lost_relic

Wow, a lot of nice posts O_o didn't expect so much *pleasantly surprised* Thanks all While I do believe it's the underlying issues that started my obsessive computer use, I'm not sure as to why I keep coming back. Some applications (as you say, MMOs are poison) definitely are a problem. It's mostly... once I'm away, I'm not-so-bad. After a long days work at my part time job for example. But I still believe it is a premium form of entertainment. That's when I start to ruin my progress. Goal-setting, well, I've tried that a large number of times. It often results in the same thing though - me neglecting my goal system, and creating a new improved system, which is, at the time fantastic, but it works for no more than a week. It's kind of a shame, I still think the last one I used was pretty good That's why I believe moving out might be helpful. My mum owns a second house, which my older brother rents, and he lives alone. So I could move there fairly cheaply. Sure, it'd still cost me a lot more to live than it currently does... definitely contributing towards my financial decay... but I suppose getting a student loan shouldn't be *so* bad. If I can break the habit, then the gains will far outweigh the losses. The only problem - my brother has quite fast internet. Faster than at home, actually. However, I might just take my laptop (_still_ games free!), and leave this desktop here "for mum to use" heh. I'll keep it net free, as it doesn't have WiFi, so I can't connect to the network... and keep forgetting to purchase a card. Oops, silly me. College does have counselling... I went for a while. It helped in some ways. Actually, the issues that I initially went to see them for are pretty much resolved now. But that's totally unrelated. And it wasn't through their help, it was through my own realisations. I stopped going once because I stayed up late, and managed to miss my appointment. That's perhaps what I hate the most - that's what's affecting my grades. I'll miss class and be like "sure, I can study at home today". Lol, yeah right. Funnily enough, I've never slept through my part time job. Which I'm off to soon (it's currently 6am). As for RSI? Yeah, I've had that. It started to get really bad in my right hand not so long ago. It got to the point where I couldn't use my hand properly. That's when I invested in a tennis ball. It's died down and gone since then. But it's true, it is a concern. Hmm, many great ideas here. I thank you all for your time and effort. I'll contemplate the move-out in the next couple of weeks, and try a few more tricks to end this. On the plus side, you've all given me a slight spark of hope once more. I shall perhaps try to post back at some stage, and see how things are going

Just a quick question, how old are you? It doesn't sound like you've had much experience with girls - but that's cool! There's a first time for everything! Asking that person out that you're crazy about is really hard! But it's worth it. Think of it this way: If she says yes, you'll be extremely happy. If she says no, well, you'll be guttered, but at least you'll know right? The absolute worst thing you can do, is not let her know that you like her. Because then, you'll never know what could have become of it! So, summon up the courage to ask her out. Be brave! It's worth it! Just hope for a quietish moment, with not too many people around. The trick is, don't lay it on too thickly to start off. She probably doesn't even know you like her! So don't go splurting you love her or anything. Just casually tell her you like her, and ask her if she'd like to go see a movie or something sometime. The trick is being calm and cool. If she says no? Your life goes on. If she says yes? Your life goes on. Of course, you hope she says yes My advice to your friend? I think he should sort out his problems with his actual girlfriend before he starts having crushes on other people. Either way, ask her out before he or someone else does! Best of luck, hope this is somewhat helpful

SOooOoo I'm addicted. To computers. Internet. Games. GAMES. Internet. I can't stand it. They're ruining my life. I'm a struggling college student, who is wasting another semester because I just can't stop myself. I've tried. I've installed programs on my computer to block my useage - only to outsmart it later, or alter it's settings to my tastes. I've tried uninstalling my games - only to reinstall them later. I've tried unplugging my computer, and putting the power cord away somewhere - only to fool myself into thinking "Oh but I need to use my computer for x reason, it'll only take a minute"... and find myself still there hours later. The problem with these things? I always give in. I always outsmart my computer blocking programs, I always reinstall the games, I always give in. I've gotten so sick of trying to stop myself, and just giving in, never making any progress. I'm so sick of it that I find myself not having the energy to fight it anymore. ... and yet, I'd just like to smash this thing with a hammer. But I need it. I need it for my work (I'm studying computers, go figure). However, I use it innappropriately. I don't know what to do. It's ruining my life. I'm still living at home (at 21). My folks never really paid any attention to me or what I do with my time. It only matters if I do something that doesn't suit them. They always fight. They never talk. I never talk to them. My mum talks a lot about suicide. My dad is a hoarder (OCHD). Maybe I'm being dramatic, but damn, something really has to change. It's all just killing me, it really is. I just had no one I can trust enough to talk to in my life, and so I thought I'd make a post. Maybe I should move out? And continue studying? I can't afford it? Get a student loan? Be poor very quickly? I just don't know what I can do. Something _has_ to change.

