younglady49

Heart, I can really relate to your dilemma. I too left my b/f of 7 years. I had broken up with him many times before. He has never broken up with me. I knew when I first met him, that he was not the one. Yet, there was something about him that kept me hanging in. I don't know if I have abandonment issues from my past, tho I broke up with him. I have been apart from him almost a year now. We talk on-line and sometimes on the phone. I always feel very guilty about leaving him. He loves me and is willing to do anything to fix it. My ex is a recovering alcoholic of 21 years. He has outbursts at times and is very negative. My father was a drinker and I think I see alot of similarities in him. He works on his issues but the same bad habits come back. I have my own issues to work out and I can never be myself (whoever that is). He will say,"I do the best that I can on a daily basis". That is not good enough for me. I am always walking on eggs. Just writing this shows me that I made the right decision. But why all the guilt? He knows my reason for the breakup but I know he has a lot of hope of going back because we have in the past. Also, he has a dog that I am very fond of. I will visit the dog when my ex is not at home. I feel bad that the dog is missing out on my relationship with him. Good Luck-and time does heal-sometimes longer than we want. I'm still waiting. .

I have tried the NC. It has never worked. I can stay away from the phone but he can't. I broke up with my b/f 11 months ago. I still talk to him on line. When I go on line, I don't have to put my buddy list on but i do. I want to see if he is on. Then I want to talk to him. With my case,I don't want to get back together, but i would like to keep the friendship which for me is almost impossible since my ex b/f wants more. My ex is going to have an operation and he wants me to care for his pet. I don't want to be drawn back into the relationship because of that and also my ex has alot of health problems and i may end up visiting him but also caring for him. I would like to be a friend but just an on line friend. I want to go on with my life and take care of myself. But, I miss talking to him. I have no solutions. But realistically, I should stop all contact, but for some reason i am not ready to do that.

Thanks all for your words of encouragement and advice. My ex bought the dog. I could never take the dog away from him. He is not mine to share. I also don't want the responsibility of having a dog on a full-time basis. I too work, and don't believe a dog should be home all day by himself. My ex is retired and the dog is what keeps him going. He is able to care for him. My daughter is 17 years old. She will be going away to college in 2 weeks so she will not be part of the visitation. This would be a great time to exit from this visitation. I was thinking of instead of going every week I would slowly wean myself away and go maybe twice a month. I can't explain it enough as to how smart this dog is. His feelings show right through his eyes. He understands everything. When I first broke up with my ex, I stayed away from both of them for 7 months or so. Then my daughter suggested we visit him without the the ex around. It sounded like a good idea at the time. I knew I wasn't going back. I told my ex that too. I'm in it for the dog not the relationship. I'm just having a hard time letting go of this relationship. I don't know why. I love being on my own to do as I please when I want too. My 2 children are off the college and now this is the perfect opportunity for me to rediscover myself after being divorced for 10 years and being a parent. I suppose I have abandonment issues and this causes problems in this relationship. I need to find out why I can't let go mentally. I have let go physically and are dead set against returning.

I have dated my ex/bf for 8 years on and off. I always do the breaking up. I know he is not right for me. I just recently broke up for about a year. He has a pug dog. I love this dog. While we were apart, this dog was very depressed. I know it sounds silly but he was. I never lived with my b/f but he came to my house at least 3 -4 nites out of the week with the dog. I would speak to my ex on the phone or mostly talk on line. I feel I need something from him. My daughter has become very fond of the dog also. She asked if we could visit the dog when my ex is not around. We have done that but sometimes my ex is around and he feels there is some hope. I have told him that we are not getting back together. My daughter and I enjoy taking the dog out for walks. Is this wrong? Should I not see the dog anymore? Another thing is my ex is having surgery on his knees. The dog has nowhere to go. My ex asked if I could watch him and I said no. Should this be my problem? Yet I feel guilty because the dog would feel better with me than with someone else. But then I want to be free of this relationship so I can go on with my life. This man is 62 years old and I am 49. He is not a healthy person. If I stay with him, I will be his full time nurse. I am too young to be tied down to a sickly man. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks