Carthiana

If you both are planning on doing this more often, you need to invest in long term solutions, not just one time condoms, but her on birth control, etc. Make sure if you are doing this, do it right or consequences will occur that you obviously don't want and aren't ready for.

Ok, i'm not a doctor, but I've had literally years of experience with UTI's. Some old 'staples' are still good, like taking acidolopholis (sp?) is still fine as precautionary. However, the ol common referral of cranberry juice is NOT true any longer. Four uriologists have told me this over the past two years. I've had over 4 a year and NOT related to sex at all. Heck, at times I got them I wasn't even sexually active. I've had countless cyctoscopy(sp?) procedures, all showing a normal bladder and function. No scarring of the bladder, no thinned urethrea. I've avoided foods to see if they caused it. Nope, didn't help. Cranberry Juice - no longer a staple food or drink to prevent them. Cranberries have a very POSITIVE affect once in your body, HOWEVER, they are acidic in nature, and if you have more acidic urine then you should stay far far away from them. It can actually increase your chances if you have acidic urine to begin with. Actually, staying away from acidic foods in general will decrease the acidity level, which having high acidity can cause bacteria and then lead to UTI's. Common prescribed fixes: Bactrim, Macrobid or Cipro to treat the infection, Pryidium to treat the pain (localized anethestic of sorts) and then some girls get yeast infections from the antibotics so they'll need antibotics for that too. Common ways to notice you have a UTI: If you aren't peeing straight blood when you urinate (which is how I notice), you might find your kidneys hurt or ache, stomach/ad. pain in that area, or feeling full bladder and not having any urine to release, having burning, very frequent need to urinate whether there is urine or not. UTI's untreated can lead to Kidney Infections. Kidney infections can also create UTI's, as can kidney stones lead to UTI's. I've heard the common references of not cleaning one's self after sex, and not directionally wiping correctly your genitials after passing bowels/urine. I'm sure these apply to those that are NOT careful about hygiene, but honestly, it's not as frequently asked by doctors if you can't relate a bad hygiene habit with it. A not as common possibility is your PC (or also referred to as Pelvic Shelf) muscles could be unnormally weak or to tight. This is what someone else in a thread on the Orgasm or Sex board referred to for increasing your 'strength' or 'length in the sack". These muscles, if not working correctly, could create an environment that could lead to the possibility of having more UTI's, or creating pain and symptoms like a UTI w/o the bacteria showing up in a urine culture. Staying away from acidic foods (coffee, tea, tomatos, spicy foods), staying away from sodas (or caffiene in general) can be found to be helpful and could relieve or prevent future issues. Or at least moderate, it's not always about cutting out, but cutting back if you over do it. It is true however, once you have one, the chances to have one again do increase. If you know the signs, be on the lookout for them. Even tho the cyct-something or nother test I mentioned above isn't joyful (but painful) they can look for irritation of the bladder or other physical issues that could be increasing your frequency of UTI's or explain why you are more prone to them if you continue to get them. I had to go through 4 doctors, finally end up with a Urologist who is a surgeon to get some real answers, breakthrough, etc. I've also heard some talk about how stress can increase your chances of getting one, but haven't really proven that one yet myself. There is much speculation why people get them that don't have bad habits or physical explainations to why they get them that much. Still lots of research to be done. Keep us posted.

