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StrcPrstSkrzKrk1903

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  • Birthday 11/03/1985

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  1. Guys, Thanks for your advice. As it happens, though, the date is postponed -- she has an exam on Monday that she needs to prepare for, and we both agreed to put it off for another time.
  2. So I'm going out to the theatre this Friday with a certain lady friend of mine in my college residence to see "Twelfth Night." And quite honestly, this is the first real date I've been on in my life with someone I'm really interested in and who I'm not going out with already. So, couple of questions. Physical contact? Holding hands? Kissing? Yes, no, under what circumstances? Anything else anyone would care to add? I don't want anyone to get the impression that I'm a pervert or anything, I'm just nervous, and I don't want to mess this up.
  3. OK. There's this girl, call her K-. (That's always how it begins, isn't it?) We've known each other since late 2002, became better friends in late 2003, and although I was somewhat attracted to her from the start, it wasn't enough for me invest too much of myself and make a total doofus out of myself. Over the past few years, we managed to maintain contact and continued to hang out sometimes, although my going to school in Canada made it hard to see each other during the school year. With all of the mental angst that I've gone through with other subjects, I find myself thinking often about the people I have the best personal connections with, and I really have to say that I have never in my life connected on so deep a level with a girl than I have with K-. Combine this with the attraction that I feel for her and it turns out that I really feel like I'm in love with her. I know I'm only twenty years old, but I have been around the block emotionally, I know what lust feels like and what love feels like. So this evening, I get a message over Facebook from K-'s best friend (whom I've never met), saying "K- thinks u r a XY MO FO!!!!" [sic] I'm confused as to whether or not it's a joke -- I wouldn't have put it past either K- or her friend, from what K-'s told me of her -- but it seems logical that K- would've had to speak highly of me to her friend for that joke to occur in the first place. Turns out it is a joke, though her friend mentions that she wishes K- "would run off and marry [me] instead of the random jerks she usually dates." Then, of course, comes the bad news. The high praise that K- speaks of me is "A sweet boy" and "Like a brother" -- in her friend's estimation, "not generally good signals for a BF." Part of me -- OK, all of me -- really wants to believe that since K-'s friend thinks K- and I are such a good match, HAVING NEVER MET ME, that's got to say something about my chances. On the other hand, I can also understand why K- might have misgivings about being more than friends with me, because I don't want to take advantage of her. I'm not exactly sexually active -- I'm still a virgin, by a LONG SHOT -- and I've been much more active in cultivating emotional intimacy with her. Then again, the year I was getting to know her, I was so incredibly confused by questions of emotional intimacy that it's hardly surprising that that's all that came out of it. Whew, that felt good. Now, thoughts, anyone?
  4. Recently some issues with my extended family have been coming to a bit of a head. About ten years ago, two of my distant cousins (a mother -- call her "B." -- and a son --call him "R.") came for a visit. I'm related to them through my mother, so they were staying at my mother's house (my parents are divorced). My mother is not very close with most of her side of the family, and I believe that this visit pushed the tensions between them -- particularly Mom and B. -- too far. As far as I know, Mom has not been in touch with them since. The trouble is that B. has maintained a friendship with my father (who is not a blood relative and who wouldn't even know B. and R. if it weren't for Mom). This is very upsetting for Mom; she feels, for one, that there's something very wrong about B. having a friendship with my father while B. and Mom aren't even on speaking terms. She told me that it makes her feel very paranoid, as if B. and Dad are somehow going behind her back, conspiring to alienate her. She's mostly mad at B. (we both suspect that B. is the one actively pursuing the friendship), but she's also mad at Dad because she feels that he doesn't even acknowledge the pain it causes her, let alone care about it. She's thinks that there's a latent element of spite -- residual bitterness from the divorce. I don't have too many feelings one way or the other about B. and R. -- I remember them being a little annoying, but little else. The current problem, however, is that recently my father met another set of my mother's cousins from the same branch of the family, I believe through B. (Neither I nor my mother has ever met them.) I spoke with them briefly on the phone, they seem like nice people, and they told me that if I'm ever in the area I should drop in and spend some time with them. This really upset Mom when I told her. It's mainly because her experiences with B. have turned her off to having anything to do with that branch of the family ever again, and she feels like there's something very wrong with the whole matter. I, on the other hand, don't want to feel weird about meeting a part of my family that neither Mom nor I have ever even met. Any advice on this one?
  5. It's weird to see that this is an actual clinical disorder. I've been pulling my hair for a few years now. It's rarely been really bad, although my hair has been getting noticeably thin lately. It may or may not be related - I've generally pulled hair more from the side of my head, like around my ears and my sideburns (when I still grew sideburns). I also sometimes pull at my eyebrows and eyelashes. I've always had some psychological problems, and I haven't been able to figure out what they are. I've been thinking most recently that it's related to depression and/or insomnia.