I was with this girl for nearly two years. Now we're breaking up... it's icky. We met at our part time workplace, and quickly fell in love. We were very happy for most of our relationship, and I had a deep trust in her, which I wasn't always sure she returned. Still, we always talked, and could work through most things. But it bothered me that she would hide some things from me; things that would damage our relationship, rather than talking to me like I would her. Still, I trusted her, and loved her very much. Anyway, some time early last year, a new guy came to our work... she liked him from day one, and would tell me how cute he is, so I never really liked him. She was just being silly, she assured me, so I didn't mind. Anyway, as late last year, she had exams, and so wasn't allowed to see me for a long time prior (a month+)... because these exams were very important to her, and she didn't want to stuff them up. I was fine with that, we still talked every day afterall, and still saw eachother at work sometimes. Sometimes I'd find she'd go out with her friends, during this time... instead of me... which I wasn't too happy about, but still I played along. She still loves me right? After exams, she worked too much to see me. She had every day booked with work, and on her days off, she was "just too tired"... but she still talked to me every day, and while our relationship seemed to be going through a hard patch, it was still fine. We'd work through it... I sort of noticed she was hanging around that guy at work a bit, they'd spend time together on their breaks... I wasn't happy, and I asked her if everything was alright, and every time I asked, she always just ensured that they were just mates. I trusted her, so you know, no problem... Anyway, we finally went out properly a couple of times after christmas... and she was acting a bit weird. I wasn't so sure about this, and asked her why... she told me on January 1st that "there's just nothing there anymore". She just wants to meet some other people, to see what they're like... she felt she had to leave me behind to grow a little. So effectively she blew me off. Since then, it's been very messy. We had a big tear session, and she just wanted to be friends, because she was really unsure of what to do etc... I was okay with that... for a week or so... then I remembered how stupid I was for being okay with that, and started no-contact... which she hated. I saw her at work tonight, and me being her supervisor for the night, asked her to do some things. Her being a supervisor as well though (not on my night) she basically screamed at me, and started doing things against my authority just to piss me off. I also found out today that she's been going out with that other guy for quite some time... though not from her. She was also giving a lot of other guys the glad-eye. A friend says, what she did to me is really not cool... she strung me on for a long while, and was cheating on me (with _that_ guy). He says she's really stupid to leave me for that guy. He says I can do much better. I was so sure she was different... but looking back, she really treated me like crap. Perhaps not for a lot of our relationship, but certainly the last six months. Sure, I made mistakes too, but I just always wanted her to be happy. I'm trying to move on... but seeing her at work was extremely hard. I acted like everything was fine until she started playing up and just making my life a misery. It hurt like hell. What the am I supposed to do? I could continue the no-contact, and let her flitt around with whoever she wants, and just forget about her... but I still have to work with her (granted, I could always ask the boss to remove her from my night, after the way she's been acting towards me). But I really don't feel that I can trust many people there now... a large part of my friends and the people that work there are female, and although I've been there and known them a lot longer, she's made up for that closeness because she's female. She's basically sucked up to everyone and climbed the ladder, and now I really feel like she's turning my friends against me. Maybe the no-contact/remove-from-life plan isn't the best in this case? Maybe I could attempt to "be friends" in the sense that we still have to work together... but this just feels like I'm opening myself up to more hurt. Because I won't truly be able to move on... and I still hope that we will end up together somehow. But I don't want her to disappear from my life... It's still so unbelievable that she could treat me this way, after how well I treated her, for so long. I'm just shocked... she doesn't feel like the person that I have known and loved for so long anymore... but she is. It's really crazy. My mind wants to think nice things of her... it all just seems so wrong. My world has been turned upside down. Should I just continue no contact, and remove her from my life (and work), and hope that truly one day she will see what she's really lost, even though I'll never see it? But what can I do about her turning my friends against me? My dear mum says, not to worry about her... and to stay out of it as much as I can. To be bigger than her, and not stoop down to her level. "Girls are funny sometimes". She says she's an only child, and that only children are often like that. If things don't go their way, they act up. And because she managed to get me, it's gone to her head, and now she thinks she can have every guy in sight. But she will "soon learn the truth"... I guess I'm still wishing things could go back to how they were... but how could they? Why would I want that? She was so awful to me. After tonight at work, she just feels like the girl from hell. It hurt so much. And yet... I just don't know what to do. What's the best course of action? Ignore her, move on? Try to be friends, move on, maybe things will change, and one day she'll return? How can I trust my female friends at work now? I feel like they're all on her side, and anything I tell them will just go straight to her... Even if I do ever manage to move on, how can I ever hope to meet someone, and be happy, if this can happen? How can I ever trust someone again, and know that they're not just going to do this to me? How can I ever find someone... how can it have started so perfect, and ended like this?

