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zippitt

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  • Birthday 04/28/1976

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  1. zippitt

    Why?

    I can reply to this since I have been called out on it, and reflecting back I can get you some answers, although I think they vary from man to man. I have been guilty of dating women to just date, this has since changed. During that time I would enjoy the romance phase and be very into that person. After the romance I would just get lazy, I would start to neglect my partners needs. There was no more excitement, I became lazy and stagnant, I didn't really care about my partners needs. I was very selfish, I only cared how I felt and what I could do to make me happy. Eventually the GF would say she wanted to split up, then I tried everything I could to stay with that person. I would tell them how much I loved them, and started trying to do things for them. Too little too late, and why? Because I was spoiled and because I wanted a companion, not a partner. I was in it to make myself feel better. I was scared to be alone. A lot of people get into relationships and think they can sit back and relax. Once people have hooked someone they have the mentality they don't have to try. These guys obviously were not right for you, and it sounds like they wanted to be in a relationship without putting forth effort. They sound like they took your for granted and were not considerate of your feelings or needs. It's not to say these men did not actually have feelings at one point or still don't. Relationships can be work once you get past the romance phase. Women are just as guilty as men, I would say that you have just had back luck or your approach to screening out men needs to change. You are by no means at fault, but if there is a pattern it needs to change. I assure you not all men are this way.
  2. I dont think his attitude was off at all...He went on the dates even when his first impression was he might not ever be attracted to them. He simply wasn't attracted to the girls he dated from the sound of it. I have done a lot of online dating myself, more so then regular dating. The sad fact is all the girls I have actually had a relationship with I have met offline. This is due the fact that the chemistry you create in person can in no way be recreated online or on the phone. It's not to say that when you meet that person that chemistry won't be there. Online dating works backwards, you get to know the person before the true chemistry starts. Offline you meet the person, sparks fly, and then you learn about the SO. Of course this is not true for every instance, but this is an accurate generalization. I like the part where you said you would go on a date with anyone regardless of the pic. You are absolutely right doing this. My last gf had a horrible myspace pic. I was given her myspace link from a mutual friend, because of the pic I told my friend I wasn't interested meeting her. My friend convinced me she was cute so I went on the date and we hit it off. I wouldn't say she was cute, but much more attractive then her pic and we got along great. Online dating is a tough cookie, it has a stigma to it as well as a different dating technique. My only recommendation is you meet people before you spend too long before talking to them or you could be in for a huge disappointment.
  3. Yeah I figured as much, just had to get a second opinion. Sometimes I think my closest friends are too biased with their similar relationship issues to give me an honest answer. The best part for me is the last ex let me relearn how fun it can be to be single, I am looking forward to parts of that again. Thanks for the advice -Zip
  4. So I have wrote before about the problems I have had with my GF and there is some new light, but I am wondering if I should bother waiting. So we started dating at the end of her last quarter of school, after the first month of dating things progressed nicely, we were both really into eachother. I noticed while dating her she gets stressed easily. Even when things where best, stress would cause her to become non-romantic, non-intimate. At this time I was not the cause of her stress. She wanted us to move to the BF/GF status, and seemed to really be into me and had no problems letting things progess quickly, of course I had no objections. About 1.5 months in she started her next quarter of school, nursing prereqs. She was told not to take a couple of classes together because it was considered academic suicide, she did so anyhow. About 2 months in the relationship things seemed off, I started getting irritated about her talking about her school all of the time. I never took anything out on her, but I think he made me feel and act distant in the relationship. Apparently during this time she mentioned to a mutual friend that she felt the romance was gone, and that she felt ignored when she brought her daughter over. I spent time keeping her daughtered pacified and was trying to make a connection to her daughter in order to be accepted by the both of them. Anyway she eventually told me within three day span that she doesn't know what to do and she is overwhelmed. Then to, we should go back to just dating. And then finally to, we can talk when we have time, but there should be no obligations. She basically said she felt bad for me because she couldn't give me her time and the thought of me waiting around stressed her out. I ended up writting her a big letter about how I like her, and she just said she would respond later with something. Well she never did, but I suppose it didn't help in the letter to her I told her I understand how stressed she was and to take all the time she needed. I went to NC until I received something as I am trying to respect her space. Eventually she popped into messenger one day do say hi for 5 min, complained a bit more about school and went to her next class. Part of me just wants to drop it, and forget about it. I am conflicted though as it's obvious she is stressed out. I guess we all handle stress differently as I feel she could spend at least a little time writting me something if she even cared. She will be done in two months, but I feel I am probably wasting my time. If it were you would you wait the two months to see what happens, or just cut your losses?
