BlueEagle

I will never fully understand how our relationship suffered the way it did to the point of fights and our consequent breakup. When we met it was absolutely magical. Our connection and chemistry was undeniable and simply amazing. Our emails, phone calls, and dates were extraordinarily long. I mean, our first date was, what six hours? Second date was seven hours? And third date at least eight hours? You were so nervous when I first met you and I could tell you liked me. We had so much fun connecting and learning more and more about each other. I was on cloud nine when I met you. You were everything that I had wanted in a girl. You were beautiful, young, intelligent, educated, sweet, personable, affectionate, responsible, ambitious, and a 'girl next door type' with good morals and values. Everything moved very, very quickly. We got both attached early, but you became clingy and smothering. It didn't help that you didn't have your own place, since you lived with your parents, and soon I was feeling suffocated. The relationship was moving faster at that point than I would have likened. I wish I had set some healthy boundaries early on. Please don't mistake my wanting for space as pushing you away; my idea of space was having a little breathing room (maybe an hour) to myself after coming home from work so I could relax. You came over almost immediately every night after I got home and I soon started feeling crowded. We spent almost every work night and every weekend together. I loved spending time with you, but I also wanted to miss you, crave you, want you. By having "space" I would have done just that. Being at work is not "me-time" because I'm on my employer's watch. That doesn't mean I didn't think of you then -- far from it -- but it does mean when I'm unwinding alone from a long day at work I'd miss you greatly and even have time to clear my mind to spend time with you and even surprise you with flowers, candies, a sweet card, or anything thoughtful. Because you didn't work and you were an online student, you were able to do extracurricular things like spend time with your family, friends, ride your bike, do yoga/dance class, go to the gym, sleep in, etc. I didn't get the same luxury because during the daytime when you were able to do those things and structure your schooling around them, I was working. I needed time to reflect, miss you, see my friends and brag about you and of course, at some point, introduce you to them. I was very proud of you and not ashamed or embarrassed in the least bit. You were very affectionate and made me feel like a million dollars with all of our kissing and touching, especially out in public. I felt like the luckiest guy in the world to have this gorgeous woman by my side. It wasn't very long that after you came back from a short trip your behavior changed. You became more negative and got worked up easily. I started to feel resentful about some of the things you said to me (i.e., how if only you knew about this [certain behavior] before you wouldn't have been with me). We didn't communicate. Not until we started having fights from bottled-up resentments and anger that everything poured out. When you told me your ex was bothering you but that HE had issued a restraining order against YOU, that honestly concerned me. Why would you would be stressed about him if he you didn't care about him and he was lying and filing a bogus restraining order on you? You had so much to say about him in such full and lengthy detail that my gut instinct was that you were not over him, yet you were with me. This man should not have got in the middle of our relationship, but you allowed him to do just that. How was that fair to me? I didn't want to hear about exes and I'm sure you didn't want to hear about mine. I wanted to work on US and leave the past in the past. Your emotional baggage got dragged into our current relationship and changed the entire dynamic. Soon the big fight came about and you were attacking me. I believe misunderstandings played a huge role in this. I never wanted to break-up with you. When I asked you if you wanted a "break," that did NOT mean I wanted to break up with you, or even remotely consider it. I shouldn't have said "break" but perhaps "time-out" because your insecurities were already emotionally heightened and I believe you felt I was going to break up with you and then you decided to get defensive. You weren't happy that I didn't have a long relationship history (which you never asked why) and made me feel weird for that. Then the most hurtful remarks came out of your mouth saying how if you had known that before you might not have been with me. The pain from that comment was the most hurtful thing someone I cared about has ever said to me. This was at least three times you've said similar things and now I was very hurt, angry, and confused. You disappeared for hours and hours to go consult with your sister and brother-in-law (and who knows who else), which you did every time we had a problem! You kept badgering me and making me feel awful about myself. Then you wanted to talk about another issue and how infrequent our sex life was and how that was "not normal" for someone my age to want to have sex only once a week! I could not believe how crappy you made me feel about myself. You emasculated me and made me feel like there was something abnormal about me. You never once took responsibility for anything you did. You had to be right and had to win every argument and deflect everything onto me. You could not, would not meet me in the middle. You asked me if I was mad at you from all this and I finally said yes, but all you could say was, "Well, I'm glad you're finally saying something." That ticked me off. Why were you patronizing me? And then to tell me that maybe I'm just sensitive? Are you kidding me?! How dare you treat me this way! If you would have shown some remorse, some compromise, or even apologized for things you did that caused me to be hurt I would probably have broken down in tears and embraced you wanting to solve the conflict. But instead you wanted me to be the bad guy and give in to you. I will never understand why you left me without so much wanting to try and fix things. By trying to fix things that means being mature and willing to compromise and admit wrongdoing. I did my part, but you failed to take any ownership of what you did. I will always miss you, care about you, and eternally regret how things deteriorated between us. We both failed. I tried to reconcile with you, but no dice. You went back to your ex, the same guy who filed the restraining order on you. And married him three months later. Perhaps my gut instinct was right. Maybe there was something going on with you and him all along. How else can you explain marrying him after you turned him down once before and all the other horrible things you told me? Good luck with that. You missed out on a great, great guy who cared tremendously about you. My limited relationship experience does NOT define me as a person and I refuse to feel bad about it or consider it some abnormality. I have a lot of love in my heart to give and the next girl I involve myself in will see just that and be very lucky to have me. I've learned so much from this experience that I just know it will benefit me in future relationships. You quit on me, on us. Your loss is another girl's gain.