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poloplayer

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poloplayer last won the day on September 10 2007

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About poloplayer

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  1. Hi, I would not recommend CDs (or anything which a bank offers other than an IRA), or any bonds, annuities, or other fixed income instruments unless you are well over 50. Barely any risk = barely any return. Do this when you are older and want to gain something, however, you're older and don't work as much so you want to play it safe. Also, don't play with derivatives unless you know what you are doing. Very risky = very high return, but you can lose money very quickly. Liquid - easy to buy or sell Passive - place money in and sit back and relax: ETFs or Index funds. You are a passive investor, the expenses are very low, and your return will be "average." Average here means you mimic an index. iShares are good for MSCI mimics and Spyders for S&P. Mutual funds. Passive as well, however, the expenses can eat up your returns. Check each funds excess return and expense ratio. Compare this to their annualized return. All funds cite annualized returns for marketing purposes - that distorts the picture as expenses can eat up some (in some cases all) of the return. The difference is what you actually earned. Dodge & Cox, Vanguard, and Sit offer some good ones. International and emerging markets have been returning ~20% past 2-3 years. Please keep in mind that 50% of all funds DO NOT beat their benchmark (index) each year, which means, the professionals who do this for a living can't beat the market. Active - you need to know what you are doing: Stocks. This is your best bet, however, this is active investing. You need to stay on top of it, do your due diligence, monitor, rebalance, etc., however, you can make a killing if you know what you are doing. On average, stocks have offered a 12% annual return over the last 60+ years. Illiquid - hard to buy or sell Real Estate. Great investments, especially at a time of subprime tanking and so many foreclosures on the market and mortgage rates relatively flat. You will be able to find some great deals out there, however, make sure you can make the payments. Also, it might be tough to sell down the road, especially when you are in a bind and need to get out. Can you pay the taxes, maintenance if needed, etc.? What's the best way? Only you can answer that based off of: 1. How risk averse you are 2. What your time horizon is 3. And what you are looking for (growth, value, dividends, appreciation, etc.) If you don't know too much about investments, then I would suggest you purchase into either (A) ETFs, or (B) mutual funds. I'd suggest doing this after you place money into an IRA ($4k a year) and let someone else do the dirty work for you. Or, if you are more into real estate, then go that route. If you have a lump sum and are willing to shop around, then you can find a great deal within the next 6 months.
  2. I don't think there is anything wrong with buying a girl a single rose when going on a date. In fact, I have done it before on a couple of occasions (first date or a much later date), and usually the rose was seen withered away in a glass/vase months down the road in her bedroom or kitchen. Reason being was because I was sincere AND she knew that. Women have this knack for intuition. The times where I bought a bouquot after I severely f-ed up was a different story. It was as if she could sense why I was doing it - typical guy move trying to finally place a little bandaid on a gash that was spilling blood. In hingsight, I think I just looked like a buffoon, fumbling around with some flowers knowing I was guilty one time too many AND she knew that as well. I've played plenty of games with girls in the past. Sure, games work, and they attract women and you will get laid and maybe snatch a girlfriend. After doing that with many different girls I finally learned something - sure I got some great action, but I never got what I really wanted in a girl beyond that. It got very, very old - to the point where I began rejecting hot girls that would try to grind on me in a bar. Maybe, for me, I finally got to the point where I was able to settle down, and settle down ment go steady - beyond another rabbit to pounce on each night. You want to give a rose? Great! Give a rose. You want to resort to conniving tactics? Go for it. It all depends on what your looking for. I'm a firm believer in the old adage - "If you always do what you always did, then you'll always get what you always got." Getting burned after offering a rose or being nice? Well, the problem might not be you at all - it's the girl(s) that you are going after.
  3. Hi, Start taking fish oil supplements. My doc recommended them to me while I was in college as a boost. She said I wouldn't have to study as much. Not sure if that was the case for me, but I did note an improvement. Regardless if it had a placebo effect or not, it is good for your body. As far as exercises, anything which requires learning and staying active will help. Read books, newspapers, do puzzles, etc.
