BlueRose66

I am so sorry to hear your brother died. I wish I could be there for you. I know its a lot of loss for you lately, first me then your cat and now your brother. Ouch! I have come along way in understanding our problems, where my mistakes were and what problems and shortages you brought to our relationship. I wish there was some way of healing all of that! I know we will talk and see each other some day. I really am so sad about your brother. I want to send you some simple daisys but I know I shouldnt thus I wont. Just know that I am sending you love and best wishes. I miss you terribly sometimes and other times I am still so pissed off. Love you.

Dear .... I knew last night there was something hateful and nasty and I find you are on the site, so what was so hateful? Was it aimed at me? Were you laughing at others? ???? You see, I feel certain things when they are happening. I am now afraid of you, afraid of your anger that is stuffed so deep. You are like a wolf in sheeps clothing. I dont feel safe ever talking to you again. All the games and all the BS, so glad its behind me, but I am sad the good times with you are too. how is it you can just walk away without anything? I just cannot believe you wouldnt sit down and honor a 4 year relationship in person, but how could/can I expect you too now that we are done when you wouldnt even do it when we were together? Talk about dysfunctional, and sick??? OMG... the walk outs, the subtle put downs... all too much. I hate you, I hate you so much I cant even express how angry I am at you...

Skuttles, thinking of you at Christmas time. Thank you so much for the beautiful memories of holidays before, especially our first one that we sat at the kitchen table and made xmas stockings for each other, I cant bear to see them this year. I am not unpacking any Christmas stuff this year. I saw the light parade tonight and had champagne cocktails, in part because the pain of our break up is really lessening. I dont miss you like I did, and its sad. I dont know if I can ever really be your friend, and I dont want to watch you date others. Still, I hope you will be happy and someone will care for you. I hope you arent too lonely and are eating OK. Dopey and Lily miss you. Dopey looked so beautiful tonight with her dusting of snow. Its these small things I miss. I do miss your sense of humor, but I wish you would have tried harder for us, and you just didnt.

Its been pretty hard because I feel so lonely. There was a lot that was good, but there the things that werent broke it. I havent been able to get into my new life quite yet, but I am trying. Last date of contact was October 8th when I returned her things.

Hey, how are you? How are the guys? I am doing ok, and getting more clarity about us. I am not really mad at you anymore, just sad and still adjusting. You are like a stranger to me now. I wish we could talk and I could tell you what I learned about us but you dont want to talk to me. I guess you are just worried you will get sucked back in. Thats ok. I wish we could have done some counseling and maybe this wouldnt have happened. But what is, is... Love u

Dear Scuds, I cant even begin to tell you how disappointed I am in how much of a lame coward you are. What, you cant even see me one last time after a four year relationship, yet you profess to always be there for me. Really. I just grew tired of how passive you are and how passive aggressive you were in our relationship. Why be mad at me and hold resentments because I can ask for what I want and need. But that is what you did. You say you feel like a puppet on a string. Well guess what then, grow some courage and ask for what you want and say what you dont want. You hurt me so deeply last Spring with the whole Grease episode. Here you are, chasing ghosts and I am right in front of you but invisible. It was then, that moment that I gave up. I realized this recently, that I stopped caring then. I should have kicked you out of my house at that moment but instead I was so hurt, I just shoved it down hard. In 2009, instead of working with me on a healthy relationship you post an add and start looking around. I should have ended it then and there, but I was weak and couldnt give you up. Now you are gone. I should have stopped when I saw the signs from the beginning but I didnt. Signs like not respecting me in what I liked and didnt like. Not caring how I felt about things, it was a big power struggle all along. Your dogs overtaking the entire house and bed. It got really old, not feeling like it mattered to you what things were like for me. You were like a bulldozer who just mowed me down and did what you wanted to do. I am sure you tried in the ways that you could, of that I have no doubt but where it was important I just shut down because I knew you wouldnt give me what I needed and wanted, respect. I am so sorry I wasnt there for you when you were so sick, I asked you how I could help you... I asked you if I could bring you groceries and you just pushed me away only to blame me later. That was another last straw for me. I am still so sad about the disintegration of our relationship which had so much good. Why you couldnt meet with me? Why you couldnt just put me first. I put you first. I did the best I could.

