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jbaskerville

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About jbaskerville

  • Birthday 04/30/1975

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  1. this is such great dialogue. i do think that sometimes you have to let go of a person in order that they resolve issues on thier own. there is only so much another person can shoulder before they can't take it anymore. i have truly learned this the hard way. i personally need time away from my relationship (i grudgingly realize) to work on me. it is not something that i can do while trying to be with another person. DN-- i agree with you. sometimes the other person has to leave in order to retain some sense of sanity.
  2. i have a hypothetical question for all the men out there. if you left a woman because she had way to many issues, only to find that sometime down the road she had become a stronger person, would you want to be with her again? and yes, i am digging for answers to my own dilemma! hey, at least i admit it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i know that it depends on the circumstances surrounding the break up as well-- so if you could, please tell me that as well. thanks!!!!!
  3. i think his measures were drastic because his act was probably drastic! He probably screwed up big time. would i take him back? depends on what he did, or worse, how many times he did it in the past. once again, i would have to say he must have screwed up royally.
  4. dragongirl724: thank you for sharing your experience with me. like i said, everything that i read about on this site is really helping me, a little more everyday. in my situation, we broke up (upon his strong suggestion) because the timing was bad. i have issues that need to be dealt with-- and this problem was manifesting itself in me being selfish and clingy. i need this time to take for myself-- even though i love him dearly. i realize that i need to get myself together before i can be in any relationship, whether it be with him or not. also important, if i truly love him, i must give him the space that he has asked for. again-- thanks alot. you seem to be a very strong woman!
  5. dragongirl724: the NC rule is game to some and a way to heal for others. i personally am hurting too much right now to contact him anyway. i think you may misunderstand my intentions for asking about the effect of the rule. so many people have written about it, i just wanted to know if it actually worked for them or not. however, thanks for the support. this dialogue is certainly helping me more than anything else!
  6. dragongirl 724-- while i think that what you said in your post (the link that i read) is true some of the time, i don't think it is true all of the time. I wanted to know from a dumper if the NC rule has ever worked on them. apparently, sometimes it works, and sometimes it does not. the one thing that i know for sure in this whole process is that there are no set hard and fast rules, and nothing is guaranteed. on another note, this site is really helpful because you get a chance to see so many perspectives on one problem. some people are really positive, upbeat and really want you to feel better. others seem to be really jaded, and although they have harsh words for you, they want you to feel better too. tough love i guess. as for my situation, all i know is that i hurt, really, really bad. i really do love him (not the idea of him), but at the same time-- i know that i need time to myself. lack of that time for myself is what probably got me into this predicament in the first place. i just want to get to the point where i don't feel so cruddy anymore. i want to get to the point where i don't think about him all the time. i want to get back to myself. this website is definitely something that can help with that process.
  7. thanks hope! the more that i talk with people on this site, (and read previous advice) the better i feel. hope all goes well with your situation too!
  8. excellent question! i would like an answer from the "dumpers" as well. does the no contact rule work? has it worked on any of you?
  9. i think that all realtionships and situations are different, and that no one can predict what will happen. but, i agree with muneca in that sense that you can create an atmosphere that will make getting back together a little easier. right now, i am going through a break up with someone that i truly adored. i am no where near the "he is calling me, and i need to play it cool stage". roxy, reading about your experience, and reading the advice that muneca and hope 75 are giving you is really helping me as well. i hope that you will find happiness regardless of how the situation turns out. however, being the diehard romantic that i am-- i hope that you get him back!!!!!!! good luck! ps. i will definitely be taking alot of the advice that i have seen posted here!
  10. thank you so much. this website is really helping me through this tough time. even if we don't get back together, i know i will be okay.
  11. wow! tough call to make. has he ever made any indication that he would like to try a relationship with you? if he is seeing someone else, it may just be that he digs you as a good friend. sometimes, we fall in love with people who make us feel comfortable-- who allow us to be ourselves. one thing i would suggest is to give it some time. plus, this is your first year in college. you have so many more folks to meet and greet. if you really can't see yourself with anyone else, let him make the first move! good luck!
  12. sounds to me like you guys have two different views of intimacy. i was in a relationship with a guy once who thought it was okay to SLEEP IN THE SAME BED with his "friend". i had a serious issue with this, as most people would. if you are having a serious problem with what he did, take a break from him for a while. maybe it will take something as dramatic as that to wake him up!!!!! as far as him not being sure about being committed, and feeling that you are replaceable, he is a jerk for that. the guy i mentioned earlier, he used to tell me that i "was not all that", and that he could do better. in effect, i was "replaceable". i am sure that you are a great person-- leave that fool alone. don't let him make you think that you are replaceable because you can't ever be replaced.
  13. well-- basically i started dating him while on the rebound. unfortunatley, i fell in love with him. because i was still suffering from other issues (could not get over ex, baggage, etc.), i became very clingy and very needy. he did what he could for a while, but ultimately, he needed space. because i was so stupid and clingy, i did not give it to him. it pushed him further and further away. finally, after asking for space three times, (and telling me to get my act together-- lost job, lost apartment, etc.) he wanted to call it quits. how could i possibly have loved him, if i did not love myself? i was extremely selfish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![/url]
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