never-too-late
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I am still feeling pretty bad. I am having a really hard time. I keep checking my phone and my emails but he does not call me or write to me. I am so hurt by this. I know that it was my idea to say good bye, not to have contact, to move on and contact each other only when we feel we want to be together again and he is now not contacting me, I assure respecting my decision. But I cannot help feeling hurt by our last conversation. I guess it is my fault as it was me who wanted to cut all contact with him and now he is following it. But I am just so worried that he is now going to forget all about me and he has met someone else and he has moved on and now he thinks that he doesn't need me anymore. I think what is the hardest thing is that he emailed me a month ago when I was saying good bye that he is so scared to loose me, he is too scared that he is making a mistake, he was very sad to say good bye, he was begging me not to forget him and he was even telling me that he needs to find himself and he can see himself with me in the future. But when I called him last week he did not have time, he sounded bothered when I called him, he told me he didn't want to spend his time on the phone and he basically finished the conversation in a fast way without giving me the chance to talk to him. and since then he has not called. That's why I don't understand. He basically walked away and did not call me back when a month ago, he was sending me such an email. I just cannot understand.
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I am trying to do that but I feel so used in the end Everything that he was begging me not to do like cutting all contact, walking away, closing door, forgetting him he has just done himself!
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I came here as I need a word of encouragement. I still have not heard from him since Friday, since the day he has been so unpleasant to me. He has not called me back, no word from him. Do you think he has met someone else? because why would he otherwise be so cold with me? I am really sad today. I feel like I will never hear from him again, he has met a nice girl and forgot all about me. He made me talk to him for 6 months, begging me not to walk away and now he doesn't need me anymore.
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Thank you for your support. I still have not heard from him since the last conversation we had on Friday when he was very unpleasant to me. Doesn't he feel guilty towards me? I mean the conversation has not ended in a nice way. Basically he sounded frustruated and did not behave as if he would care a lot what I had to say. He said that he is fed up of me asking him questions about our situation. But I really did believe all of his emails, text messages and calls when he was telling me that he really cares, and he doesn't want to loose me and he is too scared to loose me. He doesn't behave like this now. Why? I haven't contacted him and I feel like I will not hear from him again. I feel like for the last 6 months, I was so hurt about the break up, I was in such a pain, I was suffering and hurting and he was stopping me from moving on, he was even blaming me for not wanting to save anything. He was blaming me for breaking everything if I walk away and meet someone else. But now he is quiet, he doesn't call me back, he doesn't worry about me. I just don't understand it. He was telling me he doesn't want to close any door and now he seemes to be the one who closed the door. I am trying to be strong about it and I don't contact him and I am trying my best to move on, to stand up without hoping for anything anymore. I just find it hard as I normally believe in what he says. I feel so sad and hurt about this.
