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minrjohn

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  1. Only you can decide whether or not your relationship is worth saving. Only you can decide whether or not you can forgive her enough to continue dating her. If you can't forgive, then you will both be miserable trying to make it work. If you cannot find it in yourself to let this slide, then remember that sometimes love doesn't have a happy ending, but it never dies, because letting go is another way of saying 'I love you'
  2. Well, I know I should talk to him, but I think he will try to lie about it. I know he was drunk and left with another drunk girl. If she had needed a ride, one of my friends who was being the sober driver could have taken her home. Also, if he were walking someone home, he could have had our roommate pick him up on the way back to our house. I will probably talk to him eventually, but I don't feel like listening to his stories right now. I feel a little better. I think most of the cramping and bleeding is over now. My boyfriend forgot that his parents were coming to town today. They showed up before he did today, and asked where he was at. I didn't lie for him. I told them he went out last night, went home with a girl, and hadn't come back yet. They are aware of my situation with the abortion, and so I think they are pretty angry with him right now. He came back about twenty minutes after they got here. A girl dropped him off. I have only talked to his parents (small talk) and his little brother. He has not talked to me since he got home. We can't really talk with his parents and bro here. I do find it consoling to know that he will probably have a really hard day with his parents because they know what's going on. I didn't blab to them about it. They asked me if I knew where he was, who he went out with last night, why he didn't come home with the rest of the boys, etc. I wasn't going to lie about it. He lies to them all the time. I am just concerned about living with him until the end of the year. I know everyone thinks I should give him the benefit of the doubt, but I have done that many times before and I just know him. I know that he did this. I think it is going to be difficult to live with him now. I don't know that I even care to be his friend, as I couldn't respect any guy who behaved this way. But, if we don't remain on good terms while we live together, I know he will be really disrespectful to me, i.e. bringing girls back to the house and parading them in front of me. I just picked a not so great guy to be in a relationship with. I guess there's the lesson I'll take away from this. It's funny. His actions are hurtful, but not heart-breaking. Other guys have broken my heart by doing much less. I'm just ranting now. This forum is great for that...
  3. I live with my boyfriend and three other roommates. I recently found out I was pregnant. I decided to have an abortion. My boyfriend is still in school, and I am planning to go back for my second degree in the fall. My boyfriend went out last night. He has been there for me all week. He went to my doctors appointments with me. I am having a medical abortion, so I took one pill at the doctors office, and today around 11am, I will take the other four. That's when the abortion will happen, and it will be very painful. I just went downstairs and found out from my roommates that my boyfriend went home with a drunk girl. I am baffled. How could anyone be that dumb? Why would anyone cheat on his girlfriend the day before she had an abortion? How can he think I am not going to noticed his absense? I am not an aggressive person. I rarely yell, I mostly talk in angry mother tones when I am mad. I am just not sure how to respond to this because it seems almost like a bad Jerry Springer episode, that I would feel ridiculous participating in. How would you deal with this situation?
  4. I am interested in a guy who is painfully shy. I am pretty sure that he is interested, but he won't make a move and I am just as shy. He doesn't live in the same town, but we have the same friends and he often comes into town to hang out or see a show. I made a move once when he was in town about 6 months ago, but I was pretty drunk. I took him home with me, well, I kinda pulled him home with me. But he had been letting me drag him around all night. Nothing happened though. We just slept in the same bed with our clothes on. I was really drunk, and I do not normally do this. I have never taken someone home with me that I wasn't dating. He reprimanded me the next morning and told me that I should be more careful. He was in town again this weekend and hung out with me all night. We don't talk a lot, but I like that. I am a quiet person. He slept at my house on the floor. I need advice. I like him a lot, but I am embarrassed about my behavior the first time we hung out. I don't think he will make a move. I feel like he just waits around for me to take action, but I am just as shy as he is. What should I do? P.S. He is also a childhood friend of my ex-boyfriend, who is the only person I have ever been in a serious relationship with. I know a lot about the him from my ex, and I am pretty sure that he knows a lot about me from the same person, even though we have never talked about it.
  5. Maybe I am being a little bit manipulative. I had hoped he would understand, and agree to not continue to behave that way. But maybe I was hoping to see a little bit of the feelings he used to have for me on his face when I talked to him.
