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chickydoodle

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  1. Thank You. Yes fading beauty and ageing. The metaphor being a carriage drawn by horses ( youth) - energy/vibrancy/beauty..... The carriage represents Hope ( abandoned due to a hard path - bad choices in life which exerted their toll on beauty over time) The spiders represent the web of deceit and betrayal dealt to this person........ But it can be about anything you like
  2. When beauty dropped her reign And Youth veered off the stone-strewn trail, An empty dream lay unhinged; Ornate façade of filigree; With plush seats of velvet dust; Where once was sat Hope and Trust; And busy spiders spin the tale Of betrayal, Love, deceit and shame. SM
  3. You are the stuff of my nightmares; each one revealing to me the horror of who and what you are; my days being the dream and my nights the reality.
  4. Another txt from him: ''how are you today, can you say? I'm just in bed looking at all the photos we have sent each other. Thinking of you with Love. Sorry if that upsets you. x '' I would like to text: ''What is your game? Remember your cold advice to me ''not to re-live history'. ( or were they her words....sounds like her kind of phrase. Did she drill you on what to say with that phone-call? Yes it does upset me. I am moving on and suffering from another bereavement- a different kind of one. I have not leaned on you, my best friend of 12yrs during this time. I am handling it without you, proving to myself I do not need you anymore. Dont text me with your selfish impulsivity again. You made your choice. live with it.'' I shall NOT respond.
  5. Txt from him this morning - after two weeks no contact: 'i hope you and your cats and family are as well as can be. You ae a unique and beautiful person x'' I would like to write but wont: It is snowing and an eerie wind is howling. Little Liam hanged himself at the weekend at the age of 15yrs- we are all heartbroken. His dad has lost 4 people he Loved to suicide.......this being the worst -his only son. It is hard not to share this crisis with him BUT I must not.........
  6. You are a selfish, narcissistic insane piece of sh't. How easily you toss me aside, like dirt after 2yrs of putting me thru an emotional ringer just 'cos the kid is going thru' a fun stage! Every time I walked away you came back with promises, the assurances it could work.....how you will be doing HER a favour by not being in her life. The begging for me to keep my heart open while you worked it out. I allowed you to lure me back again and again and now that you are having fun- well that makes it all so easy - for you to make your decision. My family HATE you- Think you ae the weakest, most selfish and cruel person they have ever encountered. I hope and pray something wonderful happens for me to justify this incredible pain. God Please let me witness the karma deserved by these two, for their deceit and game playing and selfishness ; her deliberate acts, his weakness . You are dead to me and like people have said you are W. O. R. T. H. L. E. S. S.
  7. Got a txt this morning that said ''hello''. I would like to respond with: Whats this about? testing the waters? Why dont you contact her if you are feeling lonely and need your narcissistic ego stroked? Do you need to hear that I dont hate you? That may be so - but it is over -on every level. You no longer have me as a best friend and my last word of advice is to get psychiatric help; that is if you have it in you to be honest with a psychiatrist. I understand certain things you say and do may be part of a PD that is difficult to control. Either way, I must walk away now and carry on as best I can. There is nothing you can say or do at this stage to lure me back. It is irepairable - even if you do seek help. I have invested too much for too long.
  8. txt from him ''If you wanted to call me this morning......'' I shall not answer but would like to answer as: Why? What are you really saying ? You need me to call you? And what for - so you can spew out your rehearsed cryptic words. There is NO getting out of this hole. Your ability to lie and deceive scares me. I feel it is psychopathic. Or are you faking concern for me but really desperate to know how much she revealed to me in her email so you can have your story right for her? You two deserve each other- some role models for a child huh! I dont want any of you in my life- on any level. The reason I cannot ring you is , you make me feel sick to my stomach. Nothing can be said or done at this stage - for I shall naturally assume every word is a lie. Your words in particular are cheap. I am hurting so bad - MFR!
  9. To take a year out , just to be Allow life to visit me Observe my garden sprout and seed Watch the birds as they feed Lose myself in star speckled sky Turn my ear to the yellow robin’s cry lay for hours listening to the sound Of rain on tin and winds a howl Oh for a break from not being true To my heart’s desire of being one with you CD I wish I could just take a year off - from everything.
  10. As The wind howls and boughs creak I take your hand while you sleep. There is warmth and comfort there As dreams release you from despair. Then, as the cold grey light of dawn Reveals how far you have fallen Veins constrict and palor fades As you take on a different shade. Heart dispels all seeds of doubt, pumps a sickly blue throughout. Momentary delight, free from care Hands cold to touch for your’e not there.
  11. In milk flowers and splendor, a round sky fire burns, While Sweet Baby Jesus rocks his ghost-manger in the sky I am all sad and wondering why It's such a beautiful day but only want to cry The Christ child rocks n' rolls, Apollo's light will never return Before the cows come home and this day adjourns Oh sweet Efron let me be The Lucky One, pollinate my sticky saffron under the blazing sun So we may unite and live forever more, without the pain and sadness that we had before. Let are love not be dead in a tomb like Mr. and Mrs. Montague, never let our love be done and when the light turns black and deep, may embers crackle lest we sleep
  12. My ex and I spent an unplanned day on a remote beach some weeks back. I was reticent about being with him again - but now long for another day with him by the sea. The Sea 14.4.12 Let us go to the sea Where waves wash over old beliefs And salt spray sting restores our sight To Free us from imagined plight. Let us walk along the bank where grasses sway in still delight and gentle breeze upon our cheek stirs the heart so we may seek soft warm sands beneath our feet to slow the pace of our retreat. Let us go now, hand in hand And Leave behind this desert land. by CD
  13. The End/Rebirth It is fizzling out finally Having scorched all in its path for many a year. Flecks of flame flicker here and there But can’t take hold for earth is bare Blackened, twisted charred and eerie Stunned beauty silent and weary Skeletal limbs belie a truth That deep rich layers lie underfoot Where soul remains intact, unscathed While heart is roasted , feelings strained She’ll start again to sprout life a new A different landscape for all to view The rains will nourish along the way Gods Love and Grace assured each day No time to ponder man’s cruel hand There’s work to be done, and proud she’ll stand. CD
  14. Someday soon I hope my poems are lighter. But then I guess all poetry is born from despair and pain? Throughout my life the following line from a poem has stayed with me like a mantra. ''I could lay down like a tired child and weep away this life of care which I have borne and still must bear'' - not sure which poet wrote this- I think maybe Donne. No wonder I have a sad outlook on life!!!!
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