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bungalo

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  • Birthday 02/14/1967

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  1. Thanks all. As I said, my Grandkid is 2 and 1/2. Also the dogs are not known to bite or be aggressive, they're just so big they are imposing and love to jump up on people. So no worries about attacking. They are not hoarders, but yes the house is unsanitary. You make a good point about my Granddaughter about intervening. It's just a delicate situation, but I think I can frame it in such a way as to not have her write me off.
  2. My daughter and her husband live in a very small two-bedroom, one bathroom home with two gigantic dogs and two cats. The dogs are sweet but are constantly barking and will practically knock down anyone who comes to the door due to their size. Recently, a new neighbor moved in next door with their own dog. When that transpired, my daughter’s dogs started fighting through the fence with the neighbor’s dog, causing a huge disturbance. My daughter and SIL (son-in-law) are extremely passive and seem to have acquiesced to keeping their huge dogs indoors most of the time now. Problem number two. One of the cats starting spraying shortly after my granddaughter was born 2 ½ years ago. The entire house reeks of urine so much that you can actually smell it outside the closed front door. When I pick up my grandkid for visits, the diaper bag, her toys, her clothes, her body, everything smells of cat pee. Last year I sent my daughter an article on the health hazards of breathing in the ammonia and other noxious elements associated with cat urine. I followed up with a phone call, and she got angry at me and made it clear that she would not give up the cat. At the time, I thought that if she had him fixed, it might cure the problem, but now I’m fairly sure that ship has sailed and according to a vet I talked to, is actually no guarantee that he will cease this behavior. To make it worse, her child, my granddaughter, was diagnosed with Autism. I worry a lot about the long-term health implications of this situation. My daughter and SIL seem to be sick very often with respiratory conditions. We are all animal lovers in my family, but there comes a point where you have to cut your losses with a pet that is making you sick and destroying your environment. Ideas?
  3. So sorry you are going through this mess. I agree 100% with the previous replies. I would add that if you really care about her and its not just physical, you should seek counseling. Be forewarned, there is a HUGE shortage of qualified counselors post-pandemic, unless you want to do Zoom sessions, which I think are really lacking. Also, keep in mind that she may be resistant to getting help. At the very least, you could get counseling for yourself to navigate this situation.
  4. Thanks folks. The only thing that is sort of working is being unresponsive to her non stop chatter. But I've been timing it, 10 seconds of silence is her limit. She doesn't even notice me look off into the distance, not responding in anyway whatsoever. I have cut her slack due to her husband, my brother in law's condition. It makes me wonder if new ager Louise Hay is right (Heal your life author). As I recall she says that people manifest diseases as a response to their toxic environment. Dying is one way to get out of a relationship. Her husband, my brother in law, was born in South America. He speaks fluent English, but is remarkably QUIET! This jabber jaw thing (thanks Cherlyn!) is not a new development, it's been going on for at least 15 years. I believe that people who are incessant talkers are massively insecure. All day long I get 30 minute updates on her current ouchies and soreness and gastrointestinal state. I mean talk about no filter. I'm ready to join a monastery for a few months, and it's only been 2 days! I did take a break today and went to the store without her, and took a nap. My other sister who lives in town is dropping by tomorrow so I won't feel obligated to be her sole endless word receiver target, or whatever the **** she thinks I am.
  5. Thanks everyone! The whole visit took me by surprise because we were initially going to stay at a Lakefront condo (seperate quarters), but she cancelled due to my brother in law's cancer, but then she rebooked her flight to stay with me, and before I knew it, it was a done deal. I can't stand her diarrhea mouth. A hotel unfortunately is not an option, because I already told her she could stay with me. I have heard of Emotional Vampires! I don't really think she's a gaslighter or nefarious, it's mostly the endless mundane self-obsessed chatter 24/7. I am going to see if my other sister can help lighten the load, but she's not crazy about her behavior either, so it will be tough.
  6. My sister is coming into town for a nine day visit. She is family and I love her, however, she can't shut up. As she's gotten older, she has developed this habit of blabbering non-stop and giving voice to her every thought. Here's a typical example. When she wakes up, she will immediately blather on in excruciating detail about every nuance of her morning ritual, saying things like, I'm just going to drink my coffee, then I'm going to do some stretches and probably decide what to wear today, look at my news feed...then she will go into some banal story, such as, how the other day she was stretching and she heard this little click noise in her joints and wondered if she should contact her doctor. Yes she's a hypochondriac. Last summer when she visited me she would not stop talking about her allergy to red bell peppers. Before every meal she would give everyone within ear shot a 15 minute account of how they adversely affect her, and on and on. When I've tried to watch a movie or listen to music with her, she will talk right over everything to the point where I might as well turn everything off, because it's drowned out by her yammering. She is a Kindergarten and first grade teacher, and it almost seems like she has generalized the entire world, and believes she has to give a step by step, blow by blow account of what is happening with her personally with her every utterance. I swear, she must breathe through her eyelids of something, because she never pauses. The only way to get a single word in is to interrupt her. She will ignore what anyone else has to say, or give it just a second of acknowledgement, and then immediately change the subject back to herself and all the minutia in her life, which consumes her. Yes she seems like a narcissist and a control freak, just terrified that there will be a pause in the conversation. Needless to say, it's absolutely exhausting being in her presence. Her husband has cancer. It was in remission, but now it has returned. He is an extremely introverted, quiet and independent guy. But I for one, would never leave my spouse alone (she is over 2k miles away!) if they were sick. I do have another sister who can put her up during her stay, but she hates her house with the thin walls, and her loud dogs, and after one night she will be angling to come back and stay with me. Thoughts?