  4. Hi, Those are the qualities that I looked for in girls when I was in school (high school and college). That doesn't mean that I shy away from those qualities, or don't want a person that has them, but I tend to not place as much importance on them anymore. The qualities that turn me on today (mid-twenties): 1. Generosity: not specifically with me, but with others. If she volunteers her time to help others I will probably fall pretty quickly. It shows me that she is more selfless than selfish. It also tells me she is a kind and warm person. 2. Humility: someone who is not vain, or self-centered. Someone who does not have a sense of entitlement, and is down to earth. 3. How she treats (and what she says about) other women. I've met too many girls who have called other women "ugly" or "fat" or "that shirt/purse/etc. is so ugly." So what? Why do you notice this and just have to point it out? Highly unattractive. 4. Faith. No specific religion. Just faith in something bigger that is out their. 5. Not prone to run with a certain clique and fit in. 6. How she dresses. If I see designer labels I don't think chic with a sense of fashion, I think high maintenance. If I see something simple or cute, I am more attracted to her. A personal sense of dress, but one that doesn't scream "I need that label" 7. Smarts - that doesn't mean many degrees or years of formal education or a certain career. A nice balance between book smarts, street smarts and common sense. 8. Smiles.
  5. Hi, I share the same sentiment, except with very good looking women that speak with me. It's not an issue of confidence or that I'm nervous - I just don't trust them. Perhaps this is just my own insecurity from previous experiences with very good looking women. I also think personality is more important than looks, but personality is an entire umbrella of components and is defined by someone's perception. That tall, slender, chic dressed hottie with a martini in hand chatting away with everyone in the room is not someone I think is confident, sexy, and successful (others though would disagree with me). To me it's someone I'd prefer not to speak with and get to know. The girl who is simply cute and more reserved is someone I'd rather speak with and get to know. Maybe this all comes back to my issue of trustworthiness in my previous paragraph? We're all different in this respect. I've found the ugliest looking people I've met to have the best personalities, and some of the hottest women I've met to have the worst (hot women know they are hot, and that in itself is a huge turnoff). As a side note, I think too many people throw around dating buzzwords such as confidence, personality, etc. Do I want someone with an awesome personality? What exactly is an awesome personality? How do you define it? Don't confuse personality with character - they may be intertwined at points, but they are separate.
  6. Hi, I think deploying NC on someone falls upon the circumstances of the relationship. I dumped many girls in high school, and was annoyed at why they would always be weird around me. I thought they were being looney. My gosh, what's wrong with saying "hello" to someone when you see them? My uncle telling me "you're not responsible for anyone's feelings" didn't help my situation either. Then again, this was high school, and a serious relationship in high school was not the same as a serious relationship post high school. Then I got dumped for the first time in college. This was my "first love" and I had strong feelings for her. I'm not sure if it was my heart which was broken, or my ego that was crushed. Probably a little bit of both. But, I didn't hate her. I knew what she was like and she was very honest with me when we broke up. She's never really had a serious relationship before, and she didn't want to be so serious this early in life, and this early in college. It hurt, but it made sense. I went into NC so I could heal, but I still saw her on a semi-frequent basis through mutual friends. I would still say "hi" to her when I saw her, and still hung out with her at times with groups of friends, but after a good deal of time apart. Heck, we even went on a date again down the road, but, the point of NC in this situation was for me to heal - lick my wounds, get over her, get over our relationship, learn from it, focus on myself, and grow as a person while moving on. NC helped me deal with the pain and re-collect myself. I also learned the other side of the coin from my uncle's comment back in high school: "you're not responsible for anyone's feelings." I learned empathy, and I gained a certain maturity about why people did not want to speak with me after things ended. It wasn't because she was looney, it was because she was hurt, and seeing me/speaking with me was painful. Being dumped by someone I cared about and had feelings for gave me a new perspective on this; a perspective much different than close