geo_jane: It's a case of gender dysphoria... Either, I was born with it, or it has built up over time due to factors in my life... or it could be a combination of both of those. Most probably, I should just tell someone, and seek therapy. But I can't tell anyone, as it'll kind of make whoever I tell think I'm a complete freak. I don't even want to tell my mum. It's even making my relationship with my girlfriend quite hard at the moment. She doesn't know though, even though often I want to tell her. So yeah, that's why I feel this way... and requested this thread =)

Thanks very much VitalCoach Inspiring stuff... I'm feeling a lot better now, and realising that what my doubts are just silly. Thanks again for your excellent advice

Some good answers people Very good points geo_jane Yeah, I initially didn't intend it to put down the female gender... but then, in so many ways, I did You see, I am a guy and I have a weird problem that makes me feel like females are better. So, I just wanted some things to make me feel better about being a guy. That is all; no offense intended to all the lady-folk out there Also, it's true, some of the mentioned things do appear in both sexes, but, [stereo]typically are more common in the female gender =) ... but at the same time, yeah, I understand it is a very offensive/sexist thread, and I apologise for that =) So yeah, try to keep it clean guys Thanks for listening and contributing everyone

Do you ever feel like the person you're with, isn't right for you? What do you do when you feel like that? We've been together for nearly 9 months, and sometimes, I feel like I should leave my girl, because she's so different to me, and my way of life; SO different to the girl I have been looking for... but in reality I don't think the girl I'm looking for exists (or, that I'll ever find her)... and sometimes I just wonder if I'm with her for fear of being alone... it's not that I don't love her, because I do, very much... it's just that, I feel like we're from totally different worlds sometimes. (She is an only child, and comes from an upper class family, while I am the 5th child in a lower class one)... and she can be rather bossy/immature/REALLY emotional, but she's still often sweet... I guess I just wonder what ever happened to the quiet, friendly, conservative girl I was after... Maybe it's just because I haven't seen her in a few days, and we still talk online, and my doubts are far more pronounced while we're apart... but still... Do other people get feelings of doubt like this? What do you do? Thanks in advance

It seems, that no matter how I look at it, females are vastly superior to males. That's why I made this decidedly sexist thread What makes a male great? Why are males better than their female counterparts? I would like answers from both sides. Think carefully about your answer Edit: Ladies, you'll get your turn at a later date.