  7. Sadly, I also see this lack of reciprocity among older folks as well.
  8. I have not read every reply on this topic, so ignore this if it's already been addressed. Relationships evolve. You may start as FWB with clearly defined parameters, but human interaction is not a static thing. Mutual physical attraction can and does fade. That's why it's important to have other things in common, similar values, compatible personalities, etc. In other words, things change over time, and it's up to the parties involved to continue on, adapt, or jump ship.
  9. I have a good life, fairly happy marriage, (I'm Male 50+) good relationships (for the most part) with my family, but other than an old friend from grade school who lives 7 hours away, I have no close friends anymore. I really try to cultivate new friendships (people from work, organizations I'm a member of, fellow musicians) and it seems I always wind up being the initiator, the organizer, the planner, the maintenance person. I really think a huge part of the problem is electronic communication, and yes, I'm conscious of the irony of my position on this as I key in this topic! People have grown used to ignoring texts, IM's, voicemail until they're good and ready to respond. And actually talking on the phone is just beyond the pale for way too many folks now. I will keep trying, but it just gets so frustrating. This past Friday, I heard from one of my nephews who lives in CA-2000 miles away from me. It had been four months since we had interacted. I was really happy to hear from him, and responded to his text the same day I received it, and I got nothing back. I understand that people have lives, etc..but come on, I've seen the stats. People carry their smart phones around all day long, checking them dozens of times per day, and it's even socially acceptable to respond to a text while you're in the company of other people at a social gathering. To me, it's "more is less." We can all communicate and reach our intended party in milliseconds, but instead of bringing us closer, it often demonstrates how isolated we all are, when people can't be bothered to respond-even in the slightest.
  10. Thanks Cherylyn, Yes, estrangement IS the best course of action. I've probably said this before, but my Midwestern roots and manners and upbringing taught me to be nice, nice, nice no matter what. But this hasn't always served me well, especially in adulthood. This transitioning has given me the space and time to appreciate the good friends, and family who have my back.
  11. Thanks all. Yeah narcissism fits...and I have a lot of examples, but don't want to wallow. To be fair he had/has some great qualities as well, but the one-sidedness just drove me nuts...albeit it took a long time for me to wake up.
  12. Hello ENAers! It's been two months since I cut the cord with my friend of nearly five years (see New Year New Direction topic for more). It is a bit quieter in my head as a result, and that's a good thing. I am, however, still ambivalent about the way the whole thing went down. I really don't think that I have stringent requirements for friendship; once in a while the other half of the equation should come up with a plan, instead of having one side PLAN EVERYTHING and EXTEND every single invitation. Obviously, I'm still chewing on this a bit. Interesting that I've not run into him at all on the local music scene. We are both musicians. In fact, a couple of weeks ago a mutual acquaintance at a local venue asked me where he was these days, and I told him without the gory details that we had a falling out. He said he hoped that things would iron themselves out, and I replied, thanks, but I don't think that's going to happen. I had major shoulder surgery two weeks ago, and while I was on heavy pain meds, I came really close to contacting my old friend, but somehow resisted. If I hadn't spelled things out multiple times to the guy, I probably would not have cut things off completely, but it was just bugging the hell out of me. My original plan was to just fade out slowly with less and less contact, but this guy was just incessant with texting all day long, and when I stopped responding, he just kept on texting, until eventually he started calling me. Ordinarily when someone engages in this level of contact, they are down with making plans and hanging out, not this guy. I keep flashing back on his insulting behavior. Maybe I'm a bit of a snowflake. Here's an example, both of my parents passed away within the last several years. Not long after my mom passed I watched a Frank Sinatra documentary. When I shared that I really enjoyed the doc with my friend, and the fact that both of my parents were big fans, he started hurling insults saying Sinatra sucked, etc. I think I was so happy to have what I thought was a good friend, my judgement was off. I can't tell you how many invitations I extended to this guy that were either ignored or curtly dismissed! If someone takes the trouble to invite me out, if I can't make it, I always thank them for thinking of me and extending the invitation. Not so "D." I guess I've beaten this dead horse quite enough for now. Thanks for reading my rant!
  13. This is a boundary issue, if he agreed to it, and you feel like you're not in love with him, why are you afraid of him going ballistic? Is he violent? Also, many people can be conflicted in a relationship and can be turned off by a guy that doesn't even try to make a move as well. I know this is true because I've lived it. Mixed signals as long as you're not giving him those then you do what's right for you.
  14. It's been about three weeks since I cut off communication with my "friend." I miss the good things about our friendship, but that's the way it goes. When I told him for at least the third time that our "friendship" was out of balance (as it was up to me to do all the inviting, planning) he hit me with "you've gone crazy," and told me I needed to dissolve my ego and used some other new agey baloney to justify his one-sidedness. In a last ditch attempt, I put it in very simple terms, "All I'm talking about is every once in a while you could say, hey, let's grab lunch, coffee, etc." But he has no intention of ever stepping up and being a real friend. One thing I don't miss is the barrage of New Age Proselytizing that he would text me on a weekly basis. I gotta say folks, pay attention to the signs from the get-go. I was so happy to have a new friend I overlooked a bunch of red flags, and I set up the dynamic of me always making the plans, and I became very resentful, because despite me telling him that it bugged me, and him replying he would do better, he never lifted a muscle to change or meet me half way.
  15. I would be very wary of accepting the invitation based on her history. It could be manipulation. You can still care for people even though you don't necessarily want them to be close friends.
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