friendships falling apart. I also don't think there is anything childish by ignoring someone depending on the circumstances. There is one girl I dated who I won't acknowledge at all, and that's because I was abandoned when tough times fell on me. No words of encouragement from her, and no solace of support. I became a burden to her, who was my girlfriend at the time. I'm mature to realize that tough times for someone in a bf/gf relationship of less than one year is a large responsibility to place on the other person, however, I also have my answer of who that person really is by how they handle these situations, as in do they make an effort and do they really care. In the end, I had no problem telling her to her face to stay out of my life. Most of it came out in anger in the heat of the moment, but I don't regret it to this day. The silent, expressionless gawks I have received from her when I bumped into her afterwards made me want to say it again, but the past is the past, I've forgiven but not forgetten, I wish you the best and all of the health, wealth and happiness that a person can have, but never speak with me again. I have no interest in reconciliation or in friendship or as an acquaintance. The moral here is NC is a good recovery tool, and I could never realize the point of it until I was dumped by someone I still had strong feelings for. Before that relationship, I could not understand why an old flame did not want to speak with me, or would be weird around me. Being on both sides of the fence allows me to understand relationships better, and even people. It brought out some softer qualities within me, whereas in the past I just thought, "man, she has issues" or "grow up." People are more complicated than that. Feelings are not black and white. Relationships are not cut and dry. And I think it requires a certain maturity to understand and appreciate that. Counting the number of days since you deployed Operation NC is a little extreme, but effectively using it to get over a relationship, a good relationship, which just didn't work out in the end is a great recovery tool. If you had a good relationship that ended very badly, or if you just had a bad relationship period, then I don't see any problem with ignoring someone or banishing them from your life. NC is only there to help you deal with whatever it is you need to deal with in an effective manner.
  7. Hi, Kudos to Batya and MoneyGod who made some excellect points in this thread. Paraphrasing some of their points within the framework of my experiences: 1. Trying to find someone > might lead to something, but usually just disappointment. I have placed too great of an emphasis on meeting someone due to some reason(s) [i.e., been a while, loneliness, etc.]. 2. Not trying to find someone > I am working on my life, which means my physical, mental, emotional, material and spiritual well-being. I don't have much of an emphasis (or any) on finding someone of the opposite sex. I am enjoying my life and, wow, people do tend to take notice and friendships form which lead to something more. I'm sure these 2 can work together, but in my experience, when I do #1, then I stumble in #2. When I focus on #2, then #1 just happens or even flip-flops and someone finds me.
  8. Hi, I've been on both sides as well, and I do not think you should move in together beforehand to "test to waters" like others have already mentioned. I am an open-mided person, but what I have experienced and witnessed with friends that began living together with their partner is...odd, to say the least. I too thought that living together would be a great test to see if we were really right for each other. But this is how it went: Although there were strong feelings and solid commonalities and talk about living together beforehand, what happened in effect was a lease on the relationship. This test was ultimately set up as pass or fail. The fact is that we weren't married, so, if we don't really get along then we are not right for each other. Perhaps there is some truth to that, but in hindsight, I think that the premise of our test is what bit us. We were not at the same level of commitment that marriage entails, so if things go sour then it's okay to walk away without a bitter seperation or court battle. Now the perception of divorce becomes more liberal as well, and in the end, you can terminate your lease with your partner. I think that the level of commitment trumps any other excuse of why it didn't work out (and for the record, I wasn't an angel - both parties had faulted). If personal space and alone time is that important, then please figure that out before you get married. Playing house is not necessary to see if you are ready for marriage yet or not. You are a grown woman and can decide to do as you wish, but a year is not too far off to please your parents out of respect unless there are some convincing reasons why you should move in.
