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fallen

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  • Birthday 06/30/1984

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  1. Greenie, Yeah I know exactly what you mean, I can relate to that a lot. =) The funny thing is that the guy I liked before (the one was obsessed over for a few months actually), is an editor & co-founder of this music magazine, that's mostly related to punk/rock music. He's soo hot as well, but really distant. I'm sure there's lots of girls that would go for him. But I'm over him now, so that's good. The other guy (my TA) I think was flirting a bit with me for an ego boost as well, he's just that type. I don't think he's seriously interested in me, and I think he's moving to the States next year to be a Whitehouse consultant so it's not like it would ever lead anywhere... I can't imagine he'd be interested in me, so I'm not going to let him think I'm interested in him, as that's probably what he wants me to feel. And it *is* nice to know you're wanted, so don't feel bad about that, it's natural. Don't worry, the attraction will eventually subside... it may take a while though. That first crush I described took waay too long to get over.... but at least I'm over him now. =)
  2. Greenie I think you're thinking waaaaaaay too much. He is a jerk if he doesn't like you because you forgot to wear your hairnet. He probably didn't even care, maybe he just made a face because you looked so flabbergasted about it, hehe. What I would seriously suggest is that you get up the nerve to talk to him, just ask how his day is, comment on a customer, the sandwhiches, the lack of customers, etc. Anything! Ask him how his weekend went, just be friendly. Stares are ok, but aren't the basis of a relationship -- you have to get to know him first, and decide if you like him or not. Hope that helped. Remember -- talk to him, and let us know how it goes! - Fallen
  3. haha, ok that shouldn't be too hard... I'm not really into him anyway actually, just wondering if he liked me. I'm not really interested in being in a relationship right now in any case, it's not a great time... too many things happening now. I expect if anything will develop between me and a guy it'll be over time from being friends/acquaintances first anyway, as that's how I usually like things to happen. But even if someone asked me out now that I liked, I would probably say no just because it's not the right time... perhaps in a few months/years though.
  4. heh, thanks MetallicAgency, but he's actually the complete *opposite* of shy, so that's why I'm a bit confused... he's very extroverted, and pretty eccentric so that's why I thought he might just be playing with me for fun... But he could be a bit shy about telling me directly because he was my TA, and it could be awkward if we started dating now... it's probably technically allowed since he's not teaching me anymore, but the whole age thing... he's probably around 27 and I'm 20. But he treats me like I'm an equal, along with other people in the department. Actually before I bumped into him in the polisci department, I was teasing one of my profs, just joking and then I started talking with him & he was like "how come I never see you around here..." and then he sorta realized and was like "oh yeah..." (because I'm still an undergrad, and only grad students have classes in that building.) So I think he thinks I'm mature, etc. I just don't know if he's attracted to me in that way I guess, or if he just likes me as a student?
  5. eagles04, that's pretty weird... but I got that sometimes in the past as well. The problem was that the guy was already in a relationship. The same thing with that guy I liked & I think he liked me back... But I can *proudly* say that I am over that last guy!! =) I haven't seen him for a few months and actually forgot about him... I'm sorta interested in another guy now although I'm not sure it'll work out. He seems to be somewhat interested in me but I'm not really sure in what way. He's a grad student and he said he had a "vested interest" in me. I asked why, and he was just like "I have a personal interest in you..." I'm not sure if it's because he wants to make sure I get into grad school though, and wants to make sure I do well in school or if it's something more though. I Or both. I should also mention that he was my TA last semester (teaching assistant) although we got along really well regardless... like I'd call him up at 1:00 a.m. to talk about stuff, we were pretty close. But he's also sorta crazy/eccentric, so it's a bit hard to understand him or his motives...
  6. Yeah, it really depends. A person can be looking at you, attracted to you, interested in you, but STILL not want to go out with you. I've had that happen before because the guy was already in a relationship. Sucks. But that precedent isn't true for all cases. Just because one woman acted interested but was married, does NOT mean that ALL women who act interested in you (by looking/staring at you) are not interested. So that's why you have to take the extra step by talking with them & finding out. Asking them out is the next logical step. Good luck.
