Bams

Well, personally I agree that if the relationship wasn't healthy to begin with then you should walk away and stay away remembering the reason why it ended in the first place. However, sometimes people are just going through a bad time in their life, but your relationship is good, just bad timing and so when they are able to gain control over their life then it may be worth giving the relationship another try, because it may not have been what was between the two of you that caused the break-up, but rather other factors in life.

I met a man and for over a year we were friends, until one day we both realized that are feelings had changed. The more we talked the more we found out that we had so much in common. He would write me long letters expressing his love. We were planning on getting married in 2007, however as he began the process of his divorce he realized that he needed to gain control over his life, which was spinning out of control. He moved out and told me that he needed 6 months or more to get his life under control. I know that was a very difficult decision, because deep down he loved me, but he didn't want to drag me down with his divorce, which was and is a battle over everything. He did call me once, but I had received so many mixed messages and had been so devistated by his leaving, that I told him that I was seeing someone else and that I couldn't trust him not to leave again and because of that I wasn't able to allow myself to open up to a second chance. He then began to date, however about 2.5 months ago we both realized that what we had was so special, and enough time had passed to heal my pain, that we started seeing each other once again. Everything was great, I gave him the space he needed and he called more than I expected. We were back together again and both of us were very happy. This is the problem, he married a woman that he met when he was 21 and for the next 14 years spent his life with her. However, he now has learned that she kept a lot of things about her past secret, and that the woman he thought he knew, he really never did. Now he doesn't trust his own judgement when it comes to picking a partner and as much as he loves me his friends and family feel he needs to date and not be in a committed relationship. I don't want to hurt our relationship and so I decided that I needed to walk away because deep down I knew that I would not be able to be in a relationship with him knowing how much I love him and be ok with him dating other women. So, Please tell me why a man who has expressed that I have such a hold and control over his heart and who was truly happy to have me back in his life, feel the need to seek out other women? What is it about a man who is going through a divorce that makes them question everything?

To Everyone I can tell you that when my Soulmate left I felt devistated, beyond anything I had ever experienced. However, I can tell you that sometimes its just too hard to talk because you can't accomplish what you know you need to, because you want so badly to spend time with your mate. My Soulmate left, but when he left he did give me signs that it was a hard decision, because he studied my face so completely as if he was trying to place a permanent image of me in his mind, he then hugged me very tight, kissed me and then said he loved me, but needed to leave. He called me a few days later and agreed to talk with me, but refused to see me, because he was scared that he would change his mind, and he knew that he had made the best decision for himself and in the long run for both of us. However, after that point the communication between us was very limited and without emotion. The lack of communication was the one thing that almost destroyed our chances for the future, because I felt he no longer loved me and so I felt I had no choice to move on. A Soulmate is not only someone you feel completely happy with. It's a connection that mirrors each others feelings. So, if you feel you have found a Soulmate, yet they don't seem to mirror those same response or feelings, then your true soulmate is still out there waiting to be found. I know a lot of people feel they have found their Soulmate, but at least to me a Soulmate, is more of Soulmates. Two people who mirror each others feeling so perfectly. It is a relationship that is effortless. It's someone that you can live with, but its a partnership that together each of you can't imagine living without. As for myself, my BF and I are enjoying each and every moment and now that most, but not all of the obsticales have been overcome, I hope that this is a new beginning without an ending. In fact that is what we say to each other "To new beginnings without endings". I hope to all that reads what I have wrote that it gives you hope, because true happiness is out there. Believe me I never felt I would find this kind of happiness and fulfillment with anyone, I just never thought it existed. Bams

As I have said in my past forums, I never believed in Soulmates, however I did believe that their are special people who come into your life and leave their mark, but a Soulmate that was something I had never found, until almost two years ago. I met someone who first became my best friend, someone who shared all the same interest and had the same perspective on almost every subject. Then after we had developed that strong bond as friends, we began the next level of our relationship, which again, without any effort just seemed to click. We have been through so much and yet we can't seem to walk away from one another, even though the odds of our relationship working couldn't have been worse. So, if I was to tell you what is a Soulmate, it's someone that without effort you connect with, and that bond no matter how many obsticiles your relationship may encounter, always remains strong. It's meeting someone and knowing that their happiness is more important than yours, because you know that they would do the same for you. It's a comfort with one another that goes far beyond anything else. You don't need to work at the relationship, because the relationship just works. It's someone who just hearing their voice, even on your worst day, puts a smile on your face. Finally, it's someone who if you were to marry and write your own vows, that you would find a hard time knowing when to stop, because the feelings and words just seem to come out. I wish everyone could experience how different and special it is to find a Soulmate, because until you experience that special kind of love, you will honestly never know or understand.

