Jump to content

SPark

Members
  • Posts

    206
  • Joined

SPark's Achievements

Collaborator

Collaborator (7/14)

  • First Post
  • Collaborator
  • Conversation Starter
  • Week One Done
  • One Month Later

Recent Badges

1

Reputation

  1. I`m not hearing anything in your tone that would suggest that you are interested in getting back together, or even that you are really missing what you had. Trust your instincts and do what feels best for you. I`m sure that there are TONS of people out there who let themselves get talked back into a relationship when they were unsure and then found that it was more difficult, and more difficult to get out, the second time around, so just be sure of what you want and you can`t go far wrong. As for her...well, she`s a lonely person in a tough situation and you tried VERY hard to make her life a little brighter the whole time you were together. Plus you broke up with her, not the other way around. Can`t blame her for trying...just maybe write back and be honest and say that trying again isn`t big on your list of priorities right now. It sounds like you are looking at the big picture and know that there are more important things to spend your energy on at the moment. Maybe she can hear that and accept it and move on, maybe not...even if the truth hurts, it`s still, well, true. You are a kind person and don`t want to hurt anyone...but you are also very strong-minded, so just don`t get down on yourself for not being able to give everyone what they want. That would just get you ripped to shreds, with not much left. Sometimes just being honest and sharing your true feelings is the kindest thing you can do. From the women`s side of the fence, may I just say that I think that the world would be a better place if more guys would have the guts to say that no means no.
  2. Thank you for taking the time to write. I`m sure that by having done so you will help many people.
  3. I agree! If someone really wants to be happy and make someone else happy, they wouldn`t be comfortable with the implications of a power differential anyway. Thanks, NP for the law school advice...I figure I just put it off, I didn`t reject it. I wouldn`t care about what I was going to do with a law degree....as you said, it`s a good degree to have, and I know I like the case study method! Well, as soon as I finish this PhD I`m sure I`ll be looking for the next project...I`ve been paying tuition and student loans both for so long, I wouldn`t know what to do with money if I had any!! I counted the other day...35 years in school, if you don`t count preschool, 20+ years of college and grad school...and going on 18 years` teaching experience. For anyone grappling with law school...when I taught at Kaplan, there were 2 teachers who had nearly-perfect LSAT scores, but hadn`t yet managed to pass the bar! I don`t know what that tells us, but something for sure!!
  4. Well, I actually have an informed opinion on the incest/ inbreeding debate in terms of genetics...but by way of the world of dog breeding! Inbreeding does NOT "produce" any defects that are not already in the background...it just shrinks the gene pool to a greater or lesser degree, so that you`ve got more possibility of whatever IS back there popping up. If you inbreed 2 perfect (and I`m talking outwardly and genetically perfect...not just the dog itself but the whole pedigree) dogs (not that there are any), you`d get perfect puppies...on the other hand, inbreed 2 unhealthy fearbiters and look forward to a litter of more of those! Of course there are also unhealthy dogs and fearbiters that come from completely unrelated parents, so people who say "that dog is nasty because it`s inbred" usually have no idea what they are talking about...if they said "that dog is nasty because it`s inbred on Nasty Dog A, four times in the third generation" or something, then it would make more sense! Brother/ sister is the closest inbreeding you can do...as others have pointed out, closer thant parent/ offspring or cousins. To relate this to people, most people have NO idea of what kinds of genetic defects lurk 2 or 3 generations back, and the human gene pool has lots of weird recessives and things. The same genetic principles apply, though...just, depending on the family, there might be a bigger chance of bringing unexpected defects to the fore. I hope that the original poster finds a way to get her friend some help, though...I also wonder about the possibility of past (or ongoing) sexual abuse by a parent.
  5. Yeah, it hurts a lot, all the time, but we are tough, we can take it. Just kidding!! No pain involved, although for those who start younger the first time might hurt a bit. As for how it feels? Well, I don`t know about every woman, but if guys assume we feel invaded?...nope, more like all-enveloping, so there!
  6. I never had that urge at that age, but I know of others who did, and it`s good to realize that it is just that...an urge, not a an order!! Take this test...think about adopting a puppy. If it sounds like too much to take on right now, then probably you aren`t ready for a baby, urge or no urge!