You are right, you won't have a chance like this. This should be your 'wake up' and get off your -bbb- message. We will help and support, but it won't all be a shoulder to cry on. It will be us, here, waiting, to hear that you have finally kicked your bad habit of communicating to this guy. And if you havn't, we will be arms crossed, unhappy and send you back to take care of it. You obviously havn't made it a priority yet, and you need to. We can't MAKE you do this, you need to do this on your own. Stop making excuses and DO IT!! Yes, words are easier than actions. But once you start to make actions, you'll find it will be easier behind you than lurking in front of you. We aren't sitting here telling you all of this over and over to repeat ourselves for the fun of it, but we don't think you are getting what we are saying either. What happened to you is YOUR FAULT. You allowed yourself to become seduced and intrigued by this guy. It was YOUR action that allowed this, and only YOU can REVERSE IT! You claim you are happily married, but if you had been happy with your husband, there would have been no room to allow someone else to make you happy also. You need your husbands help. You need to be honest and admit what you have done. Stop living this lie, stop protecting him. Yes he's going to be hurt, AS HE SHOULD BE. All this attention you have been showing this other guy YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN SHOWING YOUR HUSBAND!! Suck in your pride, bite your tongue, and be honest. Stop lying to him, and to yourself that you are in a position and situtation that you can't get yourself out of because it is 1. to horrible 2. to hard/difficult 3. because you can't split contact with this guy cause for X reason. The excuses have really got to stop. Be strong, even if you have to fake it. You have been faking happiness with your husband, I'm sure faking being strong and getting through this is a equally actable role compared to what you have been doing. He destroyed you emotionally because you let him have that power over you. Do you want to keep this up until this guy AND your husband leave you? This other guy has no ties to you. You are NOTHING TO HIM BUT A slave, something he can use, a toy, a puppet, a pet of sorts. THIS IS WHAT YOU ARE TO HIM. He doesn't care, he doesn't love you (just loves your unending devotion to him for no reason), he doesn't put a roof over your head, or food on your table. He doesn't care if you get sick (unless it prevents him from contacting you at the precise moment he demands your attention). He doesn't care BECAUSE HE DOESN"T HAVE TO!!! He didn't say vows with you, devote his life to you as you have to him. He has his cake and he eats it too. Heck, he might even have a woman on the side that he would never tell you of, because he might lose the control over you if you realize he isn't devoted to you like you are to him. You are wasting feelings on someone who isn't wasting anything ON YOU AT ALL BECAUSE THEY DON"T HAVE TO! Do you enjoy being abused mentally and emotionally? Do you enjoy the fact that you go back to it willingly even when you tell us you hurt that you do it, but yet ...... YOU GO BACK? Yes, he'll always be there, ready to USE YOU AGAIN NO DOUBT... need you fulfill his need that serves you NOTHING? You are trash to him, plain and simple. Now, re-read what I wrote above. Read it again, and again, and again. Still feel good about yourself, and your actions? No? GOOD!! First step, that is after admitting you have an issue and are ACTUALLY going to do something about it besides complain and cry. Actions speak louder than words. Don't tell us you are going to do X, JUST GO DO X and we'll believe you by what we see (or what you accomplish by doing X). Yes, admitting you have a problem is the only the FIRST of many steps to getting to the end. Admittal does not mean the issue is resolved. And no 'but...', yes, its hard to move on. Yes its hard to be something/someone, BAD HABITS ARE HARD TO BREAK, BUT IT MUST BE DONE!!! Stop giving your self 'buts', and just make it happen. Yes, you are in a bad cycle, SO BREAK THE CYCLE. Stop relying on it, stop wanting to be with this man, stop wanting to hear from him, just STOP! It might not /seem/ that simple, but in all practicality, it really is THAT SIMPLE. You promised your husband till death do you part, you promised him loyalty. It is time to make HIM the focus and the ONLY focus of your life, as you PROMISED so long ago. Time to make good on those promises, no matter how hard it is.

When you come to a forum like this, you gotta face the facts. We aren't required to sugar coat anything we have to say, or suggest. Sure, we are looking out for your best interests, but sometimes those interests are ones you have been ignoring, denying, forgetting. Truth catches up with you, as do your actions. I really can't fathom how you can in one sentence feel bad as you mention you have been keeping this from your husband, and yet on the same hand then go ahead and type how you are addicted to this other person. The things you are telling yourself to keep you doing this and off your conscience, I can't even imagine what they are. My impression of what you are writing, it is as if you care nothing about your husband, and all about this other man. And if that was the case, why would we be surprised? You have it all and more, not only are you married, but you have a man on the side. So even if you lose this other man, you still have your husband. That is a HORRIBLE thought in my mind. Husband as your fall back guy? Yes you are upset, I'm sure you are. You got yourself this far, on your OWN actions, your OWN choices and now we are holding you accountable for them. Sorry we aren't more sugary about our advice, maybe we think you need a dose of reality and realism before you destroy your 'back up' husband and really realize what it's like to lose it all. Stop making excuses, kick your own -beep- into action if you have to, get over your self guilt, and get going. It's hard for people to feel bad for those that have their options in front of them, but sit there idling and not deciding and crying over that. Make the decision, and go! There will always be excuses to create, but there won't always be a great husband in your life to have with all you have done. Make your ammends, admit your faults, present your life to him, and if need be, have him help be your conscience when you are about to do the things that will destroy your and his life together.

