I am 22 years old, married, with two children. I met my husband at 17, an it was a whirlwind romance. We had moved in together within the first 6 months of our relationship, and had our first child just before we had been together two years. My husband is a wonderful man, who I love very much. He is the sweetest man i have ever met, and I know that he loves me so much, and neither of us would ever want to hurt eachother intentionally.
The problem I have is that I am in love with someone else. It all started 10 years ago, when I was just 13, and I met a kid at school who I fell instantly in love with. We never really got it together, even though we became best friends. We were very close, and although we did start dating at one point, circumstances meant that we broke up. However we were both stupid, like you are at 15, and did admit a couple of years later that we both thought we would have still been together if one little argument hadn't have ended things. We did have a couple of relapses, where we ended up kissing, but things never went any further, and we just stayed friends. Then I met my husband, and myself and my friend's relationship dwindled, due to the amount of time I was spending with my new boyfriend. We did speak occasionally, but we've not really had much contact over the last couple of years. My feelings for him where still the same, but I thought that after time these feelings would go away, but they are just as stong as ever. th efeelings I have for him are starting to make me realise that I do love my husband, but not neccesarily in the right way. My husband and I are very close, but for a long time after my first child was born we were unable to have a sexual relationship to the full extent that other couples would have, because of complications that I had, and I think this time made is in to best friends, instead of lovers.
I am in two minds as to whether I should contact my friend to tell him exactly how I feel. I know that I am married, and there are two children to consider, but i am frightened of spending the rest of my life never truly happy, and always wondering what if?
As I write this I am holding back the tears, especially as my husband has just telephoned me from work to tell me he loves me, and I feel so guilty for even writing this. But I do not know what to do. I feel being so young that if things did end between us that we are still young enough to start again, but I feel that if I feel this way in ten/twenty years time, it will be too late, as my friend will have married, and had his own family. I just wish that I hadn't been in such a hurry to get married, as I feel it complicates the matter far more than if we just had children.
i know I am being selfish, but I just want to happy in my life. Please help me decide what I should do.