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birdgirl

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birdgirl last won the day on August 2 2007

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  1. Yup, I agree. Marriage counseling sounds exactly what you need.
  2. TheRedQueen, you make a lot of sense. But what about if you've only been dating for a few weeks?
  3. I wouldn't date anyone who had a friend of the opposite sex that I couldn't meet. I don't think that means you're screening her friends, at all. It's fishy.
  4. Issue 1. You gave your two weeks notice, right? I think you should get out of there. He can't stop you from working at another dentist. Also, did I read correctly that you were in contact with his family? The next time he talks suicide, call his family. Or if you need to, have the police to a wellness check on him. The sooner you get out of there, the better... it's NOT good for you. Issue 2. The second guy sounds like bad news, too.
  5. In my experience, when I was with someone who either ended up cheating on me, or who was trying to cheat on me (ie, talking to other girls, sneaking around to hang out as "friends" (yeah, right) with a girl and not telling me) I always had a nagging feeling throughout the relationship that I could not trust the guy. I used to think I had major trust issues, but now I don't think that's the case, because I have been in relationships where I was able to trust completely and not worry. I am slowly learning to trust my gut. If I can't trust him and can't get the nagging feeling that he's going to betray me, he's got to go. Trust yourself and your intuition and you'll be okay.
  6. I think if you work on loving yourself for things other than your looks, you'll learn to be less shy. I tend to think shyness comes from being self-conscious, or not liking yourself. There's a lot more to like about yourself than your looks. And you can become the kind of person you'd like, just by doing things you can respect yourself for. Once you get over your shyness, don't worry if you're not classically good looking. I was crazy over a guy who was, by societal standards, ugly, because his attitude was so attractive. You can overcome this but first you have to like and respect yourself.
  7. I'm sorry, the comment above made me giggle... Taking up knitting to avoid boredom? I was going to say something more along the lines of taking flying or shooting lessons...
  8. Sounds like low self-esteem to me. He wanted to see if he could still get attention from a stripper. What he doesn't seem to realize is, as long as he has dollar bills on him, he will get attention from them. How long was he gone, when he left? Long enough to go back and get a lap dance? You would certainly be able to tell if he was going for cigs or going back to the bar, wouldn't you?
  9. Are you clearing your Internet history each time you post on this site? If not, please learn how to. You definitely don't want him finding these posts.
  10. I think honesty in relationships is a must, but revealing skeletons in your closet should not be required. I hope your friends know better than to reveal that kind of information to her. This was all done before her, not during.
  11. Oh believe me, I hate rejection when I look at it like, "He didn't like me. He didn't think I was smart/funny/pretty enough." And I can get into that mindset if I don't fight it really hard. But I am okay if tell myself over and over (and over) again, "Well, I guess fate (or God, or whatever you believe in) didn't want me with that guy. Probably for a good reason! Maybe he would have been a jerk or a cheater. Or, more likely, there's someone better out there for me and I am not meant to be tied up with this guy right now, as fun as the date was." Batya33's comment about "accomplishing" marriage is an excellent point. I am seeing my friends rushing out and getting married to men they haven't been dating for very long at all. One girl I am close with got married after dating her bf for three months! Another friend of mine pressured her husband into proposing -- they argued about it constantly till he gave in. One girl had to begin packing her belongings and moving out to get her man to finally propose. At another wedding, my friend kept saying, "Can you believe I'm getting married?! I'm getting married!" It was as if she was more interested in the marriage itself, than in the man she was marrying. I don't mean to criticize, because I am fighting that mentality as well. I was reading this excellent book that pointed out that statistically speaking, most of the weddings I've been in (I was a bridesmaid three times the past two years - blech! will be ending in divorce within 5 to 10 years. I don't want to see my friends go through that. BUT I am realizing that I sure wouldn't want to be back out on the dating scene at the age of 40 or 50. I would rather be rejected and alone, than to settle with the first guy who is willing to buy me a ring, willing to slide into the "husband" role. And then eventually get divorced, possibly end up a single-parent, and give someone access to my credit (which they could ruin) and my life in general. I am seeing just as many marriages failing, and woman whose lives are much harder than my single life is, because they have so many more struggles with divorce, single-parenthood, vindictive spouses, and on and on and on... Your post sounds exactly like mine, I'm just telling you how I delude myself into not getting too broken up about it. Maybe I'll feel differently about all this when I attend yet another wedding next month. I have two cats and I'm learing how to embroider. I also buy a lot of scratch off lottery tickets. Hahaha, I crack myself up!
  12. Hey Violingirl, do you believe in fate? I handle rejection by assuming "fate" is stepping in. I had a GREAT date with someone and went through something similar to what you went through, wishing he would call, etc., seeing him online. I thought we would be perfect together. He even followed up saying he wanted to see me again. I replied to him that I'd like to have a second date, and then I never heard from him again. I was so disappointed. I ended up consoling myself by telling myself that he wasn't "the one" and that fate made him decide not to call, for whatever reason. And that he probably liked me well enough, but decided not to call for reasons he couldn't pinpoint. I'm 30, so I can probably relate to some of your frustrations, I feel like my time is running out, I'm going to be an old maid, I just want to settle down, all my friends are getting married. I know there is someone out there for me who is going to think I'm fantastic and vice versa, it just obviously wasn't that guy who I had a great date with. And so I'm glad I didn't waste any time with him. I'm glad I didn't pursue him, because if he was the one I've been looking for, he'd have pursued me. Men are natural hunters, so I let them hunt me. If they don't, well, it's just "fate" protecting me from wasting my time. I don't even really mind rejection, I'd rather be rejected and be single and available for the person I'm eventually going to spend the rest of my life with. Maybe I'm delusional, but it helps me not take this stuff personally. When I finally meet him, he WILL call.
  13. His behavior is likely to get worse if you marry him. I'd like to recommend that you read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin DeBecker. Someone on this forum recommended it to me, and it may have saved my life. I was able to rationalize my ex's behavior away till I read that book.
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