Akira

The type of dancing I am interested in is contemporary dance. My work schedule clashes with the class times so I have taken yoga classes instead (twice a month). I have only been to two workshops and acknowledged the fact that all bodies were slim and toned. That's exactly what I want - I don't want to be skinny. My upperbody (including bust) is slim but my lower body (stomach, thighs, rear) has extra weight that I want to lose. My body is out of proportion and I want to be more balanced.

I am 19 and I am not comfortable with my body. I'm completely aware that I'm lucky that everything functions with me and I don't have any serious problems , but I am not happy with my body weight. I am not big, I'm quite slim, but I still have extra weight on my lower body that I would like to lose. I want this because of the type of dancing I'm interested in. I also like slender bodies. I wonder though what a completely healthy body for a girl and a woman is? Should we have extra weight on our stomachs, thighs and rears? Any advice would be great. I want to lose that extra weight healthily.

I'm a 19 year old girl and I really need some advice/encouragement regarding masturbation. To be frank, I really don't know much about female genitalia and have an almighty fear of hurting myself down there. Touching the outer part is fine, but inserting my finger is very, very awkward. I'm just so tense and am afraid of causing any damage. I'm not from a heavy religious background and have been raised to be tolerant and open minded about things, but there are signs that I'm naturally concervative in some ways. For example, I was absolutely shocked at the age of 13 when I found out that girls my age were giving blowjobs (but my friends didn't think it was a big deal at all). I also couldn't believe that some girls were already having sex. I sometimes feel pressured about my virginity because most teenagers are having sex, but I think I just truly view it as an adult thing to do (regarding myself). I think this relates to my fear of masturbation. I tell myself that women are strong (we give birth!!) but I freak out over the length of fingernails and lack of fluids, etc. Sorry if this is too graphic! I'm just desperate for some advice. I want to know myself better and not to be afraid. I've inserted most of my finger but I don't know where anything is and I don't know what to feel. I currently live in Japan (I'm from Australia) and can't really speak to anyone about it so I hope someone can help. Thanks.

I have come here to tackle my tendencies to take everything personally and fight off my need to control every situation. I think the two are definitely linked. First things first, I worry/ponder/obsess over what others think of me. I know it is the worst thing to do to yourself but I still do it. It leads to brutal self-consciousness and a huge sense of failure if I'm not as *impressive* as I could be (I hope you know what I mean by that). Secondly, one of my worst habits is to plan everything in advance to ensure I get the best out of a situation. This sense of 'anal-ness' prevents me from living life instinctively and it just hurts. I live alone in Japan (I have been here for 6 months) and have some good friends. I think that because I'm alone so much I construct my own web of life and expect my plans to overall everyone elses, so I take it personally whenever someone is busy. I literally feel awful and depressed if someone turns down one of my suggestions. I hate this and want to be a stronger, more flexible person. There is someone who I would like to be in a relationship with, but I don't know how to tell him. I just worry and worry about being rejected (I attempted to start something with one of his friends but it was just awful for me) and then whenever I feel confident that he might feel the same way, I literally envision every future moment (which pretty much is me creating my own reality). I've always been a shy girl. I just want some advice. I believe myself to be a generally good person with some flaws. I get nervous easily and always take things personally and believe a lot of things are my fault. I don't know why I do this and I really want to start changing things. I have a good sense of humour and really wish it was ever-present to help me get through things that I *make* into a big deal. Thank you for reading this!

It's strange. This year my periods have been very, very irregular. I don't know why. I have not had sex and I'm not on the pill or anything like that. Just a week after my regular period it just starts again. Can anyone explain this?