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I tried to say good bye to him by sending him an email about a month ago after I went to meet him. I know you will all say why did I go to meet him. It was purely because I honestly believed that if we meet face to face, talk about everything at least we can move on in peace and we did have a conversation about it and he did say that he was too afraid of loosing me and he did not want to face a situation when he would have to regret that he broke up with me. So he was trying to convince me to stay in contact but after meeting him, he said we should move on FOR NOW and we will see in future. However, I found it too hard to spend weekend with him where we behaved like a couple and then he told me we should move on as he doesn't want a long-distance and he doesn't have any other solution. He said he really cares for me and he will always be there no matter what. But it was too hard so I sent him an email, in which I said good bye. He emailed me back, very nice email telling me that he is too scraed that he will loose me and he might come back but it will be too late and up until now he was sure that I was here so he didn't have to worry. He said that he is too scared that I will meet someone else and I will forget about him. He said that he can imagine himself in the future with me so he said not to forget him. And then I was strong to move on but 4 days later, he called me telling me he found it too hard and he was calling a lot to make me answer and we talked and he said again the same. But since then I have been weak to walk away. As he was telling me that I am breaking everything for good. Anyway, about a week ago, I was getting really weak needing to talk to him but he was telling me that I need to stick to our decision and we need to both stickt to saying good bye. I was so surprised he said that. I mean he was so scared and suddenly he said that. But the problem is now I feel too weak and I have been trying to talk to him to get some clarity but now he isn't being nice with me. He is telling me he is too stressed with work and I always want to talk to him about our situation and he doesn't want to spend his evenings on the phone. But 2 days ago he called me by loving name, which he used to call me by when we were together. I just feel so lost and so confused. And tonight: I am so hurt. I really don't know what to do. I asked him 2 days ago if we can talk and he did not text me the same night but the next day, he said he was sorry but he was too tired to talk. I asked him yesterday if we can talk and he said he was stressed again and he was too tired and he does not want to spend his time on the phone after his long day at work. I said to him that I feel like he doesn't care and he said I really upset him with this. He said he has had a very stressful week at work and I don't support him at all. But he told me so many times, he cares about me and he will be there for me but he isn't I believed him when I answered my phone after I tried to cut all communication that he will care for me but he does not. It's so painful. He was the one telling me that he is too scared to loose me if I walk away but now he behaves as if he does not care at all. I am in such a pain. Anyway, this afternoon I told him that I am hurting about this and if we can talk. He called me but he was so called and he basically told me that he is tired and stressed and he is going out and he doesn't want to spend his evening on the phone. I told him that I find it hard and that he was the one begging me not to walk away and now he acts as if I don't exist. I don't know what to do. He did not even call me back or text me to reassure me that he didn't mean to finish the conversation so fast Please help. I am feeling so weak.
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He has just sent me a message telling me that it is too hard for him not to be able to talk to me and if we could find some compromise? I was very surprised, I thought I would not hear from him. He then immediately sent me another one, I didn't even have a chance to absorb the first one that it's really hard for him and if I have moved on completely? He then tried to call twice and now he sent me a message telling me he is too sad and we cannot go on like this and he asked me to say something as he is really desparate. He now sent another one telling me that I am breaking everything as I am rejecting him already now and how is going to be able to contact me later to come back to me again. He says he still needs to talk to me to feel better. He is begging me to answer.. I don't know what to do? It's a bit too much for me too fast.. I need time to think but he is sending me all these messages? I feel bad now Please help.
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I am feeling a bit low today. I miss him and I am worried he has forgotten me already. I worry that cutting off all contact with him will destroy everything between us. I worry that no communication with him will make us drift apart and I will regret it as I will loose him for good? Has anyone had any chances later on with someone they had no contact with? I really don't know if I made the right decision? What if I should have kept in contact with him? Please help.
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I came here to vent and to get some help and support. I really miss him and I am sad that the relationship is over. I had to tell him 2 days ago that even if I still love him, I need to move on and forget and the only way I can do this is by cutting all contact with him. I was being nice about it. He sent me a beautiful email back telling him how sad he is, and that he is so scared of making a mistake and that he is scared he might not be able to come back to me one day as I might meet someone else. He said that he is scared he is going to loose me forever. However, he said that he is not ready to try again as we are far from each other and it would again cause the same problems. He said not to forget him. I am afraid that now it's completely over and we are never going to be together again. Do you think cutting all contact will kill all feelings between us? But I feel much stronger when doing it, even though I wish I could be with him but he did not want to continue our relationship anymore. Do you think cutting all contact with the other person means that you will kill all your feelings and will kill all of the possibilities to get back together in the future?
