Jump to content

avoj

Members
  • Posts

    64
  • Joined

avoj's Achievements

Enthusiast

Enthusiast (6/14)

  • First Post
  • Collaborator
  • Conversation Starter
  • Week One Done
  • One Month Later

Recent Badges

1

Reputation

  1. I think I lost my friend. She ditched me for her new love. We used to do everything together, hung-out everyday, talked on the phone constantly, emailed, now I don't even see her. I feel so hurt. I emailed her telling her I feel the friendship fading. That it hurts so much and that I don't want that to happen. That I don't want her to feel like she has to hangout with me when she would rather be with her new love interest. I dont think she cares or likes me anymore. I haven't seen or hungout with her in weeks and she lives with me. I said when you are ready to talk or hangout with me email or call me or something. I'm really hurt. She hasn't responded to that email at all today. So I guess I must be right. Listen those of you who think you are in love with your best friend. That was my mistake. I did like her for more, we had sex, she didn't want me like that anymore. The trust was broken. The bond of friendship we had was broken. Now I've lost the one person I absolutely adored and it really hurts. All I can think is that my friends were right. that I was a friend of convenience to her(she denies it). She was going through a rough period of her life last Dec to around Sept. I was her support. I was there emotionally, intimately, and physically. She attached herself to me. Now that shes found someone else who sparked her interest she is done with me just like the last one before me. Take my advice. Don't do it. It's not worth it. In the end you will end up hurting.
  2. Warning to all. Don't go there. It's hurtful. It will never happen. Don't ruin a friendship over it, though it may be hard at first. Give yourself time.
  3. I honestly do not know where to begin. I feel exhausted, hurt, lonely, angry, there are so many emotions I can't tell which one I am feeling. Anyhow this is one of those fell for my best friend posts. Met a girl over a year ago, became very close. hungout everyday, had sex a few times, with me admitting feelings for her and she feeling the same as I. We never did date, though was with her everyday. Was there for her emotionally everyday. Her ex ex ripped her off (so she says. I'm not sure I believe it anymore.) She couldn't afford to live where she was anymore. Me being so damned kind hearted and caring way toooo much about her, let her move into my house in mid-July. Weve had our ups and downs b.c of my feelings. She told me hundred times no. She had feelings once, but it was just b.c she was confused and doesn't feel the same as i do about her. Now she is seeing someone, living in my home and we really aren't getting along very well. I'm not sure if its mostly my fault, b/c I've been so hurt and have felt abused, used and walked all over by her now for quite sometime. She just started seeing this person a few weeks ago. Been out on 2 dates. On the first date she stayed at this persons house, again last night. She told me she has feelings for htis person and told this person she wants to take it slow. I was thinking SLOW you already hopped into bed with this person. THen the BIOTCH says to me "Don't worry things will work out for you." Meaning I will find a g.f someday. That statement pizzed me off. Then she says to me "besides if you would have dated me you would have gotten bored in a month." I'm not sure if I hate her. I might. I haven't seen her in over a week except for once last Thursday. She is going to be gone until Wednesday of this week. (Probably with her new love.) She even had the nerve to say to me well when so so and I go out you can come iwth us. * * *!!! I said NO. She was like well when you get used to it you are more than welcome. I think I hate her. Now that she has someone she dropped me like a hot potato. I guess I was her emotional tampon, friend of convenience,, something. She used to email me everyday, call me, hangout, go places, ect now none of that since she has her new beau. ARGHHH!!! I hope she gets hurt. REaLLY HURT I am not going to be tehre for her. At this rate she will probably move in with her new love in 2 months
  4. Your right. I do love her more than anything, but we have always just been friends, nothing more, nothing less. We have known each other since last September. The sex stuff didn't happen until March. She said she was confused about her feelings at the time. That nothing ever will happen between us b/c she doesn't feel the sameway. I asked her not to rub the new girl in my face. I told her no sleepover guests. She has done none of this. She doesn't talk about it to me. However I know what's going on. It hurts, but I just have to accept the fact that she does not want me, ever. In time I will not want her. What keeps me going is the hopes that someday she will want me, but it will be too late and I can break her heart like she has mine.
