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holeinmysoul33

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  1. Yeah, alcoholism can be genetic. Or perhaps a learned behavior. But yes, children of alcoholics are more likely to become alcoholics. The definition for alcoholism is pretty grey. Some define it by an inability to go any length of time without a drink. Or an inability to deny a drink when offered. Also, an alcoholic may be one that has significant behavioral changes when they begin drinking. My father would come home every evening and no one wanted to talk to him until he'd had a martini. After that bit of alcohol, he was approachable. But I don't know that I'd call him an alcoholic. I guess the question to ask yourself is if how much he drinks hurts him or you or anyone he comes in contact with. If he gets beligerant when he drinks, then he's hurting his reputation. If he's drinking more than a few glasses of wine a night, then he's hurting his liver. Doctors say it is good to have up to 2 drinks per day, usually red wine or beer being the favored drinks. More than that and your hurting your liver. So is it just 2 drinks a day? Occasionaly more? I wouldn't worry. But if he's downing a six pack every time you see him, it might be time to find him some help. Good luck.
  2. I agree that the personal adds are a poor choice on his part. Of course everyone gets crushes or has some interest in other people even when they are in a commited and loving relationship, but usually they do nothing but fantisize for a week or so. To actually go out seeking contact from another is unacceptable. That does somewhat border cheating. I think that needs to stop. However, I think you need to lighten up on the porn. The more a man "releases", the better he will feel. There are studies showing that men who masturbate more have lower prostate cancer rates and are generally happier. If he doesnt maturbate, he will become hornier and will have more likelihood of straying. And its impossible for you to be able to satisfy all of his needs. My boyfriend and I have sex several times a week and he still maturbates once or twice. Some of them just have insatiable appetites for it. So give in on the porn. If it really disgusts you, just ask him to watch when your not around, and to please not use your computer. And the thought of you will stay in his mind long after the porn is over. The porn really is just visual stimulation, because in his mind he's imagining being with you (all information that comes from many men). So good luck to you.
  3. Thank you to all who offered advice. I went to the EEOC office in my area today to file a complaint (after much prompting by my boyfriend). I can understand why so many women don't file complaints or ever report rapes/sexual harrasment. It's hard to do, and you always worry that no one will believe you. The people there were very helpful and said he was blatently sexually harrasing me. thereforeee, they will investigate it, but not for awhile as I have to return at the end of April to file an official complaint. After that, the CEO will receive a letter stating that I filed a complaint (aparently, they want to state who filed the complaint) and the investigation goes from there. I don't care if i receive compensation in any way, just that he knows what he did is very wrong. I just don't want this to happen to more women whom he interviews, or I guess have any contact with. Anyway, thanks for everyones support. Oh yeah, and I definently didn't take the job.
  4. Ok, just for those of you who are freaking out, I was not raped. But I did have an older man make unwanted advances on me. I'll just give you the whole story. Its kind of long so bear with me. I had an interview with a company recently. For my sake I'm not going to mention what position I applied for, where the company was or what they do. I had my first interview with the CEO's personal assistant. She liked me well enough to have me meet with the CEO. Its a fairly small company still so the CEO, so she said, likes to meet all prospective employees. She also warned me beforehand that he would insist I have a drink with him, as he would be meeting me in a restaurant close by. So I went to meet with the CEO and what he told me was one of his other assistants, a woman. Everything seemed fairly normal about the interview except for him insisting that I have a drink, which I did. He told me he wanted to hire me and wanted me to start the next day. I said I couldn't because I had to give 2 weeks notice to the company I currently worked for, and that I wanted to think it over. He said, "What is there to think about? Get on board and you have whatever you want as far as pay and benefits." There was a catch to that though. I had to take less pay for 90 days so I could "prove" myself worthy of higher pay. Sounds sleezy, especially since there was no guaruntee that I would get a raise. At this point I'm weighing the pros and cons to it. So about that time another interviewee shows up and he asks me to stay because he wants to talk to me more. He insists on me drinking another drink, so I do, not wanting to be rude and wanting to hear more about why I should work for him. So I sat in on an interview for a completely different position, and that person left (he did not drink, and the CEO said to me, and immediately another interviewee shows up. He asks both me and his assistant if we can both stay for longer. His personal assistant also joins us for a drink. By now it is getting dark and I was worried about public transportation, but the next interviewee was applying for the same position as me, so I really wanted to sit in and hear what she had to say. He also insisted that I have another drink, so I took one, once again not to be rude. I'm beginning to feel the alcohol by this point, just a little buzzed. I have to say that sitting in on that interview was the most interesting thing I've ever done, to act like a superior when you havent even been hired yet. So anyway, she stays and talks for about an hour, has two drinks with us, then mentions she needs to go because she has prior obligations. She is offered a job and takes it. BTW, he's been drinking Coors Light the whole time, about 4 by now, and I've been drinking Cranberry and Vodkas. His personal assistant walks her to a mass transit stop, and his other assistant excuses herself to the bathroom. So it is me and him sitting at the