Moggs

you still loved your ex wife didn't you? Just dawned on me, yes silly naive me.... wasn't one conversation went by that you didn't mention her, well, she' s all yours again now, the only thing is she left you didn't she? then you divorced her, not because were over herlike you told me, because you wanted control of the situation.... well you have now... all yours. Lets see how it all turns out.

I just needed a goodbye, how you couldn't give that to me I will never ever know......I have never cried for you, the anguish was too great and I will never ever let you know how much you hurt me.

I miss you, but don't want you back and you weren't who i thought you were, the person I fell in love with was kind and caring, not the type of person that would cut a person from their life with no explanation because it no longer suited them, how selfish are you really?? no wonder you said your ex wife hated you... and I wondered why!! well I know now.....

So when I see you next, what shall I do? Would you rather me look you in the eye and look away, or pretend I didn't see you? because I sure don't feel like saying hello to you, you made sure you killed that....

Actually i thought you were perfect and I had all the hangups, but do you know I think I held back because you weren't over your ex? You said you were but how come you had to talk about her in every conversation we had, I didn't realise at the time, but that's totally not normal.....

You told me very early on that your dad taught you to always treat women with respect......... well you didn't seem to get that message properly, because IM sure treating a woman with respect includes saying goodbye when its all over........ you let me down, i thought better of you.

Great thread thank you, gave me the strength stay invisible for a while and work on myself and spend time with my good friends, thanks !!!

Don't despair just yet, it may just be part of her grieving process and may just need time, has it been a long since her cousin passed away, in the scheme of things it still may be early days. Just because there are those of us on this forum that completely lost people we loved during a period of intense grief, it doesn't mean your situation will turn out badly. For all those that push people completely away there are probably plenty more that stay connected. Your girlfriend may be suffering from depression, maybe you could encourage her to go and talk to someone? just give her space and time and look after yourself. I know that is hard, but it sounds like you are emotionally very vulnerable too. Also have you tried talking to her family members? maybe they can be supportive during this time as well to you both.

Gio, you sound really caring and hopefully with time your girlfriends moods will return to normal but it may take a long time. In the meantime all you can do is be there for her. But its hard, as you say, you are grieving too and are in need of emotional support as well and not the brunt of someone else's probably misdirected anger. I hope it works out for you, just keep talking to your friends and family to support you at this time.

Thanks Miri, I hope your doing a bit better now yourself and after seeing your ex 6 months after it gave you some closure. It would be lovely to have some rational explanation for this type of behaviour, I have been trawling through psychological articles trying to find some documented evidence ! My ex wont even talk to me on the phone or lay eyes on me since his mothers diagnosis, I tried to get him to talk to me or see me for 10 minutes the other day just to find out what happened but he just said 'he cant' and if i try to call, wont pick up. Its so bizarre, makes me feel like a stalker but I do think that after an 18 month relationship some explanation and real conversation might be reasonable. Just had to deal with a dumping via text! seems so disrespectful after all we shared, but now there is nothing I can do. Somehow their brain is wired to deal with things that way, it is unhealthy -maybe we have just been saved from further anguish down the track, who knows!

Miri I was following your thread and it urged me to register and reply. I really feel your pain having been through a marital separation in the past 5 years and more recently a relationship breakdown which sounds similar to your story. I was seeing a guy for almost 18 months and he was crazy about me, he spoke of love and moving in together and a long term relationship. That was until his mother was diagnosed with a terminal illness and given weeks/months to live. In a matter of 24 hours he pretty much did a complete turnaround, and just today 6 weeks after his mothers diagnosis, told me he now feels nothing for me. He completely cut himself off pretty much telling me to never text him or call him again. It is very hard to take when your still feeling love for this person who has now made it clear you are nothing in their life. I realised from your story and others who have posted that probably nothing we said or did or didn't say could have made a difference here. But knowing that doesn't make it any easier, it just sucks and it hurts. It was interesting to see how your ex reacted to you six months later, I can only think that somehow you are connected to the pain he felt back when he lost his mother and subconsciously that connection makes him withdraw from you. That knowledge gives me foresight not to wait for my ex to want to come back to me, I think he is completely lost to me know. A good lesson that we should look after ourselves and move on as soon as we can.