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gradle

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  • Birthday 12/17/1980

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  1. ok, so im really frustrated with my coworkers now. both are married and about 25-27. and they start talking about how women are supposed to have all of their children by the time they're 30. i realize that there are some risks associated with having children after that age but i was offended, especially since these words were coming out of their mouths (both claim to be very open minded people). part of the reason i was offended was because i am 26 and single and doubt ill have children by the time i'm 30. and not just that, i would hate to rush into something like having a child with someone i'm not completely in love with just to make sure the child is healthy. wouldn't you rather have loving parents than parents are only together in order to have kids before they're "old and dried up"? also, several of our coworkers are older and single and some have kids. and, in this day and age with better healthcare resources that are pretty widely available, how can you say something like that? what drives me crazy is that in the aisle next to us are very religious people, who are all single and in their late 20s and mid thirties and would never dare make an offensive comment like that. yet these "open minded" coworkers are always disagreeing with them about things and criticizing them. i'm pretty liberal and laid back adn completely disagree with my "open minded counterparts" on their views of childbirth and marriage. i feel like they're fake open minded. i wish i knew how to approach my coworkers and either avoid this topic or to better argue my point.
  2. ok, so i emailed him last night and told him i couldn't go. no response. i hope he doesnt hate me!
  3. oh! i didn't mean to imply that L would ask. he won't, and that's fine. some stuff happened awhile ago and things b/t me and him got really awkward, and i'd hate to even do that to our friendship, and i think he feels the same way. i realize honesty is the best policy. but i've turned down P's advances so many times, i don't know how he wouldn't get the point. we were really good friends last year, but he came into town over the summer, and i could tell he expected something and even expected to stay with me, thank goodness i had a boyfriend at the time (P didn't know that when he came in town). i should have thought of all this prior to accepting the date. he just made it sound like a group thing. but he got so excited that i said yes that it hit me at that moment that i'd probably made a mistake. when i accepted i told him that i'm usually busy at that time (it's a good friend's bday that day, so usually i leave town to visit her) but i didn't think i was going, and he just took it as a yes. since the beginning of the year, he's tried to lay in teh same bed with me as i napped, he's tried to invite himself over late at night, things that make me uncomfortable, for no reason except i just get an awkward feeling when it happens. i just hate to make anything in our group awkward. i treasure these friendships and would like to keep them that way as long as possible. i know if i were to say something about it to him he would just say, well fine, we'll just go as friends, but the whole ball will be awkward for both of us.
  4. ok, i've managed to get myself into another dilemma. i have a huge crush on one of my closest friends L, and minor things have happened to show me that he's somewhat (slightly, not greatly by any means) attracted to me. but that's an aside, L's best friend P just invited me to go to a ball with him, and trying to be a good friend i accepted the invitation. Now P and i are really good friends as well, so i just assumed that we'd go as friends. but, i'm starting to think that's a bad idea. P has intimated that he wants more from me (if nothing else, i feel like he's at least going for a hook up, and i'm completely not interested). he just asked me to to go last friday, would it be rude of me to cancel it now? the ball isn't for a couple of weeks? i'd rather not bring up anything, just give an excuse such as having other plans. i feel like P has gone to certain (not great, but has definitely tried) to put a slight rift b/t L and i, and sometimes P says mean things to me for no reason, and i'm beginning to think it's out of anger b/c i have kept turning him down in any type of forwards. but i'm simply not attracted to him. i know i simply should not have accepted the invitation, but now that i put some actual thought into, i realize i was hasty in agreeing. is this a terrible thing to do? i just want to tell him in time so that he has a chance to find another date. how should i approach this and keep our friendly group friendly?
  5. ok, small update. i emailed this guy the night after our date, just b/c i had forgotten to say thank you. and i felt bad for telling him it were best to cut it off if he can't be more consistent. he emailed back and said your welcome, and that he's hoping next week won't be too crazy, has a friend in town for a couple of nights, but it should be decently quiet. does that mean anything? or am i thinking too hard?
