Fancy111

Muneca and AngelofD are right, I feel as though the trust is gone with her and I don't know where to go from here. Like Ruth said she could just be trying to cause problems between my husband and I. I don't think I even want to mention it to him this time or not, I don't want him to think I don't trust him, because I do. It's just really sad to loose a "friend" at my age where it's not likely that they are easy to come by, I only have two other people I would consider long-term friends. But I know that it was really difficult for my husband to be around her after the first time he confronted her when I did forgive her, so now it will be next to impossible for him. Other people have said they think she wants me for herself, but I think deep down she just isn't out for my better interest at all. I'm so tired of inconsiderate people, especially supposed best friends. thanks for your support

I have been friends with this girl since 9th grade and we have had our share of big arguments, but let me ask you if this one takes the cake. During an argument almost a year ago about her flirting with another friends husband that was brought into question by the wife, knowing the guy I sort of sided with her because he did flirt back and he is a bit of a flirt, but then when she felt attacked she lashed out and said that years prior my husband flirted with her. I was shocked of course because in all my years of friendship, my husband has never went there with her, flirted that I saw, made any comments, or any other person I know, so of course I told her she wished and why not have told me when it happened or at least have better proof that it was deliberate! By the way it's important to mention she is single and hasn't had any long lasting boyfriends, and has been known to flirt with other friends men and I have had several inapproriate run in's with her checking him out or saying lude comments, but of course they don't know about it. Would you believe it? Due to the fact that her MO speaks for it self and she's admittedly not loyal to other friends and the boundaries they set. I can count at least four other girlfriends she has actually done this too, but actually to a larger degree with there boyfriends. By the way, my husband denies it, and was shocked and upset and also confronted her with these allegations. Recently after asking for forgiveness I began speaking to her again, but during an argument she brought it up recently, after last week telling me he looks good and I better watch out for him. Is this the end of our friendship or what? Would you ever bother speaking to this friend again?

I don't agree with previous post that the cheaters seemingly don't suffer. We suffer every day that the cheated do, if you suffer through and try and make your relationship work, than how would you not feel every bit of pain that your loved one does. It is harder for us to stay with the one that you have wronged than to move on just for that fact, that we have to endure and suffer as we should. Maybe if they aren't that is a different issue, a bigger issue that needs to be uncovered. This struck a cord because I did suffer and am' still suffering over it. Good luck to all

I don't know, thinking back on it, I wish I hadn't have told that I cheated. I waited to long to tell, I didn't tell until it was way over(2 yrs). This caused things to dwell on longer to me, because I had apologized to God and asked for forgiveness, thereforeeee forgiving myself, it just rekindled it all over again. But now I had to beg for my h's forgiveness too. Believe me I'm not complaining, I know I deserved to be punished but thinking back on it all, I probably wouldn't have told after so much time had passed. Although I did feel a huge load off, that was one of the benefits. But remember, if it aint broke u won't have to crazy glue it back together.

Melanie, your right it will be a lot of work involved in making your relationship strong again after cheating. My advice is to express your feelings to him about everything your struggling with inside, don't hold back, this will also be good for the healing you need. Be patient because you may forgive him but there will be times that something will trigger your pain. You did the right thing by letting him know you need time to heal. It sounds like before he didn't know what he wanted, but now he does, this is good, aybe he's done some growing up, it seems like there's a great chance for you two to make it through this. Just don't let the mistrust lead to jealousy, that will just put excess stress on you that you don't need right now. I hope things work out

Sorry, by g/f I mean a platonic friend. But I agree with you guys, the only thing I did was allow her to treat me this way for so long, people say that you teach people how to treat you. I don't feel I should have to track her down, if she wants her money she should call and ask. We did exchange a few words and I think that she is in shock, I have really never confronted her before. By the way she is godmom to my daughter, I can't believe she's not at least calling to check on her. My other friend saw her at a concert and she didn't speak to her either. Maggie and Star are right, do you think this is something that has built up for a while with us? At one point on the trip she compared me to this girl she doesn't like and said I was acting like her (that hurt). Star, I think she thought I was just going to follow behind her like a lost puppy, but the roles switched and I was having a great time. I think she only asked and paid because her b/f cheated and she needed to get out of the house, away from him. My daughter has only asked about her once in 3 months.