  7. I am just wondering: how do you personally evaliuate compatibility with a guy? Anything specific or it is just ...a feeling of being in love with him? Hey, I responded to what I thought the 'spark' was in one of my early posts, on the first page. Check it out... I gave my definition of "attraction" there. I wouldn't say it's a feeling of being in love; but you just feel in sync with each other on different levels -- ideally, physically, emotionally & intellectually. This one guy I felt I had an amazing connection with, we were able to exchange witty responses with each other without effort, and could complete each other's sentences after only chatting for 5 mins. Ir was like an instant connection. Of course, this is, for me the "ideal" connection, but you're not so lucky to meet people that you'll connect with them so well. When I first met him I could feel that he was a little quirky, withdrawn & intelligent, and I felt at ease to let my idiosyncracies show without being intimidated (i.e. when I met him, I had to adjust my chair just right and adjust my papers, etc. showing my perfectionist tendencies, and slipped in some of my goofy words, like "okaly-dokalie" (sp?) that I wouldn't do with someone I wasn't really comfortable with.) I also felt at ease with him... for example, he was like "Do you mind if I borrow your pen?" and I was like "yeah, sure" (awkward pause, he looks like he's contemplating... I read him correctly, and without skipping a beat say), "no, Josh, I don't mind..." He smiles, and we just stare at each other in silence... I just felt like we were so right at that point.. but of course, he ended up ignoring me afterwards and alas nothing happened. The story of my life, partly the reason why I created this thread. I thought there might be something wrong in how I'm evaluating attraction. But I think I know... it's just the timing that's not right. edit: although now his friends, some of which I have never talked with, make sure they say hi to me everytime they see me... so he probably told them about me. I don't know, he's just weird. I'm completely over him of course, but... man, everytime I see him, it's just like... melting in each other's eyes. I don't know how to explain it. it sucks so much.
  8. As a girl, I have to say that #5 is not true. But I am perhaps the more confident, modern type of woman. I approach guys, talk to them, flirt and try to come up with witty responses to show my intellect. Not all girls just like to sit back & let the guy be the smarter, more ambitious one you know. But perhaps because I'm a pre-law it's different... =)
  9. I don't really buy that scientific explanation Hannibal, but it is interesting. Polynated, I completely agree with that... it is a wonderful thing & I have experienced it on various occasions. All too often, however, the guy is already taken or we can't date, but it is still a pretty amazing feeling, although one that I've sometimes had to ignore! But hopefully the right guy will come along someday, and we can acknowledge the compatibility and move the 'spark' to a new level. =)
  10. No, I've never done online dating. I gess I've just had some bitter experiences, I've detailed them a bit on this forum if you want to view some of my past posts. But in general, it doesn't much matter. I'm over it. Thanks, fallen
  11. emotional attraction mostly. It can be physical, but for me the "click" happens only when there's a mutual bond between us, such that we have a similar personality, and similar interests and such. I think the problem was that despite the fact that I tend to get along with some guys well, they're already unavailable so things become a bit uncomfortable and there's a tension there... that makes sense. I just wish the guys I liked would be available & interested... but there must be *one* eventually. I just haven't met him yet.