  6. Hello all. I was just wanting some words of wisdom from more experienced persons. My ex and I broke up about four months ago. We dated for a quite a while, and it was my first relationship ever. (even though I am 24) He was unkind and not considerate of me during most of our relationship, and he broke up with me 'because he didn't know how to stop being mean to me'. We never did anything dirty to hurt each other. He said that he wanted to be my friend and know me forever when we broke up. But now he has another girlfriend. I have dated some as well, but am not looking to get serious as I would prefer to heal first. He brings his new girlfriend around our mutual friends every once in a while. And sometimes it's fine, but occasionally he will do things like bring her to my place of employment on a date. Granted, I work in a bar, but he called and asked me when I was working, and showed up at that time. A few times he has also made out with this girl in front of me and all our friends. Now, I know that he is not with me and he is no longer responsible for my feelings, but if he is asking to be my friend, then shouldn't he be respectful of me? I would never make out with a new boyfriend in front of him. It would seem disrespectful to me. I know I'm not him, but if I have explained to him how it makes me feel for him to do that, and he continues to do it... So, last night, we were at a concert. A friend's band was playing. All our mutual friends were there. He was there with his girlfriend. The night before they had been at a party where I was at and had walked five feet away from me, but directly in front of me and started making out. I was upset about it and talking to a friend at the bar last night. She went and got my ex and we were forced into a conversation I didn't really want to have then, but oh well... The conversation went something like this: Me - I think that it is disrespectful of you to make out with your new girlfriend right in front of me. I have discussed this with you before, and I am just asking you to consider my feelings a little as I would do the same for you, and you are asking me to be your friend, thereforeeee you do have to treat me with some consideration in order for that to work out..... Him - You're not my girlfriend anymore. I'm not going to change my behavior. If you're gonna hang out with MY friends, you're gonna have to get used to it. I'm sorry I hurt you, but you're not my girlfriend anymore. Me - Speechless.... I was so hurt by this conversation. I wasn't asking him to come back to me or anything like that, but his tone with me.... He acted like I was grovelling or something, when I was trying to tell a friend that he was doing something that was hurting me, and I have a right to politely ask that he consider my feelings. As for the pulling the 'MY friends' card, that was just a low blow. I am unsure what to say now, as I am going to call him. We did not finish our conversation last night as we were interrupted. I mostly just want to tell him that I do not accept his lack of consideration, that I expect more out of my friends than that, and he doesn't owe me anything, but if he truly wanted to be my friend, then he wouldn't repeatedly do something that I consider to be disrespectful. Am I being retarded by asking him to not blatantly make out with this girl in front of me? How can it be wrong for me to ask him that if it is something that I think most people should just *know*. I think most people who care about and want to remain on good terms with their exes just *know* that you don't examine your new squeeze's tonsils in front of them. Please let me know your opinion on this. Any help is appreciated.
  7. Thanks for the harsh look at reality, Chai. Maybe neither of us is mature enough to handle the friendship thing. I know that it is much better for me to not be with my ex. But at the same time, I am not very good about the new gf thing. I will probably be unkind and unfair about the whole thing because I feel hurt and rejected. Also, I have never had a friendship with a male that didn't involve flirtation, and I am not sure I know how to do it. I am stuck. I don't want to end the 'friendship' thing maybe because I don't want him to not be in my life at all. But also, he has never tried to be friends with an ex before either, and it seems important to him to be friends with me. I think he feels bad about our relationship, but maybe that's not the greatest foundation for a friendship either. I don't want to be cruel, but I feel at some point that I will have to tell him I can't do this. Any advice? How can I tell him this without being a jerk?
  8. No one in a relationship is perfect. I am sure that your ex knows that. Healing is a process, and even though your ex ended the relationship, she is going through that process. Anger and blame are a part of that. I am sure you both made mistakes and had good times. Now you both have the opportunity to reflect and learn from them, so that you will be wiser in your next relationship. It sounds like you are doing this already. Maybe your ex just isn't at that stage yet.
  9. Thanks for the advice. I have told him off for not saying 'Hello' to me when his gf is around. We hang out in a crowd of mutual friends and I guess I don't say hello either. But I dont want to force it on him, as he is the one on a date... But the first time it happened, he had spent an hour with me on the phone that day telling me how important it was to him that we remain friends. I felt snubbed that he would not go a little out of his way to say hello. I guess I think that if it is that important to him, it should be important in front of his gf. I don't think it would be disrespectful to his gf for him to say hello to me. If he has told her that he wants to be my friend, and respects me in public, I would think that it would be a turn-on for his new gf.
  10. I agree with the above poster. You are young. Enjoy the time you have to hang out with friends, explore your interests, etc. Your girlfriend is just being 14. I didn't even talk to boys when I was 14. It is very, very unlikely that you will have a lasting, committed relationship at the age of 15. Enjoy what you have, and what she is willing to give you.