  5. Well you may never understand or get the answer, half the time the people making the decisions don't know themselves, they may feel things are just off or don't feel it's worth pursuing. I know it sucks, trust me... My girlfriend was the one pushing for the bf/gf status, and was the one that declared her love for me. Then within a 2 week period she claimed all the romance was gone and she was too stressed and didn't have time for me. Here I am, wondering what the hell happened, with no true explanation. Honestly what is best is just to do NC and move on, stop thinking about what you did wrong. Be happy these problems surfaced early on instead of much later where things would have been worse. Just don't beat yourself up for it. I know the longing sucks, men and women all feel the same in this respect. I could write about it all day.
  6. Sorry for the pain darkpumpkin It's sad these things happen, but it happens to both sexes. In fact I'm going through a situation almost identical to yours. The loneliness sucks and every little thing seems to trigger memories and emotions. I found the best thing for myself is to just think positive, the furture, and focus on being happy. I find something that I can do that had no relation to my ex. For me I watched a bunch of Family Guy episodes. It was great to do, although the thoughts come back right after the cartoons were over. But it's an example of moving in the right direction.
  7. I had to laugh at this, I think guys have had similar fears at different points in their life. Anyhow, the anxiety you get from fearing you will get an erection will probably stop you from getting one in the first place. I wouldn't worry about it too much.
  8. First off, don't beat yourself up for it. She wanted an education over the relationship, and while I cannot blame anyone for making that decision since it is very important to ones future, they need to make clear their expectations when getting involved with another person. It's impossible to say what really happened, maybe she just got tired of the LDR, maybe she never wanted a serious relationship, maybe she never considered how school would consume her free time. It really doesn't matter, she never offered you and explanation as far as I could tell. I know you are looking for some sort of closure, some insight telling you, "oh, that's exactly what went wrong". You will just drive yourself mad looking for the answer, you need to move on with your life. Granted there are some nutty people out there, but you certainly don't sound like one of them. I would just write it off to one or two things. First she has relationship commiment issues, being shes been with so many people, or you two just weren't compatiable. Either way learn from the positive and move on.
  9. I just posted something similar, my GF wants to at least stick to dating, but for me it's pointless because I see her about once every two weeks. I am about to call it off with her depending on this how this weekend goes. How does this relate to you? Well in two ways, first it's not fair to stress her out by trying to get her attention, and trust me, when she gives you none you will be doing things that will add to her stress. And secondly, you owe it to yourself to spend your time that way you deserve. You do not need to be sitting around thinking about what she's doing or where she is. That energy should be instead spent entirely on yourself.