Well, I'm not sure how to go about this. Literallly everyone has experienced what I'm about to write about so I hope at least someone can offer some helpful advice. I've come to the conclusion that if you can't stop thinking about someone (in a good way) then surely you must have feelings for them. If they are easy to talk to and are warm towards you then you build the confidence to share how you feel. There is someone who I think I have fallen for (I just cannot stop thinking about them) and although it felt artificial, I told them I fancied them by email. It was a very brief message (hi, it's me. It's past 1 o'clock. I think I fancy you, what do you think? Share this information and die). I don't like to be overtly sentimental so I tried to exercise the darker side of my sense of humour (I don't know why). I am now playing 'the waiting game' so to speak and waiting for some sort of response. I just wish there was an easy way to 'initiate' a relationship instead of going through the motions of exposing how you feel, waiting for a response, combating the feelings of awkwardness and low self esteem, thinking of what others will think... I just get so excited at the thought of being with them. I'm sure people can relate to that? You meet someone and you just feel so happy. I might be utterly alone in saying this but I have a tendency to create my own reality where I imagine what it would be like to be with someone and I just dwell on it so much that I think everything is possible. That is what gave me the confidence to share how I felt in such a low-key fashion. It's a bit hard to explain. How does everyone here ease (or rush) or flow into a relationship? How do you help the friendship morph into what you desire - something more. I am female and considering that maybe some guys would find it too brash for the girl to make the first move. The more I think about that though the more I find it to be bull * * * *. I feel something and want make it into a reality and not something that 'could have been'. That shouldn't be gender-orientated. Sorry, I have blabbed. Sometimes I feel so different from people and thereforeeee unable to initiate things like relationships without the rush of imaginative excitement, the fear, the self-doubt and thinking I'm an idiot who should have kept quiet. Whoa! Too many words. I'd really like some responses though, cheers.

Sometimes it's very difficult to not judge someone purely based on physical appearance. I don't know why I find myself fixating on it when I actually have strong beliefs about a person's attitude/'cause' being the most important factor. Does anyone else have similar feelings about this? It's a bit hard to explain, sorry.

Hello, I need advice on the best and most user-friendly ways to TONE the body without causing any damage/taking unnecessary action (such as unhealthy dieting). I am not fat by any means, but then again I do not feel healthily slim. People have this perception of me being quite skinny, but in actual fact I am a bit heavy in areas such as my rear and my stomach - these are the two parts of my body I strive to tone. As I wrote before, I do not want to starve myself/exhaust myself...I just went to a step by step approach on how to tone those areas (reduce the excess fat). I feel disproportionate in my body layout because of my slim upperbody and heavier lower body. I don't want to be too narcissistic, but I do want to feel healthy and confident. Do you have any tips/suggestions - certain sports/exercises/food choices that will help? Thank you for reading

Hi, I have been living in Japan now for 2 months and the extreme summer weather is about to hit. I have fair skin and burn easily, so I will definitely be wearing a lot of sunblock, however I am unsure if I should purchase the 'normal' lotion over here. Is it just my imagination or is SPF50 too high? I used to live in Australia and the highest factor available was just over 30. However, SPF50 is the norm over here. I would appreciate any responses/advice. I'm from England and have Irish/Scottish blood so my skin needs to be protected from the sun...but SPF50? Anything lower is branded 'baby lotion' over here!

On my 18th birthday I had my long hair cut off for a stylishly short hair-do. I was quite happy with the result and received a lot of compliments, however now there are suspicions that I am gay because of it. I'm not too sure of my sexuality - I feel that I'm attracted to both genders, but I haven't really been intimately close with anyone before so I don't like to label myself as anything, and I especially don't like to be labelled by anyone else. Anyway, I've noticed that the guys I sometimes associate with are acting strangely around me and it's upsetting. Just last night I had to continuously tell this drunk guy to stop calling me a lesbian, dyk-e (censored), gay... it was in front of others and I just felt so embarrassed. I was practically pleading with him to stop. I felt really hurt and alienated. I thought 'is it how I'm acting, or is it just based on my bloody hair??' I can't stand stereotypes or any of the dreaded "isms"/phobias and it just hurts to be categorised. I'm generally a quiet person, unless I'm with people I know well, and I try to be as polite and warm as possible, so to have certain individuals dismiss you rudely can really hurt (I do have some problems with self-esteem). I just wish that society wasn't programmed to assume that short hair + no boyfriend = lesbian. Someone's sexuality is an extremely personal and cherished characteristic of who they are - it means so much more than a hairstyle/style of dressing. It just upsets me deeply to be labelled anything...it makes me awfully self-conscious and around the company of guys leads me to believe that I'm "unfeminine" or "unapproachable" (I'm not talking about gay people here, I'm talking about my feelings towards myself - just to make it clear!). It's just...draining my confidence and creating this longing for my old hairstyle. Ok, well, I've ranted on for long enough! Thank you for reading

