k33

Dude that just s*cks! I'm sorry you are getting hit with so much at once. I had a year like that last year... no way to sugar coat it, it blew. The only thing that worked for me was riding it out... It does mellow after awhile but the first few months just stink. I'm still a bit shaky at times. But my best advice is be selfish, lean on your friends, do thing you have always wanted to do, but were afraid to do... I changed jobs and moved cities... And do all of these things for yourself and no one else. Hope this helps.

puppy, That's exactly how I feel, I would rather my husband was in my life, but you know if he doesn't want to be there he won't be and well F$$% it ... we are in a "dating" sit. which is making me slightly nuts. But you know I am focusing on other things and if it is meant to be it will be. I think she is trying to get back... you don't talk fo 2.5 hours with your ex... only your best girlfriend... and even then you meet for drinks instead... keep us posted.

nicolas and bg, I love you guys for being in similar situations! It is so weird and scary and terrifying and exciting and all that in one great big ball of confusion. I agree with you bg if they can go back to how thery were before they lost it it willl be worth it. My people all think I am nuts too. I do too sometimes! Ugh, we had a little tif the other day and i was clingy and weird... I will admit it freely to anyone even him... and now I haven't heard from him. He has a friend just come into town, so that is a good excuse... buuuuuuuut I am getting pretty antsy and feeling stupid about the whole thing! My goodness this is crazy... keep tellling your stories... they are the ones that are most helpful to me right now. We can go nuts here and spare the people we are trying to be close to again. kooky, if anyone told me this would be going on a year ago I would have never ever believed it!!!

Oh my god, dating the ex is just like dating in the first place... what a nightmare! Do I call? Do I not call? What do I say... oh man... to be 16 again! Does he like me? What did he mean by xxx? ... geez... I feel like I am in highschool and not in a good way.

Smusher--In my case, we've made a pact not to see anyone else while we are working on things. Would complicate it too much. And it would absolutely kill both of us. Our problems never had to do with wanting to be with someone else though. I have a very good friend who is romatically interested in me, and it is hard, because he is a great guy and if circumstances were different, I would probably be seeing him. But I am not going to at this point... if my hubbie and I end up parting, I may, but for now just not worth it. Raina-- that is my plan at this time, I am spending time with other people doing other things and we when we can be together it's great. I am in therapy working on the problems I have insecurities, etc. And doing for myself totally. I've become pretty selfish lately. In a good way. We are talking almost every day and just starting up the dating thing again... but what is weird is it has been so long since I have been "dating" someone seriously that I am not sure of the protocol, or if there should be any protocol in our situation. We are intimate, but it feels natural and not like a game at all. Its good for both of us right now. Who knows what the future is....

The reason we are separated right now is to sort out the problems that caused us to break up... one of us... hint not me...was not having to take care of himself very much... was getting everything looked after for him. So he is taking the initiative to look after himself. That's the goal, so he can get it together, if he didn't do this there would be no way the relationship could ever go forward. Strange to think that a separation could lead to it going forward... but who knows... it is hard and scary though. I could be totally mad... that is an option too.

I agree with Dragon girl... I get needy when I am scared of losing someone. When I feel secure not needy in the least. I totally cling when I think the love is going, something I am trying to avoid right now... hard habit to break. If you make a woman feel totally secure in your relationship. She won't be needy at all. She'll be loving and kind and warm. I'd talk to her about it if you still love her and see a chance for a future for the two of you.

I am in an odd situation. My husband and I are separated, but together. At least that's what we decided... it is so strange. He needs some time to get his s--t together and so do I... these things happen I guess. When we are together is is absolutely great... but when we are apart it is a little scary. We've been separated for a couple of months and only starting to be together again for two weeks. We've had the best time, laughing, snuggling, little nookie and such... we've done more together in the last two weeks than we have in ages. And we are being really good to eachother and there for eachother. Emotionally, which was lacking before. It is weird though to go to our separate ways after spending time together. And to go to bed alone. But at the same time I know we need to be physically separated for now, while he is dealing with his stuff. And it is weird not to be saying I love you all the time... so strange. But we are starting over as partners... which is totally nice. BUT so scary!!! How do you take it slow without losing the plot? Anyone in the same situation? And how are you coping with it? Are you just freaking out? I totally am.

I agree that this is all about the beginning of a relationship. Once you are in and things happen you need some time to figure it out. We all do. To limit it to one sentence... eh seems a little trite. Real realtionships have their ups and their downs... nothing is as simple as that. Sometimes the downs are too much and well, it ends, but other times the down times and the separations do make the relationship stronger in the end. I've seen it before, the happiest couple I know broke up for a year, now they are happily married and stronger than ever. I think they really were into each other... it just sometimes takes some time.

Even if she has a boyfriend, she will be flattered if you ask her out. the lemur is right we all like boys that seem stupid for us. Be yourself and go for it... worst that can happen is she'll say yes and you'll have to figure out what to do on a date! javascript

Please don't do magic. Talk about growing up. Travels, movies, books, education, life, hopes, goals, dreams, jokes.... etc. Be yourself. BUt don't talk about yourself too much... turn off ... Dont' talk politics or religion unless you know she is on the same page as you. And please... please as a woman I beg you... don't do magic.

Men... I am going through something similar, although no kids involved. I am so sorry he did this to you. What an a#### Just feel your feelings, don't pretend it doesn't hurt. Be there for your kid and be true to yourself. If you dont' contact him for awhile he might start calling, that 's what happened with me... now mine is coming around all the time and it scares the heck out of me. Don't beg, this from a woman who actually grabbed her husband's leg... it really doesn't work... try to do for yourself. I know it is so hard. I really know, I've been sucicdal, in therapy on drugs, drinking too much etc. Try to find a friend who can listen to your stuff for hours... that is a hard one, because you will be all over the map... I love him, I hate him, I need him... blah. If you need anything plese let me know. xoxoxo, k33

Since you are a guy, I'd recommend High Fidelity or anything by Nick Hornby. Bridget Jones is good for a girl, and super funny either way. I am also a big fan of "Series of Unfortuante events" by lemony snicket, kids books? Yes. Funny? Heck yeah.... I read magazines and short stories most... short attention span.

Sweetheart, I'm not going to sugar coat it... I called a hotline last weekend knife in hand... Just go to sleep... take some sleeping pills, not too many you know Just one and go to sleep. Everything does suck and you know what that blows. But as a 34 year old who understands totally where you are... it does get easier sometimes. Most of the time I wnat to go to sleep and never wake up... But you know somedays are not as atrocious as the last... And I am hopign that things will get better. Talk to someone... get on drugs (I'm doing both) and sort it out. 17 is a effed up age and it sucks and I remember what it was like, but it does get better... Times are totally tough off and on forever, but there is some good too. My only advice is: 1. Get outside. (inside on computer bad) 2. Eat what you like (no diets here, carbs are our friends) 3. Sleep (a lot if possible) 4. Talk to a professional, get some antidpreseants... helps after awhile 5. Go on a trip. (anywhere, 50 miles aways is good) 6. Spend some money on yourself (panicure Pedicure+Manicure = Pedicure_ 6. Get really really selfish and look after you and no one else. PM me if you need to. xoxoxo, k33

Staying optimistic and all, but he called me from his new apartment and is so happy with it, it gave me a little twinge. I was really supportive and stuff, but I felt a bit of pulling away... oh boy here we go again. But maybe not, he was just happy and proud. It's just weird to know we will be living apart for sure now. I know it is totally for the best for our situation, but I am having a bit of the fear factor... ya know? So I am going to play it cool and see how it goes... So hard this little tango stuff ... so weird. Totally weird to say goodnight and not say "I love you" talk about biting your tongue.