  5. Anyhow after much thinking I would really like to save the friendship I have with this woman. I wrote her letter. Is this too much? Hey there. I don't know where to begin. I really do want to save whatever friendship we have left. I do have fun with you. I enjoy spending time with you.You do mean a lot to me, though I don't know if I mean as much to you as you do me. I really do not want to lose you, you have become part of my life and I enjoy having you in it. Every little thing we have ever done together had mean a lot and are great memories. I have also questioned myself about why when I am not around you I miss you and want you there. When I am with you I have the grandest time. Just sitting with you watching TV means a lot to me. I don't know what that means. I don't know if it's OK to feel like that. I'm not sure if I should feel like that. First I think we should start over. Lets backup a bit and apologize to each other for all the hurt, words, actions ect when we see each other in person. Let's figure out how to build this friendship backup after being emotionally and physically intimate as we did in the past. I do believe that when you have a lover who you didn't get to know as a friend first it's sometimes easier to become friends/walk away or whatever, but when friends cross that line (sex) it makes things very difficult b/c good friends already know each other and already care about one another. So it makes it a lot harder and feelings get involved. Someone ends up getting hurt. I think that's when everything went down hill. I wanted more from you. You didn't. I felt hurt, rejected, blah blah. I never meant to act like I hated you or didnt want to be around you. That's how I dealt with the hurt that I felt. We crossed a line, I felt so much more than you. Yes I am still hurt. I feel like I have no right to be hurt b/c we never dated, but as friends we became intimate and it never made me feel awkward, actually it felt natural, well b/c I already knew you as more than a face/body, for me there was no lust involved. It was just how I felt when I was with you. You made me feel good about myself. You made me laugh. I liked your laugh. I like how your eyes water when you laugh. I like how you crack up at yourself. I like your goofiness. The fun we do have. Your personality. The big heart you have. The stupid little things we do. Like going to the Ren Faire and riding an elephant, pumpkin patch, picking daffodils to eat, sitting in the car drinking rum & whiskey, making up movies in our heads and was going to film them,the cuddling. I always thought how good it felt. That's what I fell for. I fell for the stupid/meaningless lil things. You asked me in the past what it is I like so much abo ut you. Well there it is. Hope it isn't weird or mushy to you or anything. Sometimes I even feel used.Sometimes I feel like you are hanging on b/c you have a place to stay so you feel like you need to be nice. I hope that isn't the case and do truly enjoy my company and living with me. I enjoy your company and you living here.Hopefully you would be upfront about that. So when you asked me if I would be upset if you dated. Well of course I will feel hurt, jealous, a little angry. I think thats a normal human reaction when someone has feelings involved. I feel stupid b/c there never was anything between us but friendship. I am only human. I hope you understand where I am coming from when I say I feel hurt, ect. Those are tough feelings to deal with. I've put a lot in the past already, but recent events stirred crap up. I don't want to be distant or cold or hurt anymore. I want to be your friend. It will take time for me to stop feeling the way I do. Its nothing against you. My mean words, actions were never meant to cause harm. They were human reactions to a hurtful past with you, that I couldn't help but feel. I want to feel the trust again. I want to feel the connection again. Like I said I dont know if any of this is important to you like it is to me. I dont know if you feel about our friendship like I do. I don't know if you miss me when we arent around each other or if it's just me, but I have always felt I can say anything to you and you would never hold it over my head or think poorly of me because of it. Anyhow as a token of my appreciation of you. Of who you are. Of your friendship. Of the great amount of caring I feel towards you I picked up something for you. It's a stupid gift, but something I think you may like. I hope it means a lot to you, like it does to me. I want to resolve our bad past. I would miss you terribly if you were not in my life.
  6. Thanks Ballys. I'm sorry to hear about your woman trouble. Well my friend is seeing an older woman. I watched her make out with her halloween night at a party, after I asked her along time ago not to rub it in my face. Ive been so hurt since we crossed boundarys I havent been the nicest person. It's just that she broke the trust. SHe hurt me so bad. She had my heart. How else am I supposed to act? I told her yesterday (cause she didn't come home Friday night. spent the night with her new g.f) that I feel indifferent, cold, uncaring towards her now and that I am emotionally drained. That she attached herself to me during a bad time in her life. I gave her what she needed then. Now she's moving on and I'm stuck with a big broken heart. Last night we went to dinner, played games and watched a movie at the house. It feels so good when I am with her. I have so much fun with her, even it's just the two of us in a room not even talking. Just being with her has made me so happy. This really sucks!!! I really don't deserve this. I gave to much. She took it. SHe told me that is what friends do for each other. Not to the extent I went to with her. Not spending 24-7 together, either it be talking on the phone for hours or just being together. I am so sad. Just