Prez2021

I understand the concept that it seems like maybe I came on too strong, but in reality I know thats not it, because for the 1st relationship it was 50/50 at first, we called each other every day, it just was natural. But as we kept going out soon it was natural for me to catch an extra moment and send her an email, or call when i'd get home, but for her it was more of a hassle, responsibility almost. with the other girl whom dated she admited that she was taking me for granted and felt bad.. It wasn't that i called too often, or smothered her, she just for whatever reason i cant come up with determined her huge obsessive crush meant nothing after i returned the emotion. with the most recent (current) iterest - i have shown no confrontation or questioning of why she isn't as effectionate as she once was, so her acting this way is stricktly in response to things other than how i act towards her. Like i said 5 times (2 were short little hi, byes) in the past 2 weeks, but basically i've been really taking it slow, and comfortably.. I just hate how i spend my time thinking of someone else, and they dont reciprocate.. BUT im not a bad guy, im not some lunatic, or stalkerish guy either.. I really am just your everyday nice guy who thinks that a girlfriend is an important thing in your life, and that girls should be treated very well. And that the guy and the girl should both be excited to see each other (not solely one another) but still interested in spending time togehter. and ideas on why i cant find this happiness? ~indy

Alright, I'll try to keep this as short as possible, but if anyone could help me, it really would be very much appreciated. So in the past year I have had three relationships. 1- June 25 my girlfriend and I began dating. For 10 months as dated until mid april of 2003. Im 17 so thats a long relationship. We broke up (her dumping me) becuase of distance (New York to Cleveland, Ohio) but basically we still "loved" each other. My issue with the relationship was a lack of effort and effection on her part. We were great together, but whenever it was a visit time it was always me sending emails, letters, calling daily. She sort of just hung on there, and I did all the work. 2) April after our break up (which was a long drawn out "lets take a break... meets dumping between Jan, and April) so but april I was more than ready to move on. There was actually another girl who had a HUGE (almsot obsessive) crush on my since the previous august (8 months of basically hanging on every bit of news she heard of me). So when I was hanging out with her and she turned out to be really sweet I decided, hmm, this could be great. She cares for me as much as I naturally care for any significant other of mine, so we'll be 50/50 in the relaitonship, and I wont feel like im being taken for granted. Well - after 2 weeks of being together, she basically didn't call (as it would turn out in retrospect she had not called all that much in the first 2 weeks but i had..) so i (under the advice of a friend) decided to wait for HER to initiate conversation. 2 full weeks went by, nothing. --- when i finally called her and kind of, confronted her she was sweet and admited that she had been neglecting me, but none the less that conversation ended in us breaking up. 3) Finally last week I was at an amusement park with some friends. One in particular was someone I always had a little crush on.. SHe and I got away for a little while and I told her about the previos two girls, and how i just wished i could be in a relationship with someone who cared for me just as much, and there was no "hard work" to keeping the relationship fresh.. in other words, it should just be naturally effectionate. So in the past 2 weeks we've gone out 5 times (its summer so its easier) and every time we had a good experiance.. But then this past monday (4 days ago) when she came over and we hung out it seemed as though she just didn't care (we were going to meet at 7 and she called from a friends at 7:30 saying "do you still want to do something tonight?" Then last night she came over (supposed to at 7 but said she was going out with friends and wouldn't be ready till 9) and then at 11 said "i have to go, my friend wanted to get together) She's always doing things which is normal and fine, but its like she's scheduling me in, and doens't really care. SO my question is basically- are all girls out there just uninterested in having a nice relationship with someone? Becuase I've had all three types, LONG TERM (10 months) Short term (5 weeks) and Nothing (just a friendship moving closer) -- And all of them result in the girl just being herself, and the guy working to make sure they spend time together, or are more than just friends (in the 3rd case). Is it me? It is women? What am I doing wrong? I know i worry too much, and this can be the result of a slight lack of trust in mankind after getting my heart ripped out by my first love. But what really is the whole deal here? Thank you, ~indy email removed

Thank you for your reply, and your kind remarks.. (i do hope that i am indeed a "sweet niec guy" however i think i gave u the wrong impression of this girl. She is the nicest, sweetest girl, and my issue isn't with how she acts, so much as how 1 month ago she would stay up late for my calls, or cut a class just to pop online during my lunch period and say hi.. but since we've been together she just seems like shes not so thrilled or excited that i like her.. I know this seems pretty simple "obviously the girl loved the chase" but the truth is that she still likes me, and hasn't NOT liked me since last august. So do u hacve any idea?

Okay, i put this one in the "long distance" category becuase, well, this is a long distance relationship (2 hr away) but the issue isn't distance.. still, i ask if u could please help.. So last august I went to a week long summer camp for my youth group (this group has 5 weekend conventions each year, and a 1 week long camp). This freshmen girl basically had a HUGE crush on me (I am a junior and best friends with her brothers) so it was "cute". We didn't really didn't talk that much. Now as my life continued (and i missed a few of the 5 times i would have seen her) she became Obsessed.. not stalker kind of way, but basically any picture of me she saw would make her feel like she was on cloud 9 etc. Then when i started IMing and Emailing her (to be nice) she would (apparently) call her friends just to say that i was talking to her.. Then in february i decided i would take her to our Formal (to be nice, and since she was becoming a good friend) unfortunately i lost my ride to their city, and wound up crushing her.. BUT (long i know) In April when i finally saw her again i decided i actually liked her and asked her out.. Now heres the issue. Prior to April she would make any sacrifice to return an Email, or IM, or anything to me. She would tell her friends when i called and well.. EVERYTHING. Now i know that once the crush is returned then its not such an obsession but more of a reality. BUT now its like im number 5 on her list. a month ago if i called she'd be crazy. A month ago if i sent her a flower (to hint at liking her) she would be absolutely (no word to describe) but now my flowers, cards, and emails bearly get response? Is she taking me for granted? Or am I just looking for too much in return.. I have been known to fall hard for people.. and well.. I suppose now that i've fallen for her, i feel like shes over me.. WHAT DO I DO? ~j