Absense makes the heart grow fonder

I know this may be a little long, but for those of you out there wanting to know the answer to the same ? I had several months ago, which is "does a True Soulmate ever forget?" I can now tell you they don't. After years of never believing in Soulmates I met this incredible man. However, we couldn't have met over worse of circumstances. He was married and so was I. He had a child who had a learning disability and I had a child who the doctors felt may have been ill with a Lupus or Kidney problems. We both needed support and found that we had a great ability to talk and express ourselves completely, and then we fell in love. We knew that we had something special, yet we didn't want to have an affair, so instead I made a decision to leave my marriage, not knowing if he would make the same decision. He then decided that he needed to make one final attempt to make his marriage work, because his kids were his life. I was crushed and scared, but I knew he needed to be at peace with any decision he was making, so I let him go. However, he soon realized that as much as he loved his kids, he needed me in his life also. I thought this was a new beginning for both of us, however soon he realized that his divorce was going to be long and nasty. He was over worked with 3 jobs, scared that his sons disability was worse than what was orignally thought, had no money because he was giving his entire pay to his spouse, and finally his fear and self asteam began to take its toll on him and he was afraid that with everything that was happening he didn't want me to have to handle anymore than I was already, since I also was in the middle of a divorce. So, he came home one day and told me he loved me, but he needed 6 months or even much longer to gain control over his life and that he couldn't do it with me in his life, so I told him that I loved him and that I wouldn't call, write or have any communication, but that someday I hoped he would be back. However, because we weren't talking and of course people had to spread rumors and put in their own perspective, he felt I didn't love him anymore and I felt the same. So, I began a new relationship and so did he, yet we both without knowing it were wanting each other back in our life. After my relationship broke off and my teenage daughter decided to call my soulmate, just to talk. Well, that phone call lead to more calls and finally seeing each other for the first time in 6 months. Yet, he thought I only wanted friendship. I put my feelings on the table and found out that he never forgot about me, or lost the love he had for me. He has been back in my life for almost a month and I couldn't be happier. I realize that I have loved others, but the connection I have with this man is far more than love and that is the sign of a True Soulmate. So, when you meet someone so special that you would do anything including setting them free, you know you have found True Love, because you finally met someone who meant more to you then your own feelings and desires. Have faith a True Soulmate, never forgets. If I can give you any advice, it would be listen to your heart, think with your head and don't take others advice, because they don't know what is best for your relationship, and they will give you advice based on their own experiences, which are not the same as yours. My Soulmate and I discovered after talking that the worst thing we did was listen to others instead of our own heart.

I met a man who left his wife and I also left my husband because we were both unhappy and had seemed to find our Soul mate in each other. We didn't have a physical relationship until we were both living separately from our spouses. My divorce went smooth and is now final. His has been a battle, and as a result after living with me in my home for several months he moved out. He loved me, but he needed time to get control over his life. It's now 6 months later and he is calling me again. He has done most of the things he said he wanted to do when he left, however his divorce is still 1 year away. He has always stated that he knows his life would be happy with me. I just want him now to be sure that he is ready to slowly welcome me back. Because I don't want him to come back only to realize he isn't ready and then leave once again. So, I sent him this letter, would you please tell me how you would interpert it and how you would feel if you received this letter. Dear As I have said before I never believed in soul mates, until I met you. When you finally meet that one special person who you seem to have so much in common with, from thoughts on raising children, to common financial goals, to the movies and TV programs you enjoy watching and most of all the similarity in the passion you share and how you each express it. You and I share all these things and more. However, I have also learned something about soul mates as to why most people don't end up with that one special person in life and that is because of poor timing. So, instead they each take from what they found in their soul mate and look for someone else who best fits those qualities, knowing that if the timing was right there perfect match was right there, but they weren't ready to accept them into their life. I have always felt you were the one person who was and still is my perfect match. After 6 months you now have been able to accomplish a lot and seem to have control over your current life and have direction as to your future. I want you to know that I love you and your kids as much as anyone could possibly love. But, you are still going through the process of your divorce, and you need to decide what you want and if you are willing to take a chance again on love and future happiness. I know that for the next 6 months to 1 year your number one priority will be on your kids and your divorce. I understand what you need to get back full control over your future and I am willing to give you the time and support you need to make it through. However, I do not want to be pulled back into your life just to be pushed away. I have a lot to offer, but the one thing I have learned is that people are not always ready at the same time and so it is better to let them go then to hold onto something that they may never be ready for, because you will never find happiness in them and you will miss finding happiness in someone else. I have given you the time and space you needed, even though it was the hardest thing I ever did. I have always been your best friend and number one supporter and will continue, but I also LOVE YOU and so I can't just be a friend. Love and Affection,

My Ex and hopefully soon to be current BF left me about 6 months ago to get his life under control. He was and is currently going through a long and nasty divorce. He hasn't dated to my knowledge and has done a lot over the 6 months to regain control over his life. After he left me, he moved into his parents home, but in the last month he has moved into his own home. At which time he began to call on a regular basis and after seeing him briefly with his kids last week, he invited me to his new home. We had a great night, played with his kids and then after they went to sleep we spent time watching tv with him laying his head in my lap. Then eventually we ended up having sex, which was great, but now he seems to be pulling back once again. We have always had great chemistry (he called me his soulmate) and he knew a year ago that I wanted ultimately to marry him. He knows that my feelings haven't changed and he has stated that he also still loves me. So, how can I survive his divorce, which is a year away, and not end up being the transitional GF?