  7. Yeah, law...I wandered into a pre-law class, loved the type of study, and was all set to start the process of getting into law school when I (backwards, I know...typical of me) figured out that passing a certain state`s bar exam basically meant that you intended to live and work there...and so I wouldn`t be able to just drop everything and move wherever and whenever I wanted (not that it turns out that I HAVE done so much of that, just that I wanted to have the option), so that was the end of law school! My opinion on power differential relationships is that they are BIG trouble. I could care less if the professor knows or if the TA is trying hard not to show favoritism....anyone who is responsible for giving grades needs to stay away from the students, at least until the class is over. If it`s a matter of grading multiple-choice tests and not essay exams, ok, maybe, but basically as I see it the problem isn`t age gap or status or whatever...it`s power differential and the abuse of authority. On the other hand, as the original poster pointed out, teachers/ TAs who pursue former students or students in the same department need to realize that the student`s motivation might be more to get some "out of class" assistance than because you`re so hot!! Still, I really think that anyone responsible enough to hold a teaching position or a management-level position needs to be responsible enough to recognize that there are ethical issues here, beyond just attraction.
  8. Annie, I guess the staff where I am must be simultaneously WAY better-connected and more discreet than other places, but I can sure understand your point. And no, don`t go out with him if you don`t really like him! Obviously not!!
  9. GREAT, Bob!! And so kind of you to post this in hopes of helping someone else...kind of like an NC policy for sex, huh? Glad to hear that everything is going so well for you two!
  10. link removed This is a related thread from another forum...to me the deciding factor (other than if you like each other, of course!!) would be whether he has any sort of say over your grades or other parts of your academic career...if not, no problem!! I am assuming he`s not married or otherwise attached, and that you are also single, but you don`t say. From your post, his "approach" seems rather hard-edged to me. I doubt he just wants to help you get into a good school, although maybe he could help with that. My best advice would be to ask the departmental staff at your college to give you the lowdown...does he hit on students on a regular basis? Have a reputation as a sleazy guy or something? The staff will know ALL.
  11. If you read my previous post, I suggested a "how"...but I bet other people have better ideas on that!
  12. No problem with porn, just a problem if the guy isn`t honest about it...and if you haven`t told her yet, it`s probably because you sense that she won`t like what she hears. You cannot control other people`s reactions, but you can be honest. That`s necessary. Then you deal with the fallout from past actions, or if you are the good kind of guy, even get clear on things beforehand. Dealing with the gamut of human reactions to various situations is sure tough...but also necessary. Same with the RL stuff...some bar hostesses can get pretty grabby, and even co-workers here seem to think that a shoulder massage in the workplace is somehow appropriate (!), so I wouldn`t say no touch, but boy would I draw the line at SEX...but even with just looking or whatever the real issue is honesty. If I found out that there was something going on that I needed to know about (which is pretty much anything beyond "hello" if there are feelings/ desires involved!) but hadn`t been told, nope, bye. Went through that once and no way would I put up with it ever again. If 2 people can`t be honest with one another, I fail to see the point in pretending there IS much of a relationship. As for HOW to tell...do what I do (`cause I am the world`s worst liar and don`t even bother anymore!), take her out for a drink and spill your guts...just remember that once you`re sure she`s got the gist of it, you don`t need to go into ANY detail unless she asks!!! And if my guy is going to a strip club, he`d damn well better at least invite me!
  13. LOL...yeah, some shio kara would have the opposite effect, for sure!! That`s the stuff that SuperNurse described as "gummy worms in vomit"...eat it all you want, but just don`t expect a kiss! I hate to tell you, but there`s even another, more threatening form of shio kara that involves tuna innards instead of the squid. That`s if you`re hardcore, I guess.
  14. What a great happy ending to a nice story...see, a little honesty and concern for one another`s feelings can go a long way!! Taking a deep breath and having those scary, honest talks can REALLY help to get a relationship out of a rut and the people involved closer. Not saying that we`ll all end up in 3-somes...LOL...but it never hurts to get to know your partner better...and sometimes when work or life gets super-busy, that goes on the back burner!
×
×
  • Create New...