home...I told her he and I were friends, didn't tell her we had once dated, and said that she should really talk to him about this. She said she tried, but he wouldn't tell her anything and she started to get mouthy with me. I again told her to talk to him, and to not call me again. I told him all of this after they broke up and he was shocked. Her background is she is 25, gave her parental rights of her three young children up to her mother, but lives at her Mom's house, stayed at his house 3-4 days/nights a week when they dated for three months (basically leaving her children anyway), doesn't hold a job but 4 months out of the year, hangs out in the bars however many nights a week and will go after any man who will take her home that night (how he and she met), or who has money not mattering what their age. At one point when she was 24, she was dating a 55 year old construction owner. Her game with me that night was one of MANY that mutual people have told me. I finally confronted her about it about a year ago, told her my feelings of her and her dispicable life, and how ashamed she should be of herself. I said my peace, and told him about the conversation. Heck, even his long time ex girlfriend can't stand her and she agrees with me (according to him) that we can't figure out why he ever would have dated her with the reputation she has. So to find out that they have been communicating the last week via email, and he mentioned they should go out to lunch sometime BLOWS ME AWAY. And the kicker is, at first he was like, "what are you talking about". When I explained a mutual friend told me he had suggested lunch sometime, his response was, "It's not like that." I replied, and not too nicely that he knows I absolutely hate this girl for who she is and what she is about, and he laughingly says "Well I guess you do." and hung up. Nice.
  9. The relationship between them was not what you would call an "ever lasting relationship." It didn't end horribly, but there certainly wasn't any "love" lost between them and it ended nearly two years ago. The female is well known in terms of being loose, as well as playing games at other people's expense. The man is not one to hold grudges or ill feelings per say for long periods of time, so I can't say that any ill feelings he had towards her two years ago are ones that he still harbors. HOWEVER, it has been discussed that she is not someone the current partner trusts, nor likes at all because of the ex's behavior, and he has been told that since the very beginning of his relationship. So maybe a better question now would be to ask this: given her past, and given his tendency to not hold grudges, but knows how his current partner feels, why would he feel the need to go out of his way to ask his ex out to lunch. He himself has said she has been laid more than an Alaskan pipeline, and at one time did think of her as a "low life." I just don't see any logic in having to go for lunch, or really to have to catch up especially given his opinion of her after their breakup.
  10. I don't really see or understand a reason for it either. My thoughts are if you run into each other, fine, catch up. But to go out of your way to catch up when there is no other reason/connection outside of your past relationship, I can't say it's right. Especially when the relationship was only 3 months long, and was on and off the whole time. I appreciate your guys input.
  11. The lunch would be just a "catch up" and the current partner, who despises the ex, is not invited and found out about the potential lunch date through a mutual friend.
  12. I'd like everyone's opinion on this question: What would be your feelings if your current partner invites an ex out to lunch for whatever reason. The ex is someone you cannot stand and your partner knows this.
  13. Wow sbay. I guess I don't know what to say. I mean, the ole cliche' is once a cheater, always a cheater; but, I don't think that is always the case. The problem here though, is that it appears by what you have told us is that he definitely has a pattern. I hate to say that he can't be trusted because honestly, how do we know that he isn't being faithful. BUT if I had to form an opinion based on all of this? I would be very, very cautious if not backing away completely.
  14. Peace I know this is a very difficult time in struggling to make sense of all of this and how he went about it. I know it must be hard to not take this personally, but honey you can't. Is it fair the way he went about it? Absolutely not! But this is about him, not you. Does it effect you? Of course it does, you cared and/or loved this man and found out things further into the relationship than it should have gone. It doesn't take away the pain, or the hurt, or the betrayal you feel, but my concern for you right now is that you are taking this personally. This is something that is rooted for years, and not something that you or any other person can solve outside of himself. The one thing is that I believe he knows his reasoning behind all of this, but given when and how this started is beyond the repair that you/others can fix. He has to be the one, and hopefully someday he will either A) realize this is not normal given his childhood, or B) seek a professional to help. Even though I believe he knows based on his childhood that this may be behind his illogical reasonings in relationships, he obviously is not in a position to do anything about it. If I dare say, it's all he knows. In a sense, it's like an adult abuser who grew up in an abusive home in their childhood. It's all they know. Does it make it right? No! BUT, until the cycle is broken by their own determination, the pattern is going to continue throughout their life. As is your ex. (((Hugs)))
  15. Hopefully you too will find this as a great source to turn to. Even with family and friends, I found many times this was the one place I could let it all out and it has been a great source of relief for me many times. I have met a lot of wonderful, caring people who here who have been there many times just to listen, and show compassion and of course bring great humor PS Each one of the quotes represent a part in my life or inspire me. Amazing how words can have such an impact.
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