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TheSmilingTurnip

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TheSmilingTurnip last won the day on September 8 2009

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About TheSmilingTurnip

  • Birthday 10/25/1976

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  1. I'm struggling with this also. I went on a date Saturday and he paid for everything. I was so nervous and caught in the moment that I forgot to do the reach. Even though I came prepared to pay for myself. Dangit! And it was expensive. Some of this is wondering whether I am worth someone spending that much on me. I guess another thing is why am I so worried about it? It's his money and he's a grown up. I think it's because I don't want to screw it up lol.
  2. Hi - I know how you feel. I have done some way stupid things. Whenever I date someone who hasn't had these experiences or who has had a sterling family life (mine was not sterling - alcoholic father, etc.), I always feel a little uncomfortable, as though I'm damaged goods or something and they're going to see right through me to my scars and who I really am. The main thing I can tell you is just try to stay in today. You are fine. He is fine. Everything is fine. You can't change your past anyway. Today is all you have. Good luck!
  3. What I have decided to do, at least on a dating relationship front, is just make a decision that I am going to trust. Whenever I have thoughts or suspicions in my mind that don't seem logical, I try to get them out of my head.
  4. Your post is sooo timely, you have no idea. I have become aware, through this relationship that I am beginning, that I am having a hard time trusting and I'm discovering exactly why and how it concretely manifests itself. I'm noticing a lot of things actually. I think I probably screwed this one up - accused him of lying when he plainly was not. Oh the idiocy. Ultimately, it's probably for the best. I was starting to repeat some other old patterns too. Like making a guy my higher power. Wrong-o. So I am becoming aware of a bunch of different things and I'm so excited about that, because that means I can change. I don't know about taking the risk again later. We'll see.
  5. Wow, that's complicated. It sounds like being so busy and stuff is just part of who he is. Yet, as a married man, he has a responsibility to support his wife emortionally, etc. One thing that I see askew is that you need to get a babysitter and make time for yourself. One night a week might do it; or maybe some afternoons. If you're gettting careworn as basically a single parent, I would address that. If he's not going to be there and take the baby off your hands so you can have some time for yourself, you're going to have to do it for yourself. Also, you might not feel so bad about him not being there if you start meeting your own needs - are you seeing your friends, family? Are you doing anything for yourself? Since he's not going to meet your needs, you're going to have to do it yourself until this crisis point is over with. Surely there is a way for him to be successful that includes his family.
  6. The reason you feel used is because you were. That is the simple truth of it. But you cannot blame her for this. You have to look at your side of the street and think about this. It's important to remember that there is a responsible way to help people - way that is truly good for them....and then there's another way that's not so helpful to either party - and that's called enabling. Sometimes you have to let people feel the consequences of their actions. No one changes until the pain of the staying the same is greater than the pain of change. Also, you cannot fix people. If they get themselves into a jam, the adult thing to do is get themselves out of it. You can still care, you can still help in way that is REASONABLE, but you shouldn't drain yourself to help them out - they should be helping themselves.
  7. Yep, I think you might be right! I'm dating this new guy and I like him a little more each day. I noticed he has trust issues too...so he's also cautious but he's less cautious than me. Anyway, this new guy is not a serial cheater, that I know of. We'll see.
  8. Yep, we're still carrying on. We're both relaxing a bit. It seems to be working out so far. We'll see! Thanks for asking
  9. I guess that one thing I'm kind of missing is the ability to throw my heart into it and not worry; I'm just not that free anymore. I'm not willing to throw my heart into anything; I can't even imagine doing that! lol. People used to automatically have my trust, now they don't. And, yeah, if someone turns out to be a loser, I'll kick them to the curb more easily.
  10. this really makes a lot of sense. I truly don't trust myself to pick well; the last one I picked was a hot, steaming mess and I ignored a lot of red flags, which came back to bite me in the rear end later on.
  11. Yeah, that's cool, but rarely occurs during the first stages of dating, which is what I asked about. My ex and I used to have really comfy silences and I didn't mind one bit. We'd hold hands, the works. But I've also heard that long silences and stuff could mean that the compatibility is not there.
  12. In what alternate universe? How does silence mean satisfaction?
  13. Thank you all. I never wanted to be one of those people whose bad breakup makes them bitter or isolated because they now can't trust anyone. What it feels like is an inability to relax and just go with the flow on things. Like I find a nice friend, and we have this great friendship, and I keep thinking about the day she's going to do something to break my trust or something. Or the nice guy that I met. I constantly am looking for him to lie. It's like a reflex; I am trying to relax though. I just want to let go and go with the flow.
  14. A bar is a much better place to meet a good mate than online in what way? When the alcohol is flowing and everyone there is just looking for their next piece of meat? Hence the term 'meat market'? You can meet someone good in either place, I'm just saying there's nothing wrong with meeting people online...it's just one more avenue.
  15. I just figured something out about myself today. I don't trust anyone. I can't think of a single person that I trust implicitly, outside of one person. That's it. Before I was cheated on, I trusted people way more. Not just in romantic relationships, but in every relationship. Is this what insecurity is? Now I find myself giving no one a chance to be honest. I'm always looking for lies and reading between the lines. Has anyone else been through this and how do you get around/over it?
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