We can advise you as we see it best (objective as possible, even tho that is difficult as we can only hear it from one side), but it will be you that chooses in the end. You may easily come back here, with similar issues or new ones. You may find the things you tried to bury are still very much a problem. We want to protect you and give you the chance to make the right choice w/o having to go through the wrong ones. But we can't do that for you, and sometimes we have to sit back and watch you go through the motions. I'm not trying to say that everything you hear is going to be right, but please, do yourself a favor and WEIGHT the issues we enlighten you to. Be willing to see things from another view other than the one you may have been through all of this. If you don't, you may miss signs that you would normally have not seen. We use our past experiences to help guide you in trends, patterns we have learned to see ourselves. In the end, you decide your steps. But please, love may blind, but use your peers as a way to test your motives, your decisions and make sure they are weighted in solid values and not temporary ones that may fall or fail.

Striving for perfection and settling with what you can do with all your heart are two different things. NO ONE IS PERFECT, not you, not me, no one. Expecting to be perfect, or exactly what your parents want , is setting you up for only one thing; FAILURE. No one can be exactly EVERYTHING their parents want, and doing so only makes your life theirs (if they are dictating all you are doing) and isn't this your life? Not theirs? You need to work on these issues before you go to college, as they will only become just that much harder to deal with. This coming from someone that had issues (not related to yours) and they were harder to deal with at college (added stress, etc). You seem to be your own worst enemy. If you expect yourself to be perfect, then obviously you'll never succeed (nor would any of us if we were to think the same thing of ourselves). You need to learn not to expect those things which are out of our reach. Striving for perfection and expecting it are a big gap apart from each other. Do your best, and that is all you can ask of from yourself. Asking more than that is like asking to move the stars, create galaxies, etc. You have to learn to love, believe, and cherish yourself. Start to do that, and other's impressions of how you are as a student, daughter will not weight as heavily on your heart as they seem to now. We can support you, but we can't make you make that decision to better yourself. Only you can.

It is hard to understand exactly what you are asking, here's why. You seem to want two things from your post. 1. You want reassurance that what you are doing is ok (or correction that it's not) and 2. that we can use the previous statement to justify whether we in our opinion believe your mom is doing it for good or unjust reasons. Either way, I don't think you are going to get the answers you appear to /want/ to hear. You don't want to hear that its not healthy, otherwise other issues come into play. Like, if it's unhealthy, then why would your mom be supporting/suggesting/allowing it? You already have doubts, from your statements. If you have doubts, then isn't that enough to start to wonder? The seeds have been planted, you are looking for facts or opinions to make them grow, or die off. We all have unreasonable expectations at times, even parents, not just kids. Sometimes those come into play. Parents want a better life for their kids than they had, weight can sometimes play a big role, 'specially if weight related issues or problems occurred in the parent's life. They have their own wants of what they want to see you do, you have your own. Sometimes they coinside, sometimes they don't. They also want sometimes what you want, to be x or y depending on the situtation. But parents and kids are not always right, and the decisions they make fall in that area too. We are human, it just happens. So she could very well want the best for you, but that doesn't mean it's the wisest choice. Her motivations for wanting the best for you are genuine, but maybe the way going about it isn't the best for the situtation? If you truly want to know what is best advised for a person of your age, diet, etc then do some research. Go to VARIOUS websites, ones that are legit, who have medical information, not just opinions. They will give you ideas like normal calorie intake suggested for people x age, such things like that. Parents are not the authority on nutrition (unless that parent is a doctor or done a heck of a lot of research on it) but do have a good head start on it compared to their children. Doctors are the best to ask honestly, if you want an opinion that doesn't come from someone that is blood to you and wants to tell you want you want to hear. There are healthy ways to eat and heathly ways to diet, it's just finding them that is difficult sometimes. There are plenty new books out every day on things not to eat or to eat, so even in the field of nutrition and diet things change every day with new discoveries.

I find it was always on my period that I seemed to want it the worst! (ah, irony at it's best...) Talk about timing. I was always willing, and I agree with other posters, it did seem like it relieved some of the painful issues like cramps, bloating. Sex is a release in all ways! If he's not opposed to it, what's so bad? Maybe the fact you can't be as explorative as normal, but nothing that can't be washed clean right?

Don't hold this against all women We aren't all nasty and smelly. There are some of us that keep it 'ready' so that there aren't issues like that that come up. We are always looking for the guy that's willing to do what you were ~!

