Alien

I think I could see cutting like breathing if you look at it the right way. For example if you stop breathing for a while you are uncomfortable and the only way you can make it better is to breath, just like cutting seems, to an extent at least. but anyway.... I was glad to here she has only cut twice. Now is the time to stop before it starts to get too addicting and overwhelming. I think everyone listed good advice for you to go of off. good luck

It's a part of everyone's life. Every type of person is stereotyped in some way by other people but it is just a thing we all have to put up with. But we are different from others because even though people hate and stereotype other particular groups of people they are still accepted in a normal society. But people who si are generally viewed as an unacceptable type of person in a society. That's just how I see it though.

What I think about "normal" people is this - they are afraid of the unknown. They don't understand or try because they are afraid, they don't want to dig in deeper and figure out what it is like for these people so they label them insane, satanic, crazy or whatever else. What does get me angry is these "normal" people will accept someone who goes out and drinks alcohol and gets drunk every night (causing as much harm to their body as I am) for the same reason I would cut, yet there's nothing wrong with the person who drank, but there is with me.

This is a really good poem. I also like the style it's written, very neat!

I agree with you about the stages of si. I would add another stage though(well it applies to me, maybe not everyone) it is usually somewhere between the stages where it gets more frequent and the never ending addiction stage. It is when you try to quit. It can be one time or hundreds of times and it can last a day or years. It might not necessarily be a stage though because it can be anywhere and any number of times so it could be classified as something else, that might not make sense but yeah... I remember the first stages and being hesitant and making weak "cuts", hardly deeper than scratches. I wondered how could it make me feel better and I quit for a while. Not for very long though. And now I have progressed to the never ending addiction that is continually getting worse. Not everyday though. More close to everyother day. I don't gain any pleasure, release or feel better in any way when I cut any more. I do it because I have to. It doesn't feel like it used to, there is a different type of satisfaction afterwords. If anyone has been on drugs they know what this is like. I don't think there can be too many stages after these, perhaps it will linger at the current stage you are at or it could get worse and be suicidal in which case seek immediate help.

I guess I will post an update since it seems people are still responding. I decided not to tell my parents that excuse. I am wearing a lot of skin colored band-aids and a large watch over the cuts. I decided I wasn't going to tell them and just let them find out once they noticed it and then worry about it then but they haven't noticed still. I'm very relieved about it because I have no idea how they would react and how I would tell them. I posted that I hadn't cut in 2 months at the beginning. About 1 week after that I started again. I still am cutting but it is worse now. I only cut at the very center of my forearm, no longer at the wrist, but each time I am trying to go deeper and deeper because I have to see more blood each time. I want to hit a vein so bad to watch the blood but I know that is stupid. I know I am losing too much blood to begin with because each time I stand up after sitting I see black, and if I don't put my head down between my legs for a while I faint. One person in real life knows. He found out accidentally one day and told me he used to cut himself. At first i was extremely angry at myself because someone had finally noticed and i hadn't hid them well enough. Having someone else know was a little too much for me at first. He was crying when he found out, which blew me away. He is the toughest person I know and he cared so much about me that he had tears. But in the end it sucks because now I feel even more guilty about cutting because I am hurting him each time I do this. And he is helping me quit by giving me a beating each time he sees new cuts. So my plans now are to keep them hidden. I can't bear to see more of those that I am close with to tears. I know I'm stupid for not getting help. I even had a physical at my doctor office which would have been perfect to break out and tell someone I need help, but I told myself to shut up and cover up like always. I can live with it for now because one day I will finally stop cutting but perhaps now isn't the time. And of course thank you to everybody who took their time to read and to reply.

well i'll be the second person to say how long it's been for me even though it seems this isn't the path this thread is going. I haven't cut for 6 days which isn't much but yeah. the longest i ever went without cutting was 2 months. kasers asked what does cutting solve? it solves nothing. so why do people still do it? for each person it can be a different reason like pippin said. some people do it exchanging pain for pain, they cause physical pain which temporarily takes the emotional pain away. some people do it as punishment, whether they are guilty about something or hate themselves for some reason they feel they need to punish themselves. some people just like to see the blood, some people want others to see the cuts for attention, some people did it for some reason and are addicted etc.... each person has their own reason also, here are some techniques that may or may not help someone who is feeling the need to cut. i haven't tried them but my friend who used to cut said it really helped them think twice. anyway he recommends getting a bucket of ice, sticking your hands in it and grabbing the ice as hard as you can for a long time. he also said he would go in the shower and put the water as cold as it could get. good luck