  9. Hi, Sometimes we get stuck between a rock and a hard place in life - this seems to be one of those cases. You don't really see the light at the end of the tunnel, and the big picture is slowly shrinking down to something very, very narrow. I think we all visit this place, and I think many people think and feel this way with school. First, a college education is not necessary. Neither is a graduate degree necessary, UNLESS, you know that you absolutely want to work in a certain field or have a certain profession (i.e., if you want to be a lawyer you pretty much have to go to law school - you can take and pass the bar without formal legal education but you will be hard to market, same goes for medicine and other fields). There are plenty of people I know who never went to college and MOST of them are making more than those I know that did go to college and in many cases, they make more than those with a graduate degree. I wholely agree with this: Second, statistics are just numbers. They can support a claim, but in many cases they are misleading if you don't understand how statistics work. Money and level of education vary. I've met people who just have a bachelors degree in finance or math and they make more money than almost all lawyers or doctors will ever see. Yet, people cite how much the average lawyer or doctor makes. Your degree, or degrees, are only a small step in a much larger picture. Someone with tremendous ambition, great social skills, and tenacious drive will trump anyone who wields a wall of degrees and certificates but lacks the former. In many cases, where you went to school matters because it determines where you start off. The type of industry you get into matters as well - some professions are known for making money, whereas others are not. Also, many people with advanced degrees may not want to take certain high paying job because of the grueling hours, high stress, and the years it takes off your life, but some have no choice after raking up well over 100+k in debt throughout all of their schooling. Third, why are you doing this? Why do you want to be in school? Take some time off and think about it. Make some notes and a ranking system. Evaluate this list, and how it fits into your dreams and goals in life, especially with what you want to do as work. If you really want to, then you must find a way to keep you going. You have to maintain your focus, and you have to always have your goals in the forefront of your mind. I do agree (for my own reasons) with the poster who mentioned their regret about leaving education behind. I do not want to be 40, or 50, or 60 and wish I had this X degree. For example, I want to get a professional degree. I don't need one though. My colleagues at work tell me this, AS WELL AS my clients. My B.S. is enough, and the rest falls upon my experience, my skills, and my network. Furthermore, if I do go full time I lose out on a lot - opportunity costs from working, saving, investing and being productive, paying an exhorbant amount for a piece of paper to a school which is just another business, and in the end, you won't see a big spike in your pay. So why do I want it? To say I have it, and as extra insurance for myself. And I'll get it in a way where an employer fronts most of the cost while I go part time, because the debt is not worth it unless you have no choice. This is a serious issue. Most people do not think about it in a serious way. When you are young and naive you just go with the flow, and think that by going to school it means great job, great life, and the easy life. Most people get crushed when they graduate and either (A) have a hard time finding a job, or (B) get a job where it was not what they thought it was going to be like in terms of tasks, pay, etc. You really have to be proactive about this, unless you know plenty of the right people in which case you are set.
  10. Hi, I agree with you, it is, and that's what I believe. The fact is that many people do live with their parents in this world around that age, and even later, and it is not a concern except for many Western nations where so much is placed on independence. My uncle was 30 when he married, and never moved out of his parents house until he was getting married. My father was 27 when he left home to get married. My cousin is not married, but in a serious relationship, and she is 32 - she never moved out on her own except for college, and then she returned home. I can go on and on with the list. Most of the people I know lived at home in their mid to late twenties. I don't think there is anything wrong with living at home, and when you first meet someone, you two are dating and not jumping into a serious relationship which will lead to marriage in the next few weeks/months. If someone cannot just date you because you live at home, then I am glad to know very early on. I lived at home for years after graduating college, and I openly told people where I lived when asked. I was never really questioned why, nor did I say why, but my reactions were mixed. Some girls who I dubbed "uptight" had a look of disdain on their face, where I get written off because I am not independent enough or successful enough. Most, in my experience, did not care, because we are just getting to know each other, and her interest in me is slightly more than am I independent enough to consider going to dinner with, or at least have a date with and get to know something about me, other than I don't live on my own (perhaps in time I'll explain why to her, as in after quite a few dates). I do this on purpose to see if a girl is actually interested in me beyond the initial - yes, I live at home (but don't say why) and yes I have a job (I don't offer too much of what I do). In time I reveal more of myself to someone. I'm not trying to play a mysterious game about this, but I am doing it to see if this other person has an actual interest in me beyond that I can provide for a marriage and family. Can we actually hang out together, and have a good time together. The reality for me (and most of the people I know who did this) is not to judge a book by its cover - I have a good job and I worked, saved, and invested my money for almost 3 years by living at home and I was able to purchase a residential complex as an investment with 50% equity, where my tenants pay my mortgage on that property, and they pay for most of the mortgage on the condo which I now call home. These are things about me which nobody needs to know about early on. I can understand where it is a concern if you are not doing something with your life and still live at home, but that wasn't the case for me or the people I know (guys and gilrs ) that did this. In the end we laughed at those who told us to move away from mommy and daddy and gain some independence, and there were many people who muttered this. I just kept my mouth closed and minded my own business - they clearly reached some judgment about me when I said I lived at home.