This is just a quick entry – I hope everyone had an enjoyable New Years. I tried to enjoy mine but was dispirited by people telling me that I looked too tense and serious. Looking back I recall so many times when I've been told to relax, chill, stress less and what have you. I'm not exactly a serious person; I love, love, love to laugh and have fun, but there is another side to me that thinks way too much. I think about everything – how bad things are in the world, death, tragedy. All these thoughts linger with me when I'm trying to enjoy myself. I'm also painfully self-conscious. When I'm with a group of people I project a mental image of myself so that I'm aware of every movement and facial expression I make. I have come to the conclusion that this is what's making me so tense! I just can't relax/stop worrying and it has had a major effect on my sleeping patterns. It also heightens my desire to procrastinate almost everything. This isn't a serious condition by any means, but it is causing so much stress. My self esteem isn't all that great and I always think of what others think of me, which leads to the tenseness. Is there anyone else who has to same problem? People who brood over past events, scrutinizing every moment? I'd appreciate any tips and suggestions on how to de-tense myself and to relax more and enjoy life as much as I can. I don't want to compromise my concerns for the world, but it is healthy to have a balance. Ok, I have rambled on for far too long! Thank you for reading and I'd appreciate any constructive comments. Cheers!

I'm not unhappy with my weight. It's quite a healthy amount. Sure, my body isn't anything special, but it's not alarming. However, I do wish that my behind was smaller --- BUT HOW??? Does anyone have any tips/suggestions/instructions as to how lose weight in that area? I'd REALLY appreciate it! ...sheeesh, this is embarrassing, but I really wish my rear was smaller!

Have a good sense of humour - everyone is able to warm to that. Hmmm...when I talk to the girl I like (without sounding obvious) I just talk about random things, nothing too serious. If you want to compliment her then that might be a good conversation starter - but don't over do it. Sorry if this is terrible advice, but I'm just trying to help! If you feel the need to flirt then you should wait until you know her better, or else you have a strong chance of scaring her off. Just be yourself

Wow, thank you for your positive reactions! I really appreciate it. Since we've finished school she's moved back to where she lives (some rural area) because she used to be a boarder at the school. So now we write letters to each other because she is devoid of a computer (which is really frustrating!). I think about her so much and miss her company. The last time I saw her was the day of my drama exam. I was going to give her a letter then but decided against it. Anyway, before we went in to do the exam she gave me a letter of her own. It took me by complete surprise and it almost distracted me from the exam! (lol) - anyway, I opened it at home and it was full of random pics and notes - it's kinda hard to explain. Let's just say Georgia has her own world, which is one of the things I love about her (I'm aware that that sounds pathetic). What caught my eye was the arrangement of our photos - which were apart but facing each other - that were on the last page. I know she had a boyfriend last year, but it didn't last long. She broke it off. I asked her about it recently and she refused to talk about it because she finds the guy repulsive. It was quite amusing to hear that. Anyway, I'm willing to be open-minded about relationships...and I really want her to be as well. But that all depends on her reaction. I think I will drop a few hints in my next letter or something...but god! It's so bloody painful! The waiting and the not-knowing and the hoping! Grrr... Well, I appreciate your support and suggestions and would love to hear future comments if you feel the need to say anything. Thanks so much!

Wow, thanks for your quick replies! I'm quite proud of my sexuality. Like, my ability to appreciate and adore both genders. It's fine with me. I just don't like the confusion...it's difficult. I think I've got myself sorted out and then...there are feelings of doubt. It can be very tough sometimes...but you know, by no means is it extreme. This is just a part of life I have to accept. ...I just don't know what to do about Georgia.