footballlover

These stories have been very inspirational. I have two to share, one personal and one from my friend. I just spoke to my buddy tonight who I haven't hung out with in a few months. He broke up with his gf of 5 years back in December because he was bored of their relationship and felt like he didn't love her anymore. They barely spoke at all during that entire time until recently when he decided to reach out to her because he felt that he made a mistake. They are now back together and slowly getting in contact with each other again. An ex of mine and I had a very tumultuous relationship. We were together for about 3 months and then had a very bad breakup. We proceeded to have a very toxic fwb relationship off and on for almost a year after that. She finally went to another school and I blocked her on everything. Around 9 months later she reached out to me on a secondary facebook profile and proceeded to tell me I was the best thing she had ever had in her life. The relationship never panned out again since she became a lesbian and is insane but just goes to show you that moving on will help in that second chance scenario. As for my most recent ex, we were together for 6 months and she broke up with me last Wednesday. Her dad died one month before I met her and her depression and anxiety forced her to push me away despite claims that I did nothing wrong and was a great bf. We had NC for 5 days before I broke it and we spoke on the phone. She went to therapy Tuesday and was supposed to call me but never did. We talked again last night and I realized that I am pushing her away because she doesn't want me around right now. I texted her today that I was sorry for demanding things of her right now in this time of need and I had purchased a book for her that I thought would help. Also said that I don't expect her to call me Monday for a dinner and movie date next week. I will not be contacting her again. She never responded. We are still friends on social media and I will keep lines open in case she feels suicidal but I have to be strong. I believe if this is meant to be then it will happen. One day she will come back or I will find someone else.

Day 1 again. I really messed up telling you how sorry I was about my behavior last week and your friend has brought to light exactly how wrong I have been. If I ever hope to have something between us in the future I need to stay out of your life until you are ready. This new workout program I started is completely changing me. My personality, my happiness, my love, my heart, it is what I should have given you our entire relationship and it was everything you deserved. I pray you will come back to me my love and I will be waiting with open arms.

Just try to relax and take things very slow. I hope you have spent some time analyzing your faults as well as your ex boyfriend's so that the issues will not reappear again in this new relationship. Don't be afraid to be honest with him about what happened between you guys but learn to also forgive and forget if he demonstrates sincerity in being with you again. I'm having a tough time of this myself. I chose drinking over a girl who would have literally done anything for me and now one of her closest friends, who is also my friend, told me I need to back off before I lose her forever and wait until she is ready to speak to me on her terms. He has always been right about her behavior and us so I trust his judgment. I've since given up drinking and I'm working on myself just waiting until the day that she hopefully decides to speak to me again. That is the kind of mindset you need to develop now, you are your own woman and not dependent upon him for happiness. Love deeply but don't lose yourself and who you are no matter what.

Day 2 What you said still resounds in my heart and I realize that if we are ever going to have a future I need to work on myself and remember why I am doing this. I'm talking to a girl who is on your side of the equation and it is almost like I am peeking from the outside of our situation to look in. She forgave her boyfriend but he didn't want to come back. What I miss the most is holding you in my arms and the feeling of waking up to you in the morning. I hope I'll get that feeling back some day

Day 1 Yesterday you told me that I was being too much and I needed to just give you your space and chill while I focus on myself. It's hard and it can't really be helped not wanting to speak to you when it was all I have known these past 5 months. I made such a horrible mistake picking my demons over you and the entire time we were together you had always been looking out for the real me. I have regretted my decision every single day these past three weeks but I am afraid I have already lost you. I don't really know where to go from here other than to prove to you I can change and become a better man, especially the man that you need and not the boy I gave you. I'm starting to attend therapy, I am starting a 12 week program to get back into the gym and drop weight, and I have begun to rekindle my faith in God because I know how important that is to you. I just miss you so much and it's practically impossible to not think about you every day. I have fallen for you more than any other girl in my young life. I hope this change in me will be enough to have you back in my life but I realize that if it is meant to be then it's going to have to just happen and I need to take a backseat. I'm sorry for breaking your heart like I did and being completely selfish. I don't know why but I think you could be my ONE. While you will never read this I want you to know that I will own up to mistake and I vow to you that I will become a changed man physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I was a fool to let you go once but I promise that I will never do it again

