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John John

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  • Birthday May 12

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  1. Realitynut...I know E X A C T L Y how you feel. Even the bible says we aren't meant to be alone lol I think all of these "you don't need anyone/be happy on your own/be independent/love yourself" mantras are well-meaning, but were create to comfort those of us who are alone. Because what else are people going to say? I just wish that people in relationships would acknowledge that it does suck to be single, being lonely sucks, and that yeah, they are (generally) happier in good relationships. I know so many people who were just as miserable/lonely when they were single...and now that they have someone, they love life, they're more confident, not lonely, "independent" (lol), etc. There's a lot of hypocrisy out there, but for the most part (especially on here), people do mean well. At the end of the day, no matter what bs mantras people will say...people need people. People (especially when already in relationships/married - for fear of appearing weak or dependent) don't want to admit this out loud, but they do. Some people are truly loners and enjoy being alone, but I feel like the vast majority are not like this. I'm not a religious person at all, but the bible even says we aren't meant to be alone. Maybe people who spew the usual bs mantras can chew on that. And reality, I agree...weekends royally suck when you're single. Because you have to plan a million things to keep yourself busy, and often (and understandably) your friends just do things with their bfs/gfs, so you end up alone regardless.
  2. The only thing I hate more than being single is cancer. In some ways, cancer has already taken my mom from me. Yesterday I told her that the only time I feel like she has anything to do with me these days (long story) is when I give her back massages because her back is always in pain. I think she took it to heart. I fell asleep on the couch with my family yesterday, and she got a blanket and covered me. Was the nicest thing she's done for me in a while. I f#%king hate cancer so much.
  3. I know exactly what you mean. My head knew my ex wasn't right for me and wanted so much to be over her so much sooner than my heart was. It just takes time. Also, agreed regarding Journals being a "safer" place on here. I'm going to stick to the journals a bit more now as opposed to posting elsewhere. We're all here to help and annoy each other! lol
  4. Damn reinvent, that is both very deep and very well written. Good for you on being able to get it out like that and "let go" the way you have.
  5. Agreed. Making my way through her diary now, and she is a very eloquent writer.
  6. Only now am I really seeing you with eyes wide open. I see why everyone else thought you weren't good enough for me. Even your close friend who said "You guys aren't right for each other!" was totally right. Your OKC profile is...hilarious. And very accurately nailed your personality type. The more I see you, the more I realize...your heart may be in the right place, and you're a good person...but you're not a real person.
  7. It is one week shy of two years since you left me. I guess I'm only thinking about you still because I (unfortunately) have to still see your picture on my LinkedIn from endorsing me and because I haven't had anything serious after you yet (though I've had some opportunities that I've passed up). It's clearly a reflection of my own issues, and I know that, and I'm working to resolve them. I know exactly where I stand. I genuinely hope that you're ok now and that you find whatever it is you were looking for. Even though my family and friends didn't like you for me (to put it nicely), I personally know that you're a good person. Everyone deserves to be happy.
  8. What kept me motivated to maintain my strict NC (now a year and a half - not even a single drunk text) at first was my anger and hatred toward her. That then transcended into just acceptance that the reconciliation ball was just in her court. Now, I harbor zero hope, and if she did try to reconcile, I would turn her away for never being able to trust her again. JA, in your case, I think it's ok to have a little hope, but just let things ride. Unfortunately, we aren't always in control of our lives. Absence makes the heart grow fonder...and if you guys are meant to be, you WILL be. If not, and NC ends up being indefinite (as in my case), then you will have maintained your pride the whole time. Hang in there. Feel free to text me if you feel like texting him!!!
  9. Stay strong JA! I know you can do it, and it will only benefit you in the end. If you feel like texting your ex, text me!! lol
  10. Even though you were so wrong for me...I'm still not entirely over you. I can't even bring myself to type the misfortunes I've wished upon you. I guess that makes me a weak and/or bad person. I'll get better, someday. By my own choice, I haven't been on a date in quite some time. I just can't bring myself to get out there again. I just have no interest in it. I met someone late last year, and we really hit it off. But then she moved away. What can I do? I sometimes wonder if you're with someone else. I'm sure you have been with many guys by now, knowing you. You're a pretty girl; it'll be simple for you. You're not held to the standards that I am judged against. But that's a whole 'nother topic for discussion. It's funny how you went from being my best friend to my second worst enemy, in my mind (after myself, I suppose). I have a big monster I'm dealing with right now...and I don't know what to do. Sometimes I think this is my way of keeping myself locked away from more pain. Or maybe I do need to do this? I don't have all the answers. I sure wish I had a crystal ball. Hitting the big 3-0 and being the only one single in the crew kinda sucks. Everyone else is having kids now. My mom is sick, and I have no idea how much longer she'll be around for. I desperately want to dance with her at my future wedding...but I have to accept that it may not happen. And I'm not leaving this at your door...I don't even know what I'm saying. I wonder if you even think of me. If you saw me now, or saw how badly I was doing...You'd probably be even more certain of your decision. I mean, look at me, still. But it doesn't matter anymore. We're strangers now, right? Perhaps this is it for me.