She hide things about her past, very important things that affected her ability to share in a loving relationship. For years he questioned why she didn't want to be intimate, he thought it was one thing or another, but in truth she had a lot of baggage and had he been aware of it before they married, he said he probably would not have married her, because she had never dealt with her problems. In fact she is now seeking therapy but the Dr. says she will need years to get past all her issues.

My BF left about 6 months ago because he had just left his wife and needed time to get control over his life. We were perfect for each other, true soulmates. Well, now 6 months later he has regained control over his life and we are slowly talking again. We both still love each other, however he met his wife when they were in college and he spent 5 years with her trying to make sure that she would be the right women to spend his life with and now after being together 13 years he has found that the person he thought he knew was really someone completely different. I am nothing like her and deep down I know he know that, however, I am concerned that once his divorce is final he will be too afraid to take a chance again, even though he has seen me through my divorce and knows that I didn't allow it to become nasty and I gave my ex husband everything he felt he needed. I was more than fair, because I didn't want to hurt him or my kids. So, I know theyre are a lot of men out there that have been through divorce and what I want to know is how long does it take a man before he is ready to take a chance again after going through a messy divorce. Bams

Well, it has been almost 6 months now, since my soulmate left to regain control over his life. I gave him his space and avoided all contact and even began dating. During the past 6 months, he called me one time to apologize, and we exchanged a few email (about 3) mainly in regards to business. I last saw him on May 1, 2005 and on Oct. 28th he called and we talked for only a few minutes. Then on my birthday 10-30 he called again and left a message. Finally, I iniated a call on 11-1, but only was able to leave a message. Finally, on 11-2 he called and asked me if I would like to visit him and his children. He told me that he was sure they missed me and then he added so had he. I went and we had a very nice simple visit. Then on 11-3 he called me to tell me about his day at work (he's a Firefighter), I told him it was nice to be able to share moments in his life again and that I still kept the phone next to my bed, just in case he ever needed a friend to talk with. Well, later that night I sent him a text message to his phone (12am) and to my amazement he was awake and so next thing I knew the phone rang. We talked, until he was called away for a 911 call. I have given him his space and after talking I can tell you that men don't forget that special someone, their soulmate. I am just hoping in time we can once again be together, but until then I have my best friend back. I have Hope now that my soulmate and I will one day be together, Bams

Lonelyfish, Don't call, give him time, because I truly believe that if someone loves you they will come back. However, I do have to tell you that on rare occasions I would find a need to email my Ex, because we had been living together and so I would come accross an issue that I needed to discuss with him. So, when that occurred I would email (not call) and I would always end the email with something sweet and kind, but simple. Goodluck, I know its hard waiting, but if he really truly loves you he will be back and if he doesn't then in the long run you are probably better off. Bams

Well, as for an update, my Ex did call. He said that there are reminders of me everywhere and so how could he forget me. I also asked him if he still loved me, I know risky, however he said how could he not love me. I don't think we are going to get back together anytime soon, he has a lot on his plate and I don't think he has time for me, but it does open things up for the future. As for now I just hope we can occasionally date and enjoy each others company, then when he is completely divorce who knows maybe it could work out next time around. Bams

I know from talking to people that most breakups happen and generally words are said that most people regret and in the long run your Ex can take comfort in being happy they have gone, because the final outburst is what they can draw on when they start to miss you. So, I have adopted a different approach. I don't let them push me into a fight,so they can have a reason to leave and feel like they made the right decision and are happy to have ended things, instead if they need to leave for whatever reason I let them go. I know that my approach is different, but I can tell men want to feel good about leaving and want a reason, so they do not hurt. Well, instead I don't give them that reason and in the end they are hurt because they miss all the good times and can't seem to draw comfort from being happy they have left, because I didn't allow them the opportunity to destroy the good with a few moments of bad. So, for want ever it's worth, remember good memories are hard to take away, so let them leave only having the good to remember, it will be the hardest thing they do. Bams

Lonelyfish Well to answer your question. it has been 6 months and I do still miss him. However, during that time I have dated and allowed myself to meet someone new if they come into my life, but deep down I know what I had with my EX BF, it was something very different and so for that reason I think in the end he and I may have a chance. As for an update, I decided to call him yesterday, because in July when we last spoke he asked if he could call again and I told him if I wanted to talk that I would call him. I didn't want to be caught off guard and since that time he has respected my wishes and not called. So, I figured that enough time has passed and I am not as hurt as I once was and so now I think I am ready to talk again. As for my phone call, he didn't answer, however he was at work at the time (He's a Firefighter) so, I left him a brief message that was nice, but not emotional. As I said before I am hoping that the door has been once again opened and since my birthday is on Sunday that would be a good opportunity to call, so I am waiting and hoping I will hear from him this weekend. Bams