How could you do this to me after everything I have done for you?? You put me through hell on earth for three months after we broke up and I tried to get you back. You shoved in my face how we weren't together and you could do whatever you want with whoever you want. The girl I loved was still there from time to time and there were moments where you did things no girl has ever done for me before. But you coupled that with hooking up with other guys and then drunkingly telling me about it. You treated me like complete and total garbage no matter how often I showed you love and affection. Eventually you came to your own terms that you no longer loved me and only then ended it. But it took you 3 MONTHS. I continued to fight for you as a friend. I was there for you still when you questioned your sexuality. You went through some of the darkest times of your life yet I never left your side. I didn't see you for a month and a half and our only form of communication was text yet that did not stop me from helping you. After school was over and we went on break you began to change. You started becoming the girl I used to know and love. We said sweet things to each other constantly. You gave me hope that we would get back together with all the things I put up from you and did for you that no other man had. After three torturous weeks I finally got to see you again, you were loving and affectionate. We cuddled together and as we left each other's presence I put my lips to yours and I felt butterflies again. I knew my work had paid off after months and months. Yet when midnight came around and I wanted to share a New Year's kiss with you, you completely ignored my calls and texts. I showed up to surprise you and you left me waiting outside your door like a creep, like a lowlife, like someone who meant nothing to you. I tried to forgive you. I really did. I told you that I could still be there for you and I tried for two days. I realized after mentioning being intimate and you bringing up how that has to change that you never truly revitalized the old you. You are still the same selfish, manipulative, confused, girl that I devoted days of my life to helping. For all of my hard work you have done nothing but beat me down and turned me to pulp. You made lovemaking that was romantic and affectionate and special between us, which you knew I took more seriously than anything in relationships, and you turned it into something base and meaningless. You used me to fulfill your whims and your wants for things other guys couldn't give you because you knew I was perfect for you. I told you flat out that I had had enough, that I could no longer continue to be your friend because I can never get over you. I am hopelessly, deeply, even madly in love with you because of how much I sacrificed for you. You will never understand the true effect of what you did to me. The last thing I said to you was that I have and always will want you to be my girl and that will never change. After months of hints and mixed signals from you, I know you were lying to me. Well now you know where I stand. There is no better man for you on this planet and maybe one day you will realize that. But I gave you too many chances. You tore my heart to pieces. You can never speak to me again unless the words out of your mouth are "I am sorry, I love you. Please forgive me, I made a terrible mistake." I never want to hear from you again otherwise. For someone being 20 years old you act like a 14 year old girl. You take the deepness and affection I give you and you cannot take it seriously at all. You are pathetic. You refuse to make the changes that could save us when I did. I became a better man for you. But I realize now that I can't save you, only you can save yourself. It is no longer my duty to be your guard and your lover. You lost that privilege when you lead me on for the last time. I pray that one day you come back to me a changed woman but I won't be waiting around anymore. I have lost months of my life to you or at least to what was once you. I have never met someone quite as selfish and completely oblivious to their actions as you. I can't believe I didn't stand up for myself sooner. Unless you prove to me otherwise it will be NC between us until the day I die. This is the first day that I have not talked to you in a very very long time. It is the hardest thing I have ever known but I will get better. I will improve myself in ways you never thought possible. I'm going to get into the best shape of my life, I am going to find myself again, and I am going to learn to live again without you. You could have had it all, everything I would have given to you but you did this to yourself.

Day 2 of NC Had a dream about her last night where we got back together. Woke up this morning feeling like complete crap because of the dream. Managed to make it through the day but my studies are still being affected by this all and it is finals this week. Probably going to have to stay up all night tonight and pull an all nighter. I miss the way things used to be this time last semester. She was always with me to keep me focused and calm. We bounced dedication to school off one another. A part of me really wants to talk to her but at the same time I am so angry and hurt that I just know it wouldn't lead anywhere. Hopefully this break coming up will allow me to put my mind at ease and figure out how to find my old self again. I want to get back to running and start lifting.

Day 1 I have tried to remain friends with my ex for the past month and it has not worked. We broke up after almost 4 months, I tried to win her back for 3 months, and we have been friends this last month. This past Sunday we were together and she brought up how we used to be around this time before exams with her in my bed studying all the time and waking up next to me. We later ended up making love that night with her initiating everything even after just a month before she had stated how there was no longer anything between us. Friday night and Saturday morning it happened again. Come to find out, she feels guilty that it all happened because she is worried that she is keeping me from moving on when she already has. I can't believe she said something like that to me and is so cold. She also made sure to mention that in those 3 months I attempted to get her back she fell out of love with me the harder I tried for her. The last I saw her was Sunday afternoon. I sent her a text this afternoon to wish her luck on her exam today and got a good luck to you too response. I realize now that there is no way we are going to be able to be friends if she is going to do this to me. I will not be some jump off for her to fall back on when times get tough and no one else is there for her. She herself even suggested that it might be for the best that we stop talking or associating since I am not over her. I think it is time to take that advice. We have a break coming up after exams and I won't be back here at school until January 5th so that will be 32 days starting now. I plan on making it through this entire break without talking to her and seeing what happens. If reconciliation is to occur I can foresee that it will take a very very long time for her to ever miss me again. She has completely changed and is no longer the girl I fell in love with.