table alone. He leans over and says to me, "I think your incredible." I thought he was talking about I'm a good candidate for the job. Then he continues with "I think your beautiful and intelligent." He tells me to take the job, and says he wants to get to know me on a personal level. Our relationship would be kept separate from the office environment. He says he wants to take me to another city on a business trip with him next week. I say I dont think that would work because I have a boyfriend and prior commitments. The two assistants return at this time. The conversation returns to how the other interviews we sat on went. I excuse myself to the bathroom. When I exit the bathroom, he is waiting for me in the hallway and grabs me around the waist and kisses me. I push away. He continues to reiterate what he said earlier, that he thinks I'm beautiful and a good personality match for him. He says he's looking for a wife and thinks I fit the mold perfectly. He tries to kiss me again, I push away afer a moment of contact and go back to the table. I ask his personal assistant if she plans on leaving anytime soon. She says yes because it is getting late, and I say that I want to walk out with her. She says she has to walk the other assistant to her car around the corner and then would be ready to go. So once again, I'm left alone with the CEO for him to tell me how good of a wife I would make. He also said he wanted to make love to me. He insisted on another drink, I said no and ordered water, he insisted and made the bartender bring me another drink and one for his personal assistant as well. So she had to stay and drink her drink, and I'm trying to politely sip my drink slowly because I can feel myself getting drunk. I had to go to the bathroom again, and once again he was there as I left the bathroom, grabs me around the waist and kisses me again. I pushed him away. He asked me what I thought. As I could tell he would not take no for an answer, I said I had to think about it. I just wanted to get out of there at that point, so I told him that I needed to leave, and he told me to call him the next day and proceded to try to kiss me again, to which I once again pushed him away after a moment of contact. He also insisted that his personal assistant give me a ride to my car because it was on her way home. Not wanting to leave there by myself, I agreed (also because it was another woman). So I finally got out of there. So I guess my question is do you think I made myself clear that his intentions were not appreciated. I think I was clear enough, and I never made advances towards him. I don't really know what to do at this point. Is it a clear case of sexual assault? I'm quite upset at myself for not getting out of the situation sooner and allowing him to make that many advances on me, but I was drinking and by the time he started making advances I was scared as to how he would react. So anyway, I'm humiliated and hurt and don't know what to do.
  5. It sounds to me like you do love your girlfriend. Have you ever talked to her about how you feel about her and your son's relationship? Let her know that the way she treated him hurt you too. Tell her all the things that are bothering you. Tell her you want to work this relationship out because of the time you've invested and the love you know you have for eachother. I'm glad you know that you cant change her, because you can't change people and expect them to be happy with themselves. Maybe after you talk to her about your issues, and perhaps she has some issues of her own (ask her to tell you if she has things she wants to talk about), things will work themselves out naturally. As far as the woman you met online, its very natural to have crushes throughout the phase of a long term relationship. Usually it just reminds you of how much you love your significant other and how much you want to be with them. Sometimes people realize their girlfriend or boyfriend are not for them and that this person would be closer to what they want. But anyway, crushes are normal, as long as that is what this is. Don't bring up the other woman in any of your conversations with your girlfriend. Best of luck, and let us know how it goes.
  6. Since you do have a son, the most important thing to think about is him. If he's seeing the two of you fighting all the time, you shouldn't be together. Really, for both of you your focus should be your son because you both brought him into this world. Being a parent means not having a life other than your child. your duty is to raise that child to be the best addition to society that it can be. So I'm not so sure you should be concerned with whether or not she will come back. I don't think she will, and if she does it wont be happy for either of you for long. Your relationship seems forever tortured. So what I'm saying is look after your son first, then when you do have time to yourself, go out and meet new women. Don't wait for her to come back.
  7. I think its a case of reality not being as good as the fantasy for him. He's going to sleep because he wants you to realize he's rude and inconsiderate. It sounds like he doesn't want to be with you anymore. The reality vs fantasy is typical of many people. For the time that you were with your ex of 3 years, you were untouchable for him. He could only dream about what it would be like to be with you. Then when you broke up with the bf of 3 years and started dating him, his fantasy came true, but he realized he was more in love with the fantasy world of dating you than the real world of dating you. Thats not to say that your a horrible person or anything. Its his fault. Its like Christmas time, you build up all that excitement for opening presents and then when you open them and find you didnt get the present you wanted, its not any fun. I guess you just didn't have the present he was hoping for. And at least you've realized that he's rude, and you should realize he doesn't have what your looking for either and move on. Good luck.
  8. Hey everyone. I had them taken out on Friday (its sunday now, so its been 3 days). It hasnt been too bad except that the lower ones still hurt enough to keep me home, and I swelled up pretty nicely. Also, I'm still having problems eating. I feel like an old person cause I eat so slow. I end up getting tired of eating and dont finish what Ive made. Dont worry, I'm eating enough. Thanks to everyone who shared their experiences with me.