  11. I never realized how much I take after my father. Loyal, hardworking, romantic, sentimental...old-school. And yet, here I am, watching as all my friends (some who regularly cheat on their wives or would definitely do so in the future) are married. I'll bite my tongue before I get into a commentary about a certain group of people... I believe in taking action, and I believe in "doing something about it." I can't do anything about you leaving me...and I can't do anything about how I still feel at times. And I can't do anything about women having certain preferances today. But what I can do is work damn hard. We live in a world where people are quick to give up and leave. Most relationships are doomed to fail, even if only emotionally. For my part...I'm going to work really hard and make myself even more of a catch. If only you knew what I had planned. I guess you will never know. But what you've done for me is light a permanent fire under my ass. I will never, EVER let myself get comfortable ever again. There is simply too much risk of breakups and divorce, and I have to make sure I can always get someone else when the next relationship doesn't work out.
  12. In about a week, it would have been our 6 year anniversary. I've more or less accepted that I will probably think of you (even if only for a split second) every so often for the rest of my life. It's only been a year, so I still think of you every day. You were my first love. I learned a lot from you and our 5 years together. And so, I am even more proud of myself to be approaching 1 year of NC, especially after you said "I don't owe you anything" after all we had been through. I'm glad you said that, in fact, because now I know that maybe you never deserved someone as loyal as me to begin with. I'll forever love and hate you for taking away my "innocence" and naivety with regards to love. And let it be known that I do NOT want you back. I've recently realized that I bent over backwards for us where you were not willing to. Somewhere out there, there is a beautiful woman (inside and out) who will stick around through thick and thin, just as I was willing to. And after all that I put up with and sacrificed for you...the next girl will probably be a walk in the park
  13. I had a dream about you this past weekend. I dreamt I was spooning you, and we were telling each other how much we love each other. Like we used to always do before you just fell out of love with me. Before you just gave up on us. We haven't had any contact for the past 6 weeks. I know you are ok with staying in contact, but I dont know if I am right now. Every minute of every day I spend thinking of you, in one way or another. I want to reach out and see how you are doing, since I think you're afraid to reach out to me. But then I have to remind myself that if you really wanted to try again, you'd reach out to me. Even though I know that I am an amazing catch (good looking, career, bank account, genuinely good person) and that I will eventually find someone else...not only am I in pain/anger because of what happened, but also because I feel like we could have been really great. It didn't have to be like this. I never gave up on you when there were times when I maybe wanted to. Why did you give up on me? A week before the holidays?
  14. Day 30 - (3 months since actual break-up). It definitely has NOT been easy. I have had the urge to break NC every single day at some point or other. Some people on here have even advised against NC, saying that it actually makes you appear weak and needy, and that it's nothing but a "mind game." Before I started NC, we hung out like twice after the breakup, and I had her laughing and smiling. She even said "I love you" as I was leaving. But in subsequent meetings, I wasn't able to keep my cool, talked about the relationship (which is a no-no at this point), and then pushed her away again. The last contact we had ended with her saying "maybe we can meet for coffee in a few weeks to see how we're doing." I know my ex needed/needs space, so I'm trying to give it to her. I honestly don't know what to do. Keep NC or break it and try to hang out as friends for a while and slowly win her over again (since she fell out of love after 5 years together). Since I'm not over her, I think I'm going to stay in NC for now. Month 2 of NC begins tomorrow...sigh...
  15. Fantastic advice. I think I'm going to print this out, and put it on my fridge. Seriously. I've managed to keep up one month of NC, and it's still killing me every day (we've been broken up for 3 months). I feel like I have so much to tell her, and some people on here have actually advised against NC. And I'm terrified she's going to move on completely. But I know that I'm nowhere near being over what happened, so I feel like NC may be the best thing for me right now. And this post will make it easier for me to uphold.
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