  11. My ex and I broke up about four months ago. He broke up with me because he thinks that we are not compatible. He was often unkind and I'm very sensitive and was very unhappy with him. Though I did love him very much. We have both dated other people since the break. I did the rebound thing, and found it wasnt that fulfilling. I'll wait till I have healed to start looking again. He started dating a co-worker immediately after I told him about the rebound guy, and they are still dating. But they are seriously dating. My ex is a serious kinda guy. My question is about my ex's behavior. He wants to be my friend, but he acts very uncomfortable around me. He doesn't talk to me when he is with his girlfriend. Which I have told him off for several times. He doesn't talk to me around our mutual friends much either. Except when he's drunk, then he will follow me around and try to make small talk. And sometimes he'll get a little touchy-feely with me. Which bothers me as he only does this when drunk and not around his gf. And we are over, so.. He will call me every week. But he acts real nervous about asking me if I want to hang out. When we do hang out, he is uncomfortable sitting next to me on the couch. He will sit on the other side of the room. He shakes my hand when he leaves. He never really has anything to say... He mentions his gf every once in a while.. I don't understand why he acts like this. I know it is a difficult situation, but I don't see how to be friends with him when he acts like we've just met or something... Any ideas why he acts like this or how to deal with it so we can be friends? Or should I just not care anyway...
  12. SpanishEyes, I understand why you feel the need to know what happened with his ex, and whether or not there is anything between them... But I don't think you should be asking randoms on a local website. I think that you should be talking to him about this. If you are planning on moving in with this guy, and you haven't had the conversation about exes / past relationships/ past heartbreaks, then maybe you should slow down just a bit. Tell the guy that you want to talk about it. It sounds like things are getting serious between the two of you. But it's important, if he is going to give his heart to you, then you do need to know where it has been and what it has been through. And vice versa... Just some thoughts...
  13. My ex does the same thing. He calls but he cant give me a reason why. He says he still cares about me, but I know he doesnt want to be with me. I think that there are two reasons why your ex might be doing this: 1) She likes to be wanted or needed. She doesn't want to be with you, but she still wants you to make her feel desired. 2) She feels bad for hurting you in some way, and it makes her feel better to call you and still be your friend. It's her redemption. If it doesn't make you feel good, then you need to tell your ex that, and ask her to stop calling. I know it's easier said than done though, I haven't been able to do it yet..
  14. Yep... at this point, our friendship pretty much consists of him calling and/or coming over for an hour or two once a week and asking if we're still friends. Almost all our friends are mutual. (We dated for over a year) But he always brings his new girlfriend when he hangs out. He doesn't say hello to me when he is with his girlfriend. She doesn't know our friends and so they don't socialize much. I told him that I am not going to come up to them and say hello and introduce myself or any of that. It is his responsibility to do that and to make things comfortable if he still wants to be my friend. But he says that he wont go out of his way to say hello to me because it would be disrespectful to his girlfriend... But when his girlfriend isn't around, he will follow me around and try to talk to me all night. I think I know that I have to tell him to let me go because his behavior isn't helping me or making me feel good. Im just not sure how to go about doing it. I would feel uncomfortable sitting down with him to tell him all the reasons why we cant be friends, but if I don't lay it all out for him, he will keep calling me for weeks.
  15. My ex broke up with me about three months ago because he says we are incompatible, even though he still loves me, bla, bla, bla. He says he wants to be friends, but I don't understand why. I don't know if he deserves that much effort. Because it would take a lot of effort... I messed around with another guy for about a month, the classic 'rebound'. But I knew that was what it was, and I was honest about everything with the 'rebound' guy. My ex freaked out about it. I was very considerate, I didn't take the new guy around our mutual friends, I had an honest conversation with the ex about it, etc. Two weeks afterwards, my ex called and asked me if when I was working the next week. A band was playing at a bar where I work. I told him, and he showed up....on a date. He's done some other slightly shady things since then.. He has an explanation every time.. I ditched the 'rebound' guy because it stopped being fun. My ex is still with his rebound. They are actually getting serious, I think. But my ex still calls me once a week to reaffirm our friendship. I don't think that he wants to get back together with me, and I don't want to be with him. I care about him, but I don't know that a friendship will work. There is another girl in his picture, which makes things more complicated. He refuses to tell me what he wants from me in a friendship. Should I tell him to f**k off? It's kinda hard to do.
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