looking at her makes me want to explode. SHes beautiful and the best personality ever. Its sad really. Just 2 weeks ago she told me she wasn't interested in dating anyone. Then all of a sudden she says after last sat (halloween) she is ready now to date. I guess this woman must have "knocked her socks off." Nice to know they are already having sex after the first date. Just this last wed (she alrady had the date with this woman but didnt tell me she was dating, I sorta figured it out on my own) When I asked her about it she said yeah would you be upset if this woman asked me out and I said yes. I said of course it would, ect I told her to date. She said well she is going to date. I said whyh didnt you metion it to me. She said b.c she was uncomfortable telling me about it. IT turned into a huge mean thing via email. SHe kept saying I will back out of the date if you want so as not to ruin what we have built. I told her no to date. SHe said that several times. My thought was we are never dated, why would you stop for me. On tuesday before i found out about the date. She said she was looking forward to celebrating christmas with me. That we could get a queen size air bed and sleep in front of the tree together and get matching wreaths to put on our cars and decorate. Blah!!!!! * * *?? DO you do * * * * like that with your friends? Especially friends you know are in love with you YOu know since she moved in we have cuddled in bed together quite a bit. Now I dont want her touch me. I feel bad for the way I have been treating her. I bought her a present today. Its stupid gift(snowman teacup with teapot, warm socks, lotion, tea variety and chocolate), but I know its something she will like. She is gone on a business trip all week, so I put it in a gift bag and put it on her desk with a card. I can only hope I can find someone as lovely as her. Right now I am trying so hard to date around. Its difficult. My heart just isn't open to anyone else righ tnow, though I am trying.
  7. Well. I don't know if you all remember my story. The drama has been going on (for me) since March 06. Quick recap. My best friend and I had sex in March,April,May & June. She admitted having feelings for me, ect, but didn't want a relationship right now. Fast forward to mid-July. She moves into my home with me b.c of financial problems she was in (due to an abusive ex-ex who used her finacnially.) She couldn't afford her apartment, so I let her move in charging her like $400 a month. Fast forward to this very moment. She knows how I feel about her. I wanted to date her. I wanted to take care of her. I really just love her so much that it hurts, but she only sees me as a friend now. She said she was confused then and that she and I will never happen. Halloween weekend I saw her all over this woman. Now they are dating. She spent the night there Friday and the thought of her being sexual with this person kills me. She knows this. I told her how hurt I am by all of this. I feel like all I did was give to her, was caring, kind, emotionally there for her and now this after all of this I get to feel like crap. I feel so differently now towards her. I mean I hurt. I still care so much and love her, but I feel indifferent, emotionally beat down. She told me she understands b.c she has been there before with friends she liked who didnt want her. RIght now if things dont work out as friends b/w us she will move in January. My heart feels like crap. I can't eat. I feel empty. Rejected. She told me all she sees me as is a friend and has felt that way for sometime. I don't understand how someones emotions can change like that. See we spent so much time together since January 06. Everyday, talking ont he phone, going to her house, her over here, dinner, walks, playing int he park, cuddling, ect. I really thought at the time it was going somewhere. I guess I was confused, cause all she was doing was being a friend. Now I have to seeth in pain everytime she isnt' here knowing she is with her new g.f. Has anyone ever been in a situation like this? Is it possible for her someday to really want me or am I kidding myself? She was the woman of my dreams. I really felt a connection with her. It felt so good to hold her.
  8. Who broke up with who & why? State the reasons why you are not ready for dating or relationships? I am just trying to better understand where a friend of mine is coming from. My friend and I had feelings for each other (I still do have feelings). Now all of a sudden I am told that we will never happen as a couple,ect. I am hurt & confused. Not sure what to do. See I fell in love with this person. So please explain to me your situation and how you are feeling. Do you still like your friend?
  9. thanks for the reply. she has already moved in with me and i enjoy her company immensley. i do not have hopes for any kind of future g/f thing with her. i know it will never happen. she made that very very clear. as that old saying goes if you love something set it free, if it comes back it was meant to be. well in this case it will never come back. also i am trying to date. it's very difficult to meet people. after this whole thing with my friend i have become very insecure, distrustful, disheartened, no self-esteem, i feel very very unattractive, you name it.