Scuds- so sorry I sent that last email to you. I just was so hurt, my pride was so hurt and my ego too. I too will always be there for you. I love you so much and miss you more. How are you? How is your cough? are you finally 100% better? How is it working nights? How are the guys? I hate that we are broken up like this. I thought we were going to make it. You were good to me in so many ways. I only hope you feel I was good to you too. I tried the best I could. Helping you with Pete was a total show of my love for you. I would do it again in a heartbeat. If only, if only.

bump for the new ones

need to release anger that ex didnt give me what I wanted and needed. She gave up, then so did I. It just didnt work, she speaks Hindi and I speak swahili.... Its just sad, to get last email saying "I hope you find what you need, and I am always here." sad, I guess this is the last contact for us, dropping stuff of this weekend. I wish it was different but its not.......

Another dream of you this morning, god you looked so beautiful. In my dream you were maybe mine again. It kills me, you kill me. There will never be such a sweet love again I am afraid. With so much fun and laughs. How could it become this? you are my family, my sweet scuttles. and now I only see you in my dreams.

Feeling pretty good today. I feel a relief. I hate that you had resentments stacked up against me and instead of communicating them with me, you just simmered. Grow up. Time to be a big girl, and learn that when you say yes, it shouldnt mean no and vice versa. Since you are unable to communicate then you should get some help! I got tired of your passive aggressive victim stance. Every time I needed something you would cry and then the tables would turn and I was comforting u and my needs didnt get met. How did that happen? How did I end up being the bad guy, the * * * * * ? You got really boring too, you seriously need to read a book, to increase your mental scope. Yeah you are cute and funny but not too interesting. I am so glad your dogs are not all over my couch and bed anymore. Next lover I have is going to know how to cook. You couldnt even make a latte for me? cuz it was too complicated? You were just lazy. I hope you end up alone with your three dogs. I dont wish you happiness. I hope you end up fat and alone, with your ex Felicia as you friend. And by the way, tell that B**** that it was really rude and insensitive to write all over your facebook wall "Miss you" etc. God cant the B*** have a little respect for the ending of our relationship before she is writing all over your FB road??? guess not. That is why I will not be the ex who is now the friend. You want me out of your life, you got it.... You lose my dogs yes, Anya and Lily, you lose Danielle, you lose your family. I hope you are miserable over Christmas and you miss me. I know you will miss my cooking and so glad you leaked and told me I was the best sex of your life. Good luck replacing me. Bye

Hey, its me. I am so sorry I took you for granted sometimes. I miss you so much, and wish I hadnt had to send that email to you last night telling you I had do delete you from facebook so I could move on. You gave me no choice as I simply cannot be just your friend. I only want my memories of you to be of me being the ONE! So then I asked you to delete my daughters and friends so I could move on privately. And you did it like, 1, 2, 3... No phone call, nothing. I guess you truly dont care anymore about me? Just like that, nothing... We had so many good times and I loved and love you so much, but it is starting to fade now, with no response from you to my love, just coldness. I am still in some shock. I packed your things today and soon will be delivering them as we talked about. I cried and screamed my heart out last night, and then laughed too. Why do our birthdays have to be a day apart? and why did we have to get the matching dragonfly tattoos, with each others initials in them? Yes, they are barely visible but still a lifetime reminder. You kill me, you really do. I know its hard for you to communicate but not even a simple email with I love you too, and I forgive you. Nothing, just nothing but ice. Well tonight I put up a personal add, scuttles and added my picture. I know I am not ready for a relationship but since the pickings are slim around here, its going to take some time to meet someone else so I may as well get started. I hope and pray with all my heart you come back to me. But I dont think this time you will, its just too late, too much damage from fighting, too many ups and downs. You had a part in it too my love, and I hope in time you come to see that and dont blame me for all of it like I imagine you are doing.