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chai714

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chai714 last won the day on May 7 2007

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About chai714

  • Birthday 07/28/1978

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  1. Pretty impressive. I'm no expert in poetry but that's well thought-out.
  2. Your story is written in a very vivid way which reveals just how bad and awful it is to be anorexic. It's a disturbing but awakening story. You did a good job with the grim details.
  3. Very expressive and clearly written. I don't want to say I like the poem because it's violently realistic but you did a really good job with it.
  4. Skip the intimacy on the first date. But I do however, recommend kissing on first dates so you weed out the serial daters and uninterested ones. Read her body language throughout each date - especially towards the end. If her body langauge is positive, bust a move. On subsequent dates, progress the level of intimacy as long as she feels comfortable. Usually, women are most comfortable kissing and doing more stuff in private.
  5. Telling her "I love you" isn't listening - that's talking and telling her how you feel. Listening is part of it. Being independent is also part of it. Getting interests outside of your relationship and exhibiting the attitude "I don't need you but you're nice to have around" will increase chances of getting sex. I don't like to see men focus on getting sex because the harder you try, the more likely you are to fail. Get some outside interests and leave the house a couple nights a week. Join some club, sport, or have a guys night out. This way, your women won't take you for granted and you won't be home begging for sex. Quit being pathetic. What makes women desire sex? Usually, it has a lot to do with the emotional connection they feel at the time. And don't ever directly ask for sex. Seduce. Start with a backrub. Play with her hair while she's talking. Or just back off altogether and listen. You won't always get sex but the closer she feels to you, the more it will happen. But I emphasize - diversify your sources of happiness. Get independent and don't make her think she has control of when you get sex. This is why you have other interests outside of the relationship.
  6. Not everyone is married or in a relationship. If you're around those people, don't be because that's not helping you get dates, is it? First, you're going to need to market yourself and get exposure. By this, I mean going out to places single people hang out. Besides going out to clubs, how else can you meet someone? Perhaps in school, by going to sporting events, through friends, through co-workers (notice I didn't say co-workers but THROUGH them), joining a charitable organization, etc. Get involved in group activities where lots of interaction takes place. Maybe joining a gym class would be good as well. The point here is to get out there and market yourself. But do so while engaging in activities you enjoy. Don't make it your sole purpose to get a boyfriend. Let that be part of the process. Good luck.
  7. Women connect with men through conversation. This conversation makes them feel close to a man, which in turn somehow sparks their hormones. Men connect with women through sex. If it solely the decision of a man, we would walk up to her (without saying a word) and have sex. And men would be perfectly fine with this, but women would not. From reading your post, I got the impression that there is a breakdown in communication between you and your wife. You buying her an outfit she did not desire offended her. Why? Because it's something YOU wanted, not her. Put your desires aside for a minute. Love is about wanting what's good for them - what they want and need - not you. I understand that you want to increase the frequency of sex in your marriage but getting her things that you want isn't going to make her want to have it. Remember, women want sex after they feel a strong emotional connection has been made. When she talks, you listen then paraphrase what she said back to her to let her know you were listening. If this doesn't work, come back again and post the results.
  8. NY, NC is to heal yourself. The period in which you heal will often times take you on a rollercoaster of emotions. As long as you're still emotional about her then it's important that you stay away from her. With breakups and emotions, it usually gets more difficult before it gets easier. You don't know when you've hit rock bottom until you've come back up. Only then do you realize when the worst is over. As far as your birthday - don't respond to her text. If she calls, don't answer. Unless she comes to your doorstep saying, "NY I made a mistake I want you back" then it's likely she's just making a nice gesture. It can be easy for a dumpee to misinterpret communication, which is why I recommend you not respond if she tries to contact you. There are a few things you can do to make your life better and to ensure you heal up: 1. Keep a journal. Log your thoughts, emotions, and feelings. This serves as a mental/emotional outlet and allows you to learn more about yourself and your role in the relationship. It may also help you to become aware of behaviors that can be improved. 2. Work out or change your current workout routine. Your body is likely experiencing lots of tension. Use those strong emotions to improve your body. Working out will also help clear your mind and rid some of those negative feelings. 3. Improve your life by improving others: Volunteer. Whether it be mentoring a child, coaching a sports team, or working at a hospital - put in some time to help others. This will give you perspective on your breakup and life AND it will make you feel better about yourself. 4. Watch your nutrition. It's easy to not eat or eat the wrong things when your emotions are all over the place. Grab some healthy recipes to keep your body running right. Food and emotions are often linked so it's important that you eat right, especially now.
