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patterned

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  1. This sucks, you suck. But I sucked first I know. I want my friend back but I'm not going to be your backup plan. I know it's difficult to go through what you went through. But it's not OK to treat me this way. You're lying to yourself to say that you gave it a shot. You were holding out just in case. You didn't even give it one minute.
  2. Yes, I miss you. But I've said everything I can say. Everything else is just more of the same. I can't see going back now. But I am saddened by this loss.
  3. I am moving on with my life but I find I love you and miss you beyond the words I have to express it with.
  4. I miss you and I am sorry for the part I played in all of this.
  5. Back to 0 5 minutes after posting this. Not by my choosing.
  6. Over a decade together much of that attached at the hip. Things were deteriorating over the last couple years. Over six weeks into 3rd big breakup in that decade. This is the second 20 day NC period. Six weeks out I'm in a much better place. I still have breakdowns. I still miss her dearly and want to share things with her. I no longer feel like I've just been in an accident. I can eat. I am having fun. Building a new life. I have been dating and meeting wonderful and interesting women. I have a lot of freedom and resources to do what I want and add new experiences and hobbies to my life. In the past I rescued her/us/the relationship whatever. That's not happening this time.
  7. You've done 90 days NC. Congratulations. I'd stop the challenge. Stop focusing on it. Get on with your life.
  8. I'm not sure if you see the irony in this or not.
  9. I miss you so much right now. I wish you were with me. Why can't I let go? But why do I want you to comfort me? That's not what you're here to do anymore. Even when you were, you weren't all that forthcoming.
  10. 18 days now and I'm thinking of breaking NC. I feel like I need to clarify that even though this seemed mutual at first, this wasn't what I wanted.
  11. 17 Days, Vacillating between anger and love. I think anger is good for self respect right now. I planned on making contact, but I've realized that when I just wait one more day, I learn something. So I'll take it one day at a time for now. I do get anxious about it though. She's deathly afraid of rejection and being alone so If I'm not around I could be adding to her jumping into something else. I would guess she already has however, and it's really not up to me anymore. She can make her own choices and I guess that letting go is a part of my own recovery.
  12. Sounds like you've been reading them from what I saw one of your posts. Facing Co-dependence by Pia Mellody may be good in your situation I don't know. Your situation must have been exciting and that excitement might be something you crave, but from an outside perspective it reads as very destructive and harmful. None of it works until your ready though. I've been where I am now numerous times. Life keeps dishing it up to me. It's only now that I'm clearly able to look back and see my/our patterns.
  13. I find that insight comes from the discomfort. Along with a lot of reading on toxic relationships, breakups, etc. I've come to see things from different perspectives and ultimately become more clear about what I did.
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