The Enigmatical Mr X

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just getting too old in this game, parading my feathers around to seduce the opposite sex. I try and I don't try, more than anything I just want to get to know someone, someone amazing. Yet the years are rolling by and my romantic heart dies a little each day. Perhaps once, this would have been a bad thing but now I see only release. The more of this needing self I lose, the happier I become. I seek my own inner strength for the power to face each day. Sometimes it is there, sometimes it is not. But the thing is, when I'm not trying to attract someone, all of a sudden they seem attracted to me. I wish I understood women. Heck I wish I understood anyone. The question is, and I figure I know most of your answers, is that do you need another person to be happy? Or maybe, for the seldom few among us, are we better off alone?

Toilet humor, unexpected spotenaiety. Works for me every time. I've made a few girls cry they were laughing so hard....

You know what, it's men like you that become some of the greatest things in this world. Never mind military leaders or presidents of the country. I mean teachers, guides of life. I hope that is something you would like, to have people turn to you, to respect you. It is something they can never be.

Hmm, I feel the same way at 20. Good to see life is going to get better. Why is there no sarcasam smiley? I'm afraid I can't add much, but good luck. Be a hero for the rest of us!

Revenge hey? I once new a guy who made his girlfriend so angry she took a dump in his X-box. Now that's revenge.

There is no uncertainty in this, no possibility, no what if. Friendship, love is a ship to be manned by more than a single person. You can want or need or desire as much as you want, but it will not bring her to you. Perhaps you can have something with her, perhaps not. Regardless of either option, the path of action is the same. You must walk away, lest you drown in your own need. She does have somewhat of a memory of feeling for you, though with every thought you have of being with her, that memory dies a little more. Once she sees that she no longer has a so called puppy on a leash, she will activate some sort of interest in your individuality. Whether it is as a friend, or as more, it is her decision. You've played your cards either directly or by implication. She knows how you feel, and she has called you on it. However, if you do not walk away, things will become harder and more painful until at last they die and you will never have the closure you desire. You have to be strong and save your dignity and stop chasing her. It might take up to a year for her to instigate contact, but it must be done. Meanwhile, you have to build up a life that can be lived without her. Only then, will she desire to be a part of you.

Welcome to life, Mtastic. You want her, can't have her, someone else has her. Jealousy will not be uncommon for you, I'm sure. Be content that she's happy, maybe that will make things easier.

I don't understand cheaters or affairs. Perhaps that is fostered by my own social ineptitude. Perhaps not. I was once a forgiving soul a long time ago, however there is little enough I believe in now to allow myself to forgive. I make peace now, and move away. You, sonjam, advised me of such things yourself.

I agree with Sonjam, the answer is no by default.

I'm moving on, From one life to the next. Don't cry, I go to a better place, Where I've made no mistakes. A place where my life's no mockery, A place where tears are unknown. A new beginning, Doesn't it sound beautiful? Forgotten repercussions. Abandoned consequences. A dream come true, Or a nightmare made manifest? Either way the path is set, I choose what I am to be buried with. A bundle of my favourite clothes, A selection of what makes me, me. I've said my goodbye's, Kissed the cat farewell. Made my amends, Prepared what's left for the sell. I'm leaving my identity here, Tomorrow I wake as someone else. It's time I were moving on, We won't meet again. Cease the drama, my dear, I'm not profound enough for this. Wipe those tears, save them for someone special, I'm afraid I don't believe in them. Tell the guests to head back home, Tell them to depart with their parting gifts. Put the celebration to an end, And I'll just slip out the back. My future awaits me now, Far away from this contaminated life. I have to go, And you have to go back. It's time I were moving on, We won't meet again. I'm afraid never knew you, But I do know you are beautiful.

We all come here I think for the privilege of anonymity. In this place we can be anything we want, however much or little we choose. I think the second ID is a good idea. God knows I have my own personalities and stories which need their own identity to live in. Your poetry is honest, methodical and strong. The emotion is definite, the words carefully sculpted by your own subconscious. It is the epitome of what words should be. This.. thing you attempted to help (I could not bring myself to call it a man), such personal strength in braving your own demons is near unheard of, but you cannot blame yourself for his failure of character. Him and his upbringing are to blame, and regardless of anything I wish on him the darkest of hells. Perhaps I should have more compassion or forgiveness, as you seem to have. As I once wrote before: I won't be the target of your anger. I won't be the source of your lies. I won't be another stranger. But I won't lower myself, to meet your eyes.

