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LSgirl

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  1. It's day 36 NC (never once contacted you since the day of the break up!) I'm so proud of myself. You still cross my mind everyday but I no longer have the thought of being with you again. The thought of you with someone doesn't hurt me as much since I know she will have to deal with the same things as I did. Or maybe not. Either way, it's not my problem anymore and I feel relieved. I stopped counting after 30 days NC and had to look at my calendar to see it was 36, you have not reached out to me since after day 6 of NC which is great. We are both strangers now. I hear nothing of you and hope it's the same for you. It's so weird from going to talking to you everyday and then all of a sudden *poof* like it never happened. I went on one date off an online thing but I told him I wasn't looking for anything serious, he was a nice guy but not interested. I talked to another guy, he doens't live anywhere near me, but the fact that we have so much in common, even talked on the phone for 4 hours was a nice remembrance that I still got it going lol Most likely, nothing will ever come out of talking with this guy as it would be long-distance but just to get that feeling that there's other people out there I could like is amazing. I'm sure you have hooked up with someone by now, but who cares. All in all, I deserved a lot better, and it took me to step outside of the relationship to see this. You will have healthier relationships when you aren't emotionally attached to your ex-fiancee anymore, don't make her go through what I did. And I know better now to watch and not ignore red flags early on in the relationship. I hope you are happy out there wherever you are, I still have a lot of work to do just within myself, but that's an ongoing battle that I learn a lot from everyday. I have a lot of things I want to do with my life and meet someone who wants to spend the rest of their life with me
  2. Today is Day 24 NC since the breakup. I cried for a bit when I heard the song "one headlight" by the Wallflowers. For some reason, I hear that song everywhere I go! I've heard it in 3 bars now and it sickens me. It bothers me because that was the song you were listening to the night you got drunk and started reminiscing about your ex-fiancee. That song is about being stuck in the past when you should be moving forward and not being there for her when you should have. I bet you are STILL reminiscing about her rather than mourning over our relationship. I should have not overlooked the red flags for over a year. I kept telling myself within time you would come around and forget about her. You guys kept in touch even though she moved accross the country with the person she cheated on you with! You have a lot of issues and demons and it wasn't fair to project that when I was around. I had to watch you be in pain, how dare you stay in a relationship with someone when you aren't over somebody. It'll be almost a month since we have spoke, and I can't tell you how I proud I am that I have not reached out to you. I'm glad that I got out now before we dated for 2 years and for what, nothing but a short-lived experience until you went onto your next journey without me. How selfish and arrogant of you! I hope you are in pain, and I hope you realize what you put me through and what I even allowed myself to go through. I take blame in this for staying in it as long as I did, but you hurt me so much! Thank you for finally being honest in the end and telling me you never saw a future with me. You should not be with anyone. You make me sick, I'm disgusted by your motivations and you deserve to suffer for as long as you made me go through it. You're pathetic and I'm disgusted with myself for thinking you were better than that.
  3. It's Day 22 of NC and I probably won't hear from you are again. We are now strangers, moving on with our lives as we should be. I don't even think about getting back together with you because it would never be the same. I gave you everything and you were a great boyfriend, but to lead me on for this long was a terrible thing you did. You know what you did and you said yourself you were ashamed and felt like a pathetic loser. I thought about if I were to move somewhere or did anything drastic, would I tell you? Absolutely not. I do miss spending time with you, snuggling, making dinner together, sleeping next to you, but you don't deserve any of that, not with me or anyone else. You clearly have issues you need to take care of first. You need to have a relationship with yourself because you go messing up another girl like this. I can also see where your ex-fiancee might have left you, too. You're an alcoholic and your priorities are off. Overall, I learned a lot from you, you opened me up to things I never would have otherwise, and you were very charming and honest. It's too bad I was in denial for so long bc I should have left a long time ago.
  4. While today turned out to be a productive day, I went parasailing and kayaking with a friend, but then when I got home, I just started crying again. Thinking, you're not suffering like I am, you've moved on and enjoying life. While I do enjoy mine at times, this feeling is so terrible. It's Day 19 of NC and at this point, I know we will never speak to each other again. Even though you said 'I hope one day you could talk to me again', I just can't. It was a mutual breakup, but it was because you said your feelings weren't as strong as mine and thought I could do better. I hope I can do better, and soon! Tonight is St. Patrick's day and I know you'll be in downtown at the block party, so I decided not to go. Can't risk bumping into you, I wouldn't even know what to say. I do imagine this sometimes, either ignoring you and walking away or trying to make it like I'm so happy now without you. The worst times are in the morning and even worse is waking up in the middle of the night after a dream about you. The past two nights the dreams have been getting worse. You were trying to get back together with your ex-fiancee and you were looking at a house to buy for you and her. I woke up feeling bitter and angry and depressed. I thought it's supposed to get better, but the realization that we're really over is tormenting.
  5. Day 19 of NC, I'm feeling in that depressed stage. The first week I cried a lot, barely ate. I've been going out and trying to be normal, but the mornings and waking up in the middle of the night are the worst feeling. Last night I had a dream you got back with your ex-fiancee and you went looking for a house for you to get with her, how awful! Today is St. Pattys day, I know you're going to the downtown block party but I won't be going. Not that I'd probably run into you anyway, you hangout as your usual bar, may have even hooked up with somebody there. You're so handsome and charming you will have no problem meeting anyone. While I have my profile on OK Cupid, I have no intention of even meeting anyone on there. In fact, a friend saw me on there and then deleted his profile 5 minutes, I was embarassed too. Anyway, it's still been difficult for me, I think about you all day. Yesterday I hung out with your roommate's girlfriend but thank god she didn't say anything about you even though she sleeps at your house all the time. But it made me think maybe she knew things and didn't want to tell me, who knows, it's counter-productive really. Im the one that loved you and left the relationship because you didn't, you only felt guilty for stringing me along so it's not the biggest loss for you so yes, I do think I think about you more and struggle more with this.
  6. It's day 17 of NC, and i made a profile on OK Cupid. I don't want anything serious or even plan on meeting anyone, I don't even have a photo of myself up. I looked at my options, oh geez, they are nothing like you. It just made me more depressed, wishing I could just have you but u didn't see me in your future. I've been in an angry phase lately. I still have your photos on my computer, phone, room, Ive just been lazy to take it down. I cried a lot yesterday but today I'm just feeling lonely and bitter. I wonder what you are doing, if you've met someone or still think of me...
  7. I had the worst dream of you last night. I was trying to get back together with you, even try to sleep with you, but you wanted none of it. I followed you around like a puppy asking if you had wanting to give it a chance, you kept talking about other girls in your life and then you tried to lose me in a store so I walked away lol omg, I would never do any of that in real life, I'm even disgusted myself I had a dream like that. It's been 16 days NC and I plan to stick to it!
  8. I didn't think I'd still be writing on here. It's been 15 days NC (half a month!) Even though I can wake up and still go through my day without crying now, I still have you in my mind and even in my dreams. In my dreams we are still together, waking up in the middle of the night can be the most depressing feeling. Have you thought about reaching out to me? Everyday when I check my regular mail, I hope that there's a letter you sent me wanting me to forgive you and profess your love to me, I know, how delusional. In fact, that would just screw me up even more and then I might even start talking to you again since I'm so blindly optimistic. I bet you have slept with someone, maybe that one girl who I didn't like you always talked to at the bar? Ugh, the thought of it makes me want to vomit. I'm not the type to have a one night stand like you, I hope if you do that it makes you miserable. I bet you're still healing from both me and your ex-fiancee's relationship. Now you have to live knowing you had two failed relationships. Today, I feel just angry with you. I put up with a lot of mental crap from you. I realize now your issues you need to deal with that have nothing to do with me. You once said I was a weak person, but really you are the weak one. You even once said I was sheltered because I use my air conditioner, how ridiculous! You came up with the most ridiculous excuses as why it wouldn't work, such as my parents being divorced, me being hot-headed. Have you not seen your own emotional handicap?! You're still not over your ex-fiancee, you feel guilty about stringing me on for a year, you're lonely again even though you have roommates, I hope you're suffering and regret everyday of all the stuff you made me listen to. I never felt like I was good enough for you. You're looking for your ex-fiancee and I'm not her, but she cheated on you! Get on with your life and stop playing the victim, you hurt me and you have to wake up everyday knowing I won't speak to you since the day of our breakup. Who knows, maybe you're over me by now, but seeing as you love to drink everynight pissed drunk, you will endure your demons, get yourself together and don't think about entering another relationshp until you've dealt with your bulls***.
  9. It's Day 14 of NC, exactly two weeks! I'm at work right now, but I spend more time here on these forums than I do actually working. I know you're at work right now, too. I don't really have anything to say, I'm sure you're not feeling bad at all since you didn't have strong feelings for me. I don't know how you can string someone along for over a year, but I'm sure you know now why I had to do strict NC since the breakup. I can't wait to meet someone new someday, and I don't ever want to hear what you're up to because it will just devastate me. This Saturday, I'm going parasailing with a friend since we never got around to using my Groupon. I wonder if you threw away all the gifts I gave you, I got you some pretty cool personalized gifts throughout the year like our photo mug, guitar pick keychain, journal, book safe, did you keep them somewhere? I guess you wouldn't. I still have your things, I don't think badly of you when I see them, I just think about someone in my past who once was dear to me but now just a memory. I still hope, sadly, that you will reach out one day and change your feelings, but that would take a miracle. Until then, carry on!
  10. Today is Day 13 of NC. I'm proud of myself for having gone NC since we broke up. I know time is my only friend right now. I go to work, hang out with friends, but still wonder what you're doing. I know one day you would like me to talk to you again, but until I'm over you I just can't. You really hurt me and I know you were ashamed, I still hurt thinking what it is about me that you couldn't love. You said even after we broke up that I was a beautiful person inside and out and really great, but that's all I was. Just a girl in the "now" but nobody you saw a future with. Tonight I'm meeting up with another friend but I don't even feel like going. I wish I could be spending this time with you. But WHY I ask myself, why would I want to see you after you used me as an emotional crutch for over a year to get over your ex that you're still not over with, told me that you were with me because you were lonely. How awful! I guess I just miss the moments we were together, laughing, cuddling, all that great things that hopefully I'll get to do with someone else sometime in the near future, someone who is better than you, can love me as much as I love them. You're 28 years old, grow up and get over your ex! You have a whole life ahead of you and it's unfortunate you didn't see it with me. I know you're wondering why I haven't reached out to you, but honestly what do you expect me to say? You lost that benefit of having me as a friend when you told me that you never saw me in the long haul. I'm not a girlfriend of the month, and to think I still love you, and I do, how pathetic of me, but I will love again...
  11. It's Day 11 of NC, almost Day 12 in a couple hours. I'm pretty buzzed from drinking wine out with a friend tonight. It's Friday night, 10:24pm, and I'm here at home thinking about you. Whenever I drink, I do want to text you, but I'm glad I have kept up with NC since the day of the breakup. You drink so much, I'm surprised it doesn't make you want to contact me, too. I havent heard from you since Day 6 of NC, not sure why I expect you to reach out to me again. You said you wanted me to talk to you again someday, I just can't do that right now, not even in a month. It will take at least a few months to get past this emotional stage and see you in a different light. I want to feel indifferent, to not care if you met someone new. Maybe you hooked up with somebody, who knows. I know I haven't and not interested in anyone right now. Do you miss me? Why do I even ask this..it doesn't matter anyway but it would help to know you still did have strong feelings for me. I'm not trying to ignore you, sometimes I feel angry at you, but I don't regret our time together, even though you didn't see me in your future, you really challenged me. It just makes me sad you couldn't get over your ex, or I just wasn't the right one.
  12. Felt very stressed and angry today. Angry that you even admitted to being emotionally unavailable and stringing me along for over a year. I know you're disgusted with yourself, but it still hurts me. I still feel embarassed that I let you do that to me. Hope will go along way and drag anyone through the shi****. I haven't felt this stressed in awhile, I had to read a boring book and drink some tea to calm myself down. For some odd and repulsive reason, I wanted you to contact me. I wonder what you have been up to, if you're still sad over our breakup. I know you must miss me, I was a very good gf to you. You must miss all the attention I gave you, all the massages I gave you, all the cute cards I made, all the songs I sent you, my funny e-mails, our inside jokes. Hope you're keeping yourself healthy though. You did drink a lot while we were together, Im sure your ex-fiancee noticed that too. You never took much care of yourself when it came to your health, I hope you can relax and really think about how much you hurt me. I actually do want you to hurt and really learn from this. Please don't ever do this to another girl, the pain is awful.
  13. I hadn't cried for 3 days, but out of the blue you textd me yesterday and said how hurt you were and ashamed of what you did. You said you hate yourself so much, and I'm glad you're hurting as much as I am. It was you who said you couldn't see me long-term, and now YOU'RE hurting? Finally you see how you used me to get over your ex for over a year and that you're hurting. You know how good I was to you and while I know you will not get back together with me, why would I, I always felt second best....
  14. Tonight I know you'll be going to your roommate's show at the favorite bar you always go to. I always liked that you're very loyal to friends. There I'm sure you'll talk to everybody, including girls, bleh, and here I am like last night, at home on a Saturday on a message board. I did go out for a little bit to catch up with two friends, but nothing exciting. I had a dream of you last night, you were with another girl, buildings were falling down because of a hurricane, it was weird, but I was alone. Weekends I really really hate now. I wonder if you've told yourself that you're okay because it wouldn't have worked down the road and moved on. Since you said you never saw me long term or was in love with me, then this must be a piece of cake for you. This is our 2nd break-up, but this time I finally had the self-respect to walk away. I should have listened to you from the first time we broke up 3 months ago when you said 'stop chasing something you're never going to get from me'. You also said there's a line of men waiting to take his place and to go find that right person, if I was so easy to give up, you probably don't hurt as much as I do this time around.
  15. Thought I was feeling way better 2 days ago, but today is just miserable. I haven't cried the past couple days so there's some progress there but I still think about what you're up to. I'm glad I deactivated my Facebook. You must wonder if I hate you or I am really moving since I never replied back to your 2 emails the day after we broke up. It's only day 5 of NC and I dunno why I'm watching Jersey Shore online, but this show makes me more depressed. These kids are dumb and hook up everynight, and wondering if you have hooked up with a girl already, ugh.....I know you're not that type but I do remember you telling me you had a one night stand after your 8 year relationship. You must be sad but relieved I'm not your girlfriend anymore, now you have to mourn over our relationship and still the relationship of your 8 year ex-fiancee, who CHEATED on you and I know you still love her, even after over a year. I hope you look back on our relationship and regret it. However, I know this will be one of those relationships you look back on and just feel bad that you couldn't give me what I wanted and know it was for the best, sigh...
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