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Kaia

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  1. I agree with Agathon. You need to talk to him about this. He might not realize that you're getting hurt by things that he does/ doesn't do. Sometimes I feel the same way with my boyfriend, and I automatically assume that he just doesn't care or doesn't bother to put in the effort to make me happy. It takes me a while to talk to him about this type of issues because I don't want to sound like a whiner or someone that needs to be pampered all the time. But when I eventually talk to him about it, I find out most of the times he just doesn't know what I want. No one is a mind-reader so you need to let him know how you feel. At least you'll find out why he does certain things. As for gifts, if you have something in mind, maybe you should tell him what you'd like to get explicitly.
  2. Hi millaj, i wonder how you approached the "talk" with her when she can't give you a reason. Does she become defensive? Maybe she doesn't know how to tell you what you've been doing isn't turning her on. It's hard to talk about that without feeling you're blaming the partner or that it's something wrong with you. But in fact i think everyone is different and it takes two to find out what's works best for you two. Perhaps you can start by asking her how you can make her feel good sexually. From the 4th paragraph you wrote, "I have even given her ideas"... those things are what turn YOU on but that is not really the problem here, since you're the one with higher sex drive. Focus your discussion on how to make HER feel good, not you. Don't drop her hints on how to please you unless she initiates or asks. Don't get frustrated at her if what you're trying isn't turning her on. And last but not least, don't give up!
  3. Yeah I guess if I want the job bad enough then everything is fair game. I'm stressed and nervous about the interview itself already and this just adds a little bit more! But I agree that it would be more decent to inform me about flight and hotel information ahead of time. Take for example, my dad is worried about me taking a cab 4am in the morning to the airport so he offered to drive me. But to do so he has to take time off work (night shift) and it just wouldn't work to tell his employer last minute. I'm going to meet someone when I'm in the city as well and I can't tell him which hotel I'll be staying because quite frankly, I still don't know. These are not huge problems and more like inconvenience, but it makes the job and the company just that much less appealing now.
  4. Yeah I did tell the recruiter about the offer, that's when I called and found out they're wasting time checking my info. As for the recruiter, she's part of the company that is interviewing me (they have a recruiting department), so I don't think there's any incentive for her to make things smoother/faster.
  5. Hi, just want to vent. I am going to have an onsite interview where they're going to fly me in. But due to some delay in checking my info, they're not going to give me confirmation until the afternoon/evening before my morning flight. Is this normal? That means I won't know exactly which flight I'm taking (although we've tentatively picked one), which hotel I'm staying (distance from hotel to company), what time my interview start the next day, how many interviews I'll have, etc. Are we supposed to be spontaneous like that? I'm just the type of person that likes to know things well in advance if it directly involves me. And this whole experience with the recruiter has been very stressful! In one of the phone calls, when I asked why they need to check my info and can't go ahead and plan the flight first (because, come on, it's been THREE WEEKS since my first phone interview with them, couldn't they check it during that time? but yeah, I guess they won't want to waste resources until they're sure they want to fly me, but we shouldn't be expected to put our lives on hold and wait for them to get back to us right??), the recruiter told me that it's because it costs the company to fly a candidate in, etc. So the feeling I get from the recruiter is that I should be grateful that they'll be giving me a free flight and stay! .. well, which I am, but it's part of their procedure, they wouldn't fly me in if they didn't think I'm worth it in the first place?! So what's this crap about "oh we need to make sure".. The reason I'm stressing out so much too, is because I have an offer waiting for me that I want to take as well. Although I want this job more, I'm not going to reject that one if I don't have a firm offer from this. And the way the process is going, I don't think I can hear back from these people before the offer expires out on the other one.
  6. My ex and I were both virgins and a while into the relationship, he kept saying I make him horny. He kept asking me why I don't want sex and eventually kept on mentioning how he knows these people our age were having sex, etc., trying to pressure me in. Back then, I felt really guilty and I ended up doing a lot of "other stuff" to help him out even when I don't enjoy it. In retrospect, I'm really glad that I didn't lose it to him and I regret not dumping him earlier But I remember feeling very confused and wasn't sure if it was my problem or his. So my advice is, just follow your heart. You'll know when you're ready if you are. Same goes with these "other stuff", don't feel pressured into it. If you want to try, experiment in small steps and see if he is genuinely trying to make you feel good too. P.S. if it makes you uncomfortable when he says "sexually frustrated", then find a time when you're both serious to tell him that you feel uncomfortable hearing that all the time. Just tell him what you think, communication is the key. On the other hand, if you don't mind it then I don't think there's a problem here. Just let it come naturally!