Thanks Lucky_Ducky... your advice is really helpful, and you are very kind for spending so much time to reply to my topics =) Thanks for everything, all of you Things are going fairly steady at the moment... I still can't seem to forget it though. It's still there to remind me all too often... and some things people might say or do, just trigger those feelings... it's quite scary, because I fear that one day it'll come out, like you've said. But otherwise, no one would know... I am going to keep fighting it though. I just worry that one day I won't be able to take it any longer, and give in, causing MUCH more damage than if I did it now... but that's a risk I'm going to have to take. I can't and won't give in. After all, the grass is no greener on the other side... so why jump the fence, leaving everything I know behind? ... Perhaps, if God made me a woman in my next life, I'd be happy... but otherwise, I'm just going to have to make-do. I am really not willing to ruin what I have been given like that (in terms of loved ones etc). Even though it'll be hard... I can't succumb to it. Hopefully, with time, it'll slowly go away... besides, I have a few tricks up my sleeve yet

Very interesting... I'm glad this thread got so many replies

Thankyou Lucky_Ducky, it is very insightful Yes, if anyone will save me, it's her. When the world has turned it's back on me, and I feel like there's all but nothing left... I know that there is still hope, because I still have her. I shall try those things you've written above... I have been very good for the last few weeks... then just a couple of days ago it came back and hit me quite hard. Interesting timing though... Thanks for everything anyway... everyone... I'll be sure to keep things updated

Yep, you have nothing to worry about Lucky_Ducky, it's normal. I have read about girls that sometimes have trouble achieving orgasm... what you just described is the result. That's a pretty admirable perspective iam_nimit Even though I know it's normal and almost everybody does it, I still don't feel that way =)

Thankyou for your help Jaiva I assure you... I have done LOTS of research... I do it every night, whether I want to or not Lucky_Ducky... you bring up some very good points - most of which I cannot answer. I know if I were to go through with that, then I would lose EVERYTHING. Everyone I care about... I could take losing my friends, I could probably take losing my family... but I don't think I could take losing her. She is what keeps me going... knowing that I have her in my life. It's not that my life is bad or anything... but she just makes it SO unbelievably good. The funny thing is, I don't WANT to start over. I want to be happy with who I am... my life is going GREAT at the moment, and I should be very happy with it. ... "should isn't is, girl"... I can't seem to make it go away though. I am not sure why I want it exactly... logic tells me that it would destroy my life beyond recognition, and I would never be able to live with myself for throwing away what I have. It even tells me that realistically being a female is really no different from being a male... it has it's good points, and it's bad points. It even tells me, chances are if I did take that path, I would not like it anyway! It would just give me more to hate about myself, quite probably to the point of suicide. ... But, we humans are illogical beings... I think perhaps I just want it because of my family and such. I really do love her though. Not because she is female. Not because I sometimes wish I were infact her. Because, in my eyes, she is perfect... If there is any truth to the idea of soul mates, I really do believe she is my other half. We have the most unbelievable things in common. Everything seems to have fit into place perfectly... I want to make it go away somehow... I have been trying to stop thinking about it, but it just doesn't work. How many times have I dreamt of it? I have lost count. How many years have I felt like this? For as long as I remember. It also seems to be getting worse, the more I find out about my girlfriend and females in general, the harder it is to get out of my mind. Even when I am with my girlfriend, she might say something... that relates to being female, in a very small infinitesimal way, and something small inside of me will just be hurt I guess... Small things, protrude in my mind like thorns... I hate it. Why did this have to happen to me? You're right, I do believe I need help. But I could never tell anyone. Especially NOT her. It would be taking a _HUGE_ risk, and I could lose her over it... I just want to make it go away, and be happy with who I am...

I feel the same way ForAnother! What you have said about females and males in bed really interests me though... and I think it is very true. A very interesting post Also, the lassitude one feels after ejaculation is not what I was referring to... (I really hate that though!) But it seems to effect my emotions as well... merely in the scope and extremity of them. That's only if I do it really frequently on a regular basis... But meh, I am not worried... I think everyone gets it, but just aren't sure what I am talking about. I just have to discipline myself to start holding off again Speaking of the after-depression, do females have any similar mechanism, or are there no drawbacks? By what you've said ForAnother, it seems like they don't