  9. I was very much in the same situation as everyone that has posted on this topic. I was with who I thought was the love of my life for two years, and was devistated when he told me he wanted to be with someone else. Besides the things you listed here that helped me get over the breakup (those are great suggestions by the way!), a few other things that might help: - It's important to know and understand why you broke up. So analyzing the relationship is an excellent thing to do, as soul seeker said not to get them back but to help you know what happened and why it didn't work out. - Now that you know why it didnt work out, also know that long term relationships only work when both people change together. Change is inevitable, so don't try to stop that. Whether you change together or change in a different direction from one another may also not be your choice. If your personalities are compatible enough, and if you BOTH want the relationship bad enough, you will change together. - Later on, when your not so bitter about the breakup, you will start to see the reason why s/he wasnt the perfect person for you. Store all those realizations away because when you meet someone new, you can know immediately what you dont like about them based on what you didnt like about your ex. I guess you could ccall that "learning from the past". It keeps you from getting into patterns of dating the same kind of people. Those are my two cents. Or three.
  10. Have you tried talking to him about it? Nothing can cure a bad sex life better than discussing your dissatisfactions. You have to be tactful when you do discuss it. Don't accuse him of not caring about your sexual pleasure, instead say that you would enjoy sex more if he spent more time pleasuring you. You have to be very careful of not accusing him. Some men have such fragile egos about sex that they can be hurt easily. If you dont talk to him though, nothing will change. He may think things are perfectly fine with your sex life. If even after you talk to him he doesn't care, maybe its time to rethink your relationship. Good luck.
  11. Hi everyone. This Friday I'm getting my wisdom teeth removed. I'm really nervous about it as I've never experienced general anethesia, nor had any kind of surgery for that matter. I'm not nervous to the point that I won't go through with the procedure, but I was just wondering if anyone (and I'm sure there are alot of you) out there can share their experiences with me and maybe give me some tips for a quick recovery. Thanks!
  12. I'd say it's a defense thing, like what Morrigan said. She feels guilty so she's trying to find the fastest way to run away. Also, she probably does still care for you, and I havent read the rest of your posts but I am assuming she's the one that wanted to separate. And because she's the one who made up her mind, she probably dealt with the pain of the relationship ending long before she told you she wanted to end it. So she's basically already over it, only because she started grieving before you knew it was over. She probably started grieving about the time you relationship became unstable. That's why it was so easy for her to sleep with someone else so soon. I hope that makes sense. It does in my mind only because I went through a similar situation with an ex of 3 years, and I was quick to sleep with another only because I had already dealt with the emotions involved with breaking up before we broke up. I'm not saying what she or I did was right, because I really hurt my ex, but I'm trying to give some insight into why she's acting the way she is.
  13. Yeah, it does work. The other thing it does is make you feel better about yourself. Maybe you'll find you don't need to talk to him because there is someone better out there, or maybe you find you dont need anyone at all. I think its a good idea for you to start making yourself look great every day and talking to new people. Start hanging out with your friends more. It might get him back, but even better, you'll have your life back again and you'll be noticed by more people. Good luck.
  14. You know, there are alot of good reasons not to date someone you work with. Imagine, if things don't work out how akward it would be to work together. Also, people will accuse both of you of playing favorites for eachother. And management will always eye you more carefully when you talk to eachother, meaning they will dislike you two talking more because they know your together and think your wasting time (you can always talk outside of work!). I'm dating a guy I work with, and those kinds of problems have surfaced with us. The management thing is especially annoying because if either of us were talking to any other employee, they would not say a thing. But anyway, you can kind of look at it in that way. Still, it sucks knowing you can't have what you want. I've been through that many times, and in the end if they don't want you enough to leave their significant other, then its not worth your time pining over them. Even if you do get a chance at a relationship, it won't be all you thought it could. I guess I'm pretty jaded when it comes to that portion of a relationship as I've been hurt too many times by it.
  15. Hey, I'm just going to give you some thoughts I had about why your feeling depressed while reading your post. Other people might disagree with me, but I think a major portion of the problem is the way your parents are treating you. They're not being supportive of what your doing with your life in any way. Sure, you may not be doing much right now, but parents are supposed to be there to guide you, not tell you, as to where you should go next. Your stuck in this rut because they haven't given you the room to figure out what your interested or goals in life are. Theyre on your butt telling you that you have to make decissions because the rest of your life depends on what decissions you make now. Honestly, the further you get in life the more decissions there are. So theyre trying to motivate you negativly. They're saying get good grades or we wont help you with college. Did you ever stop to ask yourself if you really want to go to college? I don't consider my college years a waiste of my time, but I know there were other things I could have done and I might be happier with my career track right now. There are so many directions you can go without college. And the whole thing with reading your online conversations: thats them not wanting to let you have some freedom. Theyre still trying to control you when they dont realize that they dont have any control over what you do anymore. You have your own mind and you can make your own decissions, and that probably frightens them. So my suggestion is to sit down with them, perhaps with a moderator such as a school counsoler, and tell them everything that they do that makes them angry. And then tell them every thing that theyve done that you appreciate. And say that you haven't appreciated them lately, and that you want to again, and tell them that in order for you to appreciate and respect them again, they need to let you have more freedom. Ok, thats my long train of thought. Also, no matter what you choose now, you can always change your mind later. "Yes there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run theres still time to change the road your on."
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