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I came here to ask for help and support! It's been my first day of NC. I met him last weekend and we did spend a nice weekend. At first it was very strange between us as he was a little distant but then I told him that I came to see him so if he wants to stay distant with me, it'd be shame as it may be the last time I see him. And then we did have a nice time. He took me out, we talked about our situation and it certainly helped us to be able to discuss things face to face rather than on the phone or by email. It has made such difference to see the person's face. Basically I wanted to make the situation clear between us so I asked him few questions to clarify it for myself. He explained to me that he does not want to have a long-distance relationship as it does not make him happy and he was also too scared for me to move closer to him as he was fearing that we would not be able to survive as a couple. He said that he is trying to convince himself that it's for be the best to end the relationship and to move on but he says he cannot help worrying he will loose me and he may regret it later if he realises that I am the girl for him. He says he is not sure about many things but he is sure he does not want to have a long-distance relationship anymore. He said that he cares for me still a lot and he likes me. So I told him if the relationship is over and he is moving on, I need to do the same. I said to him that because of the way I feel towards him, I need to cut all contact with him and try to move on without him. I said to him that if I stay in contact with him, I might not be able to move on. He said that he understands and he wants to respect my choice to cut all contact but he says that he's too sad to think that he would never ever be able to see me or talk to me again. But I explained to him why I need to have NC with him. He seems to understand it. He said that maybe one day we can get together again but I told him that I cannot wait for something that may not happen. I said that I am not happy doing this but I feel like I have to. The thing is when we met last weekend, we were behaving as a couple. We were basically doing things as if we have never broken up. We were hugging each other, holding our hands, kissing, watching a movie together in each other's arms, basically as before.. and then when I had to leave him, saying good bye it was too hard for me as I knew that in the end it was only a weekend. So I told him that as much as I enjoyed it with him and it really was a nice weekend, I cannot be in this situation anymore. This was last night and he said that he respects it and we agreed that we won't contact each other. He said that he hopes we can re-new our contact after a while but I am not sure with the history we have that I can be his friend. Moreover, I cannot imagine and I would not want to face the fact that he could meet someone new. I would rather not know about it. I realised that we are so much better when we meet face to face. But we could not make it closer to each other. I am so sad about it. But he chose to leave me, to end it, to move on without me and he told me yesterday that sometimes he is looking for the perfect girl, the ideal and he is not sure he is doing the right thing by doing that. I feel not good enough in this case I just wanted to know if you think cutting all contact for good could result of not having the chance of being with that person again. I worry that if we loose contact, we might loose our feelings. We might not be ever together again. Do you think it's a risk?
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After reading your advice, I finally took the courage and sent him a message and told him that I am not going to see him anymore even if I have a ticket booked and that I cannot continue anymore and I need to move on and forget and I cannot bear this anymore. I cried myself to sleep after I sent him and I thought to myself "ok that's it now, I now need to be strong and move on and start a new life". But a couple of hours later, he sent me a message saying that it's too painful to hear that and that he was just protecting himself after the arguments and that he wants us to meet and that it's too painful to imagine if there should be another guy in my life. The next day, yesterday he wrote to me again asking me to tell him the truth if there is someone else and that he could not sleep and that he is sick. I replied and told him that there is noone and that even if there is a guy interested, I am not interested back. He said if we can still meet so we are meeting to talk next month. He said he still cares for me a lot and he wants us to have nice time when we meet there is a possibility for us to re-consider in the future if the circumtances of the distance change. He said now with the long-distance getting back together is out of the question. I am nervous meeting him but I know we both need to do that and to talk about everything. But after that I really need to move on but I am not really sure how to tell him because I know he gets all upset when I try to walk away.
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I just do not understand anything. Why is he so mean towards me? It all started this weekend. I texted him on Sunday if we could talk because I missed him and he said he does not need to be there every time I want as we are not together anymore but it was him who wanted to stay in contact? I just do not understand it? The problem is that I booked my ticket to go and meet him a while ago. We had arranged to meet up to talk about everything face to face because over the phone and text messages it's too hard. But in the meantime we have had few arguments where I told him a couple of times I will not come to see him but only to make him react. He did react each time but pretty negative. So now he is like this. He told me last night that he has a problem to digest our arguments more and more and if I am not realising I am driving him completely away. He says he wants a week to decide if we still should meet or not because he says he does not want to continue such arguments and fights. But it's so hard to wait here a week for him to make his mind up. Knowing him I know he will eventually say let's meet but he says he does not have much to say now and he wants to be left alone. But why? I asked him this morning to calm down and that I still want us to meet to talk and why staying angry but he replied and said to leave him alone and that he needs the week to decide. He says I am too much for him So now I am here wondering why does he hate me so much and why is he so angry and why is he blocking me out and why does he need the whole week to think? ah im not well about this and I am weaker to keep no contact with him as I know I have this ticket.
