Tom1990
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Excellent quote. Yeah, FB stalking is horrible for breakups. Nothing tears open those wounds quite like seeing the hyper-inflated sense of self that are Facebook pictures. I'll definitely block her if I feel the urge to FB-stalk. Right now, however, the urge is nil. Oh! I should edit to add, I did unfriend her. I told her I can't sit by and watch her move on, she said do what ya gotta do, and that was that. I got her address so I could mail her a thing of hers, she did the same, and that was that. I've no desire to reach out to her, ever again. Maybe we can hang in the future, maybe we can't. I'm going to try to not bother myself with that.
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Day 3. I had a stupid dream about her last night, this morning I messaged our mutual friend about my ex (the mutual friend hasn't responded yet), then I looked at my ex's FB page and got all wound-openey again. Now I am contemplating cutting all ties and blocking her. Ugh. Tomorrow I shall start over, day 1 again....
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Day 2. I went to a party with some mutual friends last night, knowing I might run into my ex. My ex didn't attend. People mentioned her once or twice, but no lingering (and uncomfortable to me) discussions.
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After sending my ex that new year's message, I've been FB-peeking at her, and it's been killing me. I need to knock it off. I am going NC again. Day 1.
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He broke NC; you didn't. You're still going strong. Keep it up! Maybe he does, and maybe he doesn't. It's not your problem anymore. Again, keep it up. It sucks he made contact with you, but you got this.
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Day 12. I broke NC to wish her a happy new year, and to suggest a thing we'd wanted to do before but haven't yet. She read, but didn't respond (thank God). I peeked at her profile; she kept me on her close-friends list, and I saw she's still had ups and downs (10 years of an abusive husband doesn't heal overnight, or even in a year). I'm glad I broke NC. It can't last anyway, because I have a book of hers, and she still has one of my fencing foils. Gonna start over on NC tomorrow. But for now, happy new year, and good luck to all who are healing.
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Day 11. Nothing new to report, life goes on. I thought about maybe texting her Happy New Year, but nah.
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AMEN to that. If someone doesn't care enough to work things out, they don't deserve you! Changing it up is always a fun thing.
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Day 9. A mutual friend told me she had chatted with my ex, a week ago. I allowed the conveying of information. It was nothing I didn't know, we'd be friends again eventually, and she was just overwhelmed with my issues. The mutual friend had conveyed how confused I was, and I'm still new at this whole thing. It feels good to know she is working out her own things, just as I am working out my own, and we are both just fine not being in contact for now. I thanked the mutual friend for having both our interests in mind.
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Day 8. I thought I'd run into her at a party with mutual friends, but she didn't show. Kinda realizing my ex's point of view of things more, especially how she could have been hurt by my insensitivity.
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If this was intentional, then yes. You're trying to sneak around your own boundaries, which is just as bad and will create bad habits between you and your friend. If it wasn't intentional, if your friend did this without your knowledge... speaking only for myself, I'd be upset at this friend for poking his or her nose where it doesn't belong.
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Day 7. One week NC. I have a book of hers, sitting on my bedroom floor. I don't know what to do with it. I was going to hand it to her the last time we hung out (it was going to be with a big group of friends), but that never happened. I don't feel like making a decision about it right now, and it's not giving me any angst. Eh. Maybe I'll wait until she asks for it back. It's just a book.
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Day 6. I messaged and texted a ton of friends and family Merry Christmas, some of which responded, and some didn't, none of which were my ex. It felt good to reach out to so many people who mean so much to me on this magical day.
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Thanks, you too! I would probably make the boundary of "We can definitely be friends, and if we end up dating I'd be willing to give it another go, but I can't be flirty-friends-that-sometimes-date-and-sometimes-are-just-friends-and-maybe-even-kiss-once-in-a-while. That was confusing as hell for me." But only if she brings it up. Otherwise, it's casual friends for me. ETA day 5 of NC.
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Day 4 of NC. I'm wondering if she'll send me a Christmas message. I have no desire to send her one. If she does, I'll say Merry Christmas back, no big deal to me. I don't feel like I'll be stressing about it, but the fact that I'm posting about it in the first place tells me something!