I truly believe my ex-husband's attitude and decision of where he put his daughter from his previous marriage and me was, well, what really did us in. I understood he had a right to take care of her, make her important... however. There has to be a point where you realize that you need to spend time on your 'partner', you can't just put them aside (whether the parent of your child or not) and expect them to wait until you have given your child all the 'necesary' time and dedication they need. Partners, wives, husband's can't just be put on hold for 'intimacy time' until addressing the needs of the child are done. You can't put your love, devotion aside and only focus on one person (the child). I'm a living of example why and of what happens. The role of taking care of a child is never done, so when would a significant other get that attention they deserve? Never? He put his child as 1st, for EVERYTHING (which is not a /bad/ thing, but putting 100% time/dedication to a child is not necessary when there is someone else to help lighten the load). He believed her words over mine (when me having to tell him about her lying, or fibbing, or hiding stuff, etc), he told me he would save her over me if it ever came down to it. And I wasn't willing to wait until he was 'free' as a parent of the responsibilites when she turned 18 for him to then focus that attention back on me. Being a parent is hard, being a stepparent seems even harder (or having a partner be the step parent to your child). But you can't ignore one for the other (focuse on partner, not on child or vice versa). It is a delicate balance that takes time, effort and , obviously, the willingness to make it a priority and identify it as something to work on. If you are not willing to do it the hard way, balancing both (which will benefit you in the end by having a good role model for your child and a partner to share in life's troubles and successes), then you won't have anyone beside you in the end (or you will alienate your child if you only focus on your partner). Granted this is my opinion, so in no way consider this a fact. It is simply MY experiences which serve as my 'fact' of what can happen and DID happen to me.

I used to have a crush on Mamoru from Sailor Moon Actually, I was in HS and a few friends and I had a crush on him Yeah, so it's anime, but he's so good looking!!! We got over it eventually, but it's those semi-feminine anime/manga men that seem to be so good looking. For me, it was a harmless infatuation with something that wasn't real. I knew it wasn't, but it was fun and silly. It is nice to think that I could do stuff like that and it wouldn't hurt anything. Being young and crazy has it's benefits.

From my perspective, a promise ring can be either dedicated to the relationship or a ring to hold the place of where a future ring would go (engagement, wedding). As long as it doesn't look cheezy (hey, yeah, we are girls, we're picky!! we can't help it) there is no reason it has to include anything on the ring itself. Obviously the more personal it is the better, we like to see the extra effort I think the consideration of a promise ring is a great step forward to ensure to the other person that you are doing what isn't required (which is to stay true to the other person). No one says ou have to be true, its just normally assumed that if you are dating someone that you will be Good luck!

Ex-husband wants to date (can you believe it? we just got divorced and now he thinks I'm stupid enough to go back? you know, this one just hit me out of the blue it did...), he's been trying to get me to go to a movie, hang out at his place while his daughter is over a friends, etc. I'm not buying, and i'm not budging. I have no reason to be with him in any capacity (besides seeing him at work), and i'm not going to lead him on. You know, as if getting over him wasn't hard enough, the fact it seems like now he wants to go right back, just confuses the heck out of me. I went to a craft faire today, won two things in their raffle drawing, recovered a tv i was given by my grandparents as they get rid of their belongings, and just tried to enjoy time... even if it is alone and lonely. I look at it this way, i'm going to have to do a lot of things alone. but its better for me to be alone and miserable, than with someone and miserable. we all have our up and down days, it is just my down days (weeks, etc) as I go through my stages of 'recovery'.

Thanks all for your kind replies. I have so much to fill in from my previous posts till now. I have to put it all down, so much feelings, anger, confusion! I don't have the NC many have. My ex works with me, at the same company. His daughter adores me, even now. It is just been a weird seperation, and still is a weird situtation in general anyway. Lots of things to catch up fellow members on, and all the things that went through my head.

Feb 25th 2005 after the Ore-Tenus hearing it was final. I've got a lot to write about from when I last posted here about my situtation, and pending (now final) divorce. I've started to get some closure, and I'll post the rest in the 'Healing' section. There is life after seperation, and then divorce. I separated March 1 2004 approx, and finally it is all over. I wanted to have a bit of a small celebration to make myself feel better, but I figured even tho pain was involved with all of this, that I didn't want to celebrate the end of something that originally was very much happy and good. It is more a celebration now of being able to be myself with out feeling like my actions are going to have to be answered to or by my SO. No matter what you choose, divorce or not, there is life after divorce. It might not be the answer for everyone, or the RIGHT answer, but when it comes to living a life you are proud or one you regret, you make the choice that you can live with.