There is much sense in what you've said. Perhaps if I had been capable of forming new relationships i might not be pondering this old one once more. She's had the baby now, I think around 3-4 months old. You are right, of course, one cannot be responsible for the life of another, and we are only capable of doing so much. Yet the heart and the head refuse to agree, as always.

Under, Don't be disheartened not to understand why she didn't want to talk about it. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you just as much as she did. We all have things in our lives; secrets we don't want to share. God knows I have thousands of the things. Some of these things we need to work through within ourselves. Some of these things we don't want to bother others with. You have so much love and compassion within yourself it staggers the mind to think you don't have more friends in life. It's true, the little things do matter, for we are all children born of emotion. Life itself is only a collection of little things. The power to see the little things is underrated, because once you hold the best of those to your heart, you become invincible. Sit in the sun today, and listen to the sounds of the world. It's that little thing which allows me to live in the worst moments of life.

As one of my most favourite movie's starts; This is not a love story, it's a story about love. It's a while back I met my girl, two and a half years now. Aside from the massive complication of being continents apart, we met and had something amazing together. Never in my life have I ever experienced such emotional exctacy, or such powerful depression. So we fall in love, as people do sometimes, but we were young. I was 18, she was 16 and that meant much for the time. Her father didn't approve and I was ushered back home on less than polite terms. He's not exactly a model citizen: prior drug addict and alcoholic (who now appears to have regressed to both). Thousands of miles apart we held on to our relationship with knuckles white while we ended up braving the foul challenges of distance relationships and impotence of age. Yet the tighter i held, the further away I drove her. Eventually i found I had become little excuse for a man, completely dependant on her even thinking of me. We tried to patch things up, I probably tried everything I could possibly think of. I just wanted my girl back, after all. But no matter what I did, it just wouldn't work, it became more and more apparent as time went on that she had lost love for me, and I say fair enough now considering what I had become. After all, who would love a snivelling weakling with no cause for any real identity. As i understood this, I decided the time had come to cut all communication, for I wasn't even living a life. How I survived those few months, I'll never know. But i did. A year later, I send her a message to say happy birthday, and nothing more. She replies and we talk back and forth for a while, updating each other on our lives and for a moment, it almost seemed like it once was. Though, as always, I knew she'd never feel the same way for me again. It was then I discovered she was pregnant with another man's baby. I took it as well as I could, but I would lie if i said my heart didn't die a little that day. As she described the circumstances, it was clear it was an accident to her and a mistake. Indeed, from the very moment I left her life everything went crazy for her. Drugs, you name it. Her life deteriorated around her with no other company than 'friends' on the same route. We discussed a few things, resolved a few issues. When I left her we didn't even get the chance for a proper goodbye. That demon of a man told me I was leaving the country in under 24 hours, and had booked my flight. Don't think I didn't fight him; but we all knew he had more on his side than I did. We stopped talking again and I just figured that it was finally resolved between us. Even now, I no longer feel pain when I think about her. I remember the good memories, I cherish them. But I'm not filled with any longing or need in thinking of her any more. I haven't felt that way for some time, though I do think about her everyday nonetheless. And not more than a week ago, I get an email from her. It's to say she can't stop thinking about me and that it must mean something. We've both had other relationships before, so to be unable after two years to get over this one would seem strange or poignant to say the least. The question is, does she still have feelings for me, or some distant memory of safety, comfort and happiness. She's with a man at the moment she doesn't truly love, though I believe she respects him and is still somewhat thankful he's in her life. She did mention that she feels like she's cheating on me when she's with him. What does that mean? I don't know what I feel for her. Emotions of passion are long dead. Do I make an effort to rekindle them and see if we can make this work, or do I let the past die and keep living as I have this past year? On top of this, I feel guilty. At a time where everyone abandoned her, I did so as well. I feel responsible of the downward path she took and how it's so drastically affected her life. Would it be thereforeeee wrong to reject her and what her life has become if it was I who caused her to be that way? I am no creature of obligation, by any means, but I'll not hide from my responsibility. When I broke up with her, it was because I wanted her back, but knew it wasn't working between us and would continue not to work with the way things were going. It didn't seem like she needed me anymore, so I thought it would help her too, not having me to drag her down. Maybe that we would both be better off apart. It's times like these I wish I wasn't so damn complex. Advice or thoughts?

Get firm. Tell her she can't do that any more and tell her exactly what she's doing. If need be, get legal. Send the message that if she wants to be part of your life in any respect, she needs to behave and mind the boundaries. You sound like a nice guy, unfortunately it's time to take off the gloves. You have a life to defend.