  6. thing is... i don't feel confused. i know exactly what i want from the ex that's my friend. and that's friendship, but at a distance. i've known from day one that he's not the right guy for me. from this on again, off again guy, i'd like it to slowly grow into a relationship. but i still need him to recognize my needs more. and he's not doing that. and i won't compromise, i'm not asking for much. he even asked if we could even just be friends, and i said i'd try, but i didn't think it would work. if he didn't have enough time to date me properly, then how in the heck is he going to have time to be my friend. i generally expect a lot from true friends. the guy in the previous paragraph is the most intensely attentive person i know, and that's the only reason we're such good friends. the one i miss a lot. i just do miss him a ton. he was my first true love, the guy i dated for a really long time and the person i sort of grew into an adult with. i don't think you ever stop missing someone like that, i think the pain slowly just fades. i know it sounds confusing. but it's really not to me.
  7. Hi there. I’ve had a rough week and sort of need some support. My ex and I have been hanging out a lot. But I’m mentally ok with being done with him, but sometimes I get sad. And it looks like he’s back with another ex, which makes it a little weird for me. But I’ve tried just cutting him off completely and it doesn’t work, so I’m slowly trying to distance myself. It’s hard b/c we are pretty good friends. And this other guy I’ve been dating has been so on and off. Like I don’t hear from him for weeks and then I hear from him every day for a week or see him a bunch? And I think he’s great. I really like him. But I can’t stand the inconsistency. It’s not fair for me. He’s really busy and really successful and I’m proud of him. But in my heart, if you like someone enough, you’re not too busy for them. So tonight I think I ended it that too. He kept trying to get me to change my mind. But it wasn’t like he was offering me anything different. He said he was going to be busy till like May to date anyone seriously, but after that? I told him when he decides to be consistent let me know. But I don’t think a five minute phone call is too much to ask. I didn’t say that. I shouldn’t have to. And it seems like a lot of my friends are breaking up with their boyfriends. And I try to be by their side. But it’s hard b/c it makes me miss my ex J a lot. Like a LOT. And it’s not good for me, b/c I get so sad about him and these other guys. I just needed a clean slate. But I’m really sad right now. Part of me wants to email the second guy, the on again and off again guy and just get out more thoughts. I was pretty cryptic when I told him I need more consistency in any relationship. Either call me consistently or don’t call me consistently. I don’t like to feel so low on his priority list. Am I being childish or foolish? I stayed really calm. And after we had the talk we chatted for another hour or two and that was fine and fun and I could tell he was pretty sad. Have I lost him for good?
  8. awww, he sounds cute and shy. just keep it up, hopefully it will go somewhere, if not, then it seems you'll meet someone else soon. it's frustrating when men are so cryptic. i would just try to/hope to bump into him somewhere other than the gym, so you see each other in different settings?
  9. i think you should go for this shy guy. flirt with him for sure! and ask him to go to a party you might be going to this weekend. i think if you just show him how fun you can be, he'll be even more smitten with how great you already are. i sort of think shy guys are an untapped resource that really awesome girls need to discover! and once they're with an awesome girl, they won't be quite as shy and that confidence will grow within them.
  10. i don't know...i don't really think she should have to compromise...if we are all those things, why should we expect anything less than that in our mates? i doubt she's looking for someone perfect, but just someone that possesses all of those qualities to a degree that "fits." i think you will find someone lily, you're quite young. i think we all just need to enjoy our lives as it is. we all take life so seriously, including me. maybe that's the problem? in fact lily. i think you should really enjoy your life as a single woman, b/c once you do find the right guy, you won't be single anymore, all of that will be in the past
  11. ok, so i pretty much emailed out what i wrote you. he emailed back a few minutes later saying he hadn't disappeared, he just ended up getting really really sick and is now stuck trying to catch up on his work. still no plans to get together. so i just emailed him back and said when he had time to take a break let me know, and to feel better. argh. is he just stringing me along? or is he being serious?
