Hastyhand

Day 92. it was exactly 3 months today. Haven`t posted here for a month. I am quite fully healed. Sometimes when thinking about her, then the toughts are indifferent..the feelings have been buried deep deep inside me. I love the memories and the time we had, but at the moment it`s just far far away in the past. Going to celebrate it tonight!

I havent seeen you in my dreams for some weeks now. It is day 60 of NC for me and ironically I had a hideous dream about you last night..I woke up when my alarm went off..and said.."thank god..". Going to celebrate it with something nice after gym.

It`s the first hour of My birthday. At this exact moment 2 years ago we had anal sex for the first time. That was a good present..I think the most awesome one I`ve ever got. haha. I know that you will remember it till the rest of your days..you just dont forget the first times.

Okay..feels like I should post into this thread today...over a long time. Today feels weird.when checking paper I saw your horoscope aswell that said the following for today: 31.10.11 Libra You have a beautiful body, a heap of money and a marvellous relationship. What could one want more? Everything miraculous lays inside you. I am truly happy for you, if you do. I hope that new guy can offer you everything I cant. Also at winter those rich guys can take you snowboarding, and then you can have hotshot nights and going to sauna etc. I can see that you`ve obtained this going-out with friends as a lifestyle. But I got sour news for you..all this partying bs grows old quite soon and wears out. Then you can stay home with your new man and do all the kinky stuff to him, that I tought you. And you know what? I even dont care anymore. I feel good that you can express yourself and live the life "you`ve always wanted" as you said. I`m glad that you reached to the place you`ve dreamed of. You are nothing but a Future Faker with GIGS, a girl who never toke responsibility, immature. You didnt have the same commitment and input in our relationship as I did. The difference between you and me is..that I CAN find better, but you cant. Yes ofcourse you can have fun humping that rich guy, but I dont think you and him ever share the same level of connection. Perhaps similar, but not the same. you said the reason of the BU was that you wanted to see "other life"... well you know what? Enjoy it.

I may be a little drunk, but I know that I dont have the need/urge to call you. I even dont care. Feels good.

Hehe. My ex had a birthday yesterday aswell. I do know that she is going to have party, but when and where - dont care : ) Dont want to know.. I just hope she is happy with that new guy. Just lit a candle..didn`t have time at daytime..so..I`ll do it now.

Ah crap..I wouldn`t want to know what she is up to..especially if she would do the same things that she used to do with me with that guy. That would eat me inside out. I even dont want to imagine that. Thats why NC is so good. You dont know a thing.

Hehe. Good for you. I guess my ex wouldn`t even mind me being dead. She checked out early on before BU and stopped caring about me a long time ago. I got jumped by some drunk russians the night after she broke up with me and I texted her about it since she was the only person at the time I tought I should inform out of old habbit.. she didnt care...later on she told me that she even forgot that it happened. If I should pass away..then she would live her life like nothing happened, problably be sad for a day or two, but nothing special. Sometimes I think about peoples situations when reading the boards here..that a lot times it would have been actually easier for dumpees to know that their partners died, than just left them for someone else/greener grass/fell out of love or whatever the reasons.

I just saw her FB profile. My younger brother called me to help him deactivate his account on his computer and since he only had 3 friends on it..it showed all the updates from HER. I saw pictures ,where she was happy and on short road-trips out-of-town somewhere and status updates of different male "friends" visiting. I know that she is with that new guy..and she is happy..that guy has a car and money, that me as a uni. student dont yet have. It made me feel bad for a minute, but now if I think about it..I wish her well.. if that guy makes her happier than I could..well..good luck with that. I didnt want to see those things, but I helped my brother out..and it wasn`t an excuse to take a look. I navigated to the Account settings page right away. I actually saw a dream about her today..it was winter and she was running away from me and I couldn`t catch up no matter how hard I tried. I take it as letting-go dream and I like it.

It`s been 1 month of NC today. It`s her birthday in 4 days and I`m not going to wish her anything that day. Feelsgoodman.jpg

Dude! NC is not for people who have kids! Certainly not!