  10. I am having the same problem, I am going to call my GF on it if this weekend we are supposed to hangout flops on me.
  11. So we started off dating slowly, we met through a mutual friend. For a month we had a few dates and talked on the phone nightly enough to warrant a change in my phone plan. After about the first month we started staying at each others houses. I met her daughter which made want to have kids now, great kid to say the least. Somewhere within the second month my GF wanted to say something to me, I had to pry to get it out of her. She says she loves me, well I think it was premature, I am pretty sure she doesn’t love me, but I am know she has feelings for me nonetheless. A couple weeks later I said I loved her, although being caught up the romance stage tends to get up people saying things they shouldn’t. Yeah, I’m guilty of using the expression a little loosely, but I do have strong feelings for her too. So everything is great…until she goes back to school. We are only three months into the relationship, and now, now there is no more I miss you, I love you, no more of the flirting on the phone. I have not seen her at all in over a week and we only live 20 minutes away. Any offer for me to stop by is met with the whole “no you don’t have to.” She’s completely stressed with school and doesn’t even want to get out of the house other than to take care of things she needs to do. She tells me she feels bad because she doesn’t have the time for me. I asked her then what does she want, she says she wants to go back to just dating. She was the one that wanted to declare us boyfriend and girlfriend about a month ago and now she’s taking a step back. I understand she’s busy with school, but she now makes no attempt at a relationship other than just being friends. Granted we still talk like we did everyday when we first started dating, minus the flirting, she does make contact me without me asking it. God, I’m just pissed off. I am tired of investing into things like this only to have to have crap like this occur. I guess I should see how this weekend goes as we are supposed to actually see each other. If it keeps up I will just have to tell this isn’t going to work. I want more of her time, maybe like an hour or two a week in person, but I am too proud to ask for it, if she wants to be with me she should offer it or show some interest. Has anyone ever waited for someone in a situation like this to smooth out, how did it turn out?
  12. There is no "one", as grim as it may sound many people live and die without ever being in love. However, it's not all bad, because I believe in the "many". What it comes down to is a couples chemistry, communication, and commitment. It takes the right combination from two people, and I truly believe there are people out there will have an impossible time because who they are is so imcompatiable with the rest of the population. That's not to say they have no hope, it might just mean their many possiblities are only really a couple of people. If you are good strong person by your society's standards chances are there are many many people out there that would work with you in a healthy loving relationship. The worst thing anyone can do is wait around their whole life looking for the "one" You date until you find people compatiable enough for you. Some people do get lucky, and find a person so compatiable that they click on every single level, like the 80 year old couple you see holding hands. It's a rare thing though, not to be discouraged, we can still lead very happy lives in a less than perfect relationship.
  13. So I have been dating this girl for about 3 months now and due to the fact we both have busy schedules and she has her daughter every other weekend we have only had sex 3 times. Of course this is bugging me a little; I thought early on she just was getting used to us as a couple, now I am starting to get that relationship anxiety because I feel something is wrong. All my X's seemed to enjoy sex as much as I do, this has never been an issue until this last GF. Of course she is the oldest I have dated yet, she’s 33 and I'm 30, she told me she had her first orgasm in her life only 2 years ago. And yes, each time we had sex I gave her one, unless she was faking of course. She has had a lot of bad relationships in regards to passive aggressive emotional abuse. She is herself very passive sharing her emotions. Our physical intimacy is somewhat the same, she rarely makes an attempt of physical contact except for a kiss or putting her hand on my leg once in a while, not like you would think starting out a new relationship. What I have noticed is if the stars align perfectly and she’s in a great mood, she can be very emotional and very physical. But I still have to instigate things for the most part. She did tell me about 3 weeks into the relationship her past BF's mentioned that she was not very affectionate. Her sexual energy is greatly affected by her stress levels and mood, I know this is more common for women, but she seems a bit extreme. I know without a doubt she is very different to say the least as I have dated enough women to know she’s a bit distant with her intimacy. It just very frustrating because the wonderful passion you get with a relationship in beginning, the stuff that fades over time, isn't really there for the most part. It's like we are past the stage, but we never got to enjoy it. Otherwise the relationship is great, we talk a lot, we go out when we have time, and her daughter is wonderful and always wants me around. My GF tells me how lucky she is to have me. Just curious on any thoughts.
  14. Well I am sure by just kissing her on the lips she knows you want to be more than friends. I doubt there is confusion in the signals you are giving her. If she's shy she might have a hard time telling you what shes feeling or thinking, she just might need more time. Ultimately if her behavior continues you are going to have to confront her and ask her what's up. How long have you been dating, how long ago did you start kissing or trying to be intimate? Does she talk about her ex, or talk about dating at all?
  15. If that's the case and you have no reason to doubt his trust I would just let him go on his own. If it comes to the point where he wants to continue and must start paying out of pocket, have him go somewhere else. If he pays on his own there is no reason to go to her classes specifically. Both he and his ex should understand that, especially since it does not make you comfortable. It's not like you are asking him to stop being friends with her.
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