  9. This seems like it's a struggle for control. It seems you want control of the direction of the group while he feels he has been the most productive. It also seems that you're less open to other people ideas and insist that the group adhere to your ideas. Try more listening and agreeing. Afterall, this is a group effort and it's not about what you want but what is best for the team.
  10. First and foremost, I think that he lacks consideration. It seems as if he doesn't care as much about you as you do him. You driving 45 minutes and them him not doing anything to show any kind of appreciation or reciprocation makes me think he really doesn't care or takes you for granted. Men will gawk at women especially when in groups but all men know that's a no-no in the presense of your woman. He's only visited you twice in 3 months, expects you to drive after you've driven to his place then gawks at women while you're out. I say his 3 months is up and would have to agree with leaving him.
  11. It sounds like you're doing all the right things then. I commend you for having taken all of those positive steps. I think for now, the passage of time will do it's job. Also, you might feel down the road (if not now) that this woman isn't good enough for you. By cheating, she has put herself on a lower level.
  12. Macgyver, It sounds like you're still in shock over this whole ordeal with her. It seems like it's difficult to actually comprehend what happened with her. I know that it hurts - especially when the very person you think you'll be with forever does something like this. So how do you get yourself back together? First off, I'd cancel that date. If you can't cancel it, you're going to need to pull off a Hollywood act and appear as if you didn't just get your heart ripped out of your chest. I think you should keep in contact with this new girl and perhaps save her for later. For now though, you should focus on healing up. When someone leaves you, your self-esteem almost immediately takes a dive. You can feel at an all-time low and many people do. This could explain why people try and get dates right after a breakup - because they are hoping to restore the self-esteem they once had. But remember - self-esteem doesn't come from other people. It comes from yourself. It's a result of how you live your life and how you overcome certain obstacles. A breakup is one of them. For now, I recommend staying out of contact with your ex. As far as working on yourself, I think a journal could be helpful. A journal can help you get those constant thoughts out of your head and onto paper (or computer). Next, I recommend working out. You've got all kinds of emotions going on right now. Working out can help you clear your mind and relieve physical tension built up. Also, I recommend either mentoring a child or volunteering your time somewhere. This could help give you perspective of your life versus other peoples. Hang in there. In time, everything will be okay and you'll be back on the right track.
  13. All negative behaviors need to be corrected. I don't believe that staying with her is sending the message, "respect me or lose me." She doesn't respect you. Nobody who has ever cheated respects their partner nor appreciates them for that matter. Don't be deceived by her cheap words. She made a conscience decision to kiss the other man. She came at a crossroad and she knowingly chose wrong. In time, you can forgive her but I don't understand how you can get her to respect you OR how you can ever trust her again. In that sense, I think Beec gave you a good bit of advice.
  14. I think this problem could lie with both of you. Maybe he's too available for you as in you could get sex anytime you want from him. When anything becomes too plentiful or available, then humans tend to not value or appreciate it any longer. This is one possibility. My take is that you're losing the emotional connection with him. Perhaps communication is poor between you two? Usually, women who develop an emotional connection with their significant other simultaneously develop and associate it with physical attraction. It's not because he or she has a killer body but more to do with their feelings about their partner. Could it be that perhaps you don't feel emotionally close to him right now?
  15. I'm not. She has a night job and works tonight. I couldn't be more happy because I don't really like how Corporate America hypes this day. I don't buy into it.
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