  6. Guys, Perhaps a little bit against my better judgement (only because it's going a little bit fast), I actually did bring up the subject of a relationship with her, and...well, we're now officially an item. As for asking her out on a real date, I'm going to do that as soon as I have a little less schoolwork on my plate. However, I felt justified in taking this risk because we do really get along very well--not just in a lovey-dovey "No you're Shmoopie!" kind of way, but I do feel a strong emotional connection with her. I feel confident that once I'm less bogged down with work, we'll be able to take our relationship outside of rez. I understand the risks of letting myself get carried away--my last relationship taught me many lessons in that. This is not, I repeat, not my last relationship. Things are actually going extraordinarily smoothly. I don't think the need to take it outside of residence is as urgent as it seems. Keep in mind our ages: I'm 20, she's 18 going on 19, and we're at one of the most demanding universities in the country. And I'm also a foreigner, so...basically, university is my life.
  7. Guys, Thanks for all the advice, it really helped a lot. Well, shall we now say that the deed is done. We were cuddling on the couch again tonight, and we started holding hands, and although she was a little hesitant to kiss me on the lips, I just said "Come on" in a kind of seductive way, and--it happened. My heart's still racing a little, and I'm still shaking a little. I'm not sure if this means that we're officially "going out" yet...so I guess I should sort of ask what to do next.
  8. Thanks RescueDiver. It really does help to have encouragement. And there will be more opportunities, I'm sure. I'll update this thread as various things develop. In the meantime, I need all the advice or encouragement I can get!
  9. Misunderstanding here. The blind date tomorrow is with a different girl. Let's call residence girl--the one I've been getting closer to--"Girl A", and blind date girl--the one I don't forsee a relationship with--"Girl B." I made the date with B over a dating website before I had developed real, immediate interest in a relationship with A. The understanding that I've had with B from the beginning is that whatever happens between us is not going to be serious--B herself is in an open relationship and said on her online profile that she is interested in a short-term fling. From the beginning, I've been working under the assumption that whatever happens between B and me lasts as long as I'm not in a relationship, which I had thought would be the case for a lot longer than I now think. Don't worry, I have every intention of calling anything non-platonic with B off beyond this coffee date, because--to lay all questions to rest--I am at this moment interested in a relationship with A. To answer ShySoul's other questions: my former relationship does still affect me, to be sure. I am nervous about starting a new relationship up, and at the same time I have become more aware lately of my desire for a monogamous relationship. But my feelings about relationships in general haven't really changed that much, and I remain very conscious of my feelings. At the same time, I also have feelings for A, and I do believe that we could have a very meaningful relationship.
  10. Emily, Thank you for your response (but do not let this deter anyone else from responding as well--every little bit helps). This is the first time in a long while that I have seriously been considering a real relationship, and I really am afraid of losing my head over this. I've been at least acquainted with this girl for a few months now, but we hadn't really gotten to know each other until the last two weeks. I agree that it's time to take things slower--she's leaving for the weekend, so that will give my nerves a little time to cool before doing anything else. I'll take the suggestion of a local coffee shop under advisement--I actually have a blind date tomorrow at a coffee shop (I made it before I had really considered pursuing a relationship with the girl in rez), so I'll see how that goes. (And let's not harbour any illusions about where that date is going--from what I know of the girl, I can say with confidence that neither of us will be interested in a relationship with the other.)
  11. OK...there's a girl who lives in my residence hall at university whom I've become very attracted to recently, and I think she may feel the same way. I've gotten close to kissing her (on the lips, that is), but I couldn't quite bring myself to do it. Here's what's been happening: Over the past week or so, we've been steadily getting a lot closer, physically and emotionally. We've spent the past two evenings together snuggled on a couch/loveseat in our common room watching TV (she seems to like it, as she keeps coming back to sit next to me). Anyway, tonight we were snuggled up for a really long period of time (probably at least 90 minutes), and towards the end of the evening she started leaning her head on my shoulder. I started bringing my hand closer to her head, and eventually I was just stroking her hair and her face, and I even gave her a couple of kisses on her forehead and that area, but I couldn't figure out how best to kiss her on the lips. Then after this one show was finished, she told me she had to back to her room to study (don't worry, I take her at her word). Socially, I think we both have some difficulties. She told me the other day that she's been very shy all her life, and until she got to know me she was feeling very lonely, like she had no real friends in residence. For me, well, my history with women is not very illustrious. I've kissed (read: made out with) other girls before, but not many, and it's been over two-and-a-half years since my last kiss (during a disastrous relationship that drove me to utter despair after it fell apart). Any advice, encouragement, or whatever you might be able to offer would be great. --Tense in Toronto
  12. I'm not sure if I agree with what's been said so far. The main thing I disagree with is the idea that just because he kissed you on the cheek, that means he's interested in you. It's hardly an ironclad rule; there are plenty of girls who have boyfriends whom I feel perfectly fine with kissing on the cheek. It could very well have been a friendly kiss. That said, if you personally feel uncomfortable with accepting kisses from guys other than your boyfriend, that is another matter, and it's definitely a good idea to draw boundaries, by whatever means necessary. Also, if you feel this kiss was uncharacteristic of him, it definitely merits further investigation. Find out if he kisses his other lady friends on a regular basis. Some people simply make it a point of kissing their friends. I can't tell you if that's how your friend is. It's hard to completely cut someone important to you out of your life. Before making any rash decisions, I'd ascertain once and for all whether or not he really does have romantic designs on you.
  13. Richgabe, I see what you're saying, but I think that "they can get away with it" and "they're trying to assert themselves over you" are two sides of the same coin--or at least, they're not mutually exclusive ideas. Part of being higher up in the great hierarchy is the sense that there are certain things that you can do.
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