  7. Hey! I feel the same way with my boyfriend. He never shows any detectable jealousy and never ever asked anything about my ex. I know all these are good signs. While I, on the other hand, get jealous quite easily when I feel he pays more attention to other girls than me. I've been trying to deal with my own jealousy problem and I have secretly hoped that he would show some jealousy towards me too. I feel that I like him way more than he likes me. I guess I need to believe him when he says he loves me. I think it depends on what you're used to too. My ex would shower me with gift, keep saying he loves me and get jealous (not that excessively) and I take that as a sign of affection. My current boyfriend is quite the opposite, so sometimes I just conclude that he doesn't like me as much. I hope you're not crazy because that means I am too! So sometimes I just tell myself that I gotta have a little more faith on my boyfriend because he hasn't done anything that suggests otherwise. Good luck!
  8. i have a similar problem too!!! we spend a lot of time together.. but only if he isn't going out with his friends. It feels that he wants to spend time with me, but he would only ask a few hours before and we rarely have 'scheduled' time too. So on one hand, I know he wants to see me, but on the other hand, it feels that he only wants to if it's convenient for him. I think planning a scheduled date would certainly help. The problem in my case is that, we see each other very often, so when he wants to spend time with his friends, he doesn't think that it's cancelling a date with me to go so it's "ok". but i still feel awful because i would expect him to spend those time with me (out of habit) and it always feels like he's ditching me. However, if we actually plan out a date on a certain day/time, then it wouldn't feel as though he wants to see me only when he's NOT busy, but rather, it'd be telling me that he wants to spend that time slot with me even if his friends ask him out later on. Maybe try to explain to your gf this way, I hope it helps. It's really not about how much time you actually spend together, it's about how special you feel when you're together.
  9. I've been on both sides of the situation. I used to not call if it doesn't work somehow the first time. It's not necessarily because she doesn't love you. Some people are just like that and maybe she doesn't realize how worried you'd get. Recently I've experienced your side and realize how bad it feels if the other partner "forgets" to call. Give her a chance and talk with her about it. If it's not a recurring issue then it shouldn't be a problem.
  10. I've been the first girlfriend of 3 different guys and I'd say inexperience is not a problem at all. What is usually the problem is that inexperienced guys might act too eager in some ways and sometimes they come off too strong. Please, let the lady take the lead if you don't know what you're doing. Amen.
  11. I second mystik. I think she is telling the truth as well (that she is in love with you, and doesn't want much to do with that guy). But by telling you, maybe she wants to see some actions and it was not just a "FYI" basis. So ask her about it, maybe she doesn't know what she wants from you either. Life is confusing. Just reassure her that you want to be a better person for her and not taking her for granted. I think your relationship will grow further after some communications but you two need to talk about it. Just remember don't talk about it in a defensive way, be open and believe her when she says she loves you.
  12. I think it should not be too difficult to let her go if you are absolutely sure that she doesn't like you back. You can't let go because you still have the small hope of "what if she likes me a little.." and start wondering about things from there. I think it's best to talk with her directly so it'll either give you a wake up call, or perhaps a pleasant surprise! At this stage you really don't know how she feels. I know it's easier to think that she doesn't like you back because then you don't have to deal with the confrontation, but it doesn't seem like you're losing your attraction to her, so I doubt you can forget her until something else comes up. (e.g. she gets a boyfriend or you start liking someone else etc) Whatever your action is, i wish you the best of luck! For over a year (or maybe longer) I've had secretly liked a friend of mine too who has the same classes as me, same group of friends. At the end it took a 3rd person to make me tell him how i feel. But we've been dating every since. If you really manage to tell/ask her, don't tell her that you "love" her. Keep it light and just say you'd like to date her. See what she says!
  13. In general i'm a little against public display but holding hands is perfectly ok! My boyfriend has some problems too, he seems uncomfortable holding hands with me when we bump into someone he knows. But if it's someone who knows about us dating already then he is fine with it... gradually. Sometimes it just takes time. Especially if the guy hasn't had much experience, maybe he just doesn't know what to do with other people around. If there is no other indication of him not wanting to be close to you, or him not wanting other people to know you're dating, then there is no problem there. Definitely try again, and if it proves to be a problem then talk with him. OR, try again, and then ask him if the action was alright with him. Perhaps he has been wondering about the same! Don't leave it as a guessing game!
  14. At university. I think this is a little bias though. Remember the replies here are from active forum posters too! so they use internet resources a lot more than general people.
  15. Relationship #1 - long distance, I idealized the relationship too much. I think it was what you would call 'puppy love'. He went to university, we drifted apart. He dumped me without telling me he was dumping me Relationship #2 - he came when my feelings were still messed up with ex#1. I felt in love with him but in a few years we grew apart. I felt depressed being with him, ignored sexual incompartibility for too long, realized all these too late for correction. Thinking back, we were different people but I learned a lot about myself during that time.
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