So at the top is going to be my VERY SHORT version of whats going on, below it are the details. I've posted twice before, and really need some help so if u read this and then continue to read the detailed version then PLEASE send me help! -------------------------------------------------- Relationship - Long distance Age - 17 (me) 17 (her) Length - 9 months to date Distance - Cleveland, Oh, NY, New York. # of visits - more than 3 total months of the 9 have been with her (every 3 day weekend, vacation etc is with her) Emotions - Truly happy and in love. Probllem - Distance = loneliness -------------------------------------------------- Basically guys heres the problem, she and I have been working this out very weel (ill be there in 13 days for the record). I know that there is no lack of love, or anything, and there is NO one else on her side. In fact whenever she tells me "i just dont know what to do when im lonely" its a result of being SAD and not missing out on the love of a GUY. Heres the hard part: She's lonely 100% for me. Not for another guy. She wants to be open, but doesn't want another guy, she just likes the mental comfort of being un-attached (she misses me less) The BEST result would be us being together, but there is no way (trust me I've tried) What can we do... We want; To be dating To be together But she's lonely when im not there and wants to have me there... WHAT CAN I DO? Im lucky cuz i suppose it would be worse, she could be lonely just for "the touch of a guy" which would mean BUT its not like that.. shes sad and misses me... How can i make her miss me less?? HELP! J~

Okay.. so im not sure what im going to ask in this, but i know i need some advice, and help! I posted a message a few months ago regarding a relationship issue with my girlfriend who lives in New York (i live in Ohio) At that time the question was regarding specific issues, and nothing about the distance, in fact i've always been proud of the fact that our 6 hour space between hasn't been a problem.. But alas, it has finally caught up with us.. And heres the thing: She and I are very different for 17 year olds in our junior year of high school. WE are 100% in love with each other. The idea of not staying together horrifies both of us, and to tell you the truth neither of us want anything but to be together. Unfortunately lately being together has meant more to her than just being my girlfriend. She misses having her boyfriend with her, having a guy in the cafeteria at lunch, or on the weekends with her.. IN general she misses me terribly. Now dont get me wrong, I miss her like no other, but for some reason I am a little bit more satsfied with just being her boyfriend and visiting. (i think its becuase i am just so happy to be with her anytime) SO right now we're at a turning point... We both want to be together, no doubt.. And breaking up would be the worst, absolutely worst thing... But i also know that everyday im not there she's sad... She doesnt just want A boyfriend.. she wants me. But she also wants to be a normal girlfriend and not a long distance one.. Its complicated becuase we want two things.. 1) to be together. (relationship wise) (DO-ABLE) 2) to not be apart (physically) (NOT DO-ABLE) SO PLEASE if anyone out there has tips, advice ideas... im loosing it.. i dont want the solution to be (lets take a break) and i know that she doens't want that either BUT she is crying, i'm in tears.. Its soo hard.. and I love her.. Thank you, Jason PS advice also could be if anyone in new york has an open room.. haha

Okay~ So im a high school junior, and finals are literally mnext week, and if i dont get help im going to be depressed and FAIL my finals.. SO please help.. I spent 7 weeks this past summer on a summer trip with 40 kids around the country. I met a girl from New York and had the time of my life. We "fell in love" and i say that becuase... FLASH forward 6 months. We're still together and talk everyday. I've flown there almost 6 times, and will begin driving in two weeks.. So as far as combating the LONG Distance things are actually really good. Heres the issue. I am always the one who gets the side of the deal that sucks. Heres what I mean. I always call her when I go out of town, I come home from school and leave a message on her Cell. I write tons of emails,(1 a day..) and spend all my time thinking of her. I tell her i love her, and do all the things a nice boyfriend should do.. She on the the other hand, is less open about her love. I hardly ever get letters, or emails.. When we talk on the phone she watches TV and does other things. Now dont get me wrong, she is amazing when we're togehter. We NEVER fight, and always have "movie" like moments. From our trips to NYC to sleeping together, emotionally, physically we're like a married couple. But lately it seems (in the past 3 weeks) that she spends her time focused on her New York life, and I seem to be less involved in her life. It just seems like i work hard on our relationship, and she doesn't.. I feel like i need to tell her this: BUT I KNOW that it will result in her begin sad, and then the cycle goes on (where I try to make her feel better and wind up repeating how amazing she is, when i began by saying i want her to be more effectionate). I dont want to leave her. AT ALL. I dont want this to end, but I dont like that she IMs and Emails other guys and friends, but makes it seem like she jsut doesn't use the computer alot whn she talks to me. HOW can I get her to be more effectionate, and act as though she is afraid of loosing me, becuase i act like shes PERFECT (which i am guilty of saying...) and I always put the things on me, and apologize. I just want her to be effectionate, and work to be with me, like i work to be with her. HELP!!!! ~J PS please email me at email removed