playstheblues

I wonder....

I still miss you and hate you all at the same time.

Hello. Forgotten me? I miss you. How could this be?

Is this forever? I guess so. And still, I miss you.

Aren't you even curious about me? Don't you even feel the pain of missing me?

SO long. strangers now.

I'm on Day 60 + not exactly sure, but damn I am frustrated. Some days it is easier and some days it's not. ugh. I AM so FRUSTRATED with him. What the hell was all this for?

my god I miss you more than ever and I will do anything - ask the universe or whatever I can do- Please contact me!

I really miss you. Will you ever realize ? Will we ever speak again?

and still, I've been angry, sad, bitter but mostly. I miss you. so much. I miss you.

I am SO angry. you couldn't even comprehend how angry I am. I don't feel like I could ever speak to you again, yet I yearn for you to contact me. What is WRONG with me?

I caNt even explain how much hurt you have put me through. The level of betrayal is beyond Anthony I could have imagined. Usually is write how much I miss you- that much is still true, but I also never want to see you again. The thought both placates me and tears me up at the same time. What's the point?! You don't remember the reasons you loved me before or you would be back. What's he point in hoping you'll realise what you've done? There no point. You're not going to Contact me and you're not going to redeem yourself . I wish you regretted.

I ache, I ache, I ache, I ache inside. I'm not contacting you. I know you're not coming back. I'm trying best. Exercising, keeping busy, therapy. At the end of the day when I come home. I remember you. When I see your name anywhere- and it's everywhere, I ache. I just can't understand and I know I dont have to but you were it for me. And now, as each goes by, as it's even longer and longer since I've had any contact with you, I ache. You were my world. And now I ache as that world has been ripped away And I dot have a world anymore. I ache.

and still I wait. Because I had faith that you would redeem yourself. With everything in me, I believed in you. Now, I don't believe in anything.

36 days. It's not the first time I've gotten to this point in the last year. It's about the 4th. And this time, I am still thinking about him, still missing him with all my heart. But something is different. It feels much more final and I guess it is. We didn't even talk when there was a death in the family. It's hard to believe 9 years down the drain- and not even contacting anymore. And so here I am again. At 36 days, knowing that it will turn into 36 months, 36 years. And still, I miss him.