Angel80

I went through the same thing as you are now when I was with my ex-finacee. (we only broke up a couple of weeks ago) I was very jealous of his past. He had children from a previous relationship and had been in quite a number of relationships. We had a loving and trusting relationship but at times I would actually get angry with him when I thought about his life before he met me. I find it hard to understand, but I think I know where you are coming from. He had no obligation to me before he met me, for heavens sake, we didnt even know each other, but it still got to me. There were many arguments about this, and he had to tell me so many times that what happened in the past remains in the past, but I found this hard to accept. The fact that he still kept in contact with the mother of his children drove me crazy (how selfish was that - he had to see his children) Anyway, it got to the stage where we couldn't even discuss each other's lives before we met. All I can say from my experience looking back is that I spent too much time dwelling on his past and didnt spend enough time concentrating on our future. Accept the fact that he is with you now and that he doesnt judge you on your past. Be happy that it is you he is with now and try to forget things that happened before you came into his life. I wish I had done that then! Good luck.

All I can say to you is Congratulations for finding something so special. The worst thing you can do is be afraid of what you are feeling because it is something so precious and something that some people never experience. Dont be afraid, embrace your happiness and make sure you let this man know how you feel. If someone loved you that much and was so happy with you, wouldn't you love to be told? And, I dont mean to be negative here, but nothing lasts forever so its important that you let him know how happy you are and try to hold on to those feelings as long as you can. Good luck. I hope you remain happy for as long as you can. Angel80

Thank you for your reply. The advise you gave is good, although I really dont think I could give it another try. The fear of it happening again is too strong and the terrible thing is that if he is capable of doing that to himself, imagine what else he might be capable of. I know that's a terrible thing to say, but its true. You are actually right that he had trouble all round. He had a very troubled upbringing and even though he is in his thirties now, it has scarred him for life. Thank you again and good luck in your relationship!!! Angel80.

Hi! I feel that perhaps she is using SEX as a way to hurt you. Perhaps she is not seeing someone else and just wants to make you as hurt as she feels, if that is the case. Sex is something precious that 2 people share and it is more precious when two people are in love. Maybe she feels that the best way she can wound you emotionally is to make you feel sexually inadequate, even if you are not. Jealousy is a viscous weapon, both to feel it and to experience it. I really do believe that she is only trying to cause you pain. Its amazing the things people will say to hurt the ones they love. If, on the other hand, she is in fact seeing and sleeping with someone else, perhaps it is the only way she can get over her present feelings. Some people like to dwell on their current situations, others like to get out there and "get revenge" so to speak. I wouldn't let this get to you too much. If she really is the one for you, she would not be hurting you so badly. Best of luck. Angel.

Hi! I recently ended a three year relationship with a man I loved (and still love) very deeply. We were planning to get married and even bought an apartment together. A certain situation arose and I could no longer remain in the relationship. It was a difficult decision to make and I felt torn between staying with the man I love and being miserable, or breaking away from the situation and being lonely and heartbroken. The latter prevailed and I finally ended what was a perfect relationship. We were both devestated, but I later discovered that he was more devestated than I. I was willing to take things day by day and try to move on, with the slight hope that in the future when things had changed that we could possibly get back together. However, several days ago he was found after trying to take his own life. He didnt die, but was close to it and he says that the reason he did it was because he could not live without me. I am deeply wounded and hurt, not to mention traumatised by what has happened and I am so angry with him for the pain that he has caused. Obviously, he has serious internal pain and issues that need to be dealt with professionaly, but he seems to think that he has finally proven how much he loves me by what he did. He says that it proves how deep his love can go and that he would rather be dead than try to exist in this world without me. How can I cope with this emotional blackmail and threatening mechanisms that he is excercising with the hopes that Ill get back with him? It is difficult to let go of someone who you spend so much of your life with and loved so deeply but I feel that things are getting out of hand. He is now out of hospital and says that he will only try to "get better" if he knows that I will be there for him all the way. I cant make this promise to him because after what he has out me through, I dont think I could ever trust him again. When is it safe to let go and when will I stop loving this man whom I also hate at the same time?? Please advise. Thank you. Angel80.