  12. hah! i know he's not married, and from what people have told me, he's not dating anyone else...even though if he were, i'd understand, we're not really that serious or anything...he's just insanely busy. but maybe i'm wrong, maybe there is someone else? so robo? do you think i should go ahead and email him? just say, "hey? feelin better? " and then just say "i hope you're not planning on disappearing b/c i like having you around but if you are, please let m e know?" something along those lines? i still think he's a good guy, but maybe he's just not that interested...or this is his way of getting rid of me slowly? or maybe he really is clueless?
  13. someone once told me...the key to a good marriage, is that you both don't fall out of love at the same time...
  14. ok. so i've written about this before. sorry if i'm not listening. i dated this guy S over the summer and we sort of fizzled..partially b/c i met someone else and b/c we were both so busy. but he called me up again a few months ago and wanted to go out. so we have been going on dates since then. problem is, he goes out of town a lot for work, and i don't hear from him. and then during xmas he went home for a while, didn't hear from him for a couple of weeks. i contacted him after that and he called and has been since...until about a week and ago. i made him dinner and he seemed to really like it. kept making comments about how he'd have to make me dinner sometime and we were cuddly as usual. things went well, they usually do. but he was coming down with something. so he called that next day adn i called him on fri to see if he wnated me to bring him some soup. he said he took all this medicine and was going to bed. then he called the next day to chat. monday came and i sent him a cute link. he responded cutely. but no mention of plans or anything. so it' s been about a week. and i'm sad b/c i really do like him. foolish me. it was my fault the first time. but then again. why does he do this? if he were more attentive or showed me more that he was interested then i never would have been dating someone else. is he just not into me? plus: i can't do anything physical with him until i know he's somewhat more committed. i couldn't do that to myself. but lately i've been feeling hurt when he gets like this. i never tell him what's on my mind. i was thinking of bringing it up next time we went out (if there is a next time) about him just sort of disappearing. i woudln't be too upset if he were dating other people. i just don't want him disappearing. but even now i'm debating sending him an email about how i feel. but i wonder if i should even do that...
  15. ok...so i dated this guy C for about 4 months in the summer/fall. we broke up but we managed to stay good friends. while we were together his ex came into town and tried to break us up, it didn't work. i knew the relationship with us wouldn't work from the beginning but he was so persistent that i gave him a shot and i did end up liking him a lot, although i know he's not the right guy for me. he has a poor past with relationships that includes cheating (not on me). since then we've become really good friends and he knows that i've been dating other people. also, since we broke up he and his ex have gotten back together. but,since they've been together we have slept together a couple of times--i know it's terrible but he never really said they're together. she came into town this weekend and he told me he couldn't talk to me until sunday (when she left). but on fri night i got a million message from him saying how much he cared about me. i can't stand her b/c of the fact that she tried to break the two of us up. and then he wanted to come over on sunday. i told him that it was fine, and he then started saying he was feeling too vulnerable. i just backed away. i tell him i'm too busy and i have avoided returning the 25 or so calls/emails/messages he's sent. then he tricked me by calling from an office phone and we spoke. i told him i couldn't be his friend anymore until he started treating me the way he would treat me if his g/f lived here. since he's sent me all these emails about why we should still be friends. i'm sad. i do love him as a friend but i know i'm still attracted to him, and when he and i are hangign out a bulk of what we talk about is our relationship and that he's still attracted to me. but im just worried it's going to hold me back from dating other people. in fact, i had a male guest over a few weeks ago, C just decides to stoip by b/c i wasn't picking up his calls when he called. he got upset. he called later in the night saying that if that guy were over, he was goign to come over and make him leave, that he would get me over the new guy. but i know i'm going to miss him as he did become one of my closest friends. do i try to be friends still and just limit the amount of time we spend together? do i just go cold turkey? he sent me a list of all the great things he's done as a friend for me and tells me how much he's goingto miss hanging out adn talking with me. and it's all true, he's been here for me even just as a friend more than anyone else. but what would happen if his g/f were to move here? what if i do have a b/f?
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