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Wow that's harsh... thanks anyway.
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I woke up this morning feeling this emptiness and this confusion. How could he move on so fast when only a couple of weeks ago he was still begging me to talk to him and that he needs me and now he is telling me he does not need me. I really feel like he has met someone else but he just won't tell me.
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Please explain to me why? He was the one who wanted to stay in contact, who each time I tried to walk away in order to heal and to move on and to accept that the relationship ended, was fighting for me to stay in contact with him. I felt a bit down yesterday and I was missing him. I texted him and I asked him if he would like to talk. His response was pretty cold and he said that it's not his role anymore to be there for me whenever I need. But 3 weeks ago, he was begging me to answer the phone telling me he needs me so much and he even called me "my dear", which he used to call me when we were together. I told him that I dont understand why cannot he talk to me and he then called me and he was screaming. He was shouting telling me he is so fed up with me and that he is tired of being there all the time for me and that he is not my boyfriend anymore so I should not turn to him for help anymore. He said he hates me and he is done with me for good and I should just go away. I was so shocked. He said he has moved on and he is good now. I just cannot understand his reaction? We are supposed to meet to talk about our situation face to face in a couple of weeks but I feel so hurt by this. He was telling me last night that he doesnt want me to come anymore. This morning, I asked him if I should cancel my ticket and he emailed me and he said that he is really sick of everything and he doest need me anymore and he has been there enough for me. He said I don't attract him anymore and he has realised that I have a personality problem. He really hurt me so much. I stayed in contact with him because that's what he wanted so much. He said that it's best if say good bye and move on. I asked him if he has met someone else and he says no he has not. So I sat down and found all the strength inside me and sent him an email back and told him that I appreciate all of his efforts and that I am sorry I made him so angry but I could not help to keep my distance because I find it hard to deal iwth the break up. I told him that I knew if I stayed in contact with him, it would lead to this problem and that this is the reason why I asked for no contact. I said to him that I respect his decision and that is that I need to move on and forget like he has done. I wished him well and sent it. He replied back and he said that he is too upset now and he does not think clearly and to give him a week to think if he still feel like meeting and making more efforts for me and us. I just don't understand it anymore.
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I am not sure what to do now We have agreed to meet. I booked my ticket to go and see him. I know you will say, why doesn't he come to see me. Actually he wanted to but I prefer going there as he lives on his own and I share with others. I would feel a bit stressed out having my flatmates around me. I told him that I booked it and he said to me that he was a bit annoyed with the date as he wanted to go to his friend's birthday party. I was a bit upset about that. He said if I could try to change it but I told him I cannot. He was at first complaining that he cannot go to this party. So I told him that I will cancel my ticket and he can go to his party and I won't come. Honestly I was not going to beg him. He said that he could not do that to me and that I have alredy paid for it, so it's fine. He said in the end that he is happy to see me. But he has been so distant with me. He is talking to me as a friend. I told him today I miss him but he did not say anything back. I asked him why. He said that we have been broken up for a few months now and we have been having conflicts all the time so it has affected his feelings. I was quite hurt about that. I told him that obviously our relationship could not mean as much as to him as to me as I am finding this hard. He told me that I should stop blaming him for it all the time. I feel no care, no warm feelings from him. I miss him but I feel like he has lost all the feelings for me he had. How could he? Do I mean so little to him? I am going to see him in a couple of weeks but I am so afraid, not sure what to expect? He said that the meeting will be only to talk in person but he is so cold? He said not to expect that he will change his mind about us. What should I do?