I feel i've not expressed myself very well so i'll try to clarify.
My husband doesn't spend his time abusing me. The question about my looks came up one time and he revealed that he didn't find me attractive, in fact never had, but it wasn't important and he loved me anyway.
I was shocked, surprised and hurt and bewildered.
This new truth has bothered me since. I've talked to him about it to find out what about me bothers him most and what if anything could be done to make me more attractive to him. As i said before, the problem is fairly fundamental and i feel i can't really do anything to improve matters.
Yes, he does eyeball and comment on girls. (he says it's a 'guy thing' but i'm sooo tired of that as an all-purpose excuse...). It seems to me that it's getting worse but it also occurred to me that it's possible that i might be just a bit hyper-sensitive to this right now. I don't think so, though. I think he really is developing more of an eye for the ladies.
I posted here because i'm not quite sure how to take this thing, how to interpret this new fact about our relationship.
Is it possible that he really loves me but just doesn't find me at all physically attractive? And that it's a non-issue to him? But if so, why all this ogling of others? Instead of saying something about the girl at the drugstore shouldn't he say something nice to/about me?
Is it possible that he really doesn't love me and that he keeps me around because.....i make him feel superior/he doesn't want to be alone/i'll always be there because, by god, no-one else will have me? I don't know.
Part of me thinks that i'm making a big deal about nothing, that looks aren't important. But at the same time i can't shake this bad feeling; I don't feel comfortable knowing that i'm unattractive to my own spouse. How do i get over this?