hockeyboy

I don't think you should have caved, but you did...so now I'd say start with NC again

bostoneric, fellow Bostonian here. i was browsing thru this thread and saw your post and looked back at some of the others. obviously your breakup is fresh and all the things you are feeling are completely normal, so don't get frustrated with yourself over things like how you wake up and think about her. 100% normal. that stuff passes with time, it always does, no matter how much you may think it doesn't. right now you need to do NC but can't seem to do it. ive been there, and know how it is. when you have something to say to her, just realize that their is no reason you have to say it right now...it can wait. when you want to contact her about something, tell yourself you'll wait a day...see if you still feel its that important the next day. i remember feeling like i had to tell my ex something...but i said i'd wait. the next day came and i said it can wait another day...days turned into weeks, which turned into months. eventually we talked again, actually are friends now...but it took a longggg time for that to happen. bottom line is this hurts and it sucks, i know it. nobody expects you to just get over it. the one thing you can control is you...you can control if this pain is going to last for a while or a LONG while. staying in constant contact right now is only pro-longing your pain. i understand why you do it....i just hope you understand how its hurting you. its like if you were trying to quit smoking. you have those strong urges...you can either fight through it or you can give in for the "quick fix" and start over the next day. when your ready to give it a serious shot....really go for it.

well to truly heal you need to stop being a jets fan i kid, i kid. seriously though..the "rollercoaster" will continue for a while, but you'll notice that the highs are high and the lows aren't so low. And when you do hit a low spot, it won't last as long. Eventually, you'll get off this ride.

Personally, in my opinion, that would be the end of all discussions right there. If she can't even promise it won't happen again, how are you going to trust her again? I know it hurts to let her go and this whole situation is not fun at all...but don't let her hurt you more. I'm a bit surprised as to how calm you appear to me. Not a lot of anger?

she needs time to decide what to do? this sounds backwards to me. if anything you should be telling her that you need time, and that maybe you can find it in you to forgive her if she proves she can be trusted, but thats going to take time...and that YOU need time to think about this. Considering she cheated on you...you should not be chasing her around at all.

perhaps you can just say "If your calling to apologize, don't worry about it, I already forgave you regardless. Unless your calling to say you want to talk about the possibility of dating again, then I'm not ready to hear it, nor am I interested." maybe not word for word, but what do you think? Also, although you may feel a setback, you will not loose everything so to speak. If you got knocked back to square 1, it will take you a few days to get back to where you were before this..what took you months to do before.

I'm not saying you do or do not, but are you sure you have no interest in getting back together with him?

yup..ive done NC for a month now besides a 10 second (literally) online conversation, if you can even call it that. It has certainly, along with other things, made me feel much better. For those who don't believe it, try it and see. I usually tell myself I'll contact the person in a month or so..but by the time that time comes, I loose all desire. Tomorrow is the girls birthday I was seeing...originally my plans were to contact her around now to wish her a happy birthday. But as time has gone by and I've felt better, my desire to do so is gone.

good to know..will also ease my urges to have one.

so 1 or 2 tops a week is not a HUGE deal, right?

well for the past few weeks as ive been more serious about my work outs (which always makes me eat better) i have only had 2 diet cokes I think. It's not something I NEED but do crave. Knowing what I know now though it will be easier for me to just avoid it. I drink a TON of water. I think I refill my poland spring bottle 5-8 times during the work day, and then also drink it at home. Maybe I'll try to limit myself to 1 a week.

Why coke over diet coke?? And once day = 5x a week. It's only when I'm here at work. So I have 5 diet cokes a week or less.

This is kind of random, but is 1 diet coke a day a big deal? I have heard conflicting things about it. For the most part I drink water, juice, and milk, but I always crave a diet coke at lunch for whatever reason. I recently heard that even that is not healthy and I should give it up, so thought I'd throw it out there. Anyone?

I typically do NC until I no longer want to contact them. Which basically means that NC goes forever in my case. However, I have found that is when the other person usually contacts me (but not always).

I reccomend you watch "Swingers" w/ Vince Vaughn.