what I did to get my chest muscled out with curves was simple. i started doing push-ups. I started at 10 push-ups a day each day. the next week i did 20 everyday, the next week 30 a day, and just keep adding more each week. It worked for me because it was quick and simple each day but still worked. It wont get you massive or anything, and you might already be too strong for this but it's a possibility to try. Other than that I would recommend you extend your work outs with the equipment to 3 times a week and don't get discouraged, these things do take time. And also make sure you get a lot a protein so the muscles have a chance to grow. good luck

thank you very much, everyone who responded, it was much appreciated. That is a great list of jobs to look over. I knew that working the night shift for long periods of time could cause problems on my body and mind but I was unaware of there being long term problems. I definitely will look into it and talk to a doctor to learn more about it. I also am aware of the loneliness, boredom, and minimal activity late at night and early in the morning. In fact I go out most nights and have experienced these for years. The thing is most everyone I know stays up all night too so I haven't had to worry about being completely alone. And working the night shift will isolate me but you have to keep in mind that being nocturnal isn't being like a vampire. What I mean by this is - normal hours have you working 8 - 10 hours. If you sleep 8 hours each day that means you can have up to 8 hours spent in the daytime (depending on what shift you are on), with all the stores, restaurants, etc... open, and with people and the sun out. again i am grateful for the responses

I have come to realize that I like the night, much more than I do the day. The night is peaceful, beautiful, serene and untroubled with people, the sun/heat, traffic, etc... In fact I like it so much that I have decided that this alternative lifestyle of being nocturnal is perfect for me. So the other day I was pondering about my life. In the future, after school I'm going to need to find a career. But with being up at night and sleeping during the day I seemed to have limited myself on the career choices I have. I know there are some jobs suited for this lifestyle (besides things like gas station clerk) I have come up with these possibilities - working at a hospital, working at a newspaper agency, but other than that I can't seem to think of any other real career. This is where I need help. If anyone knows of a career suited for the night please help me out. Thanks

I practically live at the library so I can say I do my fair share of reading. I go through non-fiction books like crazy. Whether it is computer books, self-help, or travel. I am addicted to learning facts. I can't say I have a favorite author for these. With novels I tend to like fantasy and horror, and books that are sad or depressing. I can't say I have one favorite author but many. Anne Rice with the vampire themes is one of my favorites because her ability to make me feel for these vampires that are doomed to a haunting life of painful beauty. Another one is J.R.R. Tolkien. His LOTR was what got me into fantasy in the first place, and The Silmarillion was one of the best epic novels i've read besides Njals Saga. I am glad you posted this topic, Spirit's Away, but I'm surprised there aren't more responses as well.

if i was this mysterious guy and heard someone was asking about me out of interest i would definitely be flattered, not creeped out. However, if i didn't find out who that person was soon after i become aware of them asking then it could get a little creepy, not knowing who they are or if they are looking at me right now without me knowing etc... but that's just me. So if you do it fine, just make sure you get in contact with him or somehow let him know who you are before he gets paranoid of being watched by someone he doesn't know.

I've definitely experienced the influential power of music. When I used to cut I would always listen to gothic, mainly Dead Can Dance and Fields of the Nephilim. I quit cutting for months, then one day I put in Dead can dance and everthing I was feeling and trying to forget from when I was cutting came rushing back, I started cutting again that day and I still am. I had listened to that music so much when I would cut that I immediately associated cutting when I heard it. I didn't start cutting again just because of the music though, but it really played a major role.

So, tomorrow will be the last time I will see this one girl who I want to get to know more (whether it is just friends or more it doesn't matter now). We don't know each other well, and have only talked to each other briefly last week in the class we share together. I really want to continue talking with her over the summer and I'm not sure how to ask her for her email, phone number or however to keep in touch without sounding like I'm asking her out. Does anyone have any ideas on how I could do this? Thanks.

I personally would choose the non dream job in the city just because I love being in big cities. If the dream job gives you the opportunity to transfer to a more ideal location later on i'd stick with that.