  11. Hi, Trust me, most don't care. The ones that do are not worth your time - they seem to uptight this early on to get involved with. In fact, it's a great way to make girls laugh. When I lived at home to save some money for my own place (no I didn't pay for anything such as rent or food at home), I always asked girls if they've ever seen Failure to Launch, and I'd compare myself to that guy. Mind you I was 23 at the time, but I always bumped up my age to 35. All these girls knew I was joking, but I had no problem admiting I lived at home. Free food, free rent, free utilities, etc. The only thing which sucks is coming home with someone late at night when the house is sleeping...that gets a little high schoolish. I say who cares. Live at home - it's free and it rocks.
  12. Hi, I am glad that the break up led to a lot of personal growth for you. Keep riding that great wave. Too many of times have I witnessed many of the similarities from your post in my life post break-up. Some of the girls I only dated for a few months but I began to really like her when things didn't work out. I went away and focused on me, while she did whatever she did. Fast forward X amount of months or years and we cross paths...she is itching to get back with me, but I don't want any of it. Keep it up.
  13. Hi, This is great advice, and I think that it would be a good place for you to start. Supply Chain Management OR Marketing entail different career paths, different skill sets, and different day to day jobs. Furthermore, take marketing as an example. Marketing consists of sales, advertising, market research, brand/product management, among other paths. So even within your two choices you have more specific paths to focus on. Use Labo's advice, and try to narrow down your focus with a list first, then research some companies and re-evaluate your choice. When you interview, many places ask, "Why marketing?", "Why do you want to work for us?", etc. Good luck.
  14. Hi, Good stuff, and this is exactly why I wouldn't want to associate myself with someone like this. So when adversity hits, do you run? Or do you face life on life's terms? Are you wo/man enough to date someone, possibly have a relationship with them, and perhaps have sex with them, but you are not wo/man enough to speak with them face to face about difficult situations? In cases of abuse I can see the appropriateness of leaving such a letter, but assuming that someone lost interest, doesn't want to be oglibated to someone at this time, wants to be single for a while, wants to date others, etc., basically, nothing which indicates abuse, then this is nothing but a cowards way out who shys away from difficult or awkward situations. I'm not saying that I enjoy being placed in a spot like this, but I am not going to run away or drop hints for the other person to just leave. Of course, anything is possible, but why would I want to be friends or associate myself with someone when I know what they are like? Especially when what they are like is not what I am like nor is it what I find attractive and look for in someone else?
  15. Hi, 1. I commend you for admiting that you have a problem AND seeking out help. 2. Go to AA. Go tomorrow. I'm sure that the people in those rooms would tell you the how when and where, and you might make a contact or two who can help you. I used to work as a peer counselor at an adolescent treatment center, but saw the adults in detox on a regular basis. Many AA'ers would volunteer and make "house calls" to people requesting help. AA and their volunteers are a free service. Heck, you can look up their number tonight and give them a call. I'm pretty sure there is someone who would be willing to speak with you, and maybe even grab coffee with you this late. 3. Go to local hospitals/treatment centers. Look them up in a phone book or online if you need to. Some offer discounts, others payment plans, and some may even do pro bono work. Good luck to you.
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