  12. I asked my good buddy today how do you know if a guy (or for him, girl) likes you, and he said he didn't know. He couldn't point out any signals for sure, but he said he just knew -- "it was something intuitive" was his answer. I think this is the answer for a lot of people. Follow your gut feeling. That's what I'm going to do. I've tried analyzing this over & over, and it's getting me nowhere. There's definitely a "click," attraction, whatever you want to call it. People can rationally deny it exists (as I've done, and I'm sure others have for whatever reason), but it's there. Just because it's there doesn't mean you'll act on it though. That's the difference between mere attraction and dating. I was to the point of almost giving up on dating entirely out of repetitive frustration, but I usually have pretty good instincts, so I'm not going to completely disregard them. I've felt an attraction to so many guys, and felt it reciprocated, but the problem was that the guy wouldn't follow up & call me back, and thus I would be left hurt. In some cases the guy would ignore me altogether. I think I've just had a lot of bad experiences and have tried to figure it out, but I just have to trust myself... Thanks for everyone's input. I'm not as bitter as before... I'm not going to dismiss any guy that comes along, with the preconception that there's no point in trying. I'll just be open to things... but I'm not going to go in with any expectations either. I think that's the best approach for now. I don't trust people easily as a result, so it will definitely be difficult, but I'm still young, there's still lots of time for experimentation... Thanks again, fallen =)
  13. Thanks, I'll consider that for the future. meh, he did some of those things, especially the deep eye gazes that lasted about 10 secs & his pupils were dilated...the first time we met there was definite muscle & sexual tension, etc. but at the same time, flirting doesn't always = interest. Just because you 'like' someone, doesn't mean you necessarily want to go out with them. I think the case is that he liked me, but because of the age difference and other reasons (I think he was in a relationship at the time or just getting out of one), the timing wasn't right. However, if he's single I expect he would show a bit more interest, and not just want to talk to me if we casually bump into each other every 6 months. If you truly like someone, you will want to get to know them, like put a bit more effort into it. That's my thoughts anyway. I e-mailed him and took some effort to get to know him, but if he's not going to reciprocate that interest, then it's time to move on.
  14. "I'm not saying this guy might end up being that way since you don't know him. I'm just saying that sometimes when you think you like someone, you don't really like them, but only an idea of who they might be like in your head." This is really true, thanks for your response. I don't even know him that well; I just like the fact that he's mysterious & appears hard-to-get I guess. I'm for some reason usually attracted to the guys that are hot & give off the impression that they're so cool they don't even want you, I guess. He's definitely like that...to the extent that I'm pretty sure he really doesn't want me. And even if he does, I'm not going to keep playing these games. Hell, I'm single, good-looking, smart and confident, I can get better guys that are honest & straight-forward with me. I gave him my number back in (June?) and he hasn't called me once. If he were interested, he would've called, that's that. I'm not going to keep pining after him. Thanks again for the advice, and I'm over this guy! =)
  15. OK, my final conclusions on this, and I'm not going to b*tch any more about it, or do any more naval gazing. Seriously. I just looked at his website; the new issue of his magazine came out. He's an editor & founder of a literary magazine and I read some of his articles, and realized that whatever was between us was just mind-games and trivial, and ultimately nothing more than perhaps a minimalist form of friendship. In one of his articles he writes about meeting a musician of a band, and his trip with them to his home town, and I really got a closer glimpse of him... he's a very, very deep person. Very introverted, and somewhat quirky, yet he's able to appear a bit normal because he's a national Varsity athlete and so, by all typical college standards, he's "cool." But he mentioned that on his trip there, he was stung by some old emotional scabs that hadn't yet quite healed...I think the thing that attracts me about him is that he's very smart (pursuing a graduate degree), and somewhat aloof...there's just very few people like him. I don't think I'll ever be able to understand him. But I can acknowledge that we're in completely different walks of life. He's 25, living on his own, has had many past relationships (I've only been in one serious relationship), and thus couldn't really be interested in me. I think he just wanted us to be on good footing, and that's why he smiled and waved whenever he saw me, possibly as a way of apologizing for ignoring me before. But my message that he probably interpreted quite clearly, was that I didn't need him to do any favors for me. I forgave him and that was that... So in any case, I'm glad I read his articles. I don't think he was ever really interested in me, to be honest. I think he respected me, because he's read some of my stuff and thinks I'm a reflective person, and likes that side of me. But there was no real romantic interest to begin with. I'm glad I saw that, and there's really not much more to be said. fallen
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