Heart,
I can really relate to your dilemma. I too left my b/f of 7 years. I had broken up with him many times before. He has never broken up with me. I knew when I first met him, that he was not the one. Yet, there was something about him that kept me hanging in. I don't know if I have abandonment issues from my past, tho I broke up with him.
I have been apart from him almost a year now. We talk on-line and sometimes on the phone. I always feel very guilty about leaving him. He loves me and is willing to do anything to fix it. My ex is a recovering alcoholic of 21 years. He has outbursts at times and is very negative. My father was a drinker and I think I see alot of similarities in him. He works on his issues but the same bad habits come back. I have my own issues to work out and I can never be myself (whoever that is). He will say,"I do the best that I can on a daily basis". That is not good enough for me. I am always walking on eggs. Just writing this shows me that I made the right decision. But why all the guilt? He knows my reason for the breakup but I know he has a lot of hope of going back because we have in the past.
Also, he has a dog that I am very fond of. I will visit the dog when my ex is not at home. I feel bad that the dog is missing out on my relationship with him.
Good Luck-and time does heal-sometimes longer than we want. I'm still waiting.
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