Kate- It's time for you to forgive yourself and stop feeling guilty. It may also be time that you confess to your b/f what happened, it sounds like it's about to come out anyway, with so many people knowing that could tell her. I think if it happened with me, I would want to hear it from my b/f and not anyone else. If the friendship is worth it to her than she will forgive you, and eventually trust you again. good luck

I really need some advice. My g/f of 15 yrs and I have not been speaking for 3 months. She and I went on vacation together for the first time and disagreed on almost everything. I think it's because we were out of our usual element, and we weren't used to seeing each other hanging out and partying. Of course there were men involved, and a little jealousy, but not on my part. It all started when she tried to control everything, from the planning to the paying(I also owe her money now). When we first arrived she didn't want to give me my own key(so I took one) then she got mad when she met someone so did I but she wanted me to hang with his friend(who started out being a jerk) but she didn't want to split up(controlling again). So I hung out with them but she acted really stuck up. In all these years this is the first time I really saw who she was, and I didn't like it vey much! This argument has really pushed our friendship to the limits, and I think we are both waiting for the other to apologize, what do u think?

Cut all contact (easier said then done), make them contact ya'll. That is the only way to insure that they are ready and willing to entertain your needs. It's time to make them suffer and sweat it out, wondering what your doing when your not contacting them. Just when you least expect it or want it, is when they will return(be busy at first). But they weigh the risk that you will be busy elsewhere. good luck

You sound like a wonderful guy, who has run into some bad times, but they to shall pass. Hold on to the reassurance that what goes around comes around, and when they do, she will realize what she has given up. I agree you should definitely get out and make friends, nothing to serious, just people to hang and talk to that will show you that life is worth living. Your ex- is just one of the bad seeds, but there are plenty of good women who would love a guy like you. Invest alot of your energy in your daughter, that will help keep your focus. Hold your head up high, and be the man you know that you can be, strong, confident, and self-assured.

I would like to add that I to was married young, at 21 and pregnant at 22. I have been married almost 10 years and I can attest that it is not easy to stay atogether and especially harder to leave, even if you have problems. Do you leave and start over with someone who may be worse than what you got, or do you stay and Love the one your with? My husband tried to leave early on stating that he felt trapped and was to young to be married, I felt then he was wrong, we were young and in love, after only two weeks he came back and we have been together ever since. The moral to my story is that it is so much easier if you break it off before to much time passes. The longer you wait to end it the harder it will be to leave, but that does'nt mean that it's impossible. The thought of being alone may be scary, but the thought of being together and miserable is worse. the best of luck

First of all, your husband probably needs to understand that he has been away from home a lot, and it usually takes time spent together for women to feel physically attracted to a man. Tell him he needs to start dating you like if you guys had just met. It's romantic when you have quality fun time with your spouse, doing things that you have done in a long time. Second, he should be more patient and understanding with your feelings, it's not like your a machine that performs on command. Third, make sure you communicate everything your feeling to your husband and don't be so rushed to divorce, from the sounds of things it could be a lot worse. Fourth, try a trip away together, even if it's someplace just for a weekend. Invest some time in courting one another again.

Does she know that you are considering divorce? If so, this might be why she opposing counseling, she's probably going to give you a really hard time. You really need to find some proof of the affair for you to use in court if you do divorce her. The phone records might hold up, I would keep those, along with the info. on the guy. For the house to be a mess(take pictures of everything before you clean up and then after) and for you to be doing all the work around there she just might be having an affair. Obviously if she's not taking care of her home, she's taking care of someone or something else. In either case she's not showing much concern for her children. Make sure you don't do anything that might damage your chances for custody. I hope things work out well, and the children end up with there dad.

Rin your situation sounds like mine, except I'm the women with the disconnection. I don't know what happenened, I think it started when I felt like I was doing everything by myself. I felt as if the world was on my shoulders and I didn't have a husband there to remove the weight. Imagine being in a room with someone yet still feeling alone, that's what happens sometimes when your a wife and mother, everyone else's needs come before yours (let society tell it), us women also do it to ourselves. Then one day you wake up and start taking care of yourself, you become selfish and withdrawn, I don't think you start out to hurt your sig. other but that's exactly where your headed when you care less about other's feelings than you know you should. This may or may not be what your sig. other is going through, but I thought I would share the possibility.

Love, Marriage, and Family are harder to maintain than people think. Ideally you find someone you love and cherish, then everything else comes easy. But in the real world there are so many temptations, everywhere you look in the media thier displaying these gorgeous bodies, male and female, sex sells and I think this exploitation puts it in peoples minds that their is always something out there that is better than what they have. It is a choice and we should always choose to be faithful, but easier said than done, we were born sinners and we all have to struggle to fight sin in our daily lives. I ask for Gods help everyday in this fight.