  10. This seems to be a recurring theme, "I am in love with my best friend." Well folks I am in the same situation. Let me tell you all my story. How it left me broken hearted and feeling like a big piece of loser ****. I have been in love with her since December. We have known each other for almost a year. Became very close friends, emotionally, together all of the time. She was in a rebound relationship until March. Was in a 3.5 year relationship with an abusive, nasty, ugly person before the rebound. This person did not deserve her. 2 months later she jumped into another relationship that lasted until March. I can remember her calling me on the phone and saying I am going to breaking it off with my current partner. How would so & so feel about you dating around? That same night we slept together for the first time. Same thing happened the next night. After that we both admitted having feelings for each other. She made it clear she didn't want to jump into anything with me b/c she needed to work out all of her problems that she never correctly dealt with from her abusive relationship she was in (before the rebound.) She didn't want me to be a fling. She was jealous of the girl I was going out with, she did admit that. Maybe in a few months if we both feel the same we can see what happens. Pfftt... so yes boys & girls I held my damned breath since March for her. I was there for her emotionally. Would freakin chop off my arms & legs for her if I had to. She even told me at one point if I start seeing someone and she is ready she will tell the * * * * * to back off of me. One minute she would tell me we would never happen b/c we are better as friends, next minute she would say you have no ideal how i feel about you and I dont want to. She sent lots of mixed signals. One night she asked me if I wanted to come in and cuddle with her back in April. Which I did. We ended up having sex again. Finally I asked her again if we could take the friendship to another level. She said no. I can't ask her of this right now b/c she has to much **** to deal with and isn't ready. she doesn't want to be with anyone right now, ect. She doesnt want to lead me on. In May she invited me over to watch movies, ect. We got a lil drunk and I told her that I am madly in love with her. She asked me why I like her so much besides looks. She told me she doesnt want a serious relationship. Said we really connect. We had sex again. She and I would talk all the time on the phone. Her calling me. I never called her. She always seems to compare me to her abusive ex. Not in a bad way, but more like "you will sit down and talk to me about a problem, but my ex wouldnt, ect." Wanna hear about mixed signals? She told me on the phone thanks for not pressuring me like my ex does (rebound ex). She also would say stuff like if you like me now you will like me even more after i get therapy, or maybe you just like crazy girls. Oh even better. You have a decent job. Are stable and can keep a job, own your own home, ect. Well because of the abusive ex & finacial problems she has moved in with me. We had it out before she moved in. I brought up that I am madly in lvoe with her again in June. She told me we and I had sex when we were drunk and basically it meant nothing. She wants a fling, that we were not a fling. that she doesnt want to be monogamous. that she never chased me i chased her and that i never listened to her when she told me she didnt want me. that we connect as friends. she and i will never happen. that we shouldnt get drunk and mess around anymore. she also said that people say things they dont mean when they are drunk.so everything she said to me about liking me & the sex meant nothing & were all lies. she said lots of hurtful things. she even told me you had hope in a very mean way. she told me she doesnt date her friends and if i was her friend i would want to date her. so now she is living with me. we get along. i still harbor these feelings for her. her smile & laugh makes me melt. it hurts b/c we would have made a great team. we connect in everyway possible. i fell in love with her as a person. she is beautiful on the inside as well as the outside. but i hurt so bad on the inside. i feel rotten. i feel stupid b/c i trusted in everything she said. i hung on to her words. It sucks b/c she made me feel like I just am not good enough for her. My advice is don't mess around or fall in love with your friends. I've been hurt so badly. Also I am in love with someone who will never be with me. What hurts the most is she says to me she wants to date around, but won't date me. So of course I look at myself and wonder what is wrong with me. I am everything she is looking for, plus more. I guess she has the grass is greener on the other side syndrome.
  11. Actually she kinda pizzed me off today. She made plans with me to do something, but now is going to spend the weekend with her ex g/f the same weekend she planned something with me. Grrr!!! That's one thing I won't put up. Seriously I am planning on not calling or hanging out with her for awhile. I need to find someone who wants me for more than whatever in the helll she is using me for. Oh yeah I would be paying for the tickets to that thing we are supposedly going to. I don't think I am going to take her, cause I feel she is using me.
  12. she responded that she would go with me.
  13. Ok. Here is a small update on my situation. I was hanging out with my friend tonight and I brought up how I am scared to death of a relationship. One being would I get into a relationship and decide to run for the hills. Two would I be faithful b/c of the fear. She jumped in and said that's how she feels. Except she had a 3rd. She said she is afraid of geting into something with someone she likes, but then decide she doesnt like them anymore. SHe also stated she isn't looking for anything right now. Now I didn't bring up anything about us. This was just in general. Yes it's true I care about her so much. Let me state how much. I am taking her to a dr's appointment tomorrow. Next weekend I am driving 19 hours with her for some sticky situation she is in from a past relationship. I honestly don't think I could do that for anyone else. I have no idea what she or how she feels about me. I also don't let on how I feel about her. I guess all I can do is sit back and see what happens. Right? Obviously I make her feel better about her personal things cause she called me very early this morning and left 2 messages. Talked to her a few more times on the phone through out the day. I went over to her place talked to her, listened to her and she felt better. Is this a good thing? We are very comfortable with eachother. Sometimes all I want to do is hold her, but I am afraid she will push me away so I dont do it.
  14. I honestly don't know what to think. Maybe I am reading into crap as usual. I give up. I am sick of allowing people to manipulate my feelings like this. Yes I do care about her a great deal, but I can only take so much. Anymore she makes me feel insecure. I am constantly asking myself what's wrong with me? Am I unattractive? Am I not good enough? She told me a few times she is not going to settle. I guess settle by just b/c someone likes her she's not going to go out with them. I feel like crap. My self-worth is at its lowest and I don't need that. I was in a 7-year crappy relationshp that I got out of last summer. SHe isn't the only one here that has been hurt. That really irks me about her. Everything revolves around how she feels. What about me? Does she ever stop to ask herself that? I'm one of those "butchies", so she calls me. I often wonder what kind of person she thinks I am. It's like this. I was showing her some pics on my cell phone of some stuff I built around my house. The first thing she says before I had a chance to show her was this. Are you going to show me pics of girls? What??? I have only slept with 2 people since my ex left me. Last night I told my friend that I am her emotional tampon. Ha Ha. Well that's what it feels like. She acts like she wants to * * * * around with half the damned town. A few times she said to me she wants an older women to use her as her playtoy, nothing serious. WHAT? She wants to feel passion. Well don't we all. HOnestly I think it's time I move on. Her loss. Right? I will love her in secret and from a distance.
  15. hey all. thanks for your responses. i have tryed to have heart to heart talks with her. i have told her exactly how i feel. not that i am in love with her but that i feel passionately about her. as i said she said she has feelings to. then one night i was kinda being standoffish towards her. she got really mad. made me sit in the car with her and talk about it. then she tells me that whole black and white thing that she is in the grey. she told me when shes ready and i have a g/f she will tell the biatch to back off. she said do you want me to lie to you. i said yes so is it black or white. she said black. this was after the first time we slept together. ok so i emailed her that night cause i was hurting. i told her maybe we shouldn't hang out for awhile or even talk. she emailed me saying that isnt' fair b/c she just got out of a relationship and she isn't going to jump into another one. told me i have no idea how she feels about me (feelings) and doesnt want to have feelings for me. so one night we were all out. i got kinda drunk. she isn't really talking to me at all. i was upset b/c of this. so i ended up kissing on like 5 different women. she saw the entire thing. so i sat on her lap. started kissing her. then all of a sudden she got nasty with me. tryed telling me b/c she needed her space, knew i was drunk and didn't want to make out with me anymore tha tnight. next day we were on the phone and i told her not to feel special b/c i was kissing her. she wasnt the o nly one i was kissing. she was like i know you told me that already. then i told her i didn't have feelings for her anymore. (lie) she said you and i will never happen. ect. then 3 weeks later i admit i do have feelings for her. she doesnt respond. we sleep together again. she doesn't know how to respond. she invites me to dog sit with her. i go. dog licks my face she says to the dog dont feel special she does that with everyone. i spend the weekend at her familys. i am going home with her again soon. she is coming to my games, ect. see why i am confused. i don't want to bring it up to her again right now. the convo doesnt go anywhere. i dont want to drive her away. arghh!!! maybe i am just reading into things. sometimes i think maybe i should date someone and she will either come to the realization she is losing me to someone else and tell me her real feelings or she wont care at all. i dont think she is playing games. over the weekend she called me a jerk cause i am not going to a drs app i need to go to. she said well when you get a g/f its not going to be fair to her since you arent taking care of yourself. i